I think a daily skincare routine also helps especially keeping your face well moisturized. Almost a must in cold weather when your skin can get dry quickly. Every day I use a gentle face cleanser, followed by a serum ("the ordinary" found at ulta) followed by moisturizer (I have a few that work). I only exfoliate two days a week. After electro or laser I do no skin care.

YMMV. You absolutely need to figure out what works for your skin type.

An added bonus for me is I am starting to get compliments on "really great skin".



~Jenn

Thank you for the tip on Ulta's "The Ordinary" products. I have an Ulta gift card that my daughter gave me and maybe I will try some!

Kay

Hey!

Just rolling in from a long weekend at "First Event", which is one of the bigger trans and gender diverse conferences in the states. I thought I'd do a quick post, then see if there is a pic or two on my phone I can post.

I'll start with I realize this is another lost-blog from a year ago I wish I was not lost in the ether. I'd go back and reply to that post.

Last year "First Event" was my first time presenting authentically while interacting with anyone in a meaningful way. In hindsight, I did little well. I was back on "clown make up", frumpy clothes, my old hair... and not really knowing who I am or where I was going. 2023's first event was an eyes wide open, kid in a candy store moment that put me on the right path for me.

I openly wondered before the weekend what I'd find or if the experience would be worth the time. I've been full time since last May. I wasn't quite sure what value I'd get. I got more value than I thought I would, tbh. In no particular order, some things I noticed--

 - I've gone from a question asker to to source of answers. I could talk about does hair removal hurt? how do you do skin care? "makeup?" (which I put in quotes because I know what works for me and I am clear about that). I got the health care thing down (more in a bit on this).. you get the idea

 - I realize more n more, I have a sense of style that works for me. The 70s boho vibe and I own it.

 - The little things like "hey! I can dance in 3 inch stacked heels!"

 - Having multiple people ask how I got my voice. Voice therapy! (more in a moment as well)

 - My providers and I connected and they like me! First event is well attended by the Boston Medical Community, who all have various presentations. My endo people and I had a long long talk... and they want me to present on navigating health care next year, which is a TBD. The nurse I hope will one day teach me to dilate saw me. came flying over, and surprise! slammed on a big hug with a "I can hug outside the hospital". My voice therapist, actually now former therapist, since that's ended plopped down next to me and we had a long long talk. She made it clear she likes me and considers me a friend, albeit distantly.

 - I connected with the PFLAG people. We've agreed to talk over the next few weeks. PFLAG  is an advocacy group. They've interested me in connecting with Dad's of trans-kids. I am listening.
 
 - I connected with Speak Out Boston, an LGBTQ speakers/advocacy group. I hope to get in their public speaking training and work as an advocate.

  - Healthcare. I've worked with my company to get my insurance provider to make substantive upgrades to how trans care is presented on their web portal and call in lines. My HR people didn't always see the value. Well.. Long story short, I was talking to a doctor about insurance, after a work shop on navigating bottom surgery. The doc asked who my company is, and when told says "I heard someone forced them to make changes to their website. hopefully it'll get better for you." I kinda chuckled, "yeah, that'd be me and they hassle me for it." Doc's mouth dropped and we talked more.

  - I connected with a lot of new people, everyone from drag queens, cross dressers (who were cool AF in my opinion), enbies, transfemme and transmasuline people.

  - I heard a speaker say "it isn't enought to say you are an ally, you have to publicly declare yourself an ally". I am really moved by that, in the sense I want to be a better ally to parents of trans kids. Those parents and their kids deserve better than they get.

I told my endo that 'the zen of my own transition seems to be to overschedule myself. do more when I ought to do less. I feel like advocacy and speaking up for trans rights is feeling like the place I want to spend more energy. I have a few cards and I am a going to unpack, check some messages, and start on the process of getting myself dialed in for the next year.


~Jenn

Much happening in life, little time to cogently write about it. As I said, the zen of my own transition story is increasingly "do more".


I have started trading email with the PFLAG people. I'd like to do something to help families figure out a trans parent or trans child (trans in the broadest use of the word, transgender including NB, Bi-Gender, etc) is just fine.  Likewise, I am going to do training with a local LGBTQ speakers bureau, altho likely not until April. I have conviction I should be proudly speaking up, publicly and regularly about who I am. Because bad things are afoot and me living my best life, openly, is the best I can do.

Work continues to be remarkable. With the help of HR and the benefits team, we forced our health care provider to make significant changes to their web portal with respect to how trans benefits are presented. We're a small fish (5 billion in revenue) to their big fish (320 billion in revenue)... still, done. I just wanted it more, I quoted ERISA rights with some coaching from government lawyers. Yeah. 

Added bonus at work- I've kicked off dialogue about expanding transgender care. No one is blinking. We - me, HR, and benefits, have agreed to talk more. A lot more. It is a complicated yet simple dialogue by the way. Like many plans, mine has exclusions around "cosmetic" procedures. I've simply pointed out that word has been contested as appropriate by the NIH for over 5 years. Trans care is life saving care. It is expensive care. It is not cosmetic. HR is listening. Stay tuned. Frankly, I doubt change will come quickly or at all. It is worth the effort.

Oh.. and I am doing family outreach at work too. Very satisfying stuff. I need to keep it there.

One last cool moment at work? Morning coffee seems to have drifted into my cube, mid-morning. Me plus two (cis) women both of whom see me as me. Tres validating.

Training for the gran fondo in NY continues-- doing insane work on my bike with a trainer. Looking forward to getting on the road. I am on the bike around 8 hours a week now, and its only going to be more time.

I can renew my lease, a huge relief. My place is funky, boho, old, and drafty. I love it.

Physically, I've realized I am up to "tweener". I don't have enough of a figure to pass (a concept I loathe btw). I have enough of a figure that even in a baggy old male hoodie.. I don't think I pass that way either. I love it. My electrologist is a friend and super comfy telling me *anything*, gave me a "Jenn,.. you know you have a little bit of hips and ass, right?". She's a friend, just a friend who sticks a needle in my face and zaps me a few times a week.

Emotionally, I have my vulnerabilities and set backs. I've kind of learned to balance them better. If HRT stripped away parts of my ability as an adult to manage emotions, then I am slowly figuring that part out again. I've embraced the differences, they feel wonderful.


Ok. Off for errands and a check in on my sister (who is disabled).

Happy Weekend,

~Jenn

One of my themes for this year is to take advantage of living in a very safe place. The halloween capitol of the world - aka where I live - is safe and affirming. I've had a good weekend, so far, putting myself out there a little more.

A social group called "Queers and Beers" had an event at a brewery I can walk to. So why not? In the past I'd tried to go with a friend. I solo'd. I had a blast to be honest. Fun people. Good beer. Free stickers (why not?)... and people made it clear they'd like me to show up again. Plus I had a long talk with one of the organizers of the local Pride Parade. I am going to give them some time. I am gonna find the time to give them is a better way to say it.


Just now I got my Sunday morning yoga on. A class a week has been a good thing for me. I did post-class coffee with a few other women in the class. It is nice to be social. It is nice to be asked to be social. Its nice to enjoy being social too. Again, no one care who I am... just that I am pleasant and social. Although I have to admit, I can make 'em all giggle. "you ok Jenn? transition going well?" got answered with "Very much so... I even discovered this new thing this week, its called.. 'directions'.. you ask for help when your lost".  Cracked everyone up, even me and we moved on to better things.


Off to errands, cleaning and a later afternoon ride on the trainer.

~Jenn

Quote from: Jenn104 on February 18, 2024, 10:26:21 AMOne of my themes for this year is to take advantage of living in a very safe place. The halloween capitol of the world - aka where I live - is safe and affirming. I've had a good weekend, so far, putting myself out there a little more.

A social group called "Queers and Beers" had an event at a brewery I can walk to. So why not? In the past I'd tried to go with a friend. I solo'd. I had a blast to be honest. Fun people. Good beer. Free stickers (why not?)... and people made it clear they'd like me to show up again. Plus I had a long talk with one of the organizers of the local Pride Parade. I am going to give them some time. I am gonna find the time to give them is a better way to say it.


Just now I got my Sunday morning yoga on. A class a week has been a good thing for me. I did post-class coffee with a few other women in the class. It is nice to be social. It is nice to be asked to be social. Its nice to enjoy being social too. Again, no one care who I am... just that I am pleasant and social. Although I have to admit, I can make 'em all giggle. "you ok Jenn? transition going well?" got answered with "Very much so... I even discovered this new thing this week, its called.. 'directions'.. you ask for help when your lost".  Cracked everyone up, even me and we moved on to better things.


Off to errands, cleaning and a later afternoon ride on the trainer.

~Jenn

You are so cool Jenn.  Good for you.

Chrissy

Quote from: Jenn104 on February 18, 2024, 10:26:21 AMI even discovered this new thing this week, its called.. 'directions'.. you ask for help when your lost".  Cracked everyone up, even me and we moved on to better things.

~Jenn

You asked for directions! OMG, now it's too late, you're toast. You can never go back to the person you used to be.

With open arms, we welcome you to the other side of life.

Love always -- Jess

There is going to be a candlelight vigil tomorrow for Nex Benedict, on Boston Common. I am resetting my day to get there.

This is one of those times I am emotional beyond my ability to put it down in words. I have to be there.

~Jenn

The more I watch and hear... the video of that state rep talking about how they don't want "that filth" in their state. It's beyond comprehension to speak of a child like that.

Then I have seen others on the toxic right claiming the family, who just lost their 16-year old child, was not supportive because they misgendered Nex and deadnamed them in a video.

Fact is they were still adjusting to all that but were hugely supportive. My niece is non-binary. Their dad couldn't be a bigger cheerleader, but while their mom aces the pronoun stuff, the dad still trips up on it pretty regularly. Doesn't love them or support them any less.

REALLY glad you're going, Jenn ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Quote from: imallie on February 24, 2024, 01:36:34 AMThe more I watch and hear... the video of that state rep talking about how they don't want "that filth" in their state. It's beyond comprehension to speak of a child like that.

Then I have seen others on the toxic right claiming the family, who just lost their 16-year old child, was not supportive because they misgendered Nex and deadnamed them in a video.

Fact is they were still adjusting to all that but were hugely supportive. My niece is non-binary. Their dad couldn't be a bigger cheerleader, but while their mom aces the pronoun stuff, the dad still trips up on it pretty regularly. Doesn't love them or support them any less.

REALLY glad you're going, Jenn ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I am just getting back from the vigil. I am glad I went. I had to go. My emotions are very raw. very raw. I don't think I can say anything else. not now. maybe not ever.

I am in the middle of a good weekend. For starters, I did the first half of my labs annual physical and endo check in, which are both coming in a few weeks. I stacked them up on the same day. E is up. T is stable and low. Bloodwork panel looks good to me. I eat near vegetarian; I think my panel looks like it.

I am in the middle of becoming a member of the oldest LGBTQ speaker's bureau in the country- Speak Out Boston. My first training was yesterday, in the city. I am really impressed. I've put myself out enough that I was pleasantly surprised to find 4 or 5 people I knew in the group. On further reflection, one of the odd transition things for me is that I've lost the painfully-shy thing. I am outgoing and it's a trip and a half.

I stayed in the city for the memorial. I met up with a couple of friends from class actually. Consensus from everyone who Id'd as "T" in the class was going was not optional. We HAD to be there. My emotions are still raw. There is so much wrong in what happened to Nex Benedict, so much wrong in the news coverage, and by extension so much wrong in our country that I don't have words. Just raw feelings of sadness and anger, with a real need to do more. I'll stop there.

Rest of the day is time to get my yoga on, hoping to get 1 1/2 to 2 hours on my bike trainer, chores and what I hope will be a quick interview. I have friends on the local "Pride" committee that puts on the parade in June. The asked me to interview for a seat on the board. Why not? Its today at 5. Its a win-win for me. Its an honor just to be asked, even if a no; it'd be good fun to do. I kind of like getting things done.

~Jenn

I don't know about post transition outgoingness, but I suspect it is pretty natural to be a wallflower when you don't like your body, but are trying to hide that.  I consider it dangerous to be noticed too much.  The more people look at me, the more likely they are to notice a mistake.

Quote from: REM.1126 on February 25, 2024, 09:21:14 PMI don't know about post transition outgoingness, but I suspect it is pretty natural to be a wallflower when you don't like your body, but are trying to hide that.  I consider it dangerous to be noticed too much.  The more people look at me, the more likely they are to notice a mistake.

Interesting phrase-ology. I would put it 'I wasn't comfortable in my body' so I was painfully quiet. Honestly, I don't think about it much. I just enjoy. No one who has met me in the last year believes I was shy. Makes me laugh.

~Jenn

I came back from yoga, gotta get my yoga on once a week or so.

The news is good- I've been voted on to the board of non-profit that runs the local Pride parade. I am super excited. I already have a lot of friends on the board.

Happy Sunday!

~Jenn

Quote from: Jenn104 on January 21, 2024, 03:51:29 PMThank You. I try hard to not be rude to people, period.

Bostonian's have a thing for iced coffee-- it'll be 10 below and you'll see a line out the door of Dunks for a large iced. Maybe its a self misperception we have, we love iced more'n everyone else? I dunno.

~Jenn

Is Fenway a good stadium to watch baseball?

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on March 03, 2024, 12:55:59 PMIs Fenway a good stadium to watch baseball?

Chrissy

For the most part, yes, it can be.

Conventional wisdom says it is a 'lyrical little bandbox of a stadium'. The reality is it opened in 1912 and has a lot of quirks to be aware of. For example, seats in right field look straight into center field- you have to turn your head left to see home plate. Facilities tend to be dated. Some of the seats are old enough to be uncomfortably narrow. They are left that way to keep capacity high. Ticket prices are high; concessions outrageous.

Boston fans are knowledgeable to the point of conceit at times.

There is cool stuff too-- go early and see the red painted seat in the outfield, s'posedly Ted Williams hit one THAT long. Check the OG hand operated scoreboard (and find the morse code on it, with long time owners initials). Enjoy food on the street and buy your peanuts outside by Gate A from the peanut guy whose been there since I was small. Do the wave. Sing that song..


My oldest and I try to catch a game or two a year. We score games (not uncommon btw), and have a routine.

If you're coming to Boston, come to Salem. Happy to share a pass to the witch museum and hang out for a day.


~Jenn

The sheer absurdity of parts of my life makes me laugh at times.


I am apparently invited to a friend's birthday celebration - at a local 'axe throwing bar'. Yeah, that's a thing. I am realizing I had a "so do I wear my new wig and look good or my old hair for sweat management" talk with someone last night. 

I just giggle thinking about it.

~Jenn

My dad passed a decade ago. I've been thinking about him quite often over the past month. He never met me. He never had a clue about my authentic self.

My dad fought in Korea. He was proud of his service. He went to BU on the GI Bill. He made lifelong friends. He's buried in the Veteren's Cemetary on Cape Cod. Not out of conviction, he was cheap. A free grave was a free grave to him.

He didn't like to speak of his time in Korea. We had but a few conversations about it. He had a dopey pride regarding how he wound up on a mortar squad. His take was something like - "they asked for volunteers for the mortar squad, the rule in the army is NEVER volunteer.. and I figured it out first. The mortars on back a 100 yards on the other side of the hill." smart guy.

A few weeks before he passed I helped him dig out his superb photo album from Korea. He was not physically capable of moving the boxes anymore. As we went through it I asked him what he was proud of. He said as he was rotating out, his replacement showed up. He had forgotten names but remembered his southern drawl. His replacement wanted the black man in his squad moved out. His replacement wore his prejudice on his sleeve. Dad - for all his faults - was color blind to that poo and refused. Colorfully in Dad's accounting. For a kid from Dorchester, he was ahead of his time.

I was not close to Dad. My parents had an early 70s divorce. They fought openly through their kids. Dad was dad. It was him first. Even my kids picked up on it. So I never told him. Never hinted. I thought I had my dysphoria in a safe little box.

I've spent a lot of time thinking about my own goals in transition. The obvious ones are physical. The procedures and things I do to relieve body dysphoria are a part of transition. A huge part and I won't deny that. Lately, I've developed a holistic view of transition. My own journey is as much about healing me, being whole, figuring out who I am, how I've hurt, and how to heal is a thing. Transition is healing and I plan on exiting whole, a better more complete me in body, mind, and spirit.

I've avoided Dad's grave for a decade. I watched them bury him. I cried when they played taps. I checked on his stone a few months later. A decade's come and gone. My life has -um- changed. I've never felt a need to go back to his stone.

I'd like to think the kid that defended a black soldier he served with would support me. I have doubts. That's life. I will never know and I am at peace leaving it as a question. We weren't close enough I need to invent answers.

Some Sunday in the next few months I need to go stand at his stone, as me. Authentic me. I need to say a few things. Some are transition related. Some words are just things we never said to each other. Like I said, I'd don't need to imagine his approval. Or consent. I just need to voice a few things. To be authentic in a place it counts.

I don't even know the words for how I feel. Transition is a scary song of joy at times. This has that kind of feel. One of those joyfully funky moments that done with care make me a better, more complete woman. I need to figure out the right moment.   the words will tumble out in the moment and feel right.

thanks for the read.

~Jenn

When you go, imagine that all of your "Susan's Place sisters" are there with you in spirit. We got your back.

Hugs.

Lori

Quote from: LoriDee on March 07, 2024, 09:42:51 AMWhen you go, imagine that all of your "Susan's Place sisters" are there with you in spirit. We got your back.

Hugs.

Lori

Thank you.

I would not and could not go without dragging all of you along.

~Jenn