Quote from: Sarah B on February 16, 2024, 06:58:02 PMHi Moonflower
Nice to see you again
You too! Always!
QuoteHow many surgery letters does your sweetheart need to be able to get surgery in your area? if you don't mind me asking.
No problem. I welcome all questions. Susan's Place is a great place for sharing.
I understand from the WPATH Standards of Care that just one letter is required, however the surgeon said that insurance companies have added barriers to care, including requiring more letters, letters from specially-credentialed practitioners, and letters that resulted from multiple meetings. We're covered by Traditional Medicare, which we have found to be MUCH more accomodating and respectful of doctors than Medicare Advantage plans and other private insurance plans.
The therapist has a PhD and is a published author of peer-reviewed trans research, so should be a recognizable, respected authority when the local Medicare review board decides whether to approve the claims for services.
The therapist advised us to also get a letter from a certain colleague of hers, and the endocrinologist.
QuoteAnother big win, as your sweetheart may have gathered it's so easy to do once you have done it once. All she has to remember is to be herself and everything will fall into place.
...and she's much more able to express herself when she's presenting and read as a woman rather than a man.
QuoteThere again lies the yearning to be female inherent in all of us who have that 'medical condition', In my story, 'Childhood Memories", I had the same longing to be a female or a girl.
Your 'Childhood Memories' is familiar to us. 😌 Thank you for that.
Not so much a yearning to be a girl, because I think that she consistently recognized that she was one, but a yearning for the world to recognize her and other women using different criteria, and to value the contributions of women, including her, instead of exclusively championing male characteristics that she couldn't live up to AND be healthy mentally and physically. I might be wrong.
As I understand it, she clearly hated the body parts that people relied on for classifying her as a boy or girl. Then, in the early years of school, she longed to remove them. Then, as a young adult, she tried to accept and fit into them, though they were exceptionally, disappointingly, and conspicuously not very masculine or helpful. I wonder whether she would want surgery if she was recognized as female at birth. So much of her struggle seems to be against what she learned about boys (and how unsuitable much of that was to her) vs what she learned about girls (and how much of that resonated in her).
But there may be more to it than that. She and I were surprised by her answer when the surgeon asked if she wanted a clitoris. She energetically and certainly said, "YES!" I'd like to know more about what she wants her body parts to be. It's clearly not like buying blue contact lenses because you don't like your brown eyes or want to match your blue blouse. Or like wanting your figure to look like a certain model. The self-expression-as-a-woman part is clear to me, but we can't yet see the profound depth of the significance of the specifics of her future body parts.
During her retirement, bathed in my appreciation 12/7/365 (we need sleep and alone-time, and I get grumpy sometimes), she's finding much more power to be herself instead of forcing herself into a male mold so she could keep her job and social status. Resisting shame seemed to perpetuate feelings and thoughts of shame, which buried her light. She's escaping that shame dungeon>cage>chrysalis now. It's occurring to her that she has nothing to be ashamed of. She is who she is: a magnificent, enjoyable, pleasant woman.
I'm here for her. And she's here for me, supporting me through my life struggles with a steady stream of devotion.
QuoteEach time your sweetheart shows herself, becomes easier and easier for her and eventually one does not worry about whats going on around ones self, because everybody is caught up in their own world.
I've heard a number of women here remark about the moments when they realized that the world wasn't shining a spotlight on their oddity; that people were 99% preoccupied with other concerns.
This morning, she shared that she noticed that in doctors' waiting rooms, men are looking at her, and women are oblivious to her. Maybe men are attracted to her dress -- women around here don't wear dresses to doctors' waiting rooms, especially in winter. Maybe men are more interested in looking around or figuring out a person's gender. A reason could be the heterosexuality of the people in the waiting rooms.
She was prepared to defend herself assertively and confidently at the doctor's office yesterday if any employee questioned who she was, but no one paid any attention to her. I was the patient, and their intense focus was on me. I'm sorry that I "stole" the spotlight because I wanted to hear what she would have said.
QuoteMassive changes and hopefully peace of mind will ensue when you tell your children.
I realized this morning that sharing this with my children doesn't need to include an apology for lying to them. My sweetheart has been committed to being a man, partly for their sake, and she had my support. Now she's committed to sharing her true identity with the world, including them. No apologies needed. I didn't lie to them about who she was; I respected her privacy as long as she needed it.
It was different with my friends. I apologized to them for my concealing a part of me that was so important to me about who I am, and I thanked them for bringing us to the point where we trusted them and felt safe sharing our secret with them. They've been great about sharing our experiences.
QuoteCelebrations and success all around is all I see. Thank you for sharing your life with us on Susan's it's very much appreciated.
Love and Hugs for you and your sweetheart
Sarah B
Thank you, Sara, for all of your well-wishing, encouragement, positivity, and inspiration.
