Susan's Place Transgender Resources

How did you, as a MTF, really know that you are a woman?
I mean, how did you really become to know you are a woman and not a confused AMAB (assigned male at birth) male?  Did it take gender therapy to clear things up?

I was pretty sure about this but I have found that gender therapy was very helpful to clarify these important related matters and concerns.  Then my MTF journey began in earnest, although going forward and back at times, and stalling, but making overall forward progress.

Hugs,

Chrissy

I have always just known, but it was never something I discussed with anyone. When I got into therapy originally it was because I had a Hypnotherapy practice. When you are helping others with their burdens, you need to be able to unload them. It is a sort of mandate of the career field. Therapists see a therapist, psychologists see a psychologist, and psychiatrists see a psychiatrist. It also offers the benefit of having a mentor to advise you in situations where you might be unclear about how to help your patient.

I sold the practice, divorced wife #3, and moved to South Dakota for a fresh start. I got into therapy here in case I decided to start up my practice again and to figure out why I have problems in relationships. After several therapists, I started seeing a Psychologist at the VA. We started digging deep into what was going on with me. I did not reveal my secret at first, but he was able to piece together various incidents from my past and suggested Gender Dysphoria. It took two more years of therapy to understand what he was saying and accept that he hit the nail on the head.

From that point on it was just a matter of learning what all of this means and how to navigate this thing called "transition".

And away we go...

Quote from: LoriDee on March 19, 2024, 09:31:51 PMI have always just known, but it was never something I discussed with anyone. When I got into therapy originally it was because I had a Hypnotherapy practice. When you are helping others with their burdens, you need to be able to unload them. It is a sort of mandate of the career field. Therapists see a therapist, psychologists see a psychologist, and psychiatrists see a psychiatrist. It also offers the benefit of having a mentor to advise you in situations where you might be unclear about how to help your patient.

I sold the practice, divorced wife #3, and moved to South Dakota for a fresh start. I got into therapy here in case I decided to start up my practice again and to figure out why I have problems in relationships. After several therapists, I started seeing a Psychologist at the VA. We started digging deep into what was going on with me. I did not reveal my secret at first, but he was able to piece together various incidents from my past and suggested Gender Dysphoria. It took two more years of therapy to understand what he was saying and accept that he hit the nail on the head.

From that point on it was just a matter of learning what all of this means and how to navigate this thing called "transition".

And away we go...

Quote from: LoriDee on March 19, 2024, 09:31:51 PMI have always just known, but it was never something I discussed with anyone. When I got into therapy originally it was because I had a Hypnotherapy practice. When you are helping others with their burdens, you need to be able to unload them. It is a sort of mandate of the career field. Therapists see a therapist, psychologists see a psychologist, and psychiatrists see a psychiatrist. It also offers the benefit of having a mentor to advise you in situations where you might be unclear about how to help your patient.

I sold the practice, divorced wife #3, and moved to South Dakota for a fresh start. I got into therapy here in case I decided to start up my practice again and to figure out why I have problems in relationships. After several therapists, I started seeing a Psychologist at the VA. We started digging deep into what was going on with me. I did not reveal my secret at first, but he was able to piece together various incidents from my past and suggested Gender Dysphoria. It took two more years of therapy to understand what he was saying and accept that he hit the nail on the head.

From that point on it was just a matter of learning what all of this means and how to navigate this thing called "transition".

And away we go...

Quote from: LoriDee on March 19, 2024, 09:31:51 PMI have always just known, but it was never something I discussed with anyone. When I got into therapy originally it was because I had a Hypnotherapy practice. When you are helping others with their burdens, you need to be able to unload them. It is a sort of mandate of the career field. Therapists see a therapist, psychologists see a psychologist, and psychiatrists see a psychiatrist. It also offers the benefit of having a mentor to advise you in situations where you might be unclear about how to help your patient.

I sold the practice, divorced wife #3, and moved to South Dakota for a fresh start. I got into therapy here in case I decided to start up my practice again and to figure out why I have problems in relationships. After several therapists, I started seeing a Psychologist at the VA. We started digging deep into what was going on with me. I did not reveal my secret at first, but he was able to piece together various incidents from my past and suggested Gender Dysphoria. It took two more years of therapy to understand what he was saying and accept that he hit the nail on the head.

From that point on it was just a matter of learning what all of this means and how to navigate this thing called "transition".

And away we go...

Transitioning can certainly be challenging.

Chrissy

Hi Everone

I never questioned my gender, not once in my life. The term 'gender' was not in my vocabulary, not that I can recall. It was not until when I came across Susan's Place in January 2010 and that may be the first time I came cross that term. I did not know that I was female until that point in time and I was about 51 years old. So what in the hell happened in my case?

From the ages of 20 to 30, I wanted or longed to be a female. When I was 30 I changed my life around and immediately I was full time, working and living as female, so there was no need to question my gender. I was always female and when surgery occurred, I was 32 years old, ensured that I was able to function as a female.

If someone asked me personally, not that I recall that ever happening, but forms, did ask that directly, male or female or title?  I did tick the appropriate box, not realizing that I was answering, what is my gender.  So in a sense gender never played a part in what I did.

Now that I'm old and wise, I can say without a doubt I'm a female!

Love and Hugs
Sarah B

For me I resisted the idea from childhood on. I was raised in a household where you just didn't do something like this. I would go to sleep every night with the prayer that God would make me a woman and I would wake up one in the morning. When alone in the house i would dress up in woman's clothes and have fantasies I was a woman. After doing this I would be riddled with guilt and regret but do it again anyway. I kept this secrete my whole life. Finally when in counseling for another problem I told the therapist and found relief. The rest is history....
Gina

When I was a child I dreamed of being a girl. I told my mother of these persistent 'urges' and she advised me to resist them. No matter how hard I tried to be free of this feeling, it would come back, often stronger. Over the years I determined that I didn't want to be female, but my gender discomfort was persistent. I was both successful and gained enjoyment from my male life, but my discomfort was growing.

Throughout my life I questioned and studied my condition, and in recent years I learned that trans people have a part of their brain which is physically structured similar to the opposite sex, from birth. The critical area is the Bed Nucleus, and it likely the place where our Gender Identity is centred. This area also controls our anxiety, and the same mechanism can send Dysphoria (the discomfort I was feeling) to the rest of my brain.

My dysphoria was now critical and this knowledge answered all of my questions. I now knew that I suffered from Gender Incongruence, and the answer was to do affirming things to satisfy my Gender Identity, and this would lower my dysphoria to sustainable levels. I transitioned, not to be a woman, but to reduce the dysphoria which was killing me.

Hugs,

Allie 

Ahh, hindsight. My brain had to click first, then I could look back and 'see' all the things that pointed to it that I had ignored or buried.

Now, I simply close my eyes, ignore my body, and feel.

I sensed this from a very young age, becoming clear in an intense dream when I was 8 years old that I was actually a girl. Even so, it took many years for me to trust that intuitive part of me because my family and teachers didn't allow that any belief of mine ever counted as knowledge if it conflicted with their iron-fisted positions. I had internalized that traching, and it literally took decades for me to rise up above it.

Always knew there was "something wrong with me" anc had no idea what it was. I tried to fit in, to do all the things I was supposed to do. Was told I had to conform. Things come back to me of my childhood and just remembered I was taken to a psychiatrist by my parents when I was early teens as I did not conform to the stereotype expectations. I have blocked out most of my childhood as I was never really happy, I was shy, introvert, no friends. Threw myself into education.

It was very late in life that everything clicked. I was a woman! From that moment I started my journey and surprise surprise I am confident, extrovert living as a woman, many friends can talk for England. Everything I was not before.

My only consult with a psychiatrist about gender was to get my GI diagnosis, I had nothing to prove and was given the diagnosis within the first 5 mins of the appointment. The rest of the hour was chatting lol.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

The ease of socializing and gathering information as a woman!

Thanks ladies for sharing out.

Chrissy

My experience is different, i never questioned my gender, as teenager I enjoyed wearing female underwear and loved wearing cheerleader skirts in secret.. I was super shy and never mixed with guys.. I got on better with females.

It was not until I was finished high school, when I started cross dressing more seriously, by that I mean.. dressing up fully, wigs, breast forms, makeup etc, did I begin question.. am I a girl in a guys body. I had made a close female friend, who found out my secret, she encouraged me to explore the female side of myself. What I found, I was more comfortable as a woman, I was more outgoing. This lead to me starting hormones and rest is history. I have never looked back.

Yes,I am much more outgoing as a woman.

I am thinking that I have come a long way on my transition despite doing at times what might be called fence sitting and not making forward progress.  I am happy though.

Are you happy with your situation?  Why or why not?  What would make it better for your MTF transition?

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on March 19, 2024, 06:36:12 PMHow did you, as a MTF, really know that you are a woman?

In the words of Cicero, when talking about the Socratic Paradox... "Ipse se nihil scire id unum sciat" ("He himself thinks he knows one thing, that he knows nothing")

For me, I don't know... I just feel. Knowledge changes all the time. What we know at one point, we know something else at another point when new information comes to light that we didn't have before. I go with my intuition and emotion. They're far more... stable... in understanding who I am. :)

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on August 08, 2024, 01:57:31 PMAre you happy with your situation?  Why or why not?  What would make it better for your MTF transition?

Generally speaking, I am pleased with my progress, but far from pleased with my transition. I have been waiting for four years to get surgery. I can't afford to get it on my own and I rely on the VA for all of my medical care. As long as the VA refuses to treat us as equals, I will be stuck. I am hoping that this election swings things in our favor. In the meantime, I am working on other avenues to get it done. I won't be happy with my transition until I complete my transition.

Quote from: Lori Dee on August 08, 2024, 02:56:29 PMGenerally speaking, I am pleased with my progress, but far from pleased with my transition. I have been waiting for four years to get surgery. I can't afford to get it on my own and I rely on the VA for all of my medical care. As long as the VA refuses to treat us as equals, I will be stuck. I am hoping that this election swings things in our favor. In the meantime, I am working on other avenues to get it done. I won't be happy with my transition until I complete my transition.

That really sucks, Lori. If I won the lottery I would literally write you a check.

Hi Sephirah

You said:

Quote from: Sephirah on August 08, 2024, 02:14:56 PMIn the words of Cicero, when talking about the Socratic Paradox... "Ipse se nihil scire id unum sciat" ("He himself thinks he knows one thing, that he knows nothing")

I say:

"The more I know, the less I know" by Sarah B

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@Sephirah

Quote from: Sarah B on August 08, 2024, 03:38:05 PMHi Sephirah

You said:

I say

"The more I know, the less I know" by Sarah B

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@Sephirah

Perfect. <3

Quote from: Sarah B on August 08, 2024, 03:38:05 PM"The more I know, the less I know" by Sarah B

I'm going to frame this and hang it on my wall.

Hi Everyone

I don't know how long I have been using the saying; "The more I know, the less I know".  Probably since university days maybe.  I have looked on the internet and tried to ascertain who said it.  However, I get variations on it galore and Socrates and Aristotle are mentioned in the search.

So that is why I claim it as mine!

Lori, lets start monetizing the saying and you can have the proceeds for your surgery.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@Sephirah
@Lori Dee

Quote from: Sarah B on August 08, 2024, 04:08:06 PMHi Everyone

I don't know how long I have been using the saying; "The more I know, the less I know".  Probably since university days maybe.  I have looked on the internet and tried to ascertain who said it.  However, I get variations on it galore and Socrates and Aristotle are mentioned in the search.

So that is why I claim it as mine!

Lori, lets start monetizing the saying and you can have the proceeds for your surgery.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@Sephirah
@Lori Dee

LOL! I am down with that! If anyone in this world deserves to be who they are, it's our own Lori. <3 In every way she can!

It is often said that you rise to the point where because of what you know you realize that there is much you do not know and perhaps to know. 

Chrissy

I was talking with a neighbor and told her I was learning to make jewelry. She said that I am so creative! I said, no I am not, which is why I am trying to learn. I love learning new things.

Hi Chrissy

You said:

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on August 08, 2024, 04:31:40 PMIt is often said that you rise to the point where because of what you know you realize that there is much you do not know and perhaps to know. 

Chrissy

That is one interpretation of many that was done at the time when I first started using it on another forum a long time ago.

Thank you, for your thoughts on it.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@ChrissyRyan

When one gets really good at doing something it can become hard to explain why you do it that way unless one ponders on that for awhile.  You just became very good after trying various methods overtime.

If we assume that Divine Spirit lives within each of us, and that Divinity is All-Knowing, then the words of Richard Bach make perfect sense:

"Learning is finding out what you already know.
Doing is demonstrating that you know it.
Teaching is reminding others that they know just as well as you.
You are all learners, doers, teachers."
― Richard Bach, Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah

Socrates said something similar.

When one thinks you are so knowledgeable that you only wish to show you are correct instead of listening to those you know who are actually wrong, one should determine if you need a humbling experience as you likely do. 

Of course there are those who are wrong and would it be a waste of time to show them that they are?  If they do not listen, probably so.  If they are open minded, maybe not.

Try kindness, it usually is the right way to go, even in some trying times when you wish to tell someone off.  If you tell them off, you might get punched, stabbed, or shot.  Think of road rage over the silliest of things.

All well, I certainly do not have all the good answers.  I am wrong many times.  Playing it safe does make sense in many tense situations though.  I suppose there can be exceptions.

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on August 09, 2024, 09:45:43 AMWhen one thinks you are so knowledgeable that you only wish to show you are correct instead of listening to those you know who are actually wrong, one should determine if you need a humbling experience as you likely do. 

Of course there are those who are wrong and would it be a waste of time to show them that they are?  If they do not listen, probably so.  If they are open minded, maybe not.

Try kindness, it usually is the right way to go, even in some trying times when you wish to tell someone off.  If you tell them off, you might get punched, stabbed, or shot.  Think of road rage over the silliest of things.

All well, I certainly do not have all the good answers.  I am wrong many times.  Playing it safe does make sense in many tense situations though.  I suppose there can be exceptions.

Chrissy

You are wise as you are kind, Chrissy.

This is more along the lines of strong supporting evidence.
After telling my wife to be that I was transgender, she observed me for a week and concluded that I was indeed transgender!

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on August 09, 2024, 09:45:43 AMTry kindness, it usually is the right way to go, even in some trying times when you wish to tell someone off.

Yeah, you'd be surprised at the result most times. :)

As I say, what we know changes all the time. Thousands of years ago, people knew thunderstorms were caused by the God of Thunder, now we know differently. Hundreds of years ago we all knew the world was flat, until people proved it wasn't (although there are still people who insist it is... that's where kindness comes in lol). We know what we know until we know something else. It's... transitory. Pun intended.

Lori is right, you are wise, Chrissy. Knowledge is knowing how to do something, wisdom is knowing why to do something. You don't need the right answers all the time... sometimes you only need the right questions. ;)

Reminds me of a joke.  Expert comes in and bangs a specific spot on a malfunctioning machine.

It now works well and she presents $500 bill to be paid.  People object, saying all you did was hit the machine.

She said, yes, I did hit the machine.  I analyzed the problem beforehand also.  However few people know where to tap it and how hard to tap it.  Please pay my bill, it is more than fair.

Chrissy

Lol, that is my go-to for everything. Give it a bang. More often than not, that is the solution. :P Either that or turn it off then back on. One of those two works 95% of the time!

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on August 09, 2024, 03:47:38 PMReminds me of a joke.  Expert comes in and bangs a specific spot on a malfunctioning machine.

It now works well and she presents $500 bill to be paid.  People object, saying all you did was hit the machine.

She said, yes, I did hit the machine.  I analyzed the problem beforehand also.  However few people know where to tap it and how hard to tap it.  Please pay my bill, it is more than fair.

Chrissy

Then the people demanded an ITEMIZED bill.

Smacking machine with a hammer: $50
Knowing where to smack it: $400
Knowing how hard to smack it: $50
Total Labor charge: $500

I am woman, hear me roar.

It is more pleasant than a snore.

I will stop here lest I become a bore.

Oh, yes, Christine please, no more!!!!

Hi Everyone

Chrissy is;

Kind, generous, thoughtful, wise, gentle, beautiful, caring, compassionate, is cherished, considerate, witty, friendly, gentle, genuine, sincere, humble, inspiring, lovable, peaceful, patient, pleasant, respected, sensitive, and valuable.

If I have missed out on any other wonderful words that describe Chrissy please add them.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@ChrissyRyan

Quote from: Sarah B on August 09, 2024, 05:08:04 PMHi Everyone

Chrissy is;

Kind, generous, thoughtful, wise, gentle, beautiful, caring, compassionate, is cherished, considerate, witty, friendly, gentle, genuine, sincere, humble, inspiring, lovable, peaceful, patient, pleasant, respected, sensitive, and valuable.

If I have missed out on any other wonderful words that describe Chrissy please add them.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@ChrissyRyan

Sarah,

Sounds like the Boy Scout Law somewhat.

Boy Scout Law

A Scout is:

Trustworthy,
Loyal,
Helpful,
Friendly,
Courteous,
Kind,
Obedient,
Cheerful,
Thrifty,
Brave,
Clean,
and Reverent.

Hi Everyone

You learn something new every day.  "The boy scouts law",  Thank you Chrissy.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter

My dad always told us to respect the 13th Scout Law:

A Scout is always hungry and will never refuse a free meal.



Add beautiful to Chrissy's list.  :-*

Quote from: Lori Dee on August 09, 2024, 05:28:33 PMMy dad always told us to respect the 13th Scout Law:

A Scout is always hungry and will never refuse a free meal.



Add beautiful to Chrissy's list.  :-*

Beautiful you are!

Chrissy

Hi Everyone

Beautiful is already there.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter

Chrissy is one of the rarest of people. She is kind to everyone. Lifts up everyone. Promotes conversations just to get people talking and interacting with each other. She is someone who is always there for others, yet rarely asks for support herself. She turns the entirety of her gaze outwards. No matter what.

I see things in her I recognise. Seeing others engaging is self-fulfilling. I get why she is how she is. And I find it achingly beautiful that a person can do that.

The only thing on my list is... Chrissy is Chrissy. And we wouldn't have it any other way. You are a treasure, sweetie. Thank you for being you.

Please don't try to sell me cookies, okay? :P

Love you, hon.

I'm tempted to use the Bill Clinton answer: that depends up what you mean by "is"

At this point, I'd say that I am for practical purposes a woman, as much as the AFAB women I know are.  I have a feminine-coded name, I wear dresses and skirts, I use the Ladies' room when there is one, other women accept me as one, and I relate more to other women than to men (though that's been true most of my life.)  I don't menstruate, I can't get pregnant, but that's true of most cis women my age (70)

I know the transphobes run around making a big fuss about how "trans women aren't real women", but having seen (and laughed at) the whole "real men" thing (remember Real Men Don't Eat Quiche?) I can't be bothered to engage in that stupid argument.  As far as I'm concerned, if most people see you as a woman, then you're a woman.   I've never seen any sense in gender essentialism.

Mine came from the inside of me, knew there was a female that I really was wanted out. Plus seeing it in the mirror at times