forthcoming

Robin, I love that you had a great day. Truly. Like Lori, I also carry concern that these reprieves are temporary, that you had your great day while your wife was gone. Somehow, the conflict will need to be resolved fully.

So, while I think you should absolutely cherish the amazing day you had, I also wouldn't let it obscure the reality of the circumstances of your life with your wife.

We care about you. I hope you'll find a way to do whatever it is you need to do for your best interests.

I understand @Lori Dee

I appreciate it and am very grateful for you and everyone here.

My wife is out of town visiting her father and things have settled down, she needed the time away to get away and spend time with her family. And I had a great day myself.

I asked my wife if I could share my day with her that had was Amazing. But I know with her mixed emotions and with wanting to support me but not lose her husband at the same time.

She was in a good place and happy for me for having a good safe first time out as myself and as I am discovering myself. She does love me, and wants to support me and be my best friend through all this as much as she can but obviously its tough since there is an internal struggle with in herself as to who she is, her identity, values, sexuality, and not wanting to lose her husband.but she even said I can't be anything but happy for you and your experience, how can someone be un happy for someone you love has a great day. Our talk went well about sharing our day today.

Quote from: Lori Dee on Yesterday at 11:12:15 PMMy 2nd wife did that. She loved them!

It is a thing!

Quote from: Sephirah on Yesterday at 07:04:37 PMMy grandma used to make pickled onion slices and cucumber slices. Leave them for a few days in vinegar, put together. They were the best thing ever with a good roast ham!

My 2nd wife did that. She loved them!

Quote from: Robbyv213 on Yesterday at 10:59:38 PMThank you @Lori Dee

As for now things have kind of settled back into the neutralish tension.

I understand, but I worry about you. Things do go back and forth, but how long can you endure that? I realize that it is none of my business. It is your life. I just want you to be happy and healthy. Whatever works for you is what works for you, and that is a wonderful thing.

Hang in there.

I decided to go to the local trans support group, but dressed feminine. This would be first time I have ever dressed feminine and left the safety of my house. So first time out in public dressed as myself. My heart was singing, so happy and joyful and extremely scared. My anxiety was so high.

I was so excited from waking up early this morning to hit the gym and then having enough time to get ready and make the drive into downtown phoenix where the meeting was. I can't describe all the feelings and emotions I was experiencing all morning, and  during the drive there. This will have been my first time outside of the house as me.

First I was saying I'll just go for a drive, once I got there I was half tempted to just pull right on through the parking lot and go back home. I could never have imagined actually being out in public and actually interacting with others as myself. But I decided to step out of the jeep into the heat. Literally it was like above 110 here today... Too hot for a wig. Lol

Anyways since I was outside of the safety of my vehicle I decided I'll go inside. One baby step at a time I eventually made it into the building and attended the trans support meeting, even talked during it with my masculine voice and all. It was very liberating. My heart was so joyful (to say the least) this entire day, and the days leading up to it.

After the meeting I went to my wig appointment. I finally settled on a new wig which was supposed to be covered by the VA for me, but since the new administration in the white house the VA has changed policy. Even tho I was approved for a wig in February, it did not go through. So the wig store will have to contact the VA rep and see why. Worst case is I get to pay out of pocket for it. Brittany the wig specialist said they would hold it for me to save up to buy it.

All in all it was an amazing day

Quote from: Sephirah on Yesterday at 07:32:26 PMIf she is trans, she's probably as scared as you are. And if you can get that in, you can work out what to do about your parents together. Neither of you has to be alone. It might be that you're both too scared to talk to each other.

This is the important part, just letting them know they can talk to you about anything. A subtle clue, like a Pride pin that you can hide easily from your parents, or let him see so he knows you are an ally. It doesn't need to be a forced conversation, just drop enough clues so they know. I grew up with three brothers, and we always had secrets from our parents and even developed our own code language. 

Thank you @Lori Dee

As for now things have kind of settled back into the neutralish tension.

Quote from: Lunaria on Yesterday at 12:30:28 PMI am quite nervous and scared about talking to a therapist and getting on HRT and medical intervention in order to transition but at the same time if my therapist declares that i should then it will be liberating and confirm what i always suspected of myself. Its an exciting thing to think about and a huge change in my life that will be beneficial and help me in the end i think, to be able to live physically as the woman i always been inside. I thought about online sources but a doctor's supervision and care is much safer.

Your therapist should never tell you what to do. They will ask questions and ask you what YOU want to do. The decision is yours, as many transgender people choose to do nothing. The therapist's function is to determine if you have other issues going on that may seem like gender dysphoria. Once they diagnose that it is gender dysphoria, then any medical transition that you want to do becomes "medically necessary". Under the current regime, many insurance companies have stopped covering gender affirming care, but a clever doctor can diagnose a medical condition that has nothing to do with gender affirming care, so they may bypass insurance coverage hurdles.

For example, the VA stopped covering hair removal because it is considered "cosmetic". My diagnosis of gender dysphoria then made hair removal "medically necessary". Then the VA stopped most gender affirming care, so my doctor diagnosed me with hirsutism (excessive facial hair in women). Since I just moved to Colorado this week, I have not had a chance yet to follow up with a new doctor to see if the VA will cover hair removal for hirsutism. Likewise, my hormones say on the prescription label "For Hormone Replacement," which is valid for males, females, or transgender.

The other function of a therapist is someone who can help you understand what you are going through. It is embarrassing to talk about sensitive subjects like this with a stranger. As a retired hypnotherapist, I can assure you that your therapist has heard it all before, so you are not going to shock them. They are trained professionals and work in that field because they enjoy helping people with problems, and you will encounter problems. It is nice to have someone to talk to about anything, who will understand, and can give you another perspective on things. We can get very caught up in our own thoughts and feelings until we have tunnel vision and cannot see things any other way.

I think you have made some good decisions about the best way to proceed to effect the best outcome for you. We all wish you the very best. Feel free to come back here and let us know how things are going, to just vent, or ask for advice. We are here to help.

Welcome to Susan's Place!