Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences, and advice.

As each day goes by I have to urge to transition more.and more, as quickly as I can.


 I really don't want to wait any long or waste any more time. Unfortunately I'm not sure where my wife stands on this and she has just as.much to lose as I do. She fears she could.lose.custodet of her daughter if I came.out and started to transition. So at the earliest I'd have to wait an additional 4 more years when she is 18 and legally an adult. I am not sure I can wait that long, and there is no guarantee that my wife and I will stay married if I transition anyways. I feel the longer I wait the more crazy things the woman Inside will do so that I can not ignore her any longer.

I know no one is ever fully ready and there is never a perfect time for anything..we can be waiting our entire lives for the right moment that will never come. I am afraid I could lose my wife, but I don't think I could live with myself if I was the cause of her losing custody of her daughter bc I needed to transition.

Therapy this morning. We are on a "when you need it" basis now... and Friday I texted and said "got any time next week?" and she is always accommodating.

What's funny is, after a few weeks of "me, me, me, me" where I feel like all I'm doing is trying to make everyone else feel better by talking about myself -- which should not make sense, by the way... it's very nice to just be able to reset a bit -- even if it does involve, you know, talking about ME some more.

I can do this with my wife, but she needs a break as much as I do.    We took this weekend off, and now this week is shaping up to be a big one, with "hair day" at the end of it which is another jump off another cliff, so it's always nice to have a place to go to get your feet squarely back on the ground first.

And I know there are people who want "answers" from a therapist. I get that. I absolutely feel my therapist gives me real, actionable, common sense advice. But mostly a good therapist is a sounding board. All those things you normally are bouncing off yourself in your head you can see how they land to someone with experience in this area... allowing you to gauge that reaction and course correct if need be.

So yes, big fan of the process of therapy.

Love,
Allie

Of course he is. Executive orders are just grandstanding; they lack any permanence. It's ping pong.


In his first 100 days in office, Biden signed more than 60 executive actions, 24 of which are direct reversals of Trump's policies. Biden has defended the number as necessary to undo what he considers "bad policy" inherited from Trump, especially on immigration."

The executive order in question here was signed in 2021, it isn't scheduled to take effect until August 2024, months before a new president can just rip it up.

Ruling by executive order without proper legislation being enacted helps no one.

Resiliency.

I figured out a few months back the cycling thing is about three things-- can I get in shape? can I learn enough technique? do I have the mental toughness? I figured if I could do those, I could show up and be credible.

For months I've had a running joke with trans friends-- "mentally toughness? JENN YOU ARE TRANS! you got this race". I mean right? a year into serious transition, I kind of figure I have a little mental reserve. It just is not possible to be anything except resilient with a side of mental toughness at this point. Doesn't work.

anyway

The general plan yesterday was 35 miles up the coast. I'd get a mix of rolling hills and a pair of steep ish but short climbs. Except my rear derailleur cable decided  otherwise. The end cap dropped, the cable frayed, and I got stuck in "high gear" aka the low rear sprocket. I am not confident enough a mechanic to fix it on the fly. I didn't want to lose my race to a bad repair.

I called my shop-- they are uber local, queer owned, and super nice. Joe the mechanic came- did a temp repair, and I got back to the shop. I wasn't far - about 8 - 9 miles. They watched me a part of the way, kind of fun to have a pace car. An hour later? new cable.

I could have been freaked out. I could have called it a day. I could have found any reason to stop. Nope. I changed it up. I adjusted my route and did another 16. I got a disjointed 35 miles in. But I got them in. Resiliency. If something goes south in the race, I am recovering and moving on. I know that.

Seriously-- 6 days out, I am feeling good. I'd lost my sense of balance w/ my new shoes and pedals. I feel a lot better after yesterday. I have my in race nutrition plan. I have a mental plan for the first 55 (of 85) miles. I feel confident enough to ride my race. The bike shop people keep reminding me - "Jenn's gotta ride Jenn's race." Its kind of sinking in.

From here- a last night of intervals tonight. Rest. Weds/Thu are short easy rides, tapering. Friday I will do a warm up, "leg spin", then I am off to the race. Sunday at dawn ish.

Happy Monday,

~Jenn

Hello Michelle

My name is Sarah B and I would also like to formally, Welcome you back to Susan's Place!

If anyone can resurrect your old account with most of your past posts then Danielle will be the person that will be able to do it.  If not then members will look forwarded to hearing about your life and times.  I would enjoy reading about your adventures and what you have planned for the future.

In the mean time it would be appreciated if you add a little bit more about yourself in the various forums of course I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something new about returning or new members.

In addition members of Susan's will more than likely will discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as most of us have experienced these as well.

Take care and all the best

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!
Sarah B
Offical Greeter
@LoriDee
@Northern Star Girl
@Michelle_K

Quote from: Iztaccihuatl on Yesterday at 10:53:04 PMYes, cycling up hills and any other hard core endurance activity meets the threshold of "Type 2 Fun". Not sure if you have heard that expression before, but Type 1 Fun is some fun activity that one enjoys while at it, while Type 2 Fun is an activity that is anything else than fun while doing it (thinking: "Remind me why I signed up for this?"), but at soon as it is over or shortly thereafter, in retrospect it was fun and the thinking goes: "Can we do that again?". I am sure those hills will fall into that category.

I have never heard of type two fun but I get it- its all about the moments of deep focus to get it done, THEN you get the rush of accomplishment.  Definitely hills and climbs exactly.

~Jenn

sword   sawed

moor

Bore