Hello everyone,

So, this would probably be a bit longer. Not an English native, but I hope to not make too many mistakes

I'm 29y old man(at least from biological point of view), in my first relationship in many years and it's been going on for about 2 years now. Recently, I've started a therapy with my wonderful psychologist and first time in my life I've admitted in a serious way that if all of circumstances were right - I would rather be a woman, start hormone therapy and everything that's connected to that.

I've been having doubts about my gender since teenage years, but grew up in let's say - not very supportive environment. 2 people that I've hinted this kinda treated me like I'm crazy, that I won't do as a woman and it's insane and I must be joking. Unfortunately, some of my friends are rather not too open-minded about those things(wonderful people, but we just don't agree on LGBT matters).

Coming back to my doubts, I've always been questioning my gender, ocassionaly tried women's clothes when it was possible, got my first set of pantyhose when I was maybe 15-16, of course nobody knew. I was always feeling that I don't belong in men's world and had trouble communicating with most of guys - mostly thanks to my father who were absent since my birth. Been raised only by women, so I feel attached to them more than just by simple relations but more like I should be one, but I'm not...

I've tried to silence that side of me for a long time, but since my relationship started(I'm mostly attracted to women just to mention) and it was getting more serious, silencing the woman's side of me was getting harder and harder and started to impact my mood and overall psychological contidion - that's why I've started therapy. It was hard to came out even to my psychologist, but luckily she knew where to dig and what questions to ask and it happened. Since then, I can't get my mind of it, that I should do something about it or someday it will just hurt my mind so bad, that I end up going insane. I just feel that I won't be able to function without being in peace with myself...

I can't say I hope that someone here had some similar problems, as I would never hope for someone to go through what's happening to me right now, but I hope that maybe there's someone who've been brave enough to step up and take his/hers/x life in their hands...

So, everyone - have someone maybe was in similar position? What did you do? Most importantly, how your girlfriend/fiancée/wife, friends and family reacted if you decided to come out? Is it not too late? Should I try to scout the ground or just spill out everything at once?

I know there are rather many questions and I'll probably have even more, but maybe someone will answer.


Sorry for a long read, but if you actually reached the end, thank you.

Hi,

I'm Mateusz(wishing to be Marta someday), 29y old from Poland. I kinda stumbled upon this forum after looking for a place where I can either share my experiences or ask some questions(which I'll probably do right after this introduction). For a long time, I've tried to suppress these feelings that I'm not really a male, which considerably took its toll on my mental health and I definitely need to do something about it.

@Oldandcreaky, thank you to the good thoughts. T-LGL has no cure and there is no standard of care. Usually the chemo methotrexate is prescribed. I am PH+ (99.6% of those with CML and 30% of AML are PH+) with T315I gene mutation. So gen 1 and 2 chemo will not work. Gen 3 chemo will work but it is with pretty unpleasant side effects. I do not know if I can be compliant.

The Onco doctor wants to see in the PH+ clonality goes up or down Aug 13. It take about a month for the clonality labs to come in. Who knows, maybe the clonality will go down and the white cells count will be down.

@cortney G, I have not started the old step, squats and pushup routine. Part of me wants to but part of me does not want to know.

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Rose, Her name is Amanda (first) Rose (middle) name. Her Vietnamese first name is Binh which means peaceful.  She is really a beautiful person. I think of her all the time.

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I have been good and have been party free. The reality is that sex is just sex but sex with someone you love, respect and trust is a void filler. It is love. In order to love you need to let someone in. Which means you can get hurt.
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Now for something completely different.

I have 2 sleeves and and other tattoos. I had the outline done on my back and butt for a 9 tailed fox Japanese style tattoo. The outline was an experience in pain.

There were 4 females and 1 male getting tattooed yesterday. Females get more tattoos than males. 68% of LGBT are tattooed. There were 3 LGBT females getting tattoos yesterday. 2 of the 5 tattoo artists were female and were very heavily tattooed.
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So if I did not have 2 leukemia's I would not have gotten the GT500 and I would not have gotten 2 sleeves and a back butt tattoo. Life is short, have fun and U B U.

 

So that's what happened!
< eyes you suspiciously >


Hugs!

           Foaled    Fold

While growing up I was told that the pain in my side was just a symptom of laziness. It was not going to get me out of work. Occasionally, the pain would come and go,I would get told it was all in my head. I learned not to bother my parents about any pains. While in the military, the pain got severe, and I ended up in the hospital. I was later told that my appendix ruptured while I was on the operating table.
I'm trying to show that my feeling did not matter, that I was always wrong and my parents were always right.
When I burned my hand on a hot exhaust pipe on the combine, it was very painful. My mother set me straight, it was her and not me that got their hand burned. My mother told me she did not know who got their hand in the washing machine wringer, but it definitely was not me. I thought I had won a pair of roller skates in a raffle, It was painful to admit that it was my dad who had won the skates. The big problem was, he lied to his friends about winning the skates.
Since I have never been tested for Klinefelter Syndrome, I can not claim I have it. I would like to get tested for it, but I was told the test is too expensive.
Should I believe my therapist who told me that I loved being male because I masturbated, and therefore was not trans. This was back in the 1990s.
I see this all over the place.
Unless a doctor says so, you can not have ADHD.
Unless a doctor says so, you can not have autism.
I have no proof that I am intersex, so I can not clam to be intersex.
All this could be due to the fact that my mother put dresses on me until I was about 4 years old. In other words she raised me as a girl until that time. None of that would make me look like a girl, to get constantly misgendered as a female when I am trying to live as a male. To even get yelled at when entering the men's restroom. It may have started as a joke, if I look female, I might as well dress female. Finally clothes that fit properly. I have never had hormone therapy, and I pass as a female even without makeup. I don't even get a second glance entering the women's restroom. My genitals have been dysfunctional for decades. I decided I needed get tested, my testosterone level was low, but normal.(Whatever that means) No followup.
Michelle

I think we were all a little worried. So good to be back.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

Nice to be back after the weekend "break".

So this weekend, I had run out of money, not being paid until the end of the week. So it was a cheap stay at home. Eating out of the freezer instead of a restaurant. No fancy operas or classical concerts.

I was also in trouble for not mentioning the passport change but hay I was working on it. It's not easy to talk to K and tbh I getting fed up of not being able to live my life. I got the passport to get ID for security at work without outing myself beyond HR and security both very good to me but still very embarrassing.

Anyway, I spent the weekend renovating a 1961 Goldring Lenco GL75 turntable. I purchased it for £70 and gave it a good PM.

I replaced the tonearm (the weak point) and put in a lovely Linn ITOK spare (originally purchased 1986) and a AT33sa moving coil cartridge (spare).

The main part of the referb, however is I lovely hand built solid plinth that I acquired via a part exchange of an amp I was selling. The plinth is bare wood made of about 30 layers of high quality plywood.

I could have got it veneered, but left it naked with many layers of yacht varnish. It's now drying. I am hoping it will be dry enough to be able to rebuild it so to take the finished turntable to a group of friends on Sunday.

Still living out of the freezer 2 days to go

Hugs
Jessica xxx

Quote from: LoriDee on Today at 12:54:39 PMI love it!
Awesome choice.

Thanks Lori! I definitely had my Beyoncé moment - I posted one picture and then apparently I broke the internet around here for three days. 😂