Got the defribulator out and revived this, stand clear!!
what did the Eskimo use to mend his house? Ig glue.
"If you jumped off a bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine."
A vulture boards an airplane and was carrying two dead small animals.
The flight attendant looks at the vulture and says, 'I'm sorry, only one carrion is allowed per passenger.'
Two fish swam into a concrete wall. One fish wiggles to the other and says, "Dam!"
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the kayak to try to get warmer.
The kayak began to sink, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
Whats the difference between a buffalo and a bison, you cant wash your hands in a buffalo------
When cannibals eat a comedian, they said "that tasted funny."
Would a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray now be considered a "seasoned veteran?"
A midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison may be considered to be a "small medium at large."
One of the signs on the lawn at a drug rehabilitation center said: "please keep off the grass."
I wondered why the softball kept looking bigger. Then it hit me. Ouch.
Did you know that while time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana?
Does your nose run and your feet smell?
Oh dear, you are put together backward!
The makeup application was so bad that it made me blush.
Note that a grenade, if thrown into a kitchen in France, would result in
Linoleum Blownapart.
A backward poet writes inversely.
In a democracy it is your vote that counts.
In feudalism it is your count that votes.
Two silk worms raced; however, they ended up in a tie.
A crate of tomatoes went out on the town and got smashed, very saucy
She was "only" a whiskey maker; however, he loved her still.
Farmer Giles, an expert in his field
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other, "You stay here. I will go on a head.'
Two cows in a field. One said "moo" the other said "I was just about to say that"
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are to face s shooting squad.
The Englishman is taken to the wall and the squad was about to shoot when he points behind the squad and shouts "earthquake", the squad runs away and the Englishman escapes.
The Scotsman takes note of the Englishmen's success and when he is dragged out to the wall, waits until the squad were about to shoot and shouts out "Tidal wave", the squad run away and he escapes.
Now the Irishman is feeling really good that he would be saved too but is racking his brain. Earthquake worked, tidal wave worked, what else would work then he smiled and whispered to himself iv got it.
So it is his turn to be at the wall and the shooting squad where just about to shoot, the Irishman with a board grin across his shouts out "fire".
There is a big hole in the ground, the police are looking into it.
Someone stole all the loos at the cop shop, the police have nothing to go on.
PS the first one really happened in Margate where the cliff had given way and a policeman was standing guard until it could be made safe.
A sheep dog went into a sheep only club, he got baaaaed
There was a mysterious hole made in the wooden fence near the popular swimming pool at a clothing optional resort. The police are looking into it.
I thought I saw an eye doctor on a southwestern Alaskan island; however, she turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
No matter how much "you push the envelope," it will remain stationery.
Do you think that flounder are unsuccessful fish?
2 snowpeople in a field ,one turns to the other and said can you smell carrots?
What is your job? "I'm a real estate agent" Wow, are there imaginary ones?
Quote from: davina61 on April 02, 2024, 03:04:09 AM2 snowpeople in a field ,one turns to the other and said can you smell carrots?
That reminds me:
Two cannibals were eating a clown. One turns to the other and says "tastes funny".
the hat said to the coat I am going a head are you following?
Economic news
Ice-cream prices frozen.
Biscuit prices crumble.
Tomatoe grower in the red.
Beef futures are bullish
Bread prices rise
Pear sweet price drops
Clock maker time is running out
Origami company folds.
. . .
Acme Bra company went bust.
Organisations finances stretched after acquiring a failing knicker elastic company.
In other news:
Man spreads bird on bread as he could not tell stork from butter.
Police seek dish after reports that it has ran away with a spoon.
Experimenting ophthalmologist made a spectacle of himself.
Health guru say only cut pizzas into 6 prices as 8 is too gutty.
I bought some short bread but it didn't fill the tin.
A woman stopped eating breakfast as she heard there was a serial killer about.
I went to the bar where everybody knows your name and they went who are you.
What's the difference between a toilet and a sink?
Don't know?
I won't be inviting you over to my place!
What's brown and come steaming backwards out of Cowes, the isle of Wight ferry.
what do you call a camel with no hump, Humphry
I always wanted to be a plumber, bit of a pipe dream
Unfortunately the sword swallower wont be performing tonight, he is sick with a sore throat