Danielle, thank you for reminding me that I have not posted in a while. I have a very wonderful, retired life.

If you remember from my lost blog, I have taken a number of cruises. This year I am booked on three different cruises this year. The first one is in one week. A friend and I are flying to Miami next week and will be on the Norwegian Breakaway for a cruise to the Bahamas. We are celebrating her birthday on aboard the ship. The next cruise is from Quebec to Boston in the fall. The last cruise is around Japan in November.

One of the great things about be retired is that I am able to try different things that I never had the time for. I am currently taking an oil painting class and dance lessons. I have been concentrating during the dance lessons to follow my dance partner instead of leading and learning how to do the turns in heels. A big change from how I used to dance.

As to my boyfriend. We are getting along great. So great that I asked him to move in with me. This is something I never expected to happen after losing Diane after 40 years.

Ellen

A morning treat !!!!
 

             

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on Today at 01:08:41 PMI could get accustomed to being retired

Danielle

Take from me, it is very easy to get accustomed to being retired.   

Ellen

cc:  @EllenW  @Oldandcreaky  @Jenn104
      @Emma1017  @REM.1126  @Gina P
      @LoriDee  @Sarah B  @imallie
      @davina61  @BlueJay    and ....

As most of my followers are aware, after Sunday church is over I usually
go out to lunch with several of my church gal friends: 
     

HUGS, Danielle

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on Today at 04:26:42 PMI agree that it's not ubiquitous advice and I find it compelling in that it's sure working for you.

#I'mstillhere

However, you will be changed, albeit slowly. It's a new role. People will approach you differently. You'll see. For example, women confide in me and they assume that I'll understand their perspective. And men are tender toward me.

Are you distinguishing between new people in your life, or pre-existing people in your life? Wow, got to be a better term for that. My brain is literally fried bologna right now.  And I HATE bologna. 🙄

I agree that it's not ubiquitous advice and I find it compelling in that it's sure working for you.

#I'mstillhere

However, you will be changed, albeit slowly. It's a new role. People will approach you differently. You'll see. For example, women confide in me and they assume that I'll understand their perspective. And men are tender toward me.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on Today at 02:28:01 PMLove ^this.^

I've loved the entire story of your journey. It gives me broader hope. All the trans-hatred around the world might just be the tip of nothing, a cold, jagged point of hatred with nothing beneath it beyond a desire to manipulate people with an othering, given the number of people in just your life who support you.

I so agree that it's mostly a grift. One party's attempt to raise money/stoke fear by throwing as many "us vs them" issues against a wall... and when this stuck a bit, they've leaned hard into it. It is only as it slowly dawns on politicians that it is NOT an issue that will win them elections, in fact it seems like it is something of the opposite — that they may drop this issue, so long as they can find something else and/or some ONE else to make the new target.

——

As for my journey? I a glad you feel that way about it. I hope it does provide hope for others. After these 10 days, though, several phone calls, in personal discussions, and emails... I've come to a conclusion. Or, more safely, a theory. One that I hadn't heard before.

My therapist would say tell me she expected my wife and family to be fine, same with my friends etc..and she was right. My wife thought the same. So did I really.

But I don't think that gets to it. What I think?

I think everyone has been incredibly consistent with the people I know them to be.

And, honestly, why would you ever expect otherwise? I'm literally telling them that I am "still me / just me"... and that is what they are as well. All the good, great, quirky, inappropriate, etc... you shouldn't expect people to be anything other than who they are.

For example, just spoke to my friend who is a doctor. He of the call last night when he should know better. He could not have been more supportive. But several times during the discussion I had to cut him off and correct him, telling him he didn't understand as much about HRT as my endo, or the relationship to my headaches as my neuro... etc.  Because he's a GP, and he always talks like that. Always did, always will. So it was actually comforting that we just fell into our regular routine of me saying "yeah, I appreciate that you think you know about a little about this, but my neuro knows a lot more." And us both laughing.

I think there's a lot of comfort in all that too. Feeling people be who they are. I just think it's not necessarily a piece of advice I ever remember hearing.

Quote from: Sarah B on Today at 01:14:22 AMHi Starryskyy

You said in your post above:

I'm sorry to hear that you were violated. No one deserves to be treated like that.

The text that I have emphasised in what you wrote is one of the most salient points that kept crossing my mind,  I did not like what men did to women, it actually disgusted me no end and I did not want to be like them.

They tried to use conversion therapy on gays and it did not work out either.

There was one thing that I knew at some stage and that was, nature stuffed up.  I was very naive when I changed my life around and it was the lack of knowledge and information that I had to deal with at the time.

There is nothing wrong with us Period, it is those, who say we are and then try to fix or correct our way of thinking, not realising that in certain circumstances you cannot fix nature.

Once again I'm so sorry to hear that you were violated. You are not mentally sick and its those who perpetrate violence on others that are sick perversely so.  Its also good to hear that you are seeking help with your issues.

Susan's has a place where one can talk in real time and if you want you can have private conversations with other members if you so wish.  The link is: Susan's Discord Channel.

In addition there is list of resources, that should you need one.  Then you can find out more by visiting those websites.

Here are some resources if you need them. Transgender Help Links

Take care and if you want to talk or vent then you can do it here and we will listen.

Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter

It wasn't just that I didn't like it either, I didn't understand it. I had that sexual desire and drive, that was completely normal. I understood socializing and social cues well too, so it wasn't that either. I couldn't approach them in a masculine way, I just simply didn't have those social instincts which would lead to a lot of misunderstandings about me throughout my life. That's probably where a lot of the damage began because that attracted a lot of predatory people and because I was still viewed as male I also got treated much differently anyways which was confusing and damaging on it's own. That blend of mixed signals and danger is likely what really threw me off because I remember when I first started to develop my primary trauma responses very young is when I couldn't make many connections at all anymore and I would simply try to suppress all expressions and all body language since just expressing myself normally became an issue. That of course didn't work either and that boulder continued to roll down the hill. The only thing that did  but ended up making most things worse all the same was building a fortress, keeping it guarded, and never letting anyone in or myself out. 

Like you said what also fueled it was not entirely knowing what was going on and having no resources, I just knew it had something to do with my gender, masculinity was weird, it had nothing to do with any fetish, and developing all of this boy stuff physically as I continued to get older was extremely distressing. I have so many memories of trying to work around appearing too male while flying under the radar. Like I'd try to get the clothes that would look the most feminine and flowy on me with a style that's as feminine as possible but still just not enough so to draw too much attention (these days I don't care too much as long as it makes my body look nice and doesn't frame it in a way that looks too masc). I'd want a purse but I couldn't get one or needed a backpack (still do, walking backpacker for life!) so I'd wear it in a way that was as not masculine looking as possible and subtly decorate it in a pretty way. The body hair wars began when I was a kid and followed the same general stealthy approach, maybe I'd do a little on this day and a little on that day so the changes aren't too obvious too quickly. And the voice wars, those were the most embarrassing. I had social issues as it was and never learned how to use it properly in the first place but still tried to aggressively keep the tone higher which isn't how achieving a better voice works either but eventually I found my way there even if sometimes I lose tone range and don't form words as well because of my anxiety issues sometimes when I'm stressed. It's like I always knew just what to do! lol

I may join the discord at some point, I joined this place after just searching transgender forum and this was one of the results. I like the format of traditional forums better because I can take my time and everything is slower. Gradually getting back into the more fast moving space of instant messaging though.