Quote from: Melody Rich on February 16, 2024, 05:20:21 PMShe's giving me mixed messages here.
You wife is not giving you mixed messages here.. she is trying to deal with your issues in her way, in a way she is ill prepared for. You mentioned later that she was a private person and concerned about outward appearances.. "whatever would people think if they knew'.. is the over-riding fear in her mind. From your age, that is a common fear. The 'shame' and 'ridicule' that would be bestowed upon you if your 'secret' would become public knowledge... SO, no, for her, it is not mixed messages what she is saying is 'I love you and want you to be happy' and then she is saying 'I don't want to be known as the wife of a crossdresser or worse a lesbian'.. both reasonable stances.
Your wife is scared of the future. Her fears are built up and bigger, because the world we grew up in was scary to anyone who was different.. Its better now, not much, but it's better. Her fears are probably worse than the reality would be.. but dealing with someone's fears is not about confrontation or blame or casting aspersions on their motives.. It is about communication, education and loving each other for the people you are. You posted this in the crossdressers part of the community. That indicates to me that you are not looking at a transition or permanent changes. If that is where you are, then I am sure communication and compromise will work wonders for your relationship.. However, if your suffering from dysphoric, suicidal feelings about your body, your part in society or your self-view, then you need to explore those in a environment that is safe, truthful and free from prejudice. Your partner cannot provide that space (and would be cruel to make her try). That is why therapy exists. If you are uncertain to your gender then therapy is essential for you to find your path. Communication with your partner about this is even more essential, but they are not your therapist and if they don't want to go, that is their choice. It does not mean you don't communicate. There are choices ahead - make yours and respect others.