*** Trigger Warning ***
Mourning the Trans Boyhood I Never Got
https://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/lifestyle-buzz/mourning-the-trans-boyhood-i-never-got/ar-AA1ddgbX?ocid=windirect&cvid=1edc99ed12ce4b3486f0063965bbf5b3&ei=38
Story by Sandy Ernest Allen (July 2023)
I often think about him. I wonder about what he would have worn at eight, at thirteen, at twenty. I wonder about who he would have been friends with. I wonder who he would have had a crush on. I wonder who he would have dated. I wonder who he would have taken to prom. I wonder who he would have had sex with, at what age. I wonder if he'd have done the same stuff I did — singing in choruses, acting in plays, reading endless books. I wonder if he'd have done so exceptionally well in school. I wonder if like me he'd have been so hard on himself.
I wonder if I'd have been some whole other person. Especially in terms of how others might have seen me. My qualities were frequently ones others made clear were unbecoming of a little girl (talkative, assertive, funny, smart).
I often contemplate the endless labor of having been closeted all those years, of knowing however deep down what I actually was and having to work to hide it, every endless day. Every time I got dressed, every time I used the bathroom, every time I wrote my own name...
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* Trans Lifeline: Provides peer support and crisis intervention for
transgender and non-binary people. Call: 1-877-565-8860 or
Visit: https://translifeline.org/
* The Trevor Project: Provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention
services for LGBTQ+ youth. Call: 1-866-488-7386 or visit:
Visit: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/
* The Trevor Project's resources for parents and allies:
https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/article/friends-family-support-systems-for-lgbtq-youth/
* The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): Offers support and
for people with mental health conditions, including LGBTQ+ individuals.
Visit: https://www.nami.org/Home
* The Jed Foundation: Provides mental health resources and suicide prevention
information for teens and young adults, including LGBTQ+ youth.
Visit: https://jedfoundation.org/
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