First things first, welcome to Susan's Place, Allison!
Quote from: Allison_suddenly on May 17, 2024, 12:57:48 AMI'm not sure what more I can do. I've given in to all of her requests to slow down my transition as much as possible, and the extreme case of that is not to transition at all. She has asked me not to come out to my kids, to family, or to live as a woman for at least 6 more years. I agreed, and I intend to keep that promise no matter what. I suspect even after those 6 years, transitioning will result in a divorce so I'm mentally preparing myself for not transitioning.
Of course I'm not going to pout and sulk at home all that time, I'll try my best to be present for the marriage and I think I will be happier than my pre-HRT days.
My goodness, it's glaringly obvious from here that the first thing you should do is give it more time. You've given her practically zero time to work through this.
For her this is the loss of her husband, with all of the accompanying stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. She needs time to process through all of this.
Maybe you need to try couples counselling. I would also ask if you are working through your transition with a therapist?
In any event, you've done yourself a favour by coming here, and I look forward to seeing you around the site!
Hugs, Devlyn