@Allison_suddenly

Hello Allison,

I'm Lori Dee. Welcome to Susan's Place!

I see that you are a new member and this is your first post. Thank you for contributing to the discussions here.

I think that you will find that there are a few members who have been through what you are going through. We have many members who are married and have been able to work things out so they can stay together. Some have started as you are by only coming out at home. Whatever works for you is best.

You should understand that transitioning to any extent, is a personal choice. Not everyone wants or is able to go with HRT or further with surgeries or living full-time in their gender. Take your time. This is a long process. I would caution you to not do things "to spite" anyone. It is your life and you should be able to decide how you want to live. Transitioning is a difficult process and for some, it isn't worth it. That is no one's decision but yours.

We strive to make this a safe place to find information and to share your thoughts and comments. We all come from different backgrounds and represent a wide range of experiences. No matter who you may be, you are always welcome at Susan's Place.

We would like to get to know you. Once you feel comfortable here, please feel free to stop by the Introductions Forum and introduce yourself and tell us something about you.

Please review the links at the end of this message, they include information that will help you navigate the site and use the available features. When you reach 15 posts, you will be able to send and reply to private messages and you will also be able to add an avatar to your profile. Until then if you have any questions about the Susan's Place site and the Forums, please feel free to contact me at  LoriDee605@outlook.com

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!

~ Lori Dee

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@Sarah B
@Northern Star Girl

I (49 MtF) came out to my wife 4 months ago. We were happily married 24 years, but the last few months have been very rough to say the least. She has verbally attacked and abused me but I remain calm and stoic. At her request, I've taken my transition slowly by not coming out and sticking to low dose HRT.

I do not want to divorce at all costs, even if it means going back to being depressed and dysphoric. The HRT has made me happier and I'm certain it's right for me. But at my angriest I feel like I'd rather never transition and saddle my wife with a depressed person, just to spite her.

When I'm not as angry, I still try to find a compromise like maybe I can continue taking HRT but never socially transition. Just live as a woman at home, she has said she's ok with that. I know our marriage will never be the same again and I've accepted that fact.

Another update, and a nice one.

Of the original six friends to whom I sent my letter, I'd spoken to (or extensively communicated with) five of the six. One had texted "If it makes you happy I am 100% for it. Will talk to you later" and I've heard nothing since.

However, this hasn't bothered nor surprised me. He was literally finishing up his latest book (it was due to the publisher two days ago), selling his home, buying a home, and dealing with a very big personal issue... oh on top of his myriad of typical crazy things he does (media appearances, etc).  Just a few days before I'd sent the letter we'd spoken when he called, as he does, for advice on a bunch of things, so I knew what he was dealing with. I knew he'd call when the dust settled.

Well a few minutes ago he texted

Sore
Saro
Sira

To which I replied "Four-letter words that start with S? Do I win?"

He then called, knowing it's my bad time... but said he would make it quick. He was TRYING to text "sorry"...😂. I told him there was no need I knew what he was dealing with but he cut me off and said that doesn't matter and it's no excuse and he feels awful and he will call me first thing in the morning and he's been thinking about me and he's just really sorry he let it get to this point.

Our friendship is unique among my friends. We didn't meet until I was in my 30's. We've probably only been together a couple of dozen times? Back when I was working I would see him once or twice a year... and now it's every other year. But we used to talk daily, and while we now probably only talk monthly... he calls me for advice, had dedicated a book to me... and heck, when he was inducted into a major sports league's hall of fame? It was his wife, his brother and me who were his invited guests.

His wife, whenever she picked up the phone when I called would call out to him and say "pick up the phone... it's your "other" wife...". 😂

So I really really had no doubt where he stood, and no problem that he hadn't called. But I'm awfully glad he did tonight. This is shaping up to be a great week.

Working with stones appears to be a cool hobby.
I like the middle picture of that rock the best.

Chrissy

Scenes from a trans marriage #4336:

My wife came home this evening and said we needed to have a "fashion show."

An order of some new clothing items had come in... a pair of women's cotton polo shirts (one wintergreen with a gingham collar, the other chicory with a gingham collar), and a pair of khaki high waisted pants.

I really like the polos. In guy mode, polo shirts were my standard spring/summer attire... so making this kind of switch feels great to me.

I've been wearing polos occasionally when the weather allows lately, and one big change is that I used to always wear them with undershirts on beneath them. I guess I used to say it was that I liked the look? But really it was because I was self-conscious of all my body hair.  Well now with that not being the case, I can just wear the shirts by themselves... and it feels nice!

So during the "fashion show" I put on the new shirts and my wife said how nice they looked.

"Are you going to wear anything under it?" She said.

"I don't think so," I said. "I don't have that hair issue anymore so ... I feel like I can just wear shirts as they are."

 "Yeah... well, if it's ever chilly... I think you're at the point where you really need to wear something under the shirts," she said, smiling and pointing at my chest.

"Oh..uh... yeah I didn't really think of that," I said.

So she pulled out the old t-shirts I wore and the sports bras I have and said either one will work... so I grabbed a sports bra, tried it on underneath and she gave me a thumbs up.

Fashion show over. 😘

Well I was lazy today and still happy!!

When using a tumbler to polish rocks, it is important to check the hardness of the stone, and/or KNOW what stone it is. The reason is that if you tumble softer stones with harder stones, the harder stones will grind the soft ones into sand.

About a week ago, my Bestie found this cool rock. (The big one).


It was still dirty and I thought she had found a Petoskey Stone, which is fossilized coral. She said she found it up by Lead, SD. Petoskeys are found in Michigan, especially near the Great Lakes. They are not found in the Black Hills of SD.

After washing it off, I saw no coral formations, so it is not a Petoskey. It looks like Dolomite with these cool quartz veins. It should look awesome once it has been polished.


I ran it in Stage 1 (46/70 abrasive grit) for a week. Took it out today and ... oh my.


What I thought was quartz, which has a hardness of 7 on the Mohs scale (diamond is 10), turns out to be Calcite, which has a hardness of 3. 

It still turned out to be a cool rock. I cleaned out the holes with a waterpik and they are connected. There might be a pocket of crystals in the back. I put it under the stereoscope and can confirm they are Calcite crystals. Calcite is very common in limestone and dolomite. Quartz, not so much.

Bestie is happy with her cool find now that it is all clean and smooth. I got a reminder to check the rocks carefully before starting them in the next cycle. Back to the basics.

I don't understand it with the already famous, which she was.

I do, sadly, sometimes understand it with the sad and lonely. They inadvertently (or intentionally) step on some hot button landmine, and the subsequent attention they get — affirmation, criticism AND then support from people who attack their critics to defend them... they find addicting. So they lean into it.

She just seems to be suffering some sort of break down.

Yes, these are clearly her long-held and secret positions. But why she is just turning her life's focus into hatred... makes little sense. I sincerely hope she gets help at some point.

Unsure which is worse:  boob, back, or underarm sweat.

I think I would pick underarm.

@LoriDee
Dear Lori:
I am sorry to read about your "80 degrees boob sweat" problem!!!!
 
Here where I am the temperature was 23 deg(f) early this morning.
The recent afternoons are in the low to mid 50 degree(f) range.

Have a good day and i hope that you had a nice lunch with your bestie.
HUGS, Danielle