That was an ancient Chinese proverb!
The "lucky break" was breaking your leg, keeping you home!
For some, being drafted could be a "lucky break"
How so?  Some girls are born into bad economic situations.  Surgery may not be an option.
Being drafted may allow you medical benefits!
Maybe you lose your manhood from a grenade?
The doctor sees you have already signed all the papers indicating what to do.
When you finally regain consciousness you are greeted by your best buddy, who gives you pink panties!
You are delighted to find out that he survived the blast without a scratch!  You caught all the shrapnel and saved him!
You find out that he knew  all along and loves the new you!

First things first, welcome to Susan's Place, Allison!

Quote from: Allison_suddenly on May 17, 2024, 12:57:48 AMI'm not sure what more I can do. I've given in to all of her requests to slow down my transition as much as possible, and the extreme case of that is not to transition at all. She has asked me not to come out to my kids, to family, or to live as a woman for at least 6 more years. I agreed, and I intend to keep that promise no matter what. I suspect even after those 6 years, transitioning will result in a divorce so I'm mentally preparing myself for not transitioning.

Of course I'm not going to pout and sulk at home all that time, I'll try my best to be present for the marriage and I think I will be happier than my pre-HRT days.

My goodness, it's glaringly obvious from here that the first thing you should do is give it more time. You've given her practically zero time to work through this.

For her  this is the loss of her husband, with all of the accompanying stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. She needs time to process through all of this.

Maybe you need to try couples counselling. I would also ask if you are working through your transition with a therapist?

In any event, you've done yourself a favour by coming here, and I look forward to seeing you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

       
      kart      cart

Quote from: davina61 on May 17, 2024, 03:17:24 AMsore

.             tender

  @Dante   @xSMITHx   @Sunhawk   @LittleBoyBear 
@Sandra_Dickinson    @Flan    @amm12388    @Inanna    
    @Mayra Viamonte    @DreadLOX

Dear Members:

Everyone here on the Forum are wishing you a very Happy Birthday
                 

Best wishes to you on your "special" day.

NOTE:  On your birthday be sure to look at your
profile and find a special gift!

Warm Regards,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl}
                    [/size][/b]

Much easier said than done.
At the age of 71 and a woman even with my skills I would have difficulty getting another job that pays as well as this one, if I could get another at all. Ageism and misogyny are riff even though both illegal.

As for home, I will never abandon my wife whatever the circumstances. Unlike her I believe in "till death do part".

Sometime I feel like just running away but that is not me.

There are things I have to do, changes I may need to make, but personally I am who I am and that will not change. I have spent much time and effort providing for K but as I have tagged below:

No good deed goes unpunished.

sore

real   reel

Hello Allison

My name is Sarah B and I would also like to formally, Welcome you to Susan's Place!

I see that Lori has also welcomed you to Susan's Place.  I noticed in your post you said:

Quote from: Allison_suddenly on May 16, 2024, 09:31:46 PMI (49 MtF) came out to my wife 4 months ago. We were happily married 24 years, but the last few months have been very rough to say the least. She has verbally attacked and abused me but I remain calm and stoic. At her request, I've taken my transition slowly by not coming out and sticking to low dose HRT.

Abuse physically, verbally or being controlled by another is not right and on top of your dysphoria is not healthy for you, now or in the long term.

Quote from: Allison_suddenly on May 16, 2024, 09:31:46 PMI do not want to divorce at all costs, even if it means going back to being depressed and dysphoric. The HRT has made me happier and I'm certain it's right for me. But at my angriest I feel like I'd rather never transition and saddle my wife with a depressed person, just to spite her.

There are other members here on Susan's that have wife, husband and children and in some cases after a long period of time they have come to accept their partners and others that have not, which usually means divorce.  There are only three possible outcomes in your case, you get divorced and you become happy, you remain married and eventually you are able to transition to a certain extent, you remain happy to a certain point or you do not and you remain unhappy.

In all of these situation you need to seek therapy of help you and your wife decide which is the best possible solution to your dilemma.

Being angry and retaliation is never an option to solving you and your wife's problems and again you need to seek therapy to help you move forward.

Quote from: Allison_suddenly on May 16, 2024, 09:31:46 PMWhen I'm not as angry, I still try to find a compromise like maybe I can continue taking HRT but never socially transition. Just live as a woman at home, she has said she's ok with that. I know our marriage will never be the same again and I've accepted that fact.

Compromise is always good

Once you feel comfortable here, it would be appreciated if you add a little bit more about yourself in the various forums.  I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something new from new members.

In addition members of Susan's will more than likely will discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as most of us have experienced these as well.

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!
Sarah B
Offical Greeter
@LoriDee
@Northern Star Girl
@Allison_suddenly