Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi folks,

Well I have an empty blog so I better start and put something in it...

Today was first day back to school oops work and to face the M25 that was unusually quiet. 8 hrs later and I have to go to Chelmsford. That was not so nice very high winds. In fact my clothes are still in the car as I just grabbed my bag with food in and dashed to the apartment before I got blown away and never seen again, I do however need to go down and get them..

It may have been better to have renamed the blog to A boring day in the life... as definitely nothing more interesting has happened than mentioned. Maybe more will happen tomorrow lol

Hugs
Jessica xxx

@Jessica_K
Dear Jessica:
I am so very glad to see that you have made it back "home" here where I , and the rest
of your Forum friends have been looking for you to return.   

This new, rebooted Forum is a little different in several respects but in no time you
will be able to navigate around the site without a problem.

WOW .... your new, fresh, Blog thread....   most of us here are scraping up our old Blogs
and patching together our life stories that we had shared in the past.

Some people wish for a "reset button" in their lives... well, we all got a reset button
to start the new 2024 year.

I will be eagerly following your posting on your Blog thread and all around the Forum.

As always, if you have any questions regarding the Forum please contact me.

Many HUGS, and WELCOME BACK
Danielle   [Northern Star Girl]

Thank you Danielle,

As I did not have a blog until about a year ago there is nothing to attach to. But as it always was a day in my life, the day at that point in time, then those days have gone and these new ones are to be created.

I had realised yesterday, that as all my early posts have gone perhaps a small introduction would be in order. So here goes.

I have just had my 71st birthday just before Christmas and started my journey 5 years or so ago, hence a few posts still remain. I live in Hampshire, the south of the UK. I have been married to K for 2 years, though we had been together for about 15. Bone of contention here. More about that...

I have been on HRT for most of that time I have been on SP and my fifth birthday is next month though as I had lost my ticker (not my heart lol) I cannot now remember the precise date.

I also been socially transitioned right from the start when I turned up to work dressed as me, after letting HR know what I was doing. I still work at the same place but almost everyone from that time has moved on. so now I am stealth and current staff just know me as a cis-woman.

All so far is the dream, but there is a but. With all my social transitioning, with many friends that I have made since I have one large problem. K, she refuses to accept me and as so I cannot by myself when with her, so it's continuous changing of clothes and going back to my dead life when home. My old blogs often had posts of the difficulty this produced. And to be honest not sure how long the marriage will last.

A few New Year's resolutions:

1. I am to put myself first more.
2. I am applying for my passport gender update (already had driving licence and NHS markers changed for sometime)
3. This one I will not mention yet because some of it is out of my control

Well that in a nutshell is me as this post is long enough. More will get posted as my day in my life encounters them

Thank you for reading if you get to here lol

Hugs
Jessica xxx

Thanks for the fresh introduction, Jessica! It can be difficult to keep up with everyone, and my memory isn't as good as it used to be. Welcome back.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Thank you for restating your story.  Probably a good idea for all blogs, because I am sure new people will join and the archives won't be around to catch up.

This week is a bit different.

With Monday being a bank (public) holiday everything is a bit squiffy. Plus i had to be home Friday for a visit to the vampire. As such i have only been away from home for 3 days. 3 days of being myself.

I had been staying in an apartment, my preferred accommodation as I can cook my own food. I took with me my spices and jars of miso etc so I could cook Indian and Asian food, bought extras at lunch tine.

My first evening meal is a big fav of mine a tarka daal. For convenience, as It is always late on the first evening due to the full days work and travelling, I buy a kit with the lentils precooked and basic sauce and spices. To this I tweak with my own spices to raise it above the mundane kit.

My second evening I have more time, and with another trip to the supermarket I got what I needed to make another fav of mine a ramen. I did forget the veg stock, but the dried mushrooms and all the otter broth ingredients meant it really did not miss much. In the broth I put some seared >-bleeped-<aki mushroom, spring onions, udon noodles, and pak choi. Plus some veg gyoza I found in Lidls it was very very tasty.

Then home tonight, as this post is epicurean I will end it with a little moan. So K said she would cook for when I got home about 7:30pm. Great I thought until it was dished up. She did put effort into the food with it being a beef casserole, cooked for hours, except I just cannot get it into her head that I am veggie. I am not a morel veggie, just prefer not to eat meat. Well I was hungry and she had spent the effort so I ate it, leaving some of the meat. It was very tasty too, just not what I wanted.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

Scientists have figured out how to convert vegetables and grains into something tasty and nutritious... they feed it to a cow.

Squiffy? That's a new one. The US and England, two countries separated by a common language.

I hope you have a great weekend, Jessica!

Love always -- Jess

I have been looking for a reference to the amount of time I started taking HRT as I know my 5 year anniversary is coming up in February. I found an old post of mine dated 22 Feb that said I had started 3 days earlier. So that makes it 19 Feb 2019.

Looking back on those posts I clearly I do not remember the dates of things, though remember the story.

The things I did to test the water in my office. The small steps of going out for the first time as me. The priming of work with clients, nails painted, more girly tops etc. then the final explosion of full time (ish) of going to my clients as myself.

I must have been so very brave putting my life and career on the line and, this is the bit I do not remember clearly, all before I started HRT..old school.

So how old am I, which date was Jessica born. That first step into the unknown or as I had previously calculated the start of HRT?

I miss the ticker that showed where I was in Jessica's journey, a quick reference on how far I have travelled. I looked on the tickerfactory site but did not find a ticker that counted from a date, the ones here must have been custom. I had not set a ticker before the rollback date.

And the ish? I personly think of myself as full time but not with K. Home alone or with friends when she is away I can stay as me for a time. Last year it was a whole month (another set of posts lost) So yes I consider myself as full time. I never stop being me, it's just clothes..

Just thoughts. 

Hugs
Jessica xxx

Quote from: Jessica_K on January 05, 2024, 12:51:13 AMI have been looking for a reference to the amount of time I started taking HRT as I know my 5 year anniversary is coming up in February. I found an old post of mine dated 22 Feb that said I had started 3 days earlier. So that makes it 19 Feb 2019.

Looking back on those posts I clearly I do not remember the dates of things, though remember the story.

The things I did to test the water in my office. The small steps of going out for the first time as me. The priming of work with clients, nails painted, more girly tops etc. then the final explosion of full time (ish) of going to my clients as myself.

I must have been so very brave putting my life and career on the line and, this is the bit I do not remember clearly, all before I started HRT..old school.

So how old am I, which date was Jessica born. That first step into the unknown or as I had previously calculated the start of HRT?

I miss the ticker that showed where I was in Jessica's journey, a quick reference on how far I have travelled. I looked on the tickerfactory site but did not find a ticker that counted from a date, the ones here must have been custom. I had not set a ticker before the rollback date.

And the ish? I personly think of myself as full time but not with K. Home alone or with friends when she is away I can stay as me for a time. Last year it was a whole month (another set of posts lost) So yes I consider myself as full time. I never stop being me, it's just clothes..

Just thoughts. 

Hugs
Jessica xxx

Take a look here, Jessica (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,246889.msg2259592/topicseen.html#msg2259592).  :)

Hugs, Devlyn

Thanks Devlyn. Both of my tickers are working now lol

Hugs
Jessica xx

I do what I can.  :)

I only see one ticker, though?

Hugs, Devlyn

The other one is my heart lol...

Duh! now I get it! Blonde moment!  :)

Hugs, Devlyn

Well today has been one of those days

I have worked from home today. I had a vampire appointment at 10:50, so tried to get some pressing work done. I was home so was in male mode incase K came down. I suddenly noticed all my time had gone and I had 10mins to get to the quacks, K had not surfaced so took the risk of getting changed in my bedroom.

There was no way I was going to the surgery as male, I am registered as female, my NHS. Number is female. So changed very quickly no makeup and drove into the village with a minute to spare.

I was only expected a test of my thyroid but the nurse took a whole arm full. I asked and was told I was getting a 'MOT'. I could not spend the time asking more as I had to get home for a meeting. For anyone that does not know what a MOT is, it stands for Ministfy of transport, and is short for a test of car road worthiness and is now also used to mean a medical checkup.

I had to change (male) before going home just in case K had got up. She had not, I rushed upstairs to change again (female) for my meeting. Meeting finished I changed again (male)

I then had a second meeting turn up so change again (female). When that was over back to male. Gish!! I feel like I need a lie down now... A day in my life.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

I don't think I could ever flip back and forth like that, and do do it multiple times in one day? You're awesome Jessica! I hope all of the test results are 'within acceptable parameters'. Get some rest, I think I need a nap too.

Love always -- Jess

This is a good news story...

Saturday was a lazy day got up late. K fixed breakfast, porridge, it was lovely. With not doing much I suggested that I would cook us cheese omelettes for lunch and a ramen for dinner. The lunch was going to be easy, but I needed a few bits for the ramen. K did not want to go out, continuing the lazy theme, so I did on my own.

I decided I would go before lunch but before I left, checked on other bits that were needed. A small list of basics was made and off I went. After getting all the bits at the checkout I had a shock, £67 for a few bits!!! This included a tin of Baxter's soup (was less than £1 a few months ago was now £1.90.

Anyway back home I made the omelettes, it was near 3pm now so they wants down well. Continued the lazy theme. I started the ramen eventually and this time I had the cheesecloth needed to get a lovely clear ramen broth from all the things that went into its making. To the broth I added with other ingredients shiitake mushrooms for me and chicken for K it was excellent.

Was this the good news? Well not quite, that was the next day. Sunday. It started badly ....  I had arranged to meet my friend Jack at his about 11am to give him back his big monoblock power amps. I with K's help had got them in the car the night before so all I had to do was go.

To go I needed to be Jessica and thinking K was still upstairs as I had provided breakfast in bed an hour earlier, I came down dressed in blue boot cut jeans, a red thick top and wedge heel boots, with the clothes I need for changing on the way home, my makeup bag, handbag, and boxed wig. I intended to finish off in the car.

We I think you can guess.. she was down, I apologised profusely and rushed out, she rushed upstairs and slammed her bedroom door. I thought this was it. I had blown all the hard work. There was nothing I could now do, so off to Jacks I went.

When I got there there was a voicemail message from k. I really did not know what to expect. I listen to it. I said. " Shirls had called her and we had been invited to go with them to dinner at the white hart pub. I was taken aback "we". Not I (her) but we. That I had to contact her (K) if it was OK so Shirls could add us to their booking.

Of course I said yes. What had happened? Why had the booking increased to add us.. I will never know. But I got back home, it was normal no argument just... normal and we had dinner out, as a foursome, a great evening out, back to theirs for coffee and home. Nothing said about the morning. That is what I call good news!!

Hugs
Jessica xxx

Don't talk to me about food prices ,I used to spend about £25 to £30 a week depending on what had run out but now its £40 plus every week and that is just mostly essentials. 

40 pounds a week sounds ...very inexpensive compared to our bill.  We can put over $100 of groceries in a hand basket. A weeks groceries are probably $200 minimum.

I think I'm getting stronger as I age. Thirty years ago, I needed a cart to carry $100 of groceries to my car. Now I can do it in one hand.

Love always -- Jess

That is for one!

The gov't says inflation over the last 25 years averages out to 2-3%.

My math using the price of bread $1.50 then and $5.00 nowadays.  I'm no mathematician (although I have an MBA), yet that looks suspiciously like 30%.  CPI be damned.

We used to spend $215 or there about for a cart of groceries in 1997, similar cart today is $500-$600.  That looks like 30+ percent to me.  Just a thought.  I don't know if my median middle class class children will every be able to buy a house.  It takes two adults making about 65K each to afford a $300K house yet the average cost is $475K!

Part of the problem with CPI and other such inflation metrics is that they keep changing the basket of goods so the government looks better (inflation looks lower).  They no longer count fuel, power or food in the basket.  And, let's be honest, these are the things people have the least ability to stop buying. 

If you have a job, in many places, you need motorized transportation.  My (small) city doesn't have buses. You can drive, ride a mopped, or take Uber/Lift.  These are your choices.  So, fuel cost is hard to avoid.  It can be minimized, but not avoided.

And, power and food are basic necessities.  You can only cut back so far. 

Housing?  Even if you can't buy and decide to rent, higher home prices, higher construction costs (i.e. inflation) mean higher rent.  Wages aren't going up at the same rate.

When they say you will own nothing and be happy, what they really mean is most people won't be able to afford to own anything.  Whether they are "happy" is yet to be seen. I am glad I am getting old, because I don't like the way the whole world seems to be working towards no middle class; just lords and peasants. 

Fuel in the UK is daylight robbery. Petrol (gas) is currently £1.36 a litre, £6.12 a Uk gallon or $5.8 a US gallon. and that is cheap it's been at one time over £2 a litre.

Average household income in UK £32,600 a year. Average house price is £310,000, average deposit is between 5 and 15% or £17500 to £52000. So buying a house is almost impossible. Unless you are the prime minister Rishi Sunak and wife's wealth is about £730m. He has no problems. I rest my case.

Hugs
Jessica

Jessica,

I thought it was unfathomable when fuel in California and Utah caught up with the UK.  Growing up in Europe I was used to expensive fuel.  Yet please explain how come ours is back down to $3.40 or so and yours is still pushing $6? Plus tax or included?
 
Ours includes fed and state taxes, about  $.184 on every gallon of gas goes to federal tax, and 31.9 cents per gallon is state tax.  To be honest, I really don't mine the tax, 'cause I really like having access to the roads!

Across the pond, most of our Senators, etc. are all millionaires too.  By the time Representatives get a couple of elections under belt, then they are wealth as well.

Cant remember the exact amount but a good percentage of fuel price is fuel tax and then they charge VAT (value added tax) so you pay tax on a tax , robbing<not allowed>

A simple normal winter day.

I think I mentioned I had a blood test last Friday, well a few results have come back. FBC is normal on every test and the sugars test is normal so no diabetes type 2 so all good so far. Waiting for thyroid test.

Of course being NHS, they will not do hormones so all these tests will show is that I am a healthy something not a healthy woman. I have 4 months until my next endo appointment and before that I have to get my endo to request from my GP a hormone test, if they refuse then I have to get it done privately.

Today was fine, working from home I can take breaks etc so it is less stressing. K has been nice to me and even cooked dinner, something from the freezer of course but at least I did not have to cook and it was veggie for me.

A new series of silent witness started too, a drama of a forensic lab solving a crime with social life added. I fell asleep tucked up in my throw on a recliner, I did not stand a chance so I will have to watch again later.

It has been very cold, heating on all day and only just got to 19C indoors (-1C outside) and a slight flurry of snow. Nuffin much but was visible on the car.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

Quote from: D'Amalie on January 08, 2024, 11:40:55 AMYet please explain how come ours is back down to $3.40 or so and yours is still pushing $6?

They can charge what they like as there is rarely competition. The supermarkets were the main drivers of completion Relisfic prices with low profit margins to entice people to shop. Now they have increased profit and are the same as all the others.

A story of some years ago the town close to where I lived at the time had two supermarket selling petrol. One shut down for a month for a referb. The other immediately put their prices up by 15p a litre to profiteer the situation. I never shopped again in that store for 5 years.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

In the U.S., Sam's Kroger and other groceries often sell gasoline below cost.  They literally pay more for it than you do, not considering the cost of delivery or overhead.  They do it to promote the idea that they offer low prices and to push people into the store where they have a higher markup. 

Sam's has been sued many times over this in Alabama (the state has a law against selling motor fuel below cost, because it is seen as "predatory" (done to drive competition out of business like Standard Oil did).  Sam's LOVES to get sued for selling gasoline cheap.  It is great advertising for them. 

When I got up it said 16C in my front room, 14.5 in the kitchen! and that was after the under floor heating had been on for an hour earlier. Builds up nicely in the front room after my panel heater has been on for a bit at21C .

Someone has taken away the horrible K and given me the nice one.

There has been a distinct change in the weather, it has got very cold with clear skys brrr. However indoors the weather is changed to the good.

It's the little things. Trivial, like a few weeks ago if K cooked then she would have dished her own up and left me to do mine, same for dishing takeout. Now it's back to how she used to be with her dishing mine out first.

We talk, she shows me stuff from her phone etc. In a nutshell life is back.

I quite like this new norm life. I have my room where I do not have to hide anything to stop her having a huff. I can also have my work meetings there. She knows I change my top and put on my wig when I have a meeting but does not have that long face when I come back down again dressed as she likes. I had 3 meetings today so three changes of clothes.

Other news, I have been taking progesterone for 4 months now and the effects have been super. As per my ticker I have been taking the usual HRT for some time and have had a good result but not perfect. I had reached T4 and a reasonable cup size. But now I am moving closer to T5, filling out nicely and a good cleavage. A little way to go but definite improvement.

Ok and now something strange or funny.
I have been getting cravings, it not happened before and I can only put it down to the progesterone, ether that or I am turning into a Japanese Mouse.
I have to have cheese, strong cheddar. I am always going to the fridge and grabbing a big chunk. And the other thing is Tamari soy sauce, the good stuff from Japan I am taking swigs each time I enter the kitchen, just a little bit but must have it. Weird. The thing in common apart from good taste on on my part is salt.  They are both high in salt.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

Quote from: Jessica_K on January 09, 2024, 06:01:33 PMIt's the little things. Trivial, like a few weeks ago if K cooked then she would have dished her own up and left me to do mine, same for dishing takeout. Now it's back to how she used to be with her dishing mine out first.

We talk, she shows me stuff from her phone etc. In a nutshell life is back.

I quite like this new norm life. I have my room where I do not have to hide anything to stop her having a huff.

This sounds like a fantastically positive development, Jessica!  I'm really happy for you, and I really hope that this newfound acceptance and freedom lasts a while!

~Sara

Posted on here a couple of days ago and been AWOL for that time as I had to spend a lot of time supporting another forum.

There was trouble at mill at a forum of a passion and hobby of mine.

My tag says "I do like a big valve (vacuum tube) is the hint. I love music and love the HIFI that reproduces it in my home. And love all valve technology. I am lucky in that I have the skills to design and build audio valve amps to a reference standard.

So the forum. One of the largest HIFI enthusiasts forums "the WAM" has had a schism all the mods and IT have left along with hundreds of members and a new forum was set up in 2 days. A massive undertaking. I support this break away as the WAM owner has just ignored its members, refused to back the WAM show and threatened the mods with legal action if they attempted to put on a replacement even though the owner has never participated in the show and in the forum.

So a new forum was made Maverick hifi (http://www.maverick-hifi.com) to keep alive the spirit of the WAM and to allow the show to go ahead.

So why maverick? Because for years the person that did the most organising of the WAM shows, handle Maverick died last year and the forum and show is dedicated in his memory.

What is the show? One of the most important parts of the WAM was its meet ups. All over the UK members would meet in a members home, a social event, listening to their system, and bringing kit to either make up a adhoc system or replace bits in the hosts. It was a great way to meet enthusiasts and to hear all sorts of antique or exotic hifi. One guy has invested nearly £500k in his. Anyway, the show, this is where the forum organises a hifi show, the same as the big commercial shows, taking over a whole hotel for the weekend and members bring their entire systems and set them up in the hotel rooms for paying public to hear them. It is the pride and pinnacle of the forum. Hence no show no forum.

Ok enough, a story about my couple of days apart from the forum. I will make you all laugh.

I am away and in a hotel for a 3 days. So in my room I decide to make a cuppa. I then reclined on the bed getting comfortable to do a bit online. I picked up my cup to see in slow motion it slip out of my hand, full. It did not go on the bed phew but instead filled my boot that was beside the bed. I had to pour it out and attempt to dry it for morning. I had pair of shoes in the car but would need to wear the boots to get them. Luckily they dried.

Back home tomorrow..

Hugs
Jessica xxx

I would like to learn how to build tube (valve) guitar amplifiers, but don't know where to start.  I know nothing about electronics.  I would be proud to build a good sounding amp though. 

I don't own a Vox, but I like the AC 15 twin.  I have a boutique amp made by Sam Timberlake (a local legend).  He made mine "Dumble-esc") which really doesn't mean anything since Dumble made each amp tweaked for the musician that would be playing it to complement their style, and that is what Sam tried to do for me.  Anyway, Sam doesn't teach Amp building, and works alone. 

I have a few amps.  I still have the cabinet from my first amp.  It was solid state and no longer works.  I'd love to build a good tube amp inside it, and blow people away with how good my old Peavy Special sounds, or to smile when they say solid state isn't as good as tubes (not knowing it is a tube amp). 

Is the boot none the worse?

Quote from: REM.1126 on January 11, 2024, 10:17:33 PMIs the boot none the worse?

The boot is fine, quality from M&S lol. It's the only pair of boots I have and love them. 2" block heel too makes me a bit taller and longer looking in the leg.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

I forgot to mention my system is only a record player though I have added a streamer the DAC visible as the little blue box. It was not connected in this picture

I call it the dansette

(https://i.imgur.com/QpmU8El.jpg)

Hugs
Jessica xxx

The blue box looks like a Presonus Audiobox DAI.

Quote from: REM.1126 on January 12, 2024, 12:02:58 PMThe blue box looks like a Presonus Audiobox DAI.

Well done Rachel, yes it is. I use it as a USB DAC it's reasonable but as I only use it for background and search for new music it is not there to be as good as the record playing.

I use a raspberrypi as a streamer and to provide the USB.

HUGS
XXX

So this morning I am in my JimJams with the Dansette on streaming Capital Dance a 24/7 whole day dance music. Brill

It's 12:40pm and I have done nuffin. But I have at some point pull everything out of the spare room. For a while now there has been a smell in there and need to find out where it is coming from. But I am lazy lol

This evening we are going to Shirls and Steve's to help move a huge glass dining table. It's a 3 girl, 1 boy lift lol

Later it will be down to Waterlooville for a Chinese meal out. This is my new norm and I am liking it, if only I could be myself, but cannot have everything.

Tomorrow Kay is going to Maidstone all day, I am not invited. So I am look around my local friends should I find someone to invite over or visit.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

Oh and the hifi forum one week in and 450 members and lots of guests. The old one has tumble weed rolling through it if you get on that is most entry points are not working.

Hugs
Xxx

One veg curry recipe then! Its from What's cooking Indian by Shehzad Husain and has a lot of good ones.
  You can use any veg you want but this is her guide'
300ml oil,1tsp mustard seeds, 1tsp onion seeds , 1/2 tsp cumin seeds, 3-4 curry leaves, 450g onion chopped, 3 med tomatoes chopped, 1/2 red, 1/2 green bell pepper sliced, 1tsp fresh ginger fine chopped, 1tsp garlic crushed, 1tsp chilli powder, 1/4tsp turmeric, 1tsp salt, 425ml water, 2 med potatoes in chunks, 1/2cauliflower in small florets, 4 med carrots sliced, 3 green chillies chopped, coriander leaves , 1 tbsp lemon juice.

heat oil in large pan, add mustard, onion, cumin seeds and curry leaves. Fry till they turn a shade darker.
Add onions and fry at med heat till golden brown
Add tomatoes and bell peppers and stir fry for 5 mins
Add ginger, garlic, chilli powder, turmeric and salt, mix well
Add 300ml water, cover and simmer for 10-15 mins stirring occasionally
Add potatoes, cauliflower, carrots, green chilli and coriander and stir fry 5mins
Add 150ml water and lemon juice stir cover and simmer for 15mins or till veg cooked.

Bit involved but worth the effort, let me know how it goes.

   

Thank you so much for this. I will be making it, it was going to be tomorrow but now I am having lunch with Jules, will be next week.


Hugs Davina
Xxx

Evening out with the besties.

The evening was really nice, had my favourite Chinese dishes, ordered a lot but eat it all. Kay has now got it that I do not eat meat and ordered a mushroom chow mein instead of a beef or pork so we could share. My chosen main dish was king prawn Hongkong style sweet and sour and starter was salt and chilli soft shell crab. Other bits shared included mushroom rice. Yum.

I mentioned that Sunday Kay was going to Maidstone to visit for a joint birthday party. Kay's son and granddaughter are within a day. I am not invited to this get together. I have not pushed about it only to say Kay and I are going to another family birthday party later, next month so I do not think it's Kay that's the issue here.

So I contacted my friend Jules and luck would have it he was free for lunch tomorrow so it's a date. I will wear a lovely dress and I expect him to wear something smart as he always dresses well.

He is taking me to Port Solent a lovely quay harbour on the Solent a stretch of water between the Isle of Wright and mainland UK between Portsmouth and Southampton it's an area full of restaurants.

I like to call it a date, but it's just a couple of friends meeting. He is lovely though, he could be my toy boy if I was not married and he was not gay lol. A bit of flirting is no harm! He has only known me as Jessica a cis-female.

This kinda asks the question of my sexuality. I am definitely moving towards bi, I like the company of men and pretty sure if the circumstances arose (not Jules) and I ever get to have surgery. I would take it. It will probably never happen but I can dream.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

Just to say when you make the veg curry I found mine had a lot of oil in it, 1/3 pint is a lot to start with so up to your judgment.
Have a good day out, myself and Debs used to go out for meals and it was fun with a friend. Maybe I will take her out when the weather is better. Hope you miss any snow.

I was going to query that when I was to make the curry Davina, no way would I use 300ml of oil. I would use just enough to fry what needs to be fried. A dash to start and add more if it absorbed. Usually that being fried gives back the oil as it cooks. I always resist adding more oil to mushrooms.

It seems that I have to be careful of fat, the last blood test showed my cholesterol level is 5 and I have a docs appointment to "discuss it" it's rather unfair for a girl that does not drink, does not eat meat and junk food, nor smoke may be requested to give up my only real pleasure a bit of cheese lol

It is also very ironic that the GP is concerned about a borderline cholesterol level but ignores the elephant in the room, the refusal to give me HRT or surgery. I am as most should know by now 71 and I rather spend my last years being myself than prolonging my life with a statin and the agony of not being who I should be.

I do well with my private HRT but I could not retire from work if I wanted as I would no be able to afford the meds or private doc and it will be that that ends my life not Cholesterol.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

I have a Presonus 1810c for my recording studio.  I have some Yamaha studio monitors hooked up.  I need to find a small, low fi device with audio in for mixing.  If it sounds good on the nice stuff, and on a low fi, it generally is going to be well mixed.

I think I have mentioned before how I have changed since now being a woman.

That shy guy has gone forever. Jessica is here. But it can get me into trouble sometimes. Saying things perhaps a bit to forward maybe or is it just embracing the world how it is. Them and us.

So I have also mentioned, or have I. I do get confused with what I knew I mentioned and if I had reiterated again after the big loss. Had I mentioned that the company I work for has been taken over by a much larger corporation. This process of becoming an employee of a new company comes under a government law, employment law called TUPE, Transfer of Undertakings (Protection of Employment) that basically means that one's new contract of employment is the same, better or equivalent to that of the old company.

Why am I mentioning this and what has it to do with me big mouth. Well each department elects a representative to go to the TUPE meetings to ensure the rules and law is implemented correctly and that the conditions of employment are agreed by the staff. Ok I am going to represent the R&D department with my left wing socialist views and again big mouth I will make sure the staff gets a good deal lol. It also helps that I make myself know to the new senior management having elected myself to go to the Tpz (the new company) curry night with the CEO...

Hugs
Jessica Xxx

Perhaps a bit more context. The company is Tpz UK part of Tpz a global company group that in turn is owned by a consortium of two of the big players in the defence and commercial satellite field with turnovers in 100's of €bn. A tiny cog in a big machine.

Kay is away again soon.

Legitimate reason this time. She is off Friday for about 4 days back to Maidstone to help look after the kids while their mum is in hospital and subsequent recovery from a op.

More time for me, and I am not wasting it. Another meeting with Jules. At my place this time. He told me of an old amplifier that he has borrowed that had a minor fault but looking inside he saw quite a mess of DIY/aftermarket mods and was afraid to do the small fix and power it up

I offered to do a PAT test on it for safely and to power it up slowly on my variac. He thought that was a good idea. Not missing an opportunity, I  then I threw in dinner. He could not resist lol. So Friday evening yay.

Going to cook a tarka daal, keeping the meal simple. I will have some nice music streaming on the dansette. I am looking forward to it.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

Watching The Repair Shop I have seen some messed up amps fixed, its all above my pay grade! Saying that I did make a "module" to fool my lads R1 into thinking it still had the exhaust flap valve and that worked and have made a circuit up to fool the engine in the hot rod to bypass the EGR valve. Not been able to test that yet.

I am having a lay in.

It's 8:11 when I start writing this and I already feel guilty that I should be up. I am still in bed, cuddling my teddy bear and have been here on Susan's since 6:30 catching up and making a few posts. Now I am here in my own blog where I chose what I want to talk about.

It may be obvious, but I am alone again in as much as K has gone for a few days as mentioned in my last post else by now I would be downstairs in the kitching fixing breakfast for her.

I had a lovely day yesterday mixing work and pleasure but it has left me with some work to do before Monday. Meetings and work covered the morning and I started at 8am an hour early. But in the afternoon, I took a break to test drive the Kia electric car Ev6. Ooo I loved it. It's a big car, somewhat similar in size to the X1 but more saloony (is that a word?) but I was at home in it immediately. It did not seem big on the road as it was so easy to drive. I must admit I was a bit apprehensive when I was given the keys and told you can take as much time as you like. I was given a quick basics of the car and off I was to go. I remember driving the X1 for the first time. I found it a bit intimidating which was strange as I had no issues with the larger X3 we had before but I drive mostly my little Kia picanto. That iis an auto too like the X1 so I was at home in the electric car. If I get a choice in April when I become officially a Tpz employee and can get the perk of a salary sacrifice for an all expenses paid (minus the electricity) new e car. This will be the one

When I got back I had to raise a PO and my friend N knows how to do that, in fact everyone gets him to create PO's. This instigated a teams video call, so after brief work we started chatting for an hour lol. I was naughty I was vey obviously flirting with him but he did not notice. Have I lost my powers lol, no he is very naive it just did not register. I knew I was safe.

After that an a bit more work it was time to prepare dinner for my guest who already said they were leaving home. I was cooking a Tarka Daal and he was to provide dessert. It was just after midnight that he left leaving the amp he brought for me to check out. A really lovely evening.

So now it's 8:47 and I am feeling a bit hungry so I will fix me a cheese omelette for breakie and a nice cup of tea,,

Hugs
Jessica xxx

It was 9 am when I forced myself out of my warm bed, all behind now as its nearly 10.15 and I have to call in at mums to check her faulty light before going down the workshop. Never mind as its still cold out there.

I am one of the lucky ones in that I did not lose everything in the crash of '24. I was still left with a few hundred old posts.

For some reason I decided to look at my old posts today. This is unusual for me as I live for today. I cannot change the past and no idea what tomorrow may bring.

I started with my very first post, pre transition putting in writing for the first time how I felt. Not out to anyone possibly even myself but knew there was something wrong that needed to be righted.

The posts went through all the things I did, my lack of confidence, my little steps to leaving the house dressed as a woman. And the amazing support I got here at Susan's.

I mentioned my coming out to Kay and my despair of not to be able to transition. Well I still have some of those problems now after 5 years. Still cannot be 100% me but I did transition with amazing results, I just had too. My confidence is now through the roof. I read up to jan 1 2019 5 years and a month after that date I started HRT. DIY for a very short period before going private. I had too.

The biggest change apart from those physical attributes is my sexuality. I was adamant in those early posts that I knew who I was. Straight as a male so obviously lesbian as a female. Well that's gone out the window. I am more and more moving the other way. I am definitely bi now, and as I now wholly class myself female moving more and more to being straight again ie preferring men

I love Kay, so much so it hinders my final transitional steps, but it's not sexual love it is a deep platonic love. I often dream now of being with a man. Though I am convinced it could never happen it is still a wonder. I somehow will have to have surgery first and that alone seems unlikely as waiting times on the NHS are currently not in my lifetime. All I can say is no one knows what the future will bring and my story has come a very long way in 5 years and there is plenty of life left

A bit of nostalgia.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

Many hugs my dear.  A loving partner is all most of us want. This interuption and restoration process had me re reading my earlier post too.  A blessing disguised as an inconvenience.  I see where I held so much back as I came through the transition descision.  Perhaps you did too?  My Aunt H eased me into seeing that trans was the real destination.  What a relevation over the years.  It certainly didn't happen overnight!

I'm more at the bi- stage in my sexuality.  Like you I figured lessie from the git go!  My therapist took me through a few exercises that helped me come to grips.  We'll have to see where it goes, yes?  I'll give up sex entirely if it means giving up my partner.  Or give up life if it come to that.

Thank you @D'Amalie we do seem to have a lot in common, but then I guess we are just typical of being trans. Specially those of us that started our journey later in life. The baggage.

Part of my New Year's resolution was to put myself first for a change and get on with life changing what I can rather what I cannot. I do not mean I am giving up on anything just choosing the battles that I can win. And with every win I get closer to wining the war. I am concentrating on my friends and supportive relatives rather than feeling down about those that are not.

Confidence yes, sensitive probably too much. I am aware of my thoughts and feel I need to step up and own them and change the negativity.

Strangely I have never had counselling, I have never felt the need. I perform rational thinking, self analyse and provide a solution that works for me. Mistakes yes, but I am not easily persuaded to change my mind unless evidence says otherwise.

I am doing the same thing at work too, I have spent too much time doing a very good job, but not promoting myself. A new company with larger opportunities. I thought at my age I would step back let younger people take the stage, but now I am seeing that a team is likely to be built and I want to lead it. I can be assertive but tended not to be so much but I feel I have the energy to push myself. To do it for me.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

PS. The HiFi forum that I had belonged to for many years has completely gone now. The WAM is dead long live the MAV.

I didn't need any therapy, my brain work straight forward! Maybe thats part of being dyslexic ? Black or white,is how I see things and I have the ability to see things in my brain finished before being made like a movie.

As this is meant to be a daily blog I have failed. You know you have not posted for a while when you are demoted to the second page of the blogs lol.

Part of my new year start has been to try and be more positive in my posts and only post good things that happen in my life. So that's it for today folks.........

Only joking, the vast amount of my time is the huge pressures of work, working from home so I have not had much me time. I have however been away from home for 4 days this week so that has been great as it's 4 days of me.

When it was booked the options were a single bed room at a price the company was willing to pay and a premium double at double that price and hence would need to be booked into another hotel. I said no problem I take the single room.

I took a very small risk, but I was sure I would be upgraded to the premier room when I get there and I was. Why was I so convinced? Well I use the hotel a lot and I always talk to the staff striking up a friendship at all levels including management and it really pays off, plus I just love to talk to people. So it is a win win, my company saves money and I get a nice room.

I had an easy drive home Friday and brought in a chip shop dinner. Kay had fish/chips/mushy peas I had a veggie burger/chips/beans and we shared a curry sauce. It was lovely, but I now have to go back to the hotel Sunday evening for work again first thing Monday grr. Never mind..

Been chatting to my friend Jules most days. Ok, ok, I am flirting again but it is fun.

I am going to stop here as I want to remain positive.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

Hi Jessica,

I used to have "home away from home."  I'd stay at the same inn in Vermont a couple weekends a year and got to know the innkeeper and chef personally.  They told me that they had a spare room if I ever needed to stay there.

They found out that everyone wanted to eat breakfast at the same time in the morning and head out on their adventure! 
Having them order from a menu wait for freshly cooked meals didn't work for that.

Marion

The breakfast Marion, is one of the reasons I like to stay at that hotel, they do fresh cook from the menu and for me it is either eggs royal or cheese omelette, both are good.

As for everyone at once I remember a few months ago, there was only one chef in the kitchen and he was being overwhelmed and people were getting restless and some taking it out on the service staff. I waited calmly and patently for mine to arrive telling the staff member I chat a lot with, that I was fine and it was not anyone's fault, when it arrived it perfectly cooked and I sent my compliments to the chef appreciating all that he did that morning. He came out and thanked me.

Hugs
Xxx

I was a 'dirty stopout' last night not getting home until 1am....

I have a lovely day and it makes up for the rather stressful week. Work has been extremely stressful to the point the commercial delivery manager checked if I was getting too much pressure in his capacity of the companies wellness protocols. I assured him I was Ok

It was a lovely day because I was in the office and I got to meet up with all the guys and gals that I both regularly and rarely see as there was an evening event. This included a girl I see only a couple of times a year but we get on very well when we do. So it was an immediate hug and a chat. I seem always to get on well with people from India.

So why the big office meet up and the late arrival home? Well it was the R&D and commercial division "Christmas meal". A bit early? No, very late. I am in both divisions so I should get 2 meals.

It was strange to be tucking into Xmas fare in February so my options were as normal as possible with a curried lentil soup, salmon and roasted baby pots, and my homage to Xmas, Christmas pud.

There was a lot of mingling and talking to people I rarely see, more so in a social activity so it really was Bril.

I left at 9:30 and dropped off two friends at the local train station and took my bestie home as he lives very close to the office and was not far out of my way. Then I had the near 2hour journey home, ETA about midnight.

Well I got to half way, as I turned onto the A3 I knew I was not going to make it without a break so stopped at a service station and napped for about a hour. Bought some sweets to increase my sugar levels and drove home safely. Another 180 mile round trip to work completed lol.

Well at 1am fully dressed in girl mode from the day out I decided to take the extremely minimal risk of going straight home and not changing. I was right K was in bed asleep so I got to my room, took my makeup off got into my nightie (a concession as we have separate rooms) took me tablets and went to sleep.

What I had forgotten to mention was the mare of a start of the day. K was in bed, asleep? and I take another risk by getting dressed as myself but leave my makeup to do in the car, it saves a lot of time and the faff of changing in the vehicle.

So I went my usual route and stopped to finish to get ready and noticed that I had no jewellery on, forget to put them on after my shower, then I noticed I had forgot my purse as it was out of my bag due to having to pay the dart charge from my journey home tues. Then I realised I had forgotten to take me E tablet and Spiro.

Ok finished getting ready and drove off, did my usual turn around next junction to go to work and realised I was to get petrol so off again the next junction and I thought I will go to the petrol station on the back road and forgot again I had to turn off to get to the other side of the village and ended up in the old village with another detour to get back on track. What a start!!!

In the end I only missed one Spiro tab as I took the E when I got back home. I did not need my purse as I have all my bank cards on my phone and I went jewellery bare for the day.

Hugs
Jessica

Just one of those days dear

QuoteIn the end I only missed one Spiro tab as I took the E when I got back home. I did not need my purse as I have all my bank cards on my phone and I went jewellery bare for the day.

Hugs
Jessica

No jewelry for the whole day? I would feel naked! I used to keep some spare jewelry in my car, a simple set of earrings and an inexpensive necklace. It doesn't matter as much to me now as it used to, but I still hate going out without at least a little jewelry.

We all have bad days sometimes, when a bunch of little things go wrong. Years ago, that would have driven me into a rage, now it's just mildly frustrating. I'm glad everything worked out well.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

I was not completely jewellery free, Jessica,  I have a couple of rings and a bracelet with a St Christopher and tree of life on it that I never take off. It was all my Kate Spade that I take off to shower that did not go on.

I was little annoyed with myself, but as I always say "I' ant end t' world" and "worst things happens at sea". I aways just go with the flow and tell my story to give people a laugh.

Hugs
Xxx

When I go out if nothing else jewellery wise I were the ring mum gave me, thing is even if its off I can still feel its there.

There is an unusual pub in Welwyn Garden City called the Pear Tree. Outside and in it's just like any other pub. Small tables large selection of beers, darts board quite traditional. Ask at the bar and you can get the most authentic Indian food. There are many converted pubs that have been turned into Indian restaurants and many many pubs that do pub food. But I would say this place is pretty unique with its real pub atmosphere.

So why am I mentioning this well there I had a dish I have not seen or had before, Kurkuri Bhindi, or crispy okra in a chickpea batter. It is delish. I have bought a few of the ingredients yesterday, the spices, nothing special but I am limited at home and have my own stock as K's idea of Indian is a korma. and only a korma. How can anyone claim their mouths on fire with the slightest level of heat I do not know.

I will get the okra when I get back from my trip this week. I am off Sunday evening to sunny (not sunny) Chelmsford again tonight ready for Monday morning. I am back Tuesday night and WFH the next 2 days then to Welwyn Friday for another work social event. I am not going to mention what it is until later but it does involve a Domino's pizza.

G, Kay's son arrives today too with his 2 kiddies as it is half term and with C (his wife) recovering from a BA (replacement) it was though a good idea for the kids to visit us. I have not seen them for a very long time as I have been persona non grata at their place and K has been visiting alone. G does not like me trans, I will be spoken to as a bloke or not at all. It's only for a few hours and I am off to my hotel. My favourite is their diva of a daughter who last I saw said to me "you have boobies" poking them lol

Hugs
Jessica xxx

Little update. The kids are here, and have decided I will be me but in boy clothes. Actually going well, I did refer to myself as she lol, just natural lol

Jessica
Xxxx

Quote from: Jessica_K on February 11, 2024, 01:42:44 AMSo why am I mentioning this well there I had a dish I have not seen or had before, Kurkuri Bhindi, or crispy okra in a chickpea batter. It is delish. I have bought a few of the ingredients yesterday, the spices, nothing special but I am limited at home and have my own stock as K's idea of Indian is a korma. and only a korma. How can anyone claim their mouths on fire with the slightest level of heat I do not know.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

I had no idea that people outside of the southern US actually ate okra. My dad is the only person I know who likes it, but it must be fried. He says boiled okra is too slimy. He was born in 1931 and lived on a farm. They had electricity, but the lights were bare bulbs dangling from the ceiling. His mom cooked on a wood-burning stove. The only other source of heat was a fireplace. Using the bathroom at night required shoes and a flashlight (outhouse). Unless you preferred hunger, you ate whatever was served. Yep, the good old days.

Sorry, this really has nothing to do with your story, it just brought back some memories...

Love always -- Jess

I have trouble finding Okra around here, they did have sliced frozen in Morrisons but I dont go there unless desperate. Should try the local farm shop, they have all sorts, butchers and a café . Might have some goat or mutton as well.

Quote from: Jessica_Rose on February 11, 2024, 07:05:07 AMSorry, this really has nothing to do with your story, it just brought back some memories...

You very welcome to reminisce. Ok I was born a little later but I remember the outside loo, newspaper for loo roll. the tin bath by open fire My gran used a flat iron heated on the fire. Yes those were the days

Okra must be fried to remove all the sap or they are all slimy. I put them in my curries after cooking.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

Last okra I bought was in the local Sainsbury. I hope they still have them.

Jessica xxx

Okra is important to me in gumbo also, though I do like it fried by itself. 

Boiled is certainly slimy, but I like it anyway.  It does look quite alien (not of this earth).

Yes like alien drool from the movie !! I have quite a few curry recipes with Okra in them but fried crispy Okra is my favourite.

Have a nice week Jessica.

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on February 12, 2024, 06:58:44 AMHave a nice week Jessica.

Chrissy

Aww thank you Chrissy that's so kind and I hope yours is good too.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

I don't believe I have ever had a curry.  I don't have a context for your repeating reference, but, you are inspiring me to seek some out.  What would you recommend as a first taste?

Quote from: Jessica_K on February 12, 2024, 05:30:59 PMAww thank you Chrissy that's so kind and I hope yours is good too.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

Thank you.

Chrissy

How old am I?

This is not so obvious that it seems. I have the day I was born and the difference between then and now is my age, 71. It's a number, but I also have the age my head believes I am, in my case my 30's.

But there is another number the age I look, probably in my 50's if you do not look too close and I have my makeup on.

And finally I have my second puberty age, which if you take 13 as the start then I am reaching 18.

Just thinking lol


So today I am in Chelmsford and had a very good day socially. Starting with a chat with the hotel manager who told me she was leaving for pastures new. Then a long talk with the waitress at breakfast we get on very well and we always have a talk if she is not too busy. Then another long chat with the evening receptionist about the weekend and Valentines Day.

It was the last talk that was the most interesting for its mundaneness. About nails as hers were very nicely done, about boyfriends, and then to my hair.
She said it always looks perfect like a film star lol which was a lovely complement but even more so of the realism of it being my hair, instead of a 4 year old wig.

I know it is not meant to last that long, but I found it has matured and looks more realistic now for its imperfections than when too perfect of new. I will need to change my hair style soon (buy another wig) but the current style is me.

Had, as part of my dinner at the Indian across the road from the hotel the hottest dish yet from them. The usual hot dishes are not hot on the Jessica scale but this side dish certainly blew a hole into the top of my head. It was a lovely surprise. It was a chilli Tarka dal (daal, dahl) containing green chillies and whole black chillies.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

I find the elastic goes in my wigs first then they move around just from coat collars rubbing against the hair. I keep the old ones to wear to my workshop but take it off and swop to a hat to work.
 There is a recipe in one of my books and if I remember right its called a 100 chilli, now I dont mind a good chilli burn but not that strong.

Back home and another change in the car, got veg burger and chips for dinner. Realised I had stripped my bed but no clean sheets as of course I have not washed them being away so in bed now on the under sheet and duvet. Will wash them tomorrow with the thousands of other things I need to do.

Keeping it short today need my beauty sleep

Hugs
Jessica xxx

I do not think I could do a presentation changeover in my car.
That has got to be a frustration to need to do so.

Hugs,

Chrissy

So today I decided I needed to be more proactive and had a surprise.

I decided to call the GIC and just make sure my details were up to date as I never had a response when I updated after moving. It was a bit of a pretext but also reassurance. The pretext was then to ask about the waiting list as I was feeling that I would not be seen in my life time. I got the spiel that I could try other GIC's that may have shorter lists and I finished the call with a thank you and that I really think I will not be seen in my life time and left it at that.

Well about 30 mins I got a call from no caller id. I nearly did not answer as I hate not knowing who was calling. But some inside said to answer. And it was Dr Sahota from the GIC. The same doctor I had privately for my GI diagnosis a few years back. Anyway it seems she was offering to get my GP to do bloods and meds as a GIC request not private so that could be a big win. And she said she would immediately provide a recommendation for surgery if I was assigned her as my case worker. She said that queue jumping is not something the GIC normally does but send a letter to the admin management with a plead of special circumstance that just might mean I could be assigned to her.

She wanted proof of my social transition so I sent a load of documents for her files. And I have sent a letter to the GIC. So fingers crossed you never know.

It will be the end of K and I if it does happen but to be honest I can live as I am with K in the knowledge that I cannot have surgery, but if surgery becomes a reality she will just have to lump it and she could make her own decision what she wants to do.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

Quick update, I had an email from the GIC admin, not dismissing my plea but requesting my name NHS number and DOB.

What it means I do not know. But it's positive so far.

Useful my NHS number has my gender as female, could help.

I cannot sleep as is usual for me but I need to be awake 6am and out by 7am to drive the 89 miles to work. This evening will be a trip to a local observatory with guys and girls from work and a pizza meal. Should be fun apart from the 89 mile journey home.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

With any luck the traffic will be lighter then, just dont fall asleep behind the wheel due to your lack of sleep last night. Take care dear XXX

I did not make it home last night. Fantasy is I spent the night with a toy boy. Reality was I spent it alone at an inn, quality but cheap. I was far too tied to attempt to drive home. I fact I was asleep within minutes of getting to my room.

I had a lovely evening at the observatory. Logically it was very dark going to the telescopes and Nithin held my hand. I really liked that. Before any conclusions are drawn. Nithin is alone in the UK and misses his parents, although he is 32 and has a doctorate in Astro software engineering he is still a child. I have told him I am his surrogate mother and I think he just wanted to look after me in the dark and comfort himself. He was squeezing my hand tight.

After, a number of the group went out to a pub in Hartford, Nithin and I went back to WGC and decided to have some dinner so ended up in Pizza Express sharing a pizza half and half, my side veggie his a Sloppy Giuseppe. It was a lovely time.

I dropped him off at his flat and he was insistent I looked for a room. Made me load the booking app before he went inside. Hence the room at the inn.

More than anything it was that someone not family cared as I care for him. If I was 40 years younger he would make a super boyfriend.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

It's coming up to 7am just taken my levothyroxine, I hate those little pills they just stick to your tongue or part down the throat and it takes a gallon (English) of water to flush down and I have to take 2 of them to make up the dose. Today was good and went down with a single gulp each.

So I am snuggled back under the duvet cuddling my teddy bear, and thinking about yesterday. A frustrating day that in the past would have not felt so much so. But I have moved on.

The good parts of the day was my chats with my friends and granddaughter in law who by the fates is also called Kay. The bad and frustrating part was just being with my Kay. I really did not think this would ever happen but, and it has happened very quickly, I have fallen out of love with her.

She has ground me down to the point that the blinkers are off. It started with me getting home in the morning from my stop out Friday night. She was the first to say I should stay over and when forced to do so by my toy boy lol, I did it. Well in the morning she had a face like a wet afternoon, I could feel the resentment. I get this every time I go out or spend the night away.

I think she so hates me being away as she knows I am Jess. Back to how I feel. I am also resenting having to not be Jess when at home, and the banality of life at home. She does nuffin. Hardly ever wants to go out. Jess is a party girl, I am a party girl. I love to be with others, never stop talking and having fun.

I was chatting to a friend and having a laugh on the sofa, I could not help chuckling out loud, whatever K thought that I do not know, and I mentioned the day and a further story that I will relate in a mo, that jokingly, I have to dump her and if a txt was appropriate and the done thing these days.

The story that started that response was that I wanted to cook a nice dinner and she said she did not want it and wanted a KFC, she knows I cannot eat anything from there but I went out to get her some. Well the KFC is not easy to find as it lays back in a row of houses. I knew approx where it was and I was looking out for it as I drove down at 25mph, could not find it drove on and on thinking I know I have missed it.

So took the roundabout and can back along the road. Nuffin. Stopped at the petrol station to get the satnav out as I was getting desperate, OK it's 150m from the petrol station about where I I thought it was. Drove on to a shop in total darkness and in the dark was impossible to find. It was closed.

I phoned K as I thought OK fish and chips? In my head and I will be driving past on way home. Voice Mail, I tried 9 times and drove home. When I got back she said fish and chips would do so out I went again, Oh and it was raining.

Pretty much a last straw for me, though I did have F&C myself.

So what is the future, well short term, today I am myself again as I go out to a meet up of my HIFI friends, going dress to impress, already decided I am going to wear a lovely red dress. Got some new lippy too. Long term something has to change............

I am so tempted to come home in my dress lol
Hugs
Jessica xxx

Yes my ex just kept nagging about life and wore me down so I came out, was the last straw for her. Like I said ages ago it sound like you have to bite the bullet and move on just for your own well being. Not so easy to do if things are in joint names, who goes where and all.

Quote from: Jessica_Rose on January 08, 2024, 08:13:41 AMI think I'm getting stronger as I age. Thirty years ago, I needed a cart to carry $100 of groceries to my car. Now I can do it in one hand.

Love always -- Jess

Hahahahaha.

I am sorry it has come to this for you.  I can't imagine how many times she hurt you to kill your love for her.  But, that seems to be how love dies, by repeated wounding over a period of time.

I had a really lovely day out, ok I say this myself but I looked stunning in my dress. My cleavage on show. It also has a split up the side. I forgot to take my phone so no pics sorry.

One guy had a streamer setup and was playing my kind of music, dance and I did just that, dancing, and not bad for 71 lol. I am not old, it's just a number and I am making up for lost time.

Ok looking back I have been thinking. Have I been unfair to K, have I been out having fun and she left behind. I would so love she came with me but without acceptance I cannot not ask her and even if she did accept she probably would not come.

I have so moved on from my grey, introverted existence pre transition. Dancing in front of others, laughing, I would never have done that I was awkward socially because I was never a man and hide within myself. Now I love the attention I get, the fun of being a woman, the extrovert self. I did not suffer GD in the classic sense probably by the deep hiding for all that time but it manifested itself in holding me back in life.

Hugs
Jessica
Xxx

Oh and today I am 5 years taking HRT. Yay

5 years of being myself.

Hugs
Jessica
Xxx

Happy anniversary on the magical stuff, dance floor calls to me as well but it always has given a bit of Motown or northern soul. 

Quote from: Jessica_K on February 19, 2024, 02:21:47 AMOh and today I am 5 years taking HRT. Yay

5 years of being myself.

Hugs
Jessica
Xxx

Happy anniversary Jessica!

It's a shame that K doesn't realize how happy her life could be if she would simply embrace the beautiful person you have become. I hope you have a lovely day.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Quote from: Jessica_K on February 19, 2024, 02:21:47 AMOh and today I am 5 years taking HRT. Yay

5 years of being myself.

Hugs
Jessica
Xxx

Yay!


Chrissy

My weekend started with a meet up of 15 work friends for go carting.

I thought I was bad at go carting and I was proven correct. I am a very good road driver with an Advanced Drivers certificate. I can drive very fast safely on roads. I often talk of eyes on stalks for observation. I know how to handle my car. I have also driven on tracks. But I just cannot get the hang of go carts. I got hit from behind on the last lap by Phil that shock me a bit too, no hurt, but I was already tired and having difficulty with the heavy steering and was feeling my age. I did not take place in the second race section as I was quite unsteady after getting out of the car. I did not come last that was Emma timing wise, the only person I overtook.

Three of the group were from the new company and two of those came first and second, definite ringers lol. The 12 of us, then went for lunch at the 2 willows bar in WGC, it was booked for 3pm. We got chucked off our table at 7pm and the die hards, about 8 of us stayed on. I left about 10:30pm as I had to check in my hotel. Now that was the best part of the day.

As this is a trans forum, I thought I would relate the female spaces part of the story. These spaces have become heavily politicised in the UK. I went into the female changing rooms with Emma and Maisie, Emma in her role in security is one of the very few that know I an a trans woman, but of course I was just one of the girls. Eat my panties politicians.

Today if anyone is up in time there is a further meet up for breakfast but as I have to get to Bristol it will probably be too late for me.

Home front, k and I went out with our two friends for a Chinese meal Friday evening, it was good but that of course was a non-Jess event. K has continued to be nice and we continue to live together best characterised as friends, worst as housemates.

She never wears the rings I bought her, never the wedding ring. Up to yesterday I took mine off too. Not sure if I will keep it off as to me it's precious and to her I am saying I have not given up even if she has. I know she is putting money aside for the time she can leave and I think it will be when she draws her state pension later in the year.

Hugs
Jessica
Xxx

Went go carting with the lads when I was at work, had to give up or I would have thrown up in my helmet!! All down to my duff balance and vertigo.
 Party on girl, looks like you have fully socially transitioned .

That's me a party girl. Been socially transitioned for years. The guy and gal at work are a fantastic bunch.

Hugs
Xxx

Sounds like fun. I haven't went go carting in years. Last time I went the threatened to throw me out for going to fast. I thought that was the point.  So sad on the K front. I cant imagine how difficult that must be.
Hugs Gina

In my experience, the HP to weight ratio often dictates the winner.  If everyone weighs the same, and the cars are identical (not a real world scenario), the most aggressive driver that can maintain control often wins (unless someone spins them out). 

So, I had a text today from my bank telling me to check the 3 last transactions should there have been fraud. It was kicked off by an unsolicited payment taken from my account in dollars from the US. It had been declined.

Well I confirmed that all three transactions were requested or expected to be taken from my account.

What was the US payment?

My subscription to MLB to stream live baseball for this new season yay.

With the lost years here I guess there are few mentions of how I fell in love with baseball in 1978 after being taken for my first experience by my work hosts during a trip to an eastern state. I have supported that team since then, that's 46 years.

Can you guess the team?

I bet the reader would say Yankees with all there success, the Manchester United of baseball. But no, it was the Red Sox, the team that had not won the World Series in a century. And 26 years of my support until they did it in 2004.

I will be supporting them again this year. I am not following spring training as last year Boston was top of the grapefruit league only to come last in AL East. I will pick it up on opening day.

Let's go Red Sox !!!

Hugs
Xxx

I bought a new bra yesterday, the girls are getting too big to freestyle anymore.

Since I have been taking Progesterone they have definitely filled out more and I am fully filling a 38D.

I aways find it difficult to find a bra that fits and looks and feels right. Maybe it's the places I go, but they all seem to be armour plated, thinking of Brunhilde for some reason, whereas I like no underwire and soft, natural.

I again did not have much choice but found a full support bra. It's very comfortable and works a chocolate covered peanut. But it's not sometime I can wear if I am showing off my wares lol. It will do to go under a lot I of what I wear. If I could send a pic of what I have on today I would but until Tapatalk is available it ain't 'appending.

What it would show is how my shape has developed over the years and perhaps for the first time my shape is as good as my confidence.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

I aspire to be a 38D.  ;D
Still at 38B. I have so many bras that I really like, but can't wear them. My size keeps going up and down. In winter, I hibernate and spend more time indoors. Weight goes up. The weather warms up and I am outside more. Then when May comes around I am out gold mining and working hard, more weight loss. And of course, all the weight fluctuations happen up top. {sigh}

Marks and Sparks for me, 40C . Have found some very comfy ones, under T shirt ones are good for day wear I find.

Nothing at M&S online, for tea shirt bra, non wired, non padded. Maybe everyone wants padded these days.

Jessica xxx

Not needed to look lately ,thats what they used to have.

They have gone down hill lately. The knickers I used to buy, very comfortable, they don't do anymore. Now they are either skimpie things or full briefs. I am too old for the first and too young for the latter lol.

Kay had been buying from them too, and she cannot find anything right either. I have more choice at the supermarkets.


Xxx

It's Sunday and with last week being very productive work wise, I have been able to relax a bit. Socially last week was **** as I had no one to physically talk to. At least next week will be better on that front.

So with relaxation comes thought. A time to think about things. I was out shopping when at two separate instances I saw young girls, and it instantly made me think about what it would have been like to be them, like them, at that age. A life missed.

Some time ago I used one of these face apps to see what I may have looked like when a teenager. I could see my mother when she was of that age in the result so maybe it could have been near to true. I will temporary change my avatar to one of those pictures.

If I had the same confidence then too as I have now I think I would have been quite popular lol.

So what would have been my life, maybe I would not have gone to university but fitted into the norm then (60's) of working to wait for marriage. Getting married hopefully to a good man and having a family. Now in my later years I would look back on those times to say it was a good life.

Or what if I was determined to get an education, my mother had always wished she had had the opportunity to do better. She had done well but more in the late 40's than the 60's, girls were very much expected to get married and in doing so give up work.

So I think she would have been as supportive of me being a girl as she was with person I was at the time. So I went to university what next. So many paths most leading to similar conclusion marriage, children, career deferred broken lost. What course Would I have done, the 70's was not good for women in STEM, a word that did not exist then.

I think you are getting my drift and thoughts. My life would most likely been very different but even so it would have been a life that was the real me, being and doing things that would have been me as a woman and regardless of the path taken I think I would have been very very happy and not the mess I have been throughout the years.

Hugs
Jessica
Xxx

Quote from: Jessica_K on March 03, 2024, 02:34:17 AM... I was out shopping when at two separate instances I saw young girls, and it instantly made me think about what it would have been like to be them, like them, at that age. A life missed...

Oh wow, you hit me right in the feelings! I have thought that so often myself. I do play the "What If" game in my head. I always have mixed feelings about it. Yes, a life lost. But I am who I am today because of those life experiences. I don't know if my life would have taken a different path, but I think it might have. As you pointed out, we live in a different time now. Thanks for sharing!

Hugs

I know it's dangerous but I have been thinking again.

Waiting, why am I aways waiting. I waited far too long before the start of my transition as I did not want to disappoint people and always put others first. I am still waiting for the NHS provided help after getting on the list for nearly 4 years.

I waited to officially change my name because of difficulties at home though I had used my name socially. I waited for my driving licence change. I waited 6 months to get my gender changed on the NHS.

I am now waiting for the doctors letter to change my passport gender and name then wait again for the passport office to say I am worthy to make that change. I am waiting to see if I could expedite my NHS referral. And if I am lucky then I will be waiting for that appointment to get a surgery referral followed by waiting to get the surgery.

Even little things I am starting to get irritable about like waiting for my next medication, the chemist to contact me for payment. 

To be honest I am tired of waiting and should I just give up. Accept I have gone as far as I can. The system designed to grind you down is grinding me down.

Oh I am fine, I have a good life being who I want to be, probably better than many but I really want more before it's too late and I am feeling it is too late. Time is rushing by the older I get, it's going too fast now againt the powers that be's slow clock.

I have really tried hard to be positive to push against the state, to be proactive but it seems the more I push the less happens.

I think it's time to go to sleep so to tick another day of waiting off my calendar.

Hugs
Jessica

Government healthcare.  It good to have the government pay for it.  Unfortunately, that always seems to result in the government controlling it through bureaucracy.  And, that always seems to end up in waiting, sometimes until you are dead. 

In the U.S., it is super expensive.  If you can pay for it, it can be pretty quick.  If you can't, you don't even get the hope of waiting for the government to provide it. 

Trade offs.

I have always felt that way and not just with my transition. It seems like I am always waiting for someone else to do their job so I can get on with my life. I feel you on that.
I am usually an optimistic person, but it weighs on me too. When it starts bugging me I go do something I enjoy to take my mind off it. You are not alone. Hugs!

Quote from: REM.1126 on March 07, 2024, 08:36:00 PMGovernment healthcare.  It good to have the government pay for it.  Unfortunately, that always seems to result in the government controlling it through bureaucracy.  And, that always seems to end up in waiting, sometimes until you are dead. 

In the U.S., it is super expensive.  If you can pay for it, it can be pretty quick.  If you can't, you don't even get the hope of waiting for the government to provide it. 

Trade offs.

Waiting until you are dead or never being able to afford it, what is the difference! Also watch this space if trends continue the NHS could stop gender care for adults as it has already done for youths. Either way if can afford it you can get it.

Once you get referred you usually have a "fast track" to surgery, 8 months for me. Hang on in there dear it will happen. 

I feel your pain Jessica. Any time the Govt. gets involved the less things get done. Don't let it grind you down girl. As a late starter myself, I want all the surgeries done yesterday so I can live the rest of my life as a woman. I filed for a name change in November and still waiting, hopefully it will happen in April. Its so easy to get discouraged in this journey. It seams everything is designed to weed out the less determined. We are here with you. Hang in there.
Hugs Gina

This weekend has been very good.

Friday night started the weekend and I got back from my week in Chelmsford. Kay had been staying at our friends S&S as they were on a cruise in Norway and she cat and house sitting. I was to bring over fish and chips as I got back. This meant there was nobody home and I come home and get changed instead of doing it in the car. Had dinner with Kay, then back home.

Saturday morning I had arranged to visit my friend Jules to do some speaker comparisons between my speakers and candidates to replace them for the show in October. We need to focus. Jules only know Jess so great for me to be able to just get up and dress normally for the day.

Kay had chores including seeing the ancient aunt buts was coming home in the afternoon. I spend a bit too long at Jules but all was good when I got home, only this time I had to change in the car as K was already home. We went out that night for dinner yum.

I said "come back to mine for a drink" and she said "yes". It was like dating all over again. I took her back to S&S place to two starving cats. Came home and found she had left her phone at home, so off I went back to give it to her as we had arranged to go out on Sunday.

Sunday arrived and I was expecting a parcel, my meds. I had to be home for delivery so got up and dressed as Jess. Only thrown on clothes and my hair. No makeup. As soon as the parcel had arrived I changed and went to pick up Kay.

We spent quite a bit of time viewing a NT house nr Guildford called Hatchlands that contained a huge collection of keyboard. Dating from the 17c to the 19th, with providence to some of the most famous composers in their age. Including, Liszt, Chopin, Mahler, and JS Bach. Amazing instruments and all but one of the collection tuned and playable with regular concerts in the music room.

One was from the kings own private collection, one owned by the NT but all the others in the huge collection privately owned by the occupants of the house.

We intended to see the gardens and go for a walk in the massive estate grounds that surround the house, but it was raining hard (will it ever stop raining?). So we had lunch in the cafe and drove home.

I cooked a veg curry for us that I made tasty but no heat (a small amount of chilli just to get a tingle) that she ate, so could not been that bad. Then after another cuppa I took her back to S&S's place to feed the cats again.

Is this defining? Could it be best for us to live apart but see lots of each other as dates? Could I possibly be myself during these times instead of having to change? The later is probably a step too far.

Tomorrow I will get up dress as me and spend the day working, and same Tuesday but after dressing start my week of being away again till Friday. Jess is having a great time.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

I knew a couple many many years ago, that seemed happily married. After a year they divorced but continued to see each other. They truly loved each other and got married again, then later divorced again. They finally realized that they loved each other and enjoyed each other's company, but just could not tolerate being married to each other. They came to see me for counseling and it turned out they were both introverts. So they loved socializing with each other but needed time apart to recharge. From the outside, it seemed strange, but anyone who knew them understood how much they cared for each other. They had a happy monogamous separated relationship. Moral of the story: Whatever works.

Hugs!

I wrote a long story of my day. Then deleted it. It was too long. So I thought I will just sum it up.

Bad GD day, triggered by a lack of hope.

I spoke of the waiting game before, this something different. It's the waiting for simple things to happen.

Like my doctor and that letter I need for passport that was promised and heard no more. Should I email again? but will that annoy them for being pushy.

Like the GIC no response to my GP's letter and are they going to do anything about my referral. Do I call them but will I get bad news and not sure I could cope with that.

Like my endo, to get them to send a bloods request to my GP and hope it will arrive in time or I will have to go private again.

All this and work stress, and relationship stress and no wonder I flare up.

Tomorrow is another day.

Jessica

I am with you right there, Jessica.

Everyone has their battles to fight. The stress, hopelessness. frustration. I think we all feel that.
The key is to keep your eye on the prize. You will get there, just maybe not as fast as you want. Be persistent, but not pushy. Never second-guess yourself. You got this. Just be strong and know that others have walked this path before us, so you can too.

Hugs!

Another stress I could do without.

This are the final few days of working under the old company name, and having a new contract of employment with the company that acquired us.

Along side the contract is the requirement for everyone to be security checked again. This starts with the basic BPS (who you are and if you have a crime record) and extends to a BPSS, the lowest level of security check to work with low level gov or defence documents.

So my first attempt to get the BPS failed as I could not get the app to scan my driving licence. My second attempt managed to get the licence scanned and app crashed. Attempt number 3 pending.

The BPSS however requires a proof of nationality that requires a passport or a Birth Certificate. This is my stress point as both of these documents are in my deadname and gender, plus the passport has a photo before transition. I have to show this at work and I am dreading it incase I get outed due to someone that shouldn't see it does such as a photocopy not removed quick enough.

What I find even more stressful is that if other people did there jobs I would have an updated passport by now. I have been trying for 3 months to get the required doctors letter to apply for the passport gender update. GRRR.

I currently not going to attempt to get my birth certificate changed as that is very long winded, 2 docs letters, and proof of continuous living in your required gender for 2 years. A lot of documents to find, and when I looked recently a number of suitable docs have my name but is genderless ie no title. Plus everything is online now so getting originals is far more difficult. The whole thing is geared to be as difficult as possible.

So stress of still waiting for everything compounded with stress of the BPSS is not doing my mental health any favours.

Some good news, I was in a B&B this week a 17c Manor House and the breakfast was good. Food was OK but the company of guests and owner was lovely. I was in my element being such a social animal and getting passing confirmations. Being stealth for close to 5 years now, I still get a little high when I get the confirmation of being a woman. Probably something I will always get

Hugs
Jessica
Xxx

Can't sleep,

I am wide awake @ 3am, and I need to be up at 6am for my 100 mile trip to work.

Why I can't sleep? Cos so much is going around my head. Still no response for my request for a docs letter for a passport update. More battles with the NHS to attempt to get surgery and it looking more and more that I will not get it unless I go private and no chance of that.

I am in limbo and losing hope rapidly. If I was 20 years younger I know I would take all this in my stride. "It will happen at some time" would be my hope for the future. But I don't seem to have that hope anymore, still years of waiting, getting older, getting to old, perhaps losing my health in the waiting years.

I would say I am wondering why I get up in the mornings but for that I have to sleep. I am beginning to think this is the end of my journey.

The NHS would love for my mental state to deteriorate as then they can deny treatment. But this is putting a big stress on it. So giving up is probably better. I will keep taking the pills, keep spending my days as an incomplete woman for as long as I can but this is not the life I was hoping for. 

Jessica

Quote from: Jessica_K on March 18, 2024, 10:27:14 PMCan't sleep,

I am wide awake @ 3am, and I need to be up at 6am for my 100 mile trip to work.

Why I can't sleep? Cos so much is going around my head. Still no response for my request for a docs letter for a passport update. More battles with the NHS to attempt to get surgery and it looking more and more that I will not get it unless I go private and no chance of that.

I am in limbo and losing hope rapidly. If I was 20 years younger I know I would take all this in my stride. "It will happen at some time" would be my hope for the future. But I don't seem to have that hope anymore, still years of waiting, getting older, getting to old, perhaps losing my health in the waiting years.

I would say I am wondering why I get up in the mornings but for that I have to sleep. I am beginning to think this is the end of my journey.

The NHS would love for my mental state to deteriorate as then they can deny treatment. But this is putting a big stress on it. So giving up is probably better. I will keep taking the pills, keep spending my days as an incomplete woman for as long as I can but this is not the life I was hoping for. 

Jessica

Jessica -

I'm so so sorry you're dealing with all that! Please don't give up hope, though. As you mentioned, that's always what the powers-that-be want... it makes it easier for them when people just give up because of all the walls they put up. Continue to be a rabble rouser.  ;D

But most importantly, you were a complete woman the day you were born. You've spent your life on the journey to get all the pieces aligned in a way that makes you the most fulfilled, and that's valid and wonderful... and while you're a beautiful woman now, if there's more that you personally need, then your journey continues. However please never for a second feel that at whatever point in the journey you are makes you somehow "incomplete." Nothing could be further from the truth.

Love,
Allie

The 2 "old boys" I worked with when I started work in 1970 (they had both fought in the 2nd WW) had a saying, don't let the b*****ds wear you down. Be a PIA and prod them with a sharp stick.

Don't give up hope Jessica. There are many alternatives to get letters for surgery. I had my therapist write the 1st one, then through some miracle a friend of a friend said her friend would write one for me for free. She had the credentials and hated the system so she was writing letters. There is also online places like Plume. You must sign up for a month or pay a small fee to get it done. There is also going to a psychiatrist and paying an office visit, not always the cheapest way, but another way. Good luck as you find the key to unlock the gate keepers fence. They want to make sure only the determined get through.
Hugs Gina

Jessica,

I know exactly how you are feeling. We each follow a different path, even if it is going in the same direction. I have experienced very similar frustration and depression, feeling stuck and wondering if it will ever happen for me. Try to see how far you have come, not how distant the goal. It is frustrating to realize that others are unwilling or unable to work as fast as we would like them to. It sucks, but it does not mean it won't happen. Go easy on yourself. Be patient. Send friendly reminders that you are still waiting. Hang in there, Sister. You will get there and we will rejoice with you when it happens.

Hi Jessica

It's frustrating to hear the delays that the 'government and doctors' impose upon you to get or achieve what you want.  It seems that they are deliberately making it hard. 

It took time to get the government to change its position on granting the paper work for 'trans' people.  It seems they were dragging their heels before hand and now that you can change your documents, they still are dragging their heels.

I tried to get my GRC in 2010 I mentioned in some of my post when  was previously on Susan's and it failed.  I did not care at the time and went on with my life.

When I needed to renew my British passport, not having my GRC came to bite me severely on the backside.  Long story short I had to submit original documents which is embarrassing enough for me and it took just over 4 months to get my new British passport.

Yes getting surgery in America, Britain and even Australia can be expensive.  However, even 2010, there was talk about getting surgery in Thailand and the cost was considerably much less and still is.

So push to get those documents changed and they will allow you to pursue your dreams and give you the peace you deserve.  You are never too old to get what you want.

Lots of Love and Hugs
Sarah B

I have always been a glass half full type of girl.

I am very lucky that I look mega younger than I am. I work with guys and girls under half my age and I feel like and relate like them. Today was my BPSS day and Em and I went into the board meeting room to do it. Em is very nice, very discrete and one of the very few that knows my background. I got through it though I did at the point of her scrutinising my passport feel like bursting into tears. It was interesting as she checked all the many features of the passport and my driving licence to check for fakes. Of course she knew the documents are genuine but had to go through them and she said it gave her practice on all the different versions of passports, having recently been trained in the security role.

She remarked how she could not believe my date of birth against how I look. It's a genes thing, my eldest daughter is the same and although she is 46 she easily passes for late 20's and rocks in a miniskirt. Em and I had a lovely girl chat after, we do not usually have time to chat.

I mentioned the first time I met her, she was on maternity leave and came in to the office with her new baby. It's funny how you remember things like that. Sam is now 5 and still the darling of the office when he comes in.

So why am I mentioning this, well it's was a bad day made good by others and based on the theme of age. My post yesterday was a rant of despair of age over surgery. Sure things will happen in the slow cogs of the NHS maybe two or three more years time but forget my photos (they are real no photoshop of FaceApp) I am 71, and it's that background that is the scene of my despair 74, 75 maybe before they get to me. Then the limited recourses of the NHS, my possible health, etc will surgery be offered? This why I feel this year is probably my last chance.

I "pulled" another 30 yo man today lol. We are both staying in the same hotel tonight and I asked where was he going to eat. He said probably at the hotel. I said I was going to a nice place in Welwyn and would he like to join me as I would be alone. He said yes and we had a lovely meal. I have come a very long way from the person I was before I transitioned I love the way I am now I know I am all woman but there is a piece of jigsaw missing that is so important to me.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

One of my discussions with my Endo was my concern that I needed to have my surgery done soon since I am not getting any younger. (I turn 67 this year). She said that age is not a factor when considering SRS. All that matters is your health. If you are generally healthy without underlying conditions (heart problems, etc.) then there is no reason you cannot have the surgery.

My father underwent four 6-hour back surgeries in four years when he was in his mid 80's. Don't fret about time passing you by. Just stay healthy and prepare for the day when it's your turn. You can do this.

Hugs.

It's been a nice week, after my dinner on Tuesday. I had another with my best friend (N) Wednesday. This time my Indian (toy boy lol) friend and I had a pizza from Pizza Express a really good chain that specialises on thin Italian pizzas. I was not expecting to get time with N as he had a chess match that day but as we left work (more later) early and he was being picked up at 7pm we managed to fit it in. Another friend has called me a floozy lol.

As to why work finished early. It was the onboarding all hands meeting in Luton due to the pending demise of the company I work for and the start of working for the new on 1st April. There were stalls where you could get info about different aspects of the new company ways of work. I am all prepared.

So it ended about 3pm and I went to N's flat for a while before heading out for the meal.

I eventually managed to work out how the work benefits system worked as we had to end of this month to select them. They are quite generous, including private heath insurance (no gender care) and life insurance. Plus I selected a good dental package too as I need quite a bit of dental work.

An interesting option is the lifestyle account, any part of my benefit that I put into it can be used as a refund for any lifestyle activity including gender reassignment.

Ok it's not going to fund anything big but I can use it to help playing for my endo or meds. I cannot put much in this year as I put a lot in dental, but next year I can reduce that cover and put in enough to pay for my endo yay.

Home now, trying very hard here to be good and back to male clothes (with BIG boobs, painted nails, and jewellery lol). So today we will try and get to London and hit the art galleries.

Back to work Monday to Thursday and staying at my favourite apartment, the barn.

Hugs
Jessica
Xxx 

Success, got to London.

Although there were obstacles in the way we made it to Millbank in London the home of the Tate Britain Art Museum. The obstacle of note was a 40min delay on the A3 due to an accident.

We went to TB for a specific exhibition that we both very much wanted to see, that of John Singer Sargent. A very influential portrait artist of the 19th/20th century that dictated fashion.

It was less of the subject more of the dresses and clothes he dressed them in for the paintings. There were some of the original dresses there too. Some I would have loved to wear.

On the way home we stopped for dinner at a Persian Restaurant where we had a really tasty meal. Then an uneventful drive home. The first trip to London (50 mile drive + tube underground) for 4 years.

Hugs
Jessica
Xxx

Good news and meh news

Starting with the meh news. 1st April we from the old company are absorbed into the new one. 100 of us added to the 3.5k of the company that took us over.

Big company comes big company stupid corporate rules. Such as accommodation. The maximum allowed for a hotel room is fixed but food etc can be claimed for. So a room that's just inside the limit without breakfast, the breakfast can be claimed even though the room with breakfast (total cheaper but over the limit ) is not allowed.

And even more stupid my favourite apartment is £7 over the daily rate so not allowed even though I would be self catering and not charge any additional expenses. But I have that room with no breakfast plus lunch plus dinner all on expenses. Stupid corporate mentality.

The good news I finally have my doctors letter so I can get my passport changed to my name and gender. Yay now to send of the docs.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

Ps do you think there is a case for claiming continuous restaurant food is not healthy?

A pleasant surprise today.

Regular readers know 2 things about me, first, I am stealth and pass when I am away from home, girl mode. Second I have to be boy mode when at home.

Today in the local chippy before going home while in boy mode I had a male fail. Kay had made me have an old man's haircut some time ago and my male fails stopped. Hair must have grown.

Can hardly wait for Monday a bank holiday in the UK and I am meeting up with my toy boy in London. We are going to Tate Britain as he really wants to see the exhibition I saw last week and I really want to be with him lol 0y of me lol

Hugs
Jessica
Xxx

Just added 2 more Kate Spade bangles to my collection taking the total to 4.

I needed to spend something on me and cannot resist a bargain. 50% off as clearance and another 30% off on promotion yay.

I will post a picture when they arrive.

Hugs
Jessica. Xxx

Today is Saturday, today is Saturday. I am having to repeat this to stop thinking that it's Sunday. I had already got up to watch a politics Sunday show and Duh, it's Saturday

Why do I feel it's so, well easy really. I came home from my travels Thursday, yesterday was a bank holiday so seemed like the first day of the weekend, so logic says today is Sunday lol. 4 days off is super, but blows my mind

Hugs
Jessica
Xxx

I have to check on the calendar, A just in case I have slept through a whole day B retired so everyday is the same.

Tonight it was a night out at the Chinese with our besties S&S, a lovely meal and company.

During the meal I had a WhatsApp message from my daughter C saying my grandson I had been selected again to represent Sussex in the 8u inter country tennis tournament. Great news

C asked how things were at home and it made me think (I answered that things were good). Things were good, but why?

It's been strange, K has kinda switched from being very cold, not wanting to be with me, angry even to being back to "normal". Having fun together, spending time together. This is amazing we are definitely friends. But we are also apart, not in her eyes married, she does not wear her rings, when I mentioned I was going to London on Monday (she was off to Maidstone) and I was meeting N she was fully OK with it. In the past that would have caused an argument or a sulk and would have spannered the whole weekend.

Then when I mentioned that I had an invite to TJ's birthday party (other grandson) she said "you do not have to get permission from me" then followed with "I guess the invite is only for you" "I do not know what they have against me"

I could have gone a lot further with that "cos you will not let me be myself" "they wanted Jessica not deadname etc but I eased up on that.

None of this phased her, we carried on with our weekend together enjoying our company.

So what has happened, as she realised we are good together but I am who I am and is living with that. Well that's good for me.

It's not all roses, we live together we do things together but I have to be deadname. When we are apart I can be Jessica and it's OK. She will never accept me in her life but I can be me outside of it. No hiding anymore.

Hugs
Jessica
Xxx

I don't know, Jessica. It almost sounds like she might be coming around in her own time. Everyone has their own process and timeline. You had a good time together, so chalk that in the "win" column. Be patient and see how it goes. I'm rooting for you.

Hugs!

Well K has surprised me again.

We have had a lovely quiet Easter Sunday listening to classical music and relaxing. We both spent a little time on our phones but commenting on our chats and what's going on.

She had been looking at fashion and sales when she turned to me and showed me a lovely yellow handbag. She often shows me things she finds but this time and here comes the surprise. She adds "here is one for you".

My jaw almost dropped to the floor. This was the first time she had recognised that I was trans and would love to wear a bag like that.

It has definitely made my day.


Hugs
Jessica
Xxx

That is awesome!

Hugs!

I had a really lovely day out with my friend N.

The plan was to meet up at Pimlico tube station, I was on time but N had missed his train so was going to be late. No probem. I walked to the TATE, spent the time in the members bar having a cup of tea. We chatted on WhatsApp until he went underground. I sent him a picture of me in my lovely summer dress and new necklace joking so you recognise me.

I wanted to use the pic as an avatar, but it would not upload. Never mind. When he arrived we went to see the Sargent exhibition, I had seen it last week, but enjoyed it just as much as last time maybe more as I was with N. I also wanted to see the women in revolt exhibition, not so much art as a history lesson of the women's lib movements of the 70's and 80's. It was hard going, after, I asked N what India was like for his mother and interestingly he said that it was quite progressive in the cities, his mother became an accountant.

Looking at this exhibition, that documented how hard it was for women back then and I had lived through it with the male privilege that they did not have kinda made me think I was a fraud. Not of being a women now but not being a woman then. It was very thought provoking.

A couple of subjects covered is coming back after the hard fought rights seemed to have been won. The big one is abortion. In the US in particular and "coming to a country near me soon"  is the removal of women's right to abortion, to have control of their own bodies and not dictated to by men. Worst still the number of women that agree with it too. I may be a new woman but I do not understand that.

The other is free contraception. In the UK this is still easy to get, but if I am not wrong, although there is still a legal right to contraception is there not a movement to restrict it by the religious right in the US?

What is so obvious was the lack of social media in the day. Pamphlets duplicated and handed out, hand printed and distributed magazines. None of which were that apparent unless you knew, same for Gay rights and the totally unheard of transsexualism (a word of the day)

Where would I have been if I had been born a girl (as much as I had always dreamed of being) brought up in the 60's and 70's. I hope I would still have gone to university and still read physics after all that was where I met my first wife.

I would hope too that I would have been radical. After all I am as radical as I can be today. But the powers that be have the upper hand here with the threat of being held in a male prison if arrested for breach of the peace, a catch all for stopping protest.

Ok enough of the heavy stuff, after the gallery we took the tube back one stop to Victoria and had a super meal at ZIZZI's (Italian) had pizza and a long talk before heading home.

Hugs
Jessica
Xxx

Jessica,


Is a train "tube" station for high speed rail? 


Chrissy

It's the London underground train network Chrissy, like the subway or metro and is a great way to get around London. Its nickname is the tube. It was opened in 1863 using steam trains and is the oldest in the world.

I have been on it once back in the 70s when it was still the old red clunky carriages, male privilege? not sure it existed that much in the country side where I was brung up as the men did as they were told by the women. Strong willed country women, watch your step!!

Quote from: Jessica_K on April 01, 2024, 09:10:38 PMIt's the London underground train network Chrissy, like the subway or metro and is a great way to get around London. Its nickname is the tube. It was opened in 1863 using steam trains and is the oldest in the world.

That is interesting. Is it true that beer is served warm in England?

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on April 02, 2024, 01:04:51 PMThat is interesting. Is it true that beer is served warm in England?

Chrissy

That is not exactly true, it's served not chilled. British beer has a lot of hoppy and bitter flavours that would be lost if chilled. However, the lighter lagers and blondes are chilled.

Jessica xxx

That's what I like about German beer (in Germany). The correct temperature is "basement" temp, not "room" temp. I have found that even American beer tastes better if they stop icing it.

One of the best pubs around here has a good cool cellar, I cant stand icy cold beer as it has no flavour to me.

Non-alcoholic beer seems to be catching on very strong in many parts of the USA.

Also ordered are a lot of "mocktails," which are not alcoholic.

In Europe a lot of house wine is served with many meals but it is not necessarily the better wines.  What you say about this if you are resident of Europe?

Chrissy

Is it true that a cola served in Europe is flat with no bubbles?

So if you want a cola similar to what you get in the USA, you must as for a "cola with gas?"  This may be true if the cola is served from a bar fountain and not from a can or bottle. 

Do the colas (same brand name of cola) taste the same in Europe and the USA if served directly from a can or bottle?

Chrissy

Yuk, cola is disgusting. And TBH I think most people would agree 

In order to make it palatable it has to be chilled to remove its taste. I question here, anyone like cola when it lost its cold?

Give me orange flavours any time.

Jessica
Xxx

I got a bottle of that bitter cherry flavour drink to take on the coach trip, what have they done to it? undrinkable. I like a well known in the UK blackcurrant but non in the shop when I wanted one.

Good water is my preferred drink. 

Chrissy

I also prefer water and find cola distasteful now. But I have to have my coffee in the morning.

I have to have coffee in the morning. No more than two cups. Throughout the day, I drink only natural spring water. If you read the labels on bottled water, you will see that they add two main ingredients. They purify it using reverse osmosis which removes all the minerals. Pure water has no flavor so they add stuff to make it taste better. Potassium chloride (salt) and a bicarbonate which is a buffering agent so you don't feel full. Salt makes you thirsty, but with the buffering agent, you can drink more.

I drink natural spring water because it is purified but still retains all of the natural minerals like iron, magnesium and such.

I don't care for colas, but I do enjoy root beer now and again. I'm having one now.  ;D

Quote from: LoriDee on April 03, 2024, 02:55:06 PMI have to have coffee in the morning. No more than two cups. Throughout the day, I drink only natural spring water. If you read the labels on bottled water, you will see that they add two main ingredients. They purify it using reverse osmosis which removes all the minerals. Pure water has no flavor so they add stuff to make it taste better. Potassium chloride (salt) and a bicarbonate which is a buffering agent so you don't feel full. Salt makes you thirsty, but with the buffering agent, you can drink more.

I drink natural spring water because it is purified but still retains all of the natural minerals like iron, magnesium and such.

I don't care for colas, but I do enjoy root beer now and again. I'm having one now.  ;D

Root beer can be good, plus it has no caffeine.

Chrissy

Mug of coffee first thing then its lemon green tea all day with maybe an Indian chai and ginger. No milk or sugar, I was put off milk by my teacher (nasty cow!) that made me drink warm milk when I could only just stomach cold. Should have puked it all over her----

Chai tea can be very soothing.  I drink it hot.  I do not drink it with added milk.


Chrissy

I do not drink coffee, tea is my favourite, generally English breakfast with milk no sugar, but rather partial to Darjeeling that I drink without milk.

Not a lover of water, but if I drink it it is either home filtered tap water or mineral water not this processed tap water by a well known American drinks company or other.

If I am in the US I do like a root beer too.

Time for a little moan lol
Every year this happens, the government increases the state pension on the 5th of April and every year I get paid on the 4th April meaning I miss out on the increase until next month. Grrr

Hugs
Jessica
Xxx

I tend to drink beer in the summer when it is hot and humid outside.  I like Lagers, and I like them cold.  How cold?  Not frozen, but cool enough to make the glass sweet.  Drinking room temperature beer is like drinking room temperature coffee.

"[Y]ou are neither cold nor hot. How I wish you were one or the other! So because you are lukewarm— neither hot nor cold— I shall spew you out of [m]y mouth!"   :)

Done it......

This morning I filled in the information online and paid the £82.50.

Then printed off the docs letter and a bank statement. Added them to my original deed poll and my passport and placed them in an A4 envelope.

Off to the post office, paid £3.80 postage and posted it off...

Now the wait hopefully in a few weeks time I will get my new passport in my name and gender F.

Fingers crossed the documents are accepted and it all goes smoothly.

Hugs
Jessica
Xxx

Quote from: Jessica_K on April 06, 2024, 11:12:50 AMDone it......

This morning I filled in the information online and paid the £82.50.

Then printed off the docs letter and a bank statement. Added them to my original deed poll and my passport and placed them in an A4 envelope.

Off to the post office, paid £3.80 postage and posted it off...

Now the wait hopefully in a few weeks time I will get my new passport in my name and gender F.

Fingers crossed the documents are accepted and it all goes smoothly.

Hugs
Jessica
Xxx

Jessica,

I hope it arrives safely and soon.

Chrissy

I am so happy for you!

How affirming is that to have a passport that identifies YOU the way that you identify yourself?
Hope it arrives very soon.

Hugs!

Jessica,

Your hairstyle looks nice on you.  Do enjoy the rest of your Sunday.

Chrissy

Thank you Chrissy

I am eating my breakfast and have little time before going to work.

The Cass report was published yesterday and if implemented and current both major parties are keen, it defines the end of transgender care until the age of 25 and is aiming to ban all NHS care for everyone

It's Florida+

If fact the report is almost a copy of the report produced for DeSantis to justify the bans there. It dismissed 100+ papers that showed the effects of transition, then saying there is no evidence that outcome improve for all that have transitioned and hence should not be allowed.

This "independent" report commissioned by our anti-trans government of course produces the result they desired.

The most dangerous statement in the report is "there is no evidence that outcomes improve when the transition path is taken. That's the death nail.

We have a general election coming up soon maybe this year, and the current government is most be removed to be replaced by another anti-trans one.

What about a move to Scotland as the only part of the UK that has shown to be sympathetic, but thay do not have full independence and the general election is likely to shift a more anti-trans position.

I will not go on, but it's going to be dire. This is not the UK that so many had shed their lives to protect.

Hugs
Jessica

So they are now investigating the adult clinics obviously to shut them down too

Plus the government (via a "research study) now demands all the health records for those that have transitioned via the GID clinic (NHS for under 18's)

More from the DeSantis playbook.

Also the media is going after the private clinics to shut them down by peer pressure.

The UK is not safe for trans people

A mass exodus of transgender refugees moving to sanctuary cities in California. You could claim asylum.

I would move but I can't afford it yet. <sigh> {key word = "yet"}

What I find so bad is the I am very patriotic, for king and country. I am not deserting my country. My country is deserting me.

Jessica, I am afraid that this is happening in every country that has been (if begrudgingly) at least somewhat hesitantly supportive of us.

I don't know what the actual facts are on how many are helped by transition, and by how much; but everyone here that has transitioned seems to believe it has been VERY positive.  So, that certainly helps shape my expectation as to a broader perspective.

I have seen some studies say that people who transition still have more problems than the cis-het average.  OK, so what?  Well, they read that as transitioning doesn't help.  That is like saying that you are in extreme pain and are given morphine, and now you are still in moderate pain; since the pain didn't completely go away, morphine is useless.  It would be an absurd position. If pain is unbearable, and doing something makes it bearable, it was worth the doing.

But, I can feel a reversal in the swing of the pendulum.  Things were improving, but I am afraid they are headed in the other direction.  To say that it is disturbing is an understatement.

I know I aways seem to sound like the end is nigh but I am afraid it will be soon in the UK for trans people. Yesterday in parliament all sides of the house has agreed with the Cass report, so there will not be any pushback.

Trans youth will be forced to have conversion therapies with the long waited anti conversion law to have exemption for trans gender treatments.

The no evidence of good outcomes (because they were all rejected) will mean that adult services will soon also be forced to ban medical transition for adults too on the NHS with threats of licence removal for private clinics if they continue to prescribe as they have already done for under 25s.

The Uk is toxic for trans people and we do not have any friends in power nor anywhere else in the country to go. It's like living in Florida but we cannot leave.

At least for the moment they have not changed the law on gender recognition and my request for gender change on my passport has been accepted. I am now going to apply for my GRC, in hope that it will protect me in the future.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

My thoughts and prayers are with you and all my sisters over yonder. Hang tough.
All we can do is wait for the pendulum to swing in our favor. This too shall pass.

I have my passport with a F in the "Sex" box. Yay.

I have also had a endo checkup, all good and stable, however I requested a change of T blocker. I could not stand the side effects of Spiro anymore. She was happy to change to CPA.

I don't think it's prescribed in the US for its side effects on the brain, however that was because the dosages given were way too high. The very small amount of 1/4 of a tablet every 2 days is really effective and safe.

Now the spiro is out of my system I am a new girl.

On Thursday last, Kay and I went to a local concert. The Bournemouth Symphony Orchestra (professional) at the guild hall Portsmouth. A super evening out and ended up on Portsdown Hill at 10pm to get burgers from the 24/7 burger van on the hill. I of course had a veggie option. We sat in the car overlooking Portsmouth from the hill nashing our grub.

We are doing it all again next Saturday, where the BSO and BSO chorus are performing Carmina Burana. Back on the hill after?

Today we with our friends, are going to Arundal Castle.

Things at home are improving, I still have to be in boy mode, but it's far more in the open, even to the point of saying how I like that handbag etc. that in the past would have had a face of thunder. Little steps.

Hugs,
Jessica xxx

Jessica,

Do you know if the documents were accepted?

Chrissy

Quote from: Jessica_K on April 06, 2024, 11:12:50 AMDone it......

This morning I filled in the information online and paid the £82.50.

Then printed off the docs letter and a bank statement. Added them to my original deed poll and my passport and placed them in an A4 envelope.

Off to the post office, paid £3.80 postage and posted it off...

Now the wait hopefully in a few weeks time I will get my new passport in my name and gender F.

Fingers crossed the documents are accepted and it all goes smoothly.

Hugs
Jessica
Xxx

Quote from: Jessica_K on April 15, 2024, 08:20:56 PMYesterday in parliament all sides of the house has agreed with the Cass report, so there will not be any pushback.

My wife and I have been so focused on her recovering from her April 1 prostate surgery, we didn't notice The Cass Review until yesterday. So upsetting!!!!!

Finally, this morning, we found several great rebuttals. My favorite (https://www.gendergp.com/response-to-the-cass-review/).

Such a relief to find like-minded people! Thank you everyone for being here, especially when such horrid events occur!

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on April 21, 2024, 06:27:41 AMJessica,

Do you know if the documents were accepted?

Chrissy

Yes Chrissy all accepted and I have the new passport.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

Quote from: Moonflower on April 21, 2024, 06:47:06 AMMy wife and I have been so focused on her recovering from her April 1 prostate surgery, we didn't notice The Cass Review until yesterday. So upsetting!!!!!

Finally, this morning, we found several great rebuttals. My favorite (https://www.gendergp.com/response-to-the-cass-review/).

Such a relief to find like-minded people! Thank you everyone for being here, especially when such horrid events occur!

It matters not the rebuttals, the damage is done, parliament has got what it wanted (and commissioned) and given it all the ammunition it needs to eventually shut down all trans care.

Jessica xxx

Looks like its how you read it, on GCare FB site it says it depends on the bits that are quoted. If your on FB look it up as its a good news source.

Never give up hope. There are voices fighting it.

I was just reading an article that The EU is supporting LGBTQ+ rights and that would apply to all member states. I'll see if I can find it again.

"A parliamentary assembly was held for the Council of Europe to reaffirm its support for the protection of LGBTQ+ rights across EU member states, and to discuss an adopted resolution.

"The resolution, based on a report by Belgium politician Christophe Lacroix, condemns the continued attacks on the freedom of expression against LGBTQ+ people and brands anti-queer policies a violation of ruling by the European Court of Human Rights.

Source: Former Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has shared a message of support for transgender people everywhere. (https://www.thepinknews.com/2024/04/19/jeremy-corbyn-lgbt-bravery/)

I didn't post it as a news item because I don't know if Pinks News is an approved news source.

Chin up!

Quote from: LoriDee on April 21, 2024, 03:41:54 PMNever give up hope. There are voices fighting it.

I was just reading an article that The EU is supporting LGBTQ+ rights and that would apply to all member states. I'll see if I can find it again.

"A parliamentary assembly was held for the Council of Europe to reaffirm its support for the protection of LGBTQ+ rights across EU member states, and to discuss an adopted resolution.

"The resolution, based on a report by Belgium politician Christophe Lacroix, condemns the continued attacks on the freedom of expression against LGBTQ+ people and brands anti-queer policies a violation of ruling by the European Court of Human Rights.

Source: Former Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has shared a message of support for transgender people everywhere. (https://www.thepinknews.com/2024/04/19/jeremy-corbyn-lgbt-bravery/)

I didn't post it as a news item because I don't know if Pinks News is an approved news source.

Chin up!

It would be good, but we are no longer in the EU and have no rights to go to a EU state, plus, there is a likelihood of the UK leaving the ECHR too if they go against the "supremacy" of parliament.

Well, crap!
I did not know that.

Refugee status is looking like the only option. Isn't Scotland more open? It would be closer, and you would have to drink more. I think it's the law there. LOL

Duh, it is part of the UK. But I thought I read that their laws were different somehow.

Quote from: davina61 on April 21, 2024, 03:35:43 PMLooks like its how you read it, on GCare FB site it says it depends on the bits that are quoted. If your on FB look it up as its a good news source.

It's not how we read it it's how the government reads it, and that has already stopped all medical gender care for under 18's, extended to 25 and looking into adult GIC's to do a hatchet job on them.

Sure it talks of providing timely care, but that care is to be mon medical conversion therapies, as it considers the main "cause" of being transgender is mental illness. It stops short of calling it a mental illness itself.

Quote from: LoriDee on April 21, 2024, 04:42:34 PMWell, crap!
I did not know that.

Refugee status is looking like the only option. Isn't Scotland more open? It would be closer, and you would have to drink more. I think it's the law there. LOL

Duh, it is part of the UK. But I thought I read that their laws were different somehow.

Yes Scotland does have different laws, but it's still part of the UK and UK government can block any laws made in Scotland that it does not like.

The Scot's passed a law that was to allow change of gender easy without any medical requirement, just by declaration. It also allowed this to be for anyone over the age of 16.

The UK government evoked it using Section 35 of the Scotland Act.

BTW, pink news should be allowed as a news source.

Here is some information for grants for surgeries that I found online:

https://jimcollinsfoundation.org/apply/


Criteria for selection is shown at the link above.


When is the deadline to submit applications?

The current grant submission deadline is August 15, 2024 at 11:59 PM EDT.

Request for information.

How to rob a bank?

I need cash quick to stop "bad people" from stopping me continuing on my journey.

UK news, a Tory MP, mis-appropriated funds to pay "bad people" that demanded it immediately and got his consistency aide to deliver it at night.

Jessica xxx

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on April 21, 2024, 04:59:23 PMHere is some information for grants for surgeries that I found online:

https://jimcollinsfoundation.org/apply/


Criteria for selection is shown at the link above.


When is the deadline to submit applications?

The current grant submission deadline is August 15, 2024 at 11:59 PM EDT.

Thank you Chrissy it is appreciated, but it is for US only. 

It's 2:30am and I am wide awake again.

I know I am depressed and this is why I cannot sleep. Things here in the UK are getting worse and worse. Every day the press are doing hatchet jobs against trans people, they are now going after the doctors that help, attempting ton force them to stop and storing up the mob to shut them down.

The latest is going after one of the rare GP's that proscribe HRT and blockers to under 25's. The whole practice is pro trans, but The Telegraph picks on the tdoctor that just happens to be trans himself implying he is corrupting the children. Day after day it's relentless.

MP, are calling for a public enquiry into the adult trans care with the obvious fit up that was done by the Cass report to ban trans care for adults. They are going after the gender rights act, the UK human rights act. It's open season on trans people who just want to be left alone.

There is no one on our side, and those that are hounded by the press and the government. It's big business from the US that's funding the hatred. The same that has taken over the right wing GOP states.

I waited so long to start to live my life as I wanted. I thought the tide had turned, gay marriage had pushed the way. Rights for trans people meant I would not lose my job, be discriminated against, forced out of my house, these were the things of the past. But it's all likely to come back.

And guess what? Some of the worse anti trans people are gay and lesbian. You would really think that with what they went through would mean they were sympathetic to us.

I really hope this all goes away, never happens, all blows over in time. But time is not on my side.

I am glad I have here to write my story. One day I will not be here and at least I have it written down.

Jessica

Yes, a backlash is happening.  Of course, where I live it never got better, so the backlash is getting worse than ever.

So sorry to hear all that Jessica. The more I read about that awful Cass study, and how the UK really has become ground zero for the Terf movement... it makes me so sad.

Social media is one thing, that's a cesspool. But what's happening there is people really making concerted efforts to dismantle rights. I do hope smarter heads prevail.

Until then, please be careful and live your life among those you love as best you can.

Everyone's rights are under threat now.  But, we seem to be on the bleeding edge.

In all the gloom, there was a little ray of light. I had done my usual change to non female clothes to black skinny jeans and a Queen Elizabeth Cunard polo. Ok not the most male.

My hair has grown a bit, and i went into the chippy to get me some dinner after a 3hr drive home. On the way out two guys were coming in, they held the door and said "there you go love"

It's all in the hair, and the big boobs lol.

I used to have a lot of male fails before I had to male cut my hair, this is the first for some time.

On another subject, I believe K has finally accepted me. When I left on Monday I had got dressed female to save changing in the car and she never gets up until I had left. But this Monday she came done and saw me "oh I thought you had left" she said. I said "I had a lot to get in the car" "drive safe and remember to put tracker on".

A few months ago she would have had a face like thunder, and would have stormed upstairs. This is one of many hints.

Plus we are now great friends. I do not want to push it too hard, but I feel we can talk now.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

That is great! I'm so happy for you.
It is always a wonderful thing to be accepted for who you are.

It's a long weekend this week as Monday is as bank holiday. So far it's been super.

Saturday was a day where I was a muppet. It was a day where we were taking the ancient aunt to have her Covid jab. We were also doing an experiment to see if she can get into K's car as we have been swapping cars as K thought the X1 was too high for her.

We took both cars just in case when we got to the AA's house K asked where are the keys. At that point we realised I had left them in the door at home.

Well she easy got into K's car and I dashed off home to check the door K took the aunt for her jab and K and I were to meet up on the hill for lunch. Yes I had left the keys in the door.

After locking up I drove to the hill, it was very busy. I managed to park but was concerned that K may not get one. So I stood in a gap between the last parked car and the burger van, there was room for 2 cars. If anyone wanted to park I would have moved, but no one did lol. Kay got the space and we got lunch, sitting in K's car to eat.

After eating we decided on the way back we would get some shopping and drove off. When we got to the supermarket Kay said "we have abandoned your car on the hill" doh.

Anyway we did the shopping then drove back to the hill to get my car.

Sunday was a day of cinema and dinner.

We had tickets to see a live stream of the opera Carmen from the royal opera house in London, at a cinema close by. We saw the encore as the stream was Wednesday and I was working. It was super, loved it.

3 hours later and about 6pm we went to a Raymond Blanc restaurant. We had a lovely waitress. Ordered our food. When the starter was finished the waitress came round to collect the plates she said how's was that ladies. I chuckled to my self saying how nice the food was.

Then after the mains she returned and asked how they were. Again we said how good it was, she followed up with and would you ladies like desert. We said yeas and had the dessert menu, when she left K said to me. "Did she call us ladies?" I said yes and for the second time, are you Ok. She said no, and I could tell she was slightly put out, but was quicky put aside and we carried on with our conversations and had another chuckle. As Friday, another male fail lol.

Hugs
Jessica xxx