Quote from: LoriDee on May 07, 2024, 07:38:37 AMMy coach's initial assessment is my voice is in the mid to high male range. My laugh is similar, but my cough is awful. I gotta work on that too. 

That's a pretty good starting point, Lori!

Because the female voice isn't all about pitch... there are LOTS of women whose natural voice is right in that range you are in... but it's then a lot about the shape of your voice, meaning... pitch variability -- male voices tend to be more monotone, while female voices tend to move up and down the vocal range.

And you'll work on resonance... trying to feel your voice coming from your throat and not your chest... "raising up" your voice, and "opening up" your voice, so to speak... which adds more air to the way you speak.

I really enjoyed voice training and it just takes a few weeks for things to kind of click in place... and then it takes a lot longer to really perfect it, I'm sure. I know that once I'm presenting in public I am certain I will need to go back to my coach for a refresher to make sure I'm on the right path.

Good luck and so glad you're having fun!!!!

Glad to hear an arrest is imminent... if only to prevent this from happening to anyone else. I'm so very you've had to deal with all this.

Love,
Allie

Chappell Roan is an amazing new queer artist. The official music video for her song "Casual" is great!

https://youtu.be/AfSjnsYiY_A?si=4Y3QrW2XmLcfQZtd

Thanks Gina and Courtney. As I said, it isn't ideal, but I'm doing the best I can.  And, I have found that loving myself goes a long way towards not suffering. I spent decades hurting a lot, mainly self inflicted pain.

I worried a lot about being rejected by my parents and sisters.  Now, my father has passed, my mother has dementia, and my sisters and their children have completely shut me out of their lives.  But, while quite disappointing , it isn't really making me unhappy. 

Rejection doesn't hurt so bad when you love yourself.  I don't need other people's approval, I just need to do right in my own eyes.  For me, that includes doing what I believe God wants me to do.  I don't know what God wants me to do about Gender Dysphoria. But, I do know a lot of things I can do.  I can be kind, and helpful, and loving towards the people who choose to be around.  I can help the poor.  I can treat others as I would want to be treated.  And, I can try to be a positive force in the lives of those who allow it.

I'd love to relax in my favorite cloths, but not being able to isn't making me unhappy. Having my wife know that I am trans, and that I don't have to hide that fact from her and that she loves me is good.

Hey Norah - welcome!!

There are lots of great people here, and everyone will, of course, be happy to share our stories with you! You can read lots about everyone's successes and failures and everything in between... and ask as many questions as you like and it's really a wonderful community. You found the right place!

I would like to make one suggestion though? Not that long ago I was sort of where you were... only a bit deeper (in that I was married for nearly 30 years when I decided it was time). And the single best decision I made in this whole process was starting by connecting with a gender therapist.

I spent time understand MYSELF. Learning to forgive myself for all of this... to make all the disparate pieces of my life fit into the narrative that so clearly show that I was born trans, and dealing with this in one way or another since my earliest memories. Your journey, of course, will be different.

However, my point is - once I got THAT part accomplished, I spent time on the biggest thing, how/when to tell my wife. You only get ONE chance to have the biggest conversation of your life. So doesn't it make sense to do everything you can to prepare as much as you possibly can and give yourself the best possible chance of a positive outcome? There's obviously never a guarantee of anything... but if you have spent time with a therapist understanding yourself and preparing for the moment, at least you'll know you did everything within your power to give you the best chance of succeeding... and to make the event as comfortable and loving for your wife as you could.

I know that's a lot to take in, and I know how excited you are ... there's a thrilling nature to having decided that you're ready and wanting the rest of your life to start tomorrow. But all I am humbly suggesting is that maybe consider having what I mentioned be how you take that first step!

Welcome to the community! Hope to see you around!!

Love,
Allie

Hello Lilis!

Welcome to Susan's Place. You will find friendly people here with all kinds of experience. If you need information, advice, or support, we are here for you. As you check out other member's stories on their personal blogs, you may find experiences similar to your own. Perhaps you could start your own Member Blog to keep us up to date on what's happening with you. Share only what you are comfortable with, this is the internet. Glad to have you join us!

Lori Dee

Wow, Jessica.

You do have your plate full. I can understand better what you are going through now. Just remember to hit the pause button now and then. Take time for yourself and unwind a bit.

Hugs!

@FinallyTrans

Hello Norah,

I'm Lori Dee. Welcome to Susan's Place!

Congratulations! That is a big step and we all wish you the best. Since you are new here, allow me to give you our standard welcome with lots of information. Now that you have introduced yourself, perhaps you will want to start your own Member's Blog. That serves as your home here at Susan's where friends and followers can see how things are going with you, offer support and advice, or just stay in touch.

We strive to make this a safe place to find information and to share your thoughts and comments. We all come from different backgrounds and represent a wide range of experiences. No matter who you may be, you are always welcome at Susan's Place.

Please review the links at the end of this message, they include information that will help you navigate the site and use the available features. When you reach 15 posts, you will be able to send and reply to private messages and you will also be able to add an avatar to your profile. Until then if you have any questions about the Susan's Place site and the Forums, please feel free to contact me at  LoriDee605@outlook.com

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!

~ Lori Dee

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@Sarah B
@Northern Star Girl

Hello Lilis

My name is Sarah B   and I would also like to formally, Welcome you to Susan's Place!

You mentioned in your first posts:

Quote from: Lilis on Yesterday at 06:48:07 PMHi everyone, I'm Lilith or Lilis, and I'm thrilled to join this community! I'm a transwomen, but for as long as I can remember, there hasn't been one neat label that's felt quite right for our gender identity.  I say "our" because I share my body with a man, and we have walked a really exciting journey together  for many years. In this one body we both flow and change intermittently depending  on who is present, the changes and flow could be daily and (or) sometimes weekly, and just recently, the term 'gender fluid' has really resonated with us.

I looked up your name Lilith and the meaning, a very unusual and unique name,  what intrigues me is why did you choose such a name?  You don't have to say the reasons why.

We are all different in how we perceive ourselves.  I have always been female.  I could never walk in two shoes.  You are not the only one here on Susan's that is either gender fluid or binary.  If you are happy with who you are, then that is the most important thing in the whole world. 

Quote from: Lilis on Yesterday at 06:48:07 PMIt's has been a very challenging journey ever since puberty our body went through some changes, and developed some curvy feminine features those similar to cis-gender girls, and nothing like the other cis-gender boys. I think this was when I was discovered but I was ignore for many years after that. This new body brought a lot of confusion and embarrassment, the boys locker rooms was a nightmare to change clothes without being teased or stare at by other boys, also shirtless activities such as the beach and at the pool were also humiliating when people would stare and say hurtful things.

Given the description you have provided above, I would suggest if it is possible take a chromosome test as it could provide more information about why your body went through those puberty changes.  Other than hormonal imbalance.

It's sad that you had to endure being teased and stared at.  No one should ever have to be treated differently from others. 

Quote from: Lilis on Yesterday at 06:48:07 PMWe learned from the medical professionals a little bit of what was happening and they called it gynecomastia, and something about a hormone imbalance. Our father wasn't to happy about the news and wanted to get this fixed asap with surgery or with what ever means were available at the time. But mother convinced him to wait and see if it would go away after puberty. Luckily for me it never went away so we have been together ever since right into adulthood. During this time I would be suppressed, or ignored most of the time and not allowed to exist, but I was a constant reminder every time shirts came off in public and private body inspections.

It's good to hear that such drastic measures did not occur in your life.  Those feelings are always present and keep resurfacing until something is done about them.

Take me for example, the only feelings, I suppose if I was brutally honest occurred over a period of time from 1980 to 1989, my longing and wanting to be a female was growing stronger, however it did not affect me per se. It did not worry me that I was thinking about it. So I left family and friends in 1989, so that I could live my life as a female.  I still had those feelings when I was younger at certain times.

Quote from: Lilis on Yesterday at 06:48:07 PMFinally at around the age of 30 years old something changed. When our cis-gender girlfriend at the time was at work and we were both home alone we experimented with her clothes, wigs, makeup, and everything in her wardrobe. I think this was the turning point in the acceptance of me. Finally I was acknowledged and today we're both happy with each other, we live alone and like I said at the beginning of my post we share the same body intermittently depending who is present. Sometimes it's all me the other times it's all him, back and forth we go.

It's good to hear that you are able to share yourself with others and be acknowledged for who you are.  How you go about your life with opinions from others, if it makes you happy, the do it!  I was 30 years old when I changed my life around.

Quote from: Lilis on Yesterday at 06:48:07 PMWe joined this community because exploring the feminine side of us has been both exciting and confusing at times. This forum feels like a welcoming space where we can connect with others who understand the complexities of our gender identity. Also we are considering hrt feminization therapy as discussed with our therapist.

You have a wealth of experience and information here at Susan's, that I never had when I changed my life around.  I came to Susan's Place for the first time in 2010.  It was welcoming then, after leaving Susan's after a couple or years.  I have just come back and it's still welcoming.

Its good to hear that you are considering HRT yes it will feminise your features.  Just remember that whatever you decide to do.  It is up to you to make that final decision on what you do.

Quote from: Lilis on Yesterday at 06:48:07 PMOh, don't worry about him. It's not likely he will join the forum he is into other things that cis-gender men and transgender men enjoy. I can assure you every time that you see me post here it's because Lilith aka Lilis is present.

You can always tell us what he is up to.  We will not tell him, what you have told us about him.  Information that you tell us in PM (private messages) or on Susan's Discord Forum (private areas) will remain private between those individuals.

Quote from: Lilis on Yesterday at 06:48:07 PMAgain, I am happy to be here and thanks for having me.

No, we are happy to have another like minded soul, that can provide insight to others as other members can learn from your experiences.  In addition other members of Susan's will come along and more than likely will discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as most of us have experienced these as well.

Once you feel comfortable here, it would be appreciated if you add a little bit more about yourself in other forums and threads.  I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something from new members.

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!
Sarah B
Offical Greeter
@LoriDee
@Northern Star Girl
@ Lilis

Thanks, Courtney!

I found the dye online and ordered some. It arrives tomorrow. I have tried waxing, so I know what you mean. Ouch, but when I was camping I would spend hours yanking them one at a time. And it does take forever for them to grow out. At least the wax is quick. I am anxious to see how well it works. Let's compare notes! Thanx again for the tip!