Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So, I'm a male currently dating an f/m.  I met him (call him N) while he was dating a girl (call her J).  This was before N realized that he wasn't actually a she, they were together for 7 years, and to add to the impending ->-bleeped-<--storm, they were each others first.  Fast-forward a few years.  N and J live with me in the same apartment, N and J are both getting more miserable as J is unable to adjust to this new piece of information (the transgender).  J knows N likes me, and has said on multiple occasions that she's ok with it.  N and J both decide to break up.  J says it's ok for us to me and N to date.  We start dating, and now it turns out that J can't deal with life without that "dating" title.  I'm stuck in the middle, because I love N with all my heart, I care dearly for J, and N still loves J, the love has just altered form.  I have no ->-bleeped-<-ing clue what to do, and it hurts.

In this case the fact that someone in the triangle is trans has absoulty no bearing.

You are in a classic love triangle. You need to get the 3rd party out of your romantic relationship first and foremost. You can only keep one of them. Fate has put you in a pickle. Now you just need to figure out the one you need in your life. Personaly I always err on the side of my heart.

having been in a few triangles I think I can safely say there will be no easy clean way out of this. It will be messy and it will hurt.

I wish you the best possible of outcomes.

The French solution would be to just have a ménage à trois, that way everyone's happy. 

Quote from: tekla on June 15, 2011, 10:45:21 PM
The French solution would be to just have a ménage à trois, that way everyone's happy.

I thought of that but I don't know everyone involved morality issues so I just assumed the standard issue american morals set.

It's only kinky the first time.

A 3 way is a nice idea but it won't work.

This needs a different perspective.

J dumps N. N goes to i on the rebound. i is thrilled at the prospect of dating a lesbian with the possibility of N appearing as a really cute boy, sometime soon, so extra forbidden love.

J changes her mind. N never wanted to be dumped anyway and wants to go back to J. But i doesn't really want to give up the prospect of how he's hoping N will peform in the future.

Now, this might be a rather cynical perspective, but realistically, unless i has the maturity to walk away, all three are in for a whole lot of misery.

I dont know about that Spacial.
Sevan and I came togather as the result of a triangle.
It wasn't pretty and hearts were broken but the two of us are strong as steel.

Quote from: cynthialee on June 15, 2011, 10:40:46 PM
In this case the fact that someone in the triangle is trans has absoulty no bearing.

It sounds like it does a little since:

Quote
J is unable to adjust to this new piece of information (the transgender)

So that may have pushed her enough to end it off with N in the first place but maybe now she is more open to the idea? Or maybe she just needs to be in a relationship.

Are you guys all still living together?

Quote from: cynthialee on June 16, 2011, 09:34:48 AM
I dont know about that Spacial.
Sevan and I came togather as the result of a triangle.
It wasn't pretty and hearts were broken but the two of us are strong as steel.

I don't doubt there are exceptions. And you and Sevan are certainly one of the better ones. (Though I didn't, until now, know anything about your background. I presume you are not still involved in a 3 way. But if you are and it's working, then you will surely admit that that is unusual).

I was atempting to offer a different prespectrive. I may be wrong.

But taking this perspective a little differently, N is caught in the middle between J an i. At the end of the day, the question is how N will jump. i seems to be working on the basis that he needs to make a decision. But it's N that will decide this one, assuming both J and i both want to continue their relationship.

I appreciate that 3 ways might work, though I think it's highly unlikely.

lesson learn in jail: sex works for more than two, love only two, right "jailbirds" ?
Kate. D

Spacial,
We are just a couple but we are always open to a third if the Goddess shoul dein to bless us with a third.

And you are completely right. It is the exception to the rule that triangles work. I was meerly pointing out the fact that exceptions exist.
I think that people are too quick to dismiss the chance of a rare outcome because it is easier to just work within known established norms.

You may be right cynthia.

Hey guys, sorry it's been so long, but I had to stay with a friend for a couple of days, and they didn't have internet.  I'd also like to thank you all for your concern and advice, I appreciate it all. 
Also, I'm sorry for the lack of information, but I made this account and that post right when it happened, so I was a little messed up.  First, N and myself love each other.  I could care less
what happens with N's gender, except for the relevance that it bears to N's happiness.  Yes, we still live together.  J's only other option is a psychopathic mother, and my only other option is
homelessness (at this point in time, anyway).  I think that what happened is actually for everyone's betterment, since N and J were both literally and figuratively tearing each other to pieces
(and they'd both acknowledged the fact).I don't feel bad for what I did, I feel bad for what it did to J.  If it comes down to hard choices, I want what N wants, whatever that happens to be.
A threesome wouldn't help, as J is actively repulsed by penis.  Again, thank you all for your help.  I appreciate the advice and will do my best to take it to heart.  I'll keep checking the thread
to see if anyone else has anything to say.

Best wishes for a quick and happy resolution.

Kate D