Susan's Place Transgender Resources

My husband (hopefully soon to be wife) has had an initial doctors appointment, a tentative appointment with a therapist (with the sole goal of obtaining a hormone letter), and even a snazzy hot new wig. However, it seems to me that instead of happiness with the progression of things there is impatience and even more depression: like this is never actually going to happen. I try to be supportive, say the right things, etc (I LOVE this person!!!!) but this does not seem to help my spouse's state of mind or being. What can I do now? What should I do now?

Exactly what you are doing.  Being supportive.  It is the best thing an SO can do.

Thank you. There are times when it does not seem enough and I want to press a fast forward buttom and get to the end of all this pain.

Attention to the person who messaged me:

Unfortunatly I was not able to figure out how to reply to your message starightforward, so here's the round about way: I appreciate your advice, but I hope you are wrong. I know that there are issues and things that must be addressed, but I believe that they can be addressed and resolved. My question was simply if there was anything else I could do to ease the pain of this transition. Again, I respect your viewpoint but I have to believe that this WILL GET BETTER.

there's mountains of truth to that song lyring, "waiting is the hardest part".

I finally got my top surgery (chest surgery) 5 weeks ago, and after that I felt like "the wait" was over and I swear I haven't had this much free energy in YEARS.
The stress of simply having to wait can be very draining which in turn can feel any depression, anxiety, irritation, and even physical problems we deal with.

But every tiny step forward alleviates this a little bit.
Taking photos and watching the changes happen, that can help a lot.
Being able to go back and "see" the progress so far.

And just a hug and a "This too shall pass. I know it's really hard to see, but eventually, there will be no more waiting." can make everything just a little bit lighter.

And try and encourage her to keep doing things, playing games, seeing people, tending to her hobbies, anything. Just keep doing.
Just because "this" is slow, and frustrating as hell, don't put everything else on hold too.
It helps to keep distracted, and keep living, while we wait, not just while we wait, but also after.
Too many of us let transition take up our whole lives and then when it's complete we don't know what to do any more.

Quote from: Chermarie on June 16, 2011, 08:45:09 PM
My husband (hopefully soon to be wife) has had an initial doctors appointment, a tentative appointment with a therapist (with the sole goal of obtaining a hormone letter), and even a snazzy hot new wig. However, it seems to me that instead of happiness with the progression of things there is impatience and even more depression: like this is never actually going to happen. I try to be supportive, say the right things, etc (I LOVE this person!!!!) but this does not seem to help my spouse's state of mind or being. What can I do now? What should I do now?

Would your partner be open to some sort of relationship therapy?  It's a pretty big change to a relationship - so having someone to help both of you through the challenges wouldn't be a bad thing.  (I'd also say that your partner visiting a therapist will be a good thing for your partner, and should help your partner's confidence and self-esteem - but I wouldn't push a partner in that direction as I suspect most people wouldn't respond positively to that kind of push)

I'd also suggest finding things you both can enjoy with each other so that there are positive moments to take both of your minds off the immediate stresses.

Quote from: Miniar on June 17, 2011, 12:00:01 PM
there's mountains of truth to that song lyring, "waiting is the hardest part".

I finally got my top surgery (chest surgery) 5 weeks ago, and after that I felt like "the wait" was over and I swear I haven't had this much free energy in YEARS.
The stress of simply having to wait can be very draining which in turn can feel any depression, anxiety, irritation, and even physical problems we deal with.

But every tiny step forward alleviates this a little bit.
Taking photos and watching the changes happen, that can help a lot.
Being able to go back and "see" the progress so far.

Thanks so much for the words of encouragement. Sometime I forget that we are not the only ones going through this.

And just a hug and a "This too shall pass. I know it's really hard to see, but eventually, there will be no more waiting." can make everything just a little bit lighter.

And try and encourage her to keep doing things, playing games, seeing people, tending to her hobbies, anything. Just keep doing.
Just because "this" is slow, and frustrating as hell, don't put everything else on hold too.
It helps to keep distracted, and keep living, while we wait, not just while we wait, but also after.
Too many of us let transition take up our whole lives and then when it's complete we don't know what to do any more.

Oops. Miniar, my response to you somehow got stuck on my quoting your entire post! Please pardon my computer illiteracy!

Quote from: Slanan on June 18, 2011, 05:21:17 PM
Would your partner be open to some sort of relationship therapy?  It's a pretty big change to a relationship - so having someone to help both of you through the challenges wouldn't be a bad thing.  (I'd also say that your partner visiting a therapist will be a good thing for your partner, and should help your partner's confidence and self-esteem - but I wouldn't push a partner in that direction as I suspect most people wouldn't respond positively to that kind of push)

I'd also suggest finding things you both can enjoy with each other so that there are positive moments to take both of your minds off the immediate stresses.

Therapy, of any kind, will be tough for both of us. Kinda leery and not very trusting of so called experts.
In the meantime, we will continue doing stuff that we love. I think that's so important.

Quote from: Chermarie on June 18, 2011, 06:26:17 PM
Oops. Miniar, my response to you somehow got stuck on my quoting your entire post! Please pardon my computer illiteracy!

s'alright. ;) happens.

I fixed it for you, Chermarie.  ;D ;D ;D

Thanks Janet and maybe you can help me with another technical thing. I can not start a new topic with my Droid phone because I'm not able to see the "captcha" prompt. I can only see it on an actual computer.  This is only really an issue for me because I'm on the road with work 18 days out of the month and my phone is my computer. Is there a trick I don't know about? Any help would be great. Thanks and I love this site!

Unfortunately I know nothing about the new phones.  But I am sure some will be able to answer your question.  You might also contact your service provider and they might be able to help.