Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Probably a lot of guys feel like this but do you ever just want to go into the kitchen or use your utility knife to just hack at your chest until they have to take you to the emergency room and they HAVE to make the boobs go away? There's usually someone arguing, "Well just think about the scars and wait..." or something but sometimes I'm just like, to heck with it. I'll live with the damn scars if they'll go away.  :'(

I know what you mean, from the other direction.
It's not the scars, it's the loss of blood that could be the real problem. Lots of girls have died from the DIY approach to orchy too.
Not a good idea, and recovery is painful even when done surgically( I have a relo who is FtM and assisted him in his recovery),  let alone having to do repairs as well.  Also the damage might make it hard to get a decent looking result after everything.
We just have to be patient and try and fix all the other things involved in transition while we are waiting.

Karen.

I would be afraid of being considered mentally unstable/a risk to myself or others and not being allowed to have surgery for even longer. :\

on top of what everyone else said, you'd mess with your top surgery results if you did that. it's a lot harder for a surgeon to "sculpture" your chest when there's
excessive previous scarring or surgery had been performed before.
If you wanted to make sure they "have to take them off" you'd pretty much have to cut them off yourself, and then you'd have to cut off your nipples! How does that make sense.


Another thing: When a biological female (not diagnosed as trans) is hospitalized with a breast injury, surgeons/doctors will ALWAYS try to find a way to keep the breasts.
And they're pretty good at that. Many cancer patients these days don't get the complete mastectomy that was done some years ago.

Oh yeah, I totally know what that's like.  Only I don't image cutting them off myself, I image getting into an accident or someone else doing it to me.  that way, people don't ask me, "what the hell were you thinking?!"  And it doesn't seem like it's my fault, lol.

When I was really little, I also had the same dreams that someone would come and cut my long hair off, that way my mom would have to get me a decent male hair cut, lol.  but I knew I would get in so much trouble if I did it to myself.

I obsessively thought about that when I was in 5th grade (I started puberty EARLY). The only thing that stopped me from doing it was the blood loss and dying. Oh, and the obvious fact that the scars would be ridiculous.

I was there this spring.
Thinking these thoughts.
Pushing them out of my mind forcefully because I knew that it was a really, really, really bad idea.

I'm 5 weeks post-op now.

It may take time, but this too shall pass.
And if you make a mess of your chest now, it'll never be as good as it "can" be if you take care of it until you can have someone give you the chest you want.

All the time.

no, but i do feel like wanting to rip them off

I feel the same way sometimes. Or wanting to bind extra tight to smoosh them out of existence. I've also caught myself wishing for breast cancer. Even if it was only on one side, I can see myself saying "might as well take the other one while you're at it." or something to that effect.

I have been there but I know that it would be a horrible idea from knowing someone who tried. He was found, rushed to the hospital where he almost died from the blood loss. As Emil said the doctors will save the breast tissue if possible and that is exactly what happened to my friend. After all the pain and recovery he still had them as well as scar tissue and painful areas that made it impossible for him to bind. He also was on suicide watch and had trouble acquiring hormones afterwards because his sanity was questioned.
He got top surgery last year and had many complications because of all the damage from before. He got a decent contour considering but, he ruined his chances of getting the chest he always wanted. Even now after surgery he is still uncomfortable shirtless in public because of his chest.
I have a large chest that bothers me everyday but I know the waiting will be worth it. It is frustrating and painful at times but I do what I can to alleviate my dysphoria until I can finally raise the funds I need to get the body I deserve.

I feel the same way. It's like you just want to perform the surgery on yourself just to get them off you.

Agreed.
If it wouldn't kill me,
I'd do it,
And I'd also scrape my insides out with a rusty spoon while I was at it =___=;
If I was immortal, this would be no problem, and I would have done it by now...
Damned biology >___O;;

I've said on here before that if someone offered to do the surgery right now, no anaesthetic, I would be like yes and deal with the pain.

Yeah that is probably underestimating how much physical pain that would put me in and I'd probably pass out anyway but I swear the emotional pain of having them is worse than anything else I could imagine.

I wrote this in the middle of the night which is usually a bad time anyway and now I'm better...but only slightly. The heat is making it worse cuz it gets all sweaty and rashy under there and you're just like, "Wtf?". Meh.  :(

I wouldn't have the guts to do it, but I wish I could just tear out all of my girl parts and be happy. I guess I don't have it as bad since I'm small chested(thank heredity) and I could bind it. The part that bothers me more is my voice since that gives me away immediately... but yeah, I imagine it at least.

I've thought of doing this many times, of course I'd be to scared of the pain and ending up so scarred that I would never even want to remove my shirt, even in front of myself. Rather I always wished I had breast cancer, in fact I sickly fantasized about it since these things developed. Breast cancer even runs in my family. I know how it feels to be at that point where your wishing the worst upon yourself or thinking bad thoughts just to have those things gone. No more binding, no more pain, you can go shirtless, pass better, and look at yourself and actually be happy with what you've got.

I read once about a man who said his leg wasn't part of him, his brain just didn't register it. So he froze his leg until getting frostbite and they had to cut it off. I constantly thought, what if I did the same, but the risks are all just to high. These thoughts are tempting, even scary when you really look at them, but it's just another part of our life, a part of what ends up making us who we are, and as strong as we are. I write things like this as well, in the heat of the moment. I honestly come close to convincing myself I could actually do it. I think what if I die and I have to have these things on my body until I decay? I may not care if I am dead but the thought bothers me while being alive. The only way I can think of to even cope with this is knowing one day I'm going to get my operation with one of the bests and maybe in the 1-2 years I have to wait for it, he'll be even better at it, leaving me with something I have only ever had in my fantasies.

Anyways, good luck with coping. I know it's ->-bleeped-<- sometimes, or basically all the time since they don't exactly hide of sight, but one day they will be gone.

I think it's got to be better to find your way to making the changes out of love for your true self, rather than out of hatred for a part of yourself - that's one reason why it's worth waiting for proper surgery. Because afterwards, you'll always know it was done out of love.

Meanwhile, though, impatience sucks :( - I feel your pain, and I wave to you as we sit in traffic jams on opposite sides of the gender highway. In hot weather, you get boob itch, I get balls itch ::)...

Having seen the results of female body builders and other athletes, do you think working out fairly seriously would give enough reduction in fatty tissue.  As well as the obvious increase in muscle mass making for a more masculine body ?
Just a thought after seeing a photo on the net last night.

Karen

I've had this thought so, so many times. I actually tried for about five seconds when I was about 13, I've got scars underneath them, but I wussed out.
I had it on my mind a lot earlier this summer, I just kept thinking that even if I died from it, I'd be able to live for at least a few seconds without the goddamn things on me.

I'm more or less okay now, they still piss me the math off but after figuring out how to layer my binders a little better and seeing some recent pictures my friend took of me, I've been feeling surprisingly good about myself lately. It's scary, though, being in that frame of mind.

I have thought about that ever since they first appeared. And as someone else said, I've found myself wishing just a bit that I would get breast cancer just to get them lobbed off. But I know that's horrible and really, I don't want breast cancer because no one deserves that. But living life with these things is so hard....I haven't started binding yet but I always have to an extent by wearing sports bras when they developed. They just get in the way of everything, especially because mine are on the larger side. There is no novelty in having them, just that awkward feeling of "why the hell are these lumps growing of my chest? I want beautiful pecs!"  ;D hahaha waiting is incredibly frustrating, but in the end it'll be worth it!

I legit almost did this when I was 12. My brother walked in though so I casually put the bigass knife down like I had used it to cut bread, or something. lol

I feel that way about my usterus (i can't even spell that horrid thing) but I realize I might hit some vital organs or pass out from blood loss before I am able to remove it correctly lol. So I can't even imagine doing something like that. Plus your chest is so close to your heart it is a really bad idea.

I know that I never will, but I want to badly.  For years (ever since they started to take shape when I was twelve) I've wanted them gone.

When I was in high school, before I was diagnosed, I went through a severe period of self mutilation that included my taking a piece of broken glass and cutting a fine line around them, kind of a 'here's where the knife would go' mark.  It was never enough to scar, but I still remember doing it regularly and often.