Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: silverarrow on June 17, 2011, 01:43:17 AM Return to Full Version
Title: Help, anti-->-bleeped-<- dad
Post by: silverarrow on June 17, 2011, 01:43:17 AM
Post by: silverarrow on June 17, 2011, 01:43:17 AM
Okay. So I want to come out to my parents so I can start transitioning(ftm), be myself, and start telling the truth about who I am for once. I just have no courage and I always end up snapping at them if they deny what I say.
I plan on telling my mom first, but I'm sure she'll say that I'm a girl, I'm going to sty that way, and I'm just going through a phase. I could be wrong hopefully.
Then there's my dad who is homophobic, racist, and you name it. He cares about what others will hink of him if yada yada... I'm scared of telling him :(
I know I should be calm, simple, and ready to be patient/answer questons, but easier said than done.
I need to tell them though because I'll go insane if I don't and I'm tired of lying to others. I also should tell them I'm bi, but I'll wait for that... baby steps.
Help, I'm sorry if I'm confusing.
I plan on telling my mom first, but I'm sure she'll say that I'm a girl, I'm going to sty that way, and I'm just going through a phase. I could be wrong hopefully.
Then there's my dad who is homophobic, racist, and you name it. He cares about what others will hink of him if yada yada... I'm scared of telling him :(
I know I should be calm, simple, and ready to be patient/answer questons, but easier said than done.
I need to tell them though because I'll go insane if I don't and I'm tired of lying to others. I also should tell them I'm bi, but I'll wait for that... baby steps.
Help, I'm sorry if I'm confusing.
Title: Re: Help, anti-->-bleeped-<- dad
Post by: spacial on June 17, 2011, 04:12:03 AM
Post by: spacial on June 17, 2011, 04:12:03 AM
Try thinking about this a different way.
Imagine, you told them. describe their reactions.
Now, Imagine you told them a week ago. How will they be reacting? How will it have affected you, your life and their behaviour?
I may be wrong, but I get the feeling that, they won't accept it, no matter what you say or how determined you are, they won't accept it, they will find a way to fit your life, as they do with everyone's, into their rather closed view of the world. You will continue having to live as you are now and be no happier.
If that is the case, then there really doesn't seem to be a lot of point in saying it to them. Kinda like telling your dog really.
As I said, I may be wrong.
Imagine, you told them. describe their reactions.
Now, Imagine you told them a week ago. How will they be reacting? How will it have affected you, your life and their behaviour?
I may be wrong, but I get the feeling that, they won't accept it, no matter what you say or how determined you are, they won't accept it, they will find a way to fit your life, as they do with everyone's, into their rather closed view of the world. You will continue having to live as you are now and be no happier.
If that is the case, then there really doesn't seem to be a lot of point in saying it to them. Kinda like telling your dog really.
As I said, I may be wrong.
Title: Re: Help, anti-->-bleeped-<- dad
Post by: silverarrow on June 17, 2011, 10:29:05 AM
Post by: silverarrow on June 17, 2011, 10:29:05 AM
I think they would do what youvsaid, acting like I never said it. Life would be the same as it is now for me. I know they wouldn't kick me out at least. My mom would ask questions, so maybe I could convince her. I won't know until I tell I guess.
I'm telling my friends today, do you think she could help? The more support the better?
I'm telling my friends today, do you think she could help? The more support the better?
Title: Re: Help, anti-->-bleeped-<- dad
Post by: xxUltraModLadyxx on June 22, 2011, 03:37:59 PM
Post by: xxUltraModLadyxx on June 22, 2011, 03:37:59 PM
i would say forget about your dad. just tell your mom. you have to be able to forget about the people who don't approve of you. if they tell you, you aren't who you say you are. actions speak louder than words. it's who you are, and you don't need their approval or anyone's for that matter.
Title: Re: Help, anti-->-bleeped-<- dad
Post by: AmySmiles on June 26, 2011, 06:34:15 PM
Post by: AmySmiles on June 26, 2011, 06:34:15 PM
Quote from: AprilAero on June 24, 2011, 09:05:41 PM
the best thing to do is to find someone in your family who is the most openminded and come out to them first.
This is a good safe way to get the ball rolling, but it can also backfire. My aunt is a lesbian and so I logically decided to come out to her first. The result has been that my mother (who is like your fathers) is extremely resentful of both myself and her that I decided to go tell someone else before my own parents. Feel it out a little bit and I'm sure you'll figure out the right way for you.