Susan's Place Transgender Resources

It's really sad, she was a very sweet and friendly girl, everyone liked her. I feel bad that the rest of the world just moves on without her. I feel bad that the people who read this will forget a few minutes after reading it and move on. I feel bad that I myself practically feel nothing, only had short conversations at school with her where she did most of the talking, so I never really got to know her. It's just, suicide is so final, things would've got better for her and she could've lived a long life. I think about how I can still live around 7 times more my age, while she only lived to be two years younger than I am now, and she probably deserved a longer life more than I do.

I wonder what pushed her to it, and I wish I could go back in time and stop her. Lately I've only paid attention to trans-suicides. I forget that cispeople also kill themselves for reasons they think are worthy enough. I myself am not suicidal, in fact I'm afraid of death, I can't say I've never been though.

I just wanted to share. I have a much more serious view on it now.

I just wrote out a big reply but I deleted it. It's weird I don't mind talking about this subject yet whenever I do with anyone it's like they give me awkward uncomfortable vibes back. Is it really that wrong to talk about? If we all felt more comfortable talking about it then wouldn't those that are suicidal be more likely to feel ok talking to someone about it without them just saying "focus on the positives in your life and you'll be fine.... would would you like for dinner?". Feeling alone in one's troubles is no doubt a huge catalyst for this, if you want someone to talk to you would must rather them focus on the actual topic instead of trying to just talk you out of it or talking you out of feeling that way. Maybe people need understanding before reaching that level. How can you stop thinking about it when you haven't figured out why you feel so rotten and have no idea how to, can't just snap your fingers and make it disappear.
Maybe people are more concerned about feeling responsible if their words and listening don't work. I don't know.... maybe it's better to try instead of letting someone continue feeling alone and confused.
People need to know that it's ok to talk about their dark feelings and people need to know it's ok to listen and discuss this with those that do feel troubled.

Many people are hurting so bad, for a number of reasons, that they see no other way.  And there is not much anyone can do if they do not say anything.

If she never sought out someone, anyone to talk to, she would never get passed it.  If you were not overly close, you may not really be affected.  I lost a very good friend and no one know he was hurting.  We just received the news from his sister.  I had not seen him in a number of years.  But when he died, I was just shocked.  But not much more.  I do wonder what was going on his life that he took such a step.

Are you a bad person for no gnashing of teeth or  renting of clothes?  No, not at all.  You were not emotionally invested in her.  She was a friend, but not any closer.  You will miss her, that is a given.  And you may wonder what you could have done to stop her.  But remember this, if she was that determined to take her own life, only a higher power could have stopped her.

Just remember her fondly.  And cherish the time you had together.

We often think our problems are the only ones that matter. We forget sometimes that others are hurting. What we cannot do is pass the 'blame onto ourselves.

And 'what if' are the two most useless words when dealing with a friend, or anyone you know who suicides.

I know people in this thread who have tried to suicide, including myself. Something pulled us back.

There for the grace of the Goddess go I.

Keep her in your heart and reflect. Wish her a safe journey through time. And remember it is a life learning experience that we need to love our fellow people, no matter who they are.

Hugs

Cindy 

she probably deserved a longer life more than I do

We all of us deserve a happy life of whatever length it's going to be - you deserve a happy life as much as she did, I think it's not the quantity, it's the quality that counts. When a young girl I loved died in a fire years ago, I decided the best way to respond to death is to live a good life... xxx

I'm here
Cindy

Suicide is final
None of my friends have ever come back lately
Suicide is final
I wrestle with these thoughts every day
Suicide is final
Please my friend stay
Suicide is final

Since I started this transition journey things like this seem to affect me a lot more.  I might not be close enough to do anything materially, but if you need to have a rant, or need a shoulder to lean on, I, and I am sure a lot of others here, are only too willing to listen. 
Any time, Karen.

I didn't know her well enough to need a shoulder to cry on, but I feel really bad for this girl and how her life was cut so short when all of this could've been avoided. It's just been bothering me since she died.

The offer still stands. And for anyone else in the same boat.
Karen

The only reason I've never committed suicide is that I've dedicated my entire life to prevent from to happening to others, however, my health now prevents me from achieving the goal that kept me from killing myself long ago; my suicidal thoughts have come back triplefold in an instance and now I stay drunk every day and am edging back toward self-harm. I literally have no one to help in an effective manner (I need someone in person to talk with, someone who truly helps me cope), and I have no friends in my town, and because my health is a physical problem (deformities, skin conditions, ect ect), it's extremely hard to find anyone my age that cares. Therapists all want to see me bow down to them as gods, which I will not do, and speaking with elders doesn't help me anyway. Quite literally, I want a boyfriend.

^Anyone who knows me from various websites will tell you that they probably always guessed I was 60 years old because of how mature I act, but this is me at my weakest in a forum where I feel that maybe someone here possibly relates. I'm really horribly emotional when I get stuck in a certain place in life, and most of the time, I absolutely refuse to let it show.