Susan's Place Transgender Resources

has anyone found, that after accepting yourself as trans, that your dysphoria worsened? I suppose mine could just be getting worse gradually, or perhaps I'm more focused on it all? I'm having more and more issues with downstairs, though that seems more since I got my first binder. Can anyone else relate? Its getting harder and harder to keep up hope, as I know that even hormones are a bit away.. (At least a year before I'll be able to I think)
I guess I'm just in a bad spot right now. Its never been this bad and its getting in the way of my relationship with my partner. (I've got a hell of a sex drive, but not the willingness to incorporate my bits into it. He's understanding but is frustrated at how to help, and desprate to find a way for us to.. be intimate without it being triggering for me.)
I feel like I broke the mask I was hiding behind, and now I can see whats wrong. As though I can't ignore my body anymore, cant disassociate from it like I used to, to be okay with having the wrong parts. sorry if I'm rambly. Any help though?

Personally, I found my dysphoria worsening the longer I am pre- everything.  I think for so long I pushed down my thoughts that my body was wrong -- that I was just stuck with it -- or that maybe I was crazy to think that way.  Now, that I am out and moving forward to transitioning it seems like it can't happen soon enough and so I more and more dysphoria

I can agree with you, jessman3.  Each month when I get cramps and start to leak blood again mine gets real bad. For 2 days I am out of it and want to part of my lower bits.

Hi Jessman,

I did find my downstairs dysphoria is worse than it was pre-transition. I attribute it to visual incongruence. My body is all male now except for one part. Being stealth, I'm also kind of self-conscious about it now because it's the only thing that could give me away (besides maybe a record check). Everyone takes me at face value and I feel kind of strange knowing I'm missing what everyone assumes to be there.
But most aspects of dysphoria are gone.

I think I'll get used to it as time goes on. I'll just stop thinking about it.

For me, it has stayed about the same, but there's also a feeling of relief knowing there is a possible reason for why I think and feel the way I do. Before I found out about about GID and transsexuality, I thought I was crazy and/or belonged in a mental institution. Sometimes I still do, but I think it's diminishing as I come to closer terms.

I do know that every minute I am not progressing towards transition bothers me, and if I didn't make sure to define things like getting better jobs and getting some education as part of transition I would probably be going insane by now.

Really, every day since I resolved to tell other people about how I feel, I have been getting a bit more dysphoric. I have to think though that this has been a long time coming, I mean aside from being incredibly dysphoric around puberty, it basically has just been steadily rising. 5 years ago, I was under the impression I could manage it, and that transition or the like was impossible, hell I even though I could "beat" it, whatever that means.

I think in some ways, a steady but slow increase occurs, and people can bury it, but it just keeps coming back and growing, which is consistent with what some late transitoners I have talked to have experienced, at a certain point despite their best efforts and many "purges", it just becomes unmanageable without transition, and despite their fears that they "waited too long" the dysphoria seems to overcome even those fears.

So to a certain degree at least, having knowledge of something makes it more difficult to ignore, and I would think that is normal, if anything could be considered normal.

My facial/social dysphoria is getting downright insane rapidly, I now hog down little mini bottles of whiskey like it's nothing. It's all because of both the injuries my face has had from a traffic accident and from what I am convinced is Acromegaly, the disease my father had. My facial skeletal bones (forhead, cheekbones, chin, jaw) are getting both wider, fuller, and more pronounced by the day - 6 months ago, I looked relatively normal for my age, and 6 months have passed and I have craniofacially aged about 40 years. I now have people who literally assume I am decades older than I am. But that's what Acromegaly is, it's a disease that rapidly causes craniofacial growth in world-record rapidness, along with premature death and all. And it's been getting worse for weeks and weeks, where I have no medical access because of financial problems and no healthcare insurance; my primary physician thinks I have BDD and refused to check for Acromegaly despite that my father had it and I have ever sign of it except the swollen hands (which its perfectly possible for Acromegaly to effect the face and not the body).

Ugh. I truly do look horrible, and I'm not exaggerating things. You can take a picture of me from 6 months ago and now, and I look like a father compared to a son. It's downright horrific, especially because I'm a MTF.

rhyno- I am sorry youre having such a rough time. Perhaps looking into medicaid (if youre in the US) could help. I'm sorry I dont have much more to offer, but that was pretty off topic.. If you have something to say you can always start a new topic :)

everyone else- thank you for the replies. Its really helpful just to know theres other people feeling the same way. (especially what was said about having been in denial for so long). I'm hoping to get a packer soon, so maybe I'll get some help from that. Any suggestions?

I have also been having a harder time dealing with it lately. Maybe it's other health or economic issues on top of it making it harder to deal with all of it at once, but in recent months it is like no matter what I do I can't forget about it. I've never been okay with it, but it seems like years ago it was easier to deal with. Of course this is the first time that I've had neither school nor work to go to as well...