Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I'm not really sure how to put this, so I apologize in advance for any miswording. And just to clarify, these are my own feelings on my transition and not necessarily representative of Susan's Place.

Post-transition, do you find your gender identity seems like no big deal now? Now that I have the body I want and am recognized by everyone as male, I suddenly no longer care so much about being a man. And I see women and think that doesn't look so hard, why couldn't I have gone on like that? Now that the dysphoria has been removed, it just seems like no big deal. As if it doesn't really matter. I still identify as male but it matters less and less. More and more, it seems like what gender I happen to be is of no consequence. And I wonder why it ever mattered so much before. I wonder if this is part of what cispeople feel.

I can only speak for myself an I'm sure there are those who will have different experiences but after I transitioned any sense of Gender Identity Dysphoria had all but vanished. Before, there wasn't a day that would go by where I had strong feelings of anxiety where I wanted to be a girl.

When I was getting ready for my fulltime transition, the anxiety actually grew worse because I knew I was going to transition but I wasn't there yet.

I was in a situation where I did not want to be part time...it wasn't any heavy philosophical decision on my part regarding that decision...I was 350 pounds and I wanted to lose the majority of my weight before transitioning into a girl. I saw plus size clothing...they were either not very fashionable or cute but they were also very expensive if I did manage to find something cute. I only bought 2 tops and a pair of leggings for part time and I only wore them occasionally just to take pics for a transitional video I was wanting to make in the future.

Since I transitioned and have been living fulltime as Annah at school, my private and public life, and at work, the sense of "wanting" to be my chosen gender has vanished. It is a normal part of me now. I no longer get the "oh wow" feelings when people address me as "her" or "she" or "ma'am" and to me, that is a good thing. I have progressed to the point where I feel that it is normal now for these pronouns or how people see me has impacted my life.

It is kind of interesting tho. Whenever I think about my past where I presented male for 35 years, it is only but a haze of memory. I didn't hate my time presenting as male (and this is where I different from a lot of people) but I knew I wasn't a male.

So for me, my gender identity of having to present female has gone away since living it fulltime and the public seeing me as Annah and most importantly, having myself see me as Annah too.

Yeah, I've been feeling the exact same thing.  Really, I couldn't have put it better myself.  It's like 'yeah, I'm male, that's all well and good, now let's get on with the rest of life.'  Gender doesn't seem like such a big deal anymore.  I finally understand the perspective of some of my friends, who insisted that I shouldn't transition because "it doesn't really matter."  From my position back then, I was thinking: 'yeah, easy for you to say, your body and identity match.'  I am now finding out just how easy that really was for them to say.

It seems like I, too, am beginning to take the fact that my body and mind match for granted.  I have to actually remind myself that it wasn't always this way.

Kyril,
you touch on a point that I'd addressed about: Is there GID after SRS? (something like that)
The general answer was NO, but some post-op depression, YES.

You are quite right with your perception. It actually starts to happen even before SRS.
Before right size boobs, FFS etc. and I think visa versa for FtM.

The more you become your chosen gender, the less it starts to matter because you ARE being that gender now. Well, pretty close in any case.

I can almost see now why some would choose to stay non-op (bottom). Boob reduction and hysterectomy excluded ---  as after some time in RLE you "have arrived".

If it was not so, FtM would be having a bigger problem also, with the current bottom surgery possibilities available. IMHO.

BUT NOW WATCH OUT! As soon that is taken away from you, your full time transition and being established in your chosen gender, your GID will come back.
I am absolutely certain of that. So it only *does not matter* so long you have "arrived" and STAY arrived.

Moving back into your birth gender? GID will bite you in the ass. For sure.
You can always try if you think otherwise, and let us know?
Would you feel up to it?

Axelle

Once I got pretty far along in my transition My GID fell to the way side.  I still long for SRS, which I may never seen, before I die.  But that is my last step.

No doubt the feelings that once flooded my mind have diminished greatly.  And as I've settled into my new life I find that need to be REALLY female diminishing too.  There are so many male traits I have that are part of who I am and there's no way I'm going to suppress them in hopes I'll feel more female.  The reflection in the mirror is telling me, "You really don't look all THAT different", and that has an effect on me.  But at times that reflection says "woman".  And at those times I actually feel female.

If I didn't want to avoid the hassle of being treated differently I probably wouldn't even give a thought to gender identity.  And the longer I live this life, the less I care about how the world reacts to me.

I'm thinking, "I've been battling all my life, fighting the fight I thought I had to."  And it wears you out.  Now that I'm out and fully transitioned, I ask myself, "Why fight?", and I can't find any good answer to, so I don't.  I think having fought the gender battle for so long takes you to a point where you realize reducing the importance of gender helps end the battle.

QuoteAnd I see women and think that doesn't look so hard, why couldn't I have gone on like that?

I feel that way sometimes when I see men. I think I might even like to go as a drag king just for the hell of it some Halloween or something. I didn't want to live my life forced to pretend to be male, but being able to pretend to be male for kicks and giggles wouldn't be something I would hate.

I do think you might have started feeling the same way cispeople feel about gender, which is probably why it can be so hard for some cispeople to understand transpersons' dysphoria.

The agonizing unhappiness about my gender is gone. The isolation. The obsessions. *poof*

I am still unhappy when someone criticizes me for being trans, but that's their flaw, not mine. I'm still unhappy that my body isn't fully female, but I keep getting pulled back to the reality that most of it is.

As far as being part of an oppressed minority, yes, I still have to think about my gender identity a lot. Cisgendered people don't have to do that. But having to think about it, doesn't mean it has to consume me the way it did before transition.

My personal goal is not to forget, but to overcome. I have been through so much abuse, both physical and mental, because I was born (with the traits) of a man, so much that my experiences, literally almost every day that I've been alive, will always be drummed into my head. With that, the most I hope for is to be able to transition and simply start a new life in a form that will help me smile when thinking about my own appearance (and finally being able to attract a partner!) and I believe with time, that revolution will help me get over the past and fully live for once.

More than that though, I'm an author, screenwriter, actor, musician, vocalist, public speaker, ect ect and despite my extensive and time-consuming accomplishments or works in all those fields, I've put my entire career life on hold because these careers are funded by publicity and media press (as well as physical portrayal and appearance) and I simply don't want the world to know I was ever a man - at least until I build enough of a professional reputation that it doesn't matter. I also am one of the people who feel like a physical monster both because of my male traits and because of craniofacial deformities, so I don't have an ounce of confidence to be able to speak or perform to the public.

I generally have a lot to accomplish, and a lot I hope to forget.

Quote from: RhinoP on July 26, 2011, 04:33:40 PM

More than that though, I'm an author, screenwriter, actor, musician, vocalist, public speaker, ect ect

What books have you authored? What screenplays have you written?

I'm curious. cause that's a lot of professions to zip through at your age! (You forgot to put FFS consultant in there cuz u mentioned that in your first post)

I too have noticed this.
I think that it's given me a bit of an insight into the privilege of the cisgender person, the feeling like "it's not a big deal" thing.
It's a big deal when your body doesn't fit, but once it's been made to fit, it's not a big deal anymore.
I'm even starting to have to be careful to remember to note down my T shot times because I may forget!

...

IMO, the GID was gone as soon as surgery took place...however, there are occasions even now (15-ish years post-operative) where I have some body image issues in certain settings.  Some of that was more pronounced during the past five years as my weight slowly crept up.  It eased enough with the weight loss over the past few months that I did spend some time poolside when visiting some friends in California recently...didn't feel like the beached whale I have in years past.   

In some respects, it is quite possibly the same mindset ledge that some look over when dealing with anorexia or bulimia...I just never could bring myself to either of those choices.  And, admittedly, it has never quite gotten so severe that I felt like ponying up for lipo or other cosmetic work...considered it, but never scheduled even a consultation.  I know that even my highest weight was not truly out of the norm for women my height, but it was enough over where I was in younger years that I can/could sort of relate to what drives people to the binge/purge choices...   

It is a non-issue now, precisely because I am outwardly male to match my gender identity (male), and the world perceives me and treats me like a man.

It is like I've forgotten 'her' and how it was to be her, like I never even was her.  The further out I get the more I forget.  So I understand what you are saying.  It's similar to cis-people thinking it wouldn't be so hard to live in the wrong body, they can't relate.  And even though we did it and had that horrible dysphoria surrounding it, time heals all wounds I suppose.  I'd rather forget the past.  Not that I am ashamed, just that I never really was her; it was all an act.  But I have 2 kids who remind me.


Jay

Quote from: Axélle on July 26, 2011, 10:47:23 AM
Kyril,
you touch on a point that I'd addressed about: Is there GID after SRS? (something like that)
The general answer was NO, but some post-op depression, YES.

You are quite right with your perception. It actually starts to happen even before SRS.
Before right size boobs, FFS etc. and I think visa versa for FtM.

The more you become your chosen gender, the less it starts to matter because you ARE being that gender now. Well, pretty close in any case.

I can almost see now why some would choose to stay non-op (bottom). Boob reduction and hysterectomy excluded ---  as after some time in RLE you "have arrived".

If it was not so, FtM would be having a bigger problem also, with the current bottom surgery possibilities available. IMHO.

BUT NOW WATCH OUT! As soon that is taken away from you, your full time transition and being established in your chosen gender, your GID will come back.
I am absolutely certain of that. So it only *does not matter* so long you have "arrived" and STAY arrived.

Moving back into your birth gender? GID will bite you in the ass. For sure.
You can always try if you think otherwise, and let us know?
Would you feel up to it?

Axelle

Hi Axelle,

No, don't think I'd feel up to that. I agree that if these things were taken away, the dysphoria would reappear.
I'm not Kyril, btw. :)

Quote from: heatherrose on July 28, 2011, 02:11:47 AM

Are you seeing "greener pastures on the other side of the fence"?

Not really. I just sometimes wonder how women make it look so easy.

Sorry for that Mr. Forum Admin,
I though you had signed with that name once, so I was wrong.
Axelle

Quote from: Axélle on July 28, 2011, 10:58:54 AM
Sorry for that Mr. Forum Admin,
I though you had signed with that name once, so I was wrong.
Axelle

That's quite alright. There's a good guy by the name of Kyril here. But I'm not him. :)

QuoteNot really. I just sometimes wonder how women make it look so easy.

Because they are women, and we are not.

I barely ever think about my gender anymore.

Quote from: Julie Marie on July 26, 2011, 10:59:29 AMI think having fought the gender battle for so long takes you to a point where you realize reducing the importance of gender helps end the battle.

Julie, "Nero", Is This Perhaps What You Mean?

"What I grasped so early was that the reason I was going through transition was not so that I could be a "[Man] / Woman". I had no desire to conform to an artificial role of any sort whatsoever. I realized that trading one narrow set of expectations for another set of narrow expectations - even if that new set was closer to my core self - would not make me happy. I would be less unhappy, but still miserable, in the conventional and limited role of a [man] / woman in society.

"The reason I was transitioning, was not to become a woman, it was to become myself - whatever that actually turned out to mean."   :)  :)  :) ( From "classical transsexual org / roles (http://www.transsexual.org/Roles.html)" )


Remember Kate's 'ole "Acceptance VS Passing" debate? Well, "passing" implies "acceptance", at least as far as the rest of The World is concerned, BUT it's "Self-Acceptance" that's the real trick; The actual process, The Crossing Over as one that truly matters!

Kiera,
mind boggling, BEAUTIFUL, I'm rattled, OMG!

It is SO emotional, am all bussed up...

Thank you for sharing this,
Axelle

Interesting thread, I distinctly remember my worse GID day. I was in  large store, something like JC Pennys to you USA gals and boys, a place called DJ's in Oz. I almost fell to the floor in tears. I could not accept that the other woman in the store could wear skirts and blouse and look nice and feel nice  and I was wrought with anguish and despair, how could I accept this horror.

Today I was in the same shopping mall, having my eye brows shaped (again) totally relaxed, girl talk with the beautician, chatting about clothes and styles and stuff.  I saw this thread and thought, yes , it does get better.

I am so much happier. I totally don't worry about people looking at me. I'm very happy being Cindy, OK I still have a journey to complete, but I'm well on the way

And you people have been at the core of allowing me to do that.

Cindy

Some END of Thread Food for Thought

Quote from: Cindy James on July 31, 2011, 02:53:17 AMI could not accept that the other woman in the store could wear skirts and blouse and look nice and feel nice  and I was wrought with anguish and despair, how could I accept this horror . .  I saw this thread and thought, yes , it does get better.

Point, from where I am at least, is you hardly ever see "women in skirts" anymore as the "traditional" distinctions between what constitutes "male" and "female", along with the antiquated social / religious systems on which they are based, are quickly going by the wayside never to be heard from again(?)

Quote from: Creation Vs. EvolutionEvolutionary theory continues to be plagued by persistent problems that defy solution via rational thought. This is true whether one examines the origin of the Universe—or the origin of life. But nowhere is the glaring inadequacy of evolutionary theory more evident than in its feeble and failed attempts to explain the origin of sex. The pervasive presence of the male and female sexes (whether in plants, animals, or humans), and the ubiquitous nature of sexual reproduction based on differences in gender, deftly defy any naturalistic explanation.

Quote from: PostgenderismAdvocates of postgenderism argue that the presence of gender roles, social stratification, and cogno-physical disparities and differences are generally to the detriment of individuals and society.

"Act Like A Lady But Think Like A Man"? Sounds GREAT in natural theory but the reverse corollary, in practice, seems to have had nothing but socially disastrous results! ( thinking of this thread HERE, to be totally free of any concepts of "gender" is the greatest thing one can do! )

Quote from: Kiera on July 31, 2011, 06:31:33 AM
Some END of Thread Food for Thought
Point, from where I am at least, is you hardly ever see "women in skirts" anymore as the "traditional" distinctions between what constitutes "male" and "female", along with the antiquated social / religious systems on which they are based, are quickly going by the wayside never to be heard from again(?) 


You had no time line.
What is now is now. What is the past is the past.

I also think your distinction is naive for western society, and totally incorrect for females in world wide society. Try being female and wearing jeans in many middle eastern countries.
the antiquated social / religious system that is so quickly disappearing will have you thrashed. Literally.

I remember quite clearly when I was around 4 or 5, that 'I wanted to be a girl' and once in a blue moon up and till around the age of 19, I would have these same thoughts.  When I was around the age of 19 and after I got back from boarding school that I started to realise my thoughts on the matter really started to pick up.

From the age of 19 to 29, I was constantly thinking about 'wanting to be female" and these thoughts were getting stronger and stronger as the years went by.  In addition I was doing more and more things that were female oriented and when I did those female oriented things I was contented, it felt right and I would be very happy.  It was not until I was 29 that I finally realised that I was a female.  I honestly don't know what would have happened to me if things continued as they were.

After finding out that I was a female when I was 29.  I never thought about 'wanting to be a female' ever again, or to the extent did I think I was a female either.  I  don't really know why that is and it's only now in recent times that I have thought about these matters and it's only because I'm involved in the community to a certain extent.  Was it the lack of information?  Was it, because I was being myself at the time? or was it, that I did everything for myself?  I know that I never associated with the community at the time so I did not get "what the current thinking was on this situation was'.

The only real reason I can think of as to why I never thought about, 'I want to be a female or I am a female' ever again was because, I was just living my life and those around me, just saw me as a female.  So in a sense, if you want to consider my constant thinking that "I want to be a female" as dysphoric then that's fine.   Then in my case my dysphoric condition was instantaneously gone, the day I finally realised that I was female.  The only time I ever consider the gender issue know is when I have to fill in forms or where gender is discussed in normal conversations.

Just to illustrate what I mean, this morning I went swimming as usual and after I decided to go and check my mail at the post office.  As I was pulling up along side the kerb side I saw a gentlemen go into the mail box area.  I got out of my car and went and opened the door that led to my mail box.  The gentleman that I saw go in just a minute ago, was on his way out.  By this stage I had opened the door.  I held the door open as the most practical thing to do, he hesitated to allow me to go in first, but like me decided that it was best that he leave first as he went past me he said, "I would have have said you were a gentleman, but obviously you're not" and with that said, we both cracked up laughing and we both went on our way.

Forum Admin, there is nothing you said that requires you to apologise.  I would assume that the majority of the community, would consider this question "I wonder if this is part of what cispeople feel?".  I know I have on occasion over the last 23 years and my answer to this is Yes, because Forum Admin is right in a sense, my gender is of no consequence to me any more.

Warmest regards
Sarah B

I just hope that someone else who I depend on for answers to questions and interesting posts is not going to stop coming here. There have been many who I saw here two years ago that no longer come back to share and several who haven't been here as long have as much as told us the same thing here lately.

I can relate to the thought of not thinking of it as much but I am saddened by the thought that so many go away and no longer share what they know and are going thru with us.

Randi