Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I have an appointment with the mental health department in my town (medicaid covered, yay). I'm hoping they'll be understanding and possibly be able to lead me down the path of HRT. My mom made the call, so they don't have it worded very well. "Hi, my daughter needs an appointment, because, uhm... well, she's uh... a boy, now... yeah." "WHOT?" hahh...

Two things: I have an "opening statement". It'd be SO MUCH BETTER if I had a suit and briefcase, but I am going to ask the therapist to imagine I do have them for the sake of the image. My opening statement: "Hi, I'm Silas, if you call me <birthname> once more, I will proceed to be very sad. *demonstrates sad face*. I'm transsexual, yes I'm certain it's not a phase, and I'd like to know if you or anyone else who works here is knowledgeable in trans-issues, as I would like to be assessed for hormone replacement therapy. It is the only reason I made an appointment, dude. If that doesn't work out, now worries, I've already imagined this appointment a million times, so I already have the experience of it working out well. So everything's dandy."

Yes, it's sort of silly and to-the-point. 
Question: Is that rude?... to just say that's what I'm here for. XD I know that's how one makes an appointment, you tell them what's wrong, but I don't know if many request how they'd like help.


The actual question I wanted answered:
To my last therapist, I always brought my teddy bear Bob. Sometimes he'd just come in secret and sit in my gym bag.

I don't know if it's very appropriate for a teenage boy (feminine or not) to bring a teddy to a therapists' appointment. Usually I'd fiddle with my hat, but having Bob in my lap or with me makes me very comfortable and at ease; I don't talk to him or anything, I've just had him since birth and he's always been one of my favorites. He's a little too big to make it look like there's nothing in my bag but a few books, but he's not huge. I think he's 1'3".

Anyone else brought any stuffed animals to therapy, or anything? o.o

(and yes, I know 4-year-old me was SO SUPAR CREATIVEZ with his name.  ::))

I have a little kittycat finger puppet. She likes to hide in my pocket/bag/whatever most of the time.    :D

There is nothing wrong in being direct as long as it is polite. I would not call the person dude. It should be sir or mam. If I had a teen with a teddy bear in his lap talking to me about being mentally straight, I would start processing information differently.  I would keep your happy tokens hidden.

I would suggest you present as a normal young man going for a very serious interview. You should be a well dressed guy, not casual and not effeminate (IMO). Your Mum has already contaminated the scene to an extent ( not her fault BTW) so you need to present as a normal guy in a difficult situation. 

Whatever you do, don't lie, or tell untruths. Once they are found, and they will be, they will destroy your arguments.

Godd Luck

Cindy

The dude part was mostly a joke, ha. I feel like being relaxed helps.
I'd probably just keep the bear in my bag, if I brought him at all.

I felt like if I went in dressed too seriously (tie and such, or polo shirt), they'd think I was trying to hard to look masculine, whereas if I just dressed how most guys my age dress (jeans, nice t-shirt) I'd look pretty normal. To me it's a very casual situation and I'm not very worried -- it's serious, but if things don't work out, I'm not losing any sleep. Perhaps being relaxed would make me come off as not seeing a positive end as completely necessary. Or, perhaps I'll just come off as relaxed and having no huge issues other than being in need of HRT. -shrug-

I don't see the point in lying to a psychologist. Hinders things.

My personal belief is that the direct approach is the way to go. If you ask for what you need you're more likely you are to get it. I think it's important to find out if they have experience working with trans people otherwise you may be wasting your time.

An ex-girlfriend of mine bought me a teddy bear some 25 years ago that I took to group therapy.  It was required that each of us had a stuffed animal. :) I still have him. I agree with Cindy though. It wil probably put you under closer scrutiny than if you didn't have him with you. No reason he can't wait in you backpack though. ;)

Dress however you feel comfortable. Presenting a normal appearance for someone your age can only help. Jeans and a t-shirt should be fine.

Good luck!

Really I think it depends largely on the therapist, one of the downsides of therapy is that therapists are humans too and thus have their own flaws, talents and different styles of therapy.  I've seen several different therapists throughout the years and some of them were good and others weren't, and some were good but not the right fit for me.  My advice: like the others said, don't be rude but definetely don't be afraid to assert yourself.  Don't blow off your therapist if the first visit doesn't go well, but go with your gut and stick to what you know about yourself.  It's one thing to listen to someone else's input and see if what they think fits you, but if you think someone isn't listening to you don't be afraid to seek out another therapist.  Just remember to be your own advocate  :)

Quote from: Cindy James on July 29, 2011, 04:29:05 AM
Whatever you do, don't lie, or tell untruths. Once they are found, and they will be, they will destroy your arguments.

I agree.  A good therapist will be able to smell a lie a mile away.

The best thing to do is to just be yourself.  Then again, I think that's always the best thing to be.  But...meh

I'd like to add: it makes a big difference if you go in there assuming they're on your side and want to support you, rather than going in looking for trouble, if you get what I mean. It's good to be assertive in saying why you've gone there and what you'd like to happen, but neither confrontational nor passive. Any teddybear action necessary to promote non-aggressive confidence is a Good Thing :). You could just say: pay no attention to that teddybear behind the curtain, he's just here to give me moral support.

Good luck, be yourself, assume the best.

Quote from: Padma on August 04, 2011, 10:53:13 AM
I'd like to add: it makes a big difference if you go in there assuming they're on your side and want to support you, rather than going in looking for trouble, if you get what I mean.

I disagree.  It is best to go in assuming nothing, and then making conclusions based on the data that you get while you are there.  If you go in assuming they will be on your side, you are already positing things about the situation which may not be true.

I prefer to take the neither/neither approach to life.  Science and observation don't lie.  If I don't assume anything about reality, it will be that much easier for me to find out what is really going on.

(The therapist was great -- I didn't bring the teddy, but I might leave him in my backpack. I'm not sure if I looked like the average teenage boy, but I dressed how I always dress. The therapist said she was expected a confused kid with a few questions, but I apparently exude some weird confidence in myself. I wasn't able to bring up HRT, but I will the next appointment. She said if I needed any medication for problems that came up, she'd refer me to a psychiatrist in the building.)

I've never had a bad experience with a therapist. They've always told me that my identity was mine, and something they couldn't "cure" or change. So I was just relaxed and assumed this one would be either confused yet fine, or just overall accepting. Had they been unaccepting, I would have calmly disagreed with their opinion and left the room.

QuoteI disagree.  It is best to go in assuming nothing, and then making conclusions based on the data that you get while you are there.  If you go in assuming they will be on your side, you are already positing things about the situation which may not be true.

I like this. While I think optimism is good, it's probably best to assume nothing, however difficult that could be.

I'm glad the session went so well :).

I understand your disagreement, VeryGnawty, but what you're disagreeing with wasn't exactly the point I was trying to make. My point wasn't really about blind optimism, but more about how you approach a situation and the affect that has on the other people in it. When I go into a situation expecting trouble, I'm much more likely to get it. I've noticed that conversely, when I approach people (including healthcare professionals) as though we're both friendly adults on an even footing (instead of relating to them like they're a headmaster or something), I'm much more likely to get real communication and support. Obviously I need to respond to the situation as it presents itself - but the state of mind with which I enter dialogue with someone clearly affects how they respond.

Honestly, everywhere I go I assume that professionals aren't up-to-date or adequate with the factual definitions and conditions listed the DSM, and I've never been incorrect about that assumption. Even the gender-mill therapists who churn out pills like butter only do so because they have an innate positive bias toward us; none of them really know what they're talking about either. I personally look for professionals who do have a very detailed, factual education beyond innate opinion, as somewhere down the line, anyone who bases their professional business on an "opinion", even if a positive one, and not a "fact", will hurt someone down the road. A therapist who lets anyone have pills, for example, is bound to come across a patient who wants to "revert" like it's nothing and then gets all suicidal about it.

Personally, my big thing is that if a professional disagrees with me when I know the facts are otherwise (ex. "Homosexuality/Transsexualism can be 'cured' by having self-confidence."), I believe it's a wise thing to say "Well, I will have to see what my lawyers advise about that diagnosis." (As literally every comment a therapist says about you is considered medical diagnosis, and if the diagnosis is wrong, it is considered fraud, negligence, malpractice, and defamation of character.) I have been to bully-therapists myself, and someone may think "if a therapist disagrees with me, I'll just do the mature thing and walk away while letting them take my money." - however, what's not being done in that case is sticking up for the other patients that very therapist may be causing harm toward; a discriminatory therapist may have already caused a suicide.

Many professionals simply need to be re-educated of both facts and laws, and I believe it's important in therapy to realize that the therapist is your employee, a professional who is being paid to tell you the facts; it would be different if the therapist was preaching to a congregation for free. At the very worst, a therapist or other mental professional may try to hospitalize you and frame you as someone in danger of committing suicide, all in attempt to stop you from transitioning. These things still do occur, and again, its why it's important to, even if it's not really true, to tell an out-of-hand professional that you have a legal team on your side. Therapists do assume that their patients are weak-minded people who will bow down to anything that they say, and when they do not have this power over certain patients, many of them become hateful, rude, and manipulating.