Susan's Place Transgender Resources

<sup>It's been a while since I posted here... ´ w`

Anyway, I am in need of some advice. I finally managed to squeeze away from living with my mother and stepfather which helped me quite a bit. However, I have a bit of the same problem living with my grandmother, just at a much lesser extent. Her and my aunt simply can not grasp the concept of the trans* community. I've explained basically everything in detail on several different occasions, linked them to articles, showed them videos, etc.. but I get the same canned response (I'm sure a few of you have heard before) every time: "Just because you don't like frilly dresses and makeup blah blah blah, doesn't mean you're not a girl." I'll be 22 in less than a month, I'm pretty sure I know what I am by now. "You might want to wear a bra, just in case you change your mind." Grandma, it's not something you can just decide. You don't 'change your mind' about this.

Anyway, my grandmother basically goes out of her way to make sure she has to use pronouns just so she can use "she" or "her". Hell, most of the time when we go out to the store or whatever and I get a "thank you, sir" for holding a door open or what have you, she corrects them and it really crushes my spirit, lmao.

Could you guys please give me some kind of advice? ): I knew this was going to be the farthest thing from a walk in the park from the very beginning (which was why I was so scared about coming out earlier) and I know it's usually harder for family to understand, but it's getting ridiculously hard to cope day to day with being constantly told you're something that you know you're not.

Thanks, I really appreciate it.</sup>

i remember reading this somewhere on this page: claim to people that your grandma suffers from alzheimers or dementia, and thinks you are your mother. it depends on how well you pass, however.

i personally wouldn't expect grandma changing her mind. just avoid being in public together as much as possible, and make arrangements to move out on your own as soon as possible. (it might be several years, still, when you have plans and know that this exact day the undesirable behavior will end, it's easier to make through.)

I say be tough with her, let her know this isn't okay. Tell her you won't spend time with her if she keeps calling you the wrong things, or that you will avoid seeing her in any way that you can if it continues.

If need be use the same terms as you would with a child, it's cruel but it works. Things like 'I'm really disappointed in you', 'you need to grow up and accept the things you cannot change' or 'I can't believe how jouvenile you're being'. Things like this have worked wonders for me in the past.

Put your foot down and stick to it. :P

Quote from: MaxAloysius on August 01, 2011, 04:01:06 AM
Put your foot down and stick to it. :P

You could have only said this, and your post probably would have been just as valuable.

If you give people an inch, they will take a mile.  The only way to get people to treat you differently is to insist on it.  Always.  By "insist" I mean meeting them with the same resistance as they have persistence.

Quote from: Thrall on August 01, 2011, 01:52:41 AM
make arrangements to move out on your own as soon as possible. (it might be several years, still, when you have plans and know that this exact day the undesirable behavior will end, it's easier to make through.)

I thought this would be true but found that depression hit harder as I got closer. I do think it would work for most people though.

You are moving in the wrong direction.  Grandparents are even less likely to 'understand' or 'get' any of this, even more than parents.  It's really a generational deal.  You should be moving in with people closer to your own age.

Quote from: tekla on August 01, 2011, 06:53:12 AMGrandparents are even less likely to 'understand' or 'get' any of this, even more than parents.  It's really a generational deal.  You should be moving in with people closer to your own age.

I have to agree with this assessment.  Even though I hate promoting stereotypes, there does seem to be a large correlation between age and transphobia.

If it were me I would just avoid going anywhere with them, this way you don't get misgendered by them in public.  Avoid hanging around them and if they make comments to you shoot them down, put them in their places.