Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hey I'm new to Susans and was looking around for some support. I'm kinda scared to tell many people about wanting to be a female (kind of because I'm younger and in high school the worst place to be on the planet...)  but I have always had thoughts about it even before I knew what a transsexual was... I feel as if I should tell someone but I have always had hide who I was from everyone, including my parents. But I was going to tell my Mom soon since I've been along this road a long time... Kinda just wanted to know if there were any others that felt this same way. :-\ And I already call myself Amy cause I have always wished my name was Amanda haha :P

Hi Amy, and welcome to Susan's! We're a diverse and friendly bunch here (the head count is over 7800) - get into things as slowly or as quickly as you feel comfortable, I'm sure you'll find plenty of support here, and plenty of younger folk in a similar position to you.

And be sure to check out these links for the bobby on the house rules:

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by  (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
  
• Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar/post links and photos) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
  
• Age and the Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,62197.msg405545.html#msg405545)
  
• Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
  

Thanks for the warm welcome Padma  :)

Welcome!

Be sure to check the "coming out" section for advice when it's time for telling your parents.
And of course I'm sure you will find many of us are in a very similar situation, so don't be afraid to ask any questions. :)

Hi Amy

I know how you feel. It's really intimidating, especially when you're in high school, but you're lucky because if you do decide to transition and live as a woman (which is incredibly doable) at your age you have an excellent opportunity to live life as a normal woman. Hormone replacement therapy (commonly referred to as HRT) is quite effective for those of any age but is especially effective for those under 25 and even more so for those in their teens.

My one piece of advice is that if your Mum or Dad offer to take you to a doctor or a medical professional to discuss this, take them up on it. I didn't because I was scared but what I realize now is that had I of seen a doctor then 1) I would have had about 9 years less of worrying and wondering what to do about it and 2) I would have had a much better outcome from HRT than I will have now.

So rest assured there are medical interventions such as HRT, surgery and hair removal techniques that can lead to you living as and being accepted as a normal woman, even speech therapy to teach you how to speak and sound like a woman and it's incredibly effective - contrary to the popular stereotype. Help is at hand, just don't let fear or prejudice stand in your way. If you need any support there are plenty of lovely ladies and kind gentlemen here that can help and provide support. Don't hesitate to join in and have your say.

Quote from: AmyxRobin on August 02, 2011, 03:02:49 AM
Hey I'm new to Susans and was looking around for some support. I'm kinda scared to tell many people about wanting to be a female (kind of because I'm younger and in high school the worst place to be on the planet...)  but I have always had thoughts about it even before I knew what a transsexual was... I feel as if I should tell someone but I have always had hide who I was from everyone, including my parents. But I was going to tell my Mom soon since I've been along this road a long time... Kinda just wanted to know if there were any others that felt this same way. :-\ And I already call myself Amy cause I have always wished my name was Amanda haha :P

Hey amy !!

Names Zoey  :D :D i am in High school to but near its end lol if you ever need to talk or have a high school or anything issue just pm me once you have 15 posts you can  :D :D I will always be happy to help

Love Zo( hehe my nick name XD )

Hi amy   is very nice to meet you.

Hi Amy. What year are you in high school? Just curious about how far away college is for you, if you're planning on going. If you are, college can be a great place to transition. When you're looking at universities, and if you have the option of going to one out of state, you'll want to check out their LGBT community, see what resources they have, and see if you can ascertain how trans friendly the university is. In some cases, as is the case with my university, you can do the counseling that is required to receive HRT (hormones) for free. Many, if not most, universities have health centers on campus with pharmacies where you can fill your prescriptions. They can sometimes even be cheaper. I was able to go through the counseling for free at my university as all counseling services here are free, and the medication at the campus pharmacy is subsidized, so it's much cheaper than if I were to fill it at a regular pharmacy. My university has a HUGE queer community and the staff and faculty are really supportive. That's just something to think about if you plan to go to college and are thinking about how/when to transition. Of course, if your parents end up being accepting and allow you to transition while still in high school, the earlier the better!

Oh and dont forget to read the rules lol i broke a few like dont tell age if under 18 and stuff  :) :) learn the rules and never lose your posts  :) :) just thought i would tell you because i felt so embarrassed when i broke the same 3 times in 2 days lol :)

Thanks everyone for the good advice and warm welcomes  :D and I'm just getting into junior year

I have been thinking of ways to tell my mom since we always talk about things that have been going on, its always great to talk to her. But what I am afraid of is her reaction to loosing another male in the family cause my father passed away only a couple of months ago... so I kinda wanted to take it easy with the bad news stuff, but lying awake at night thinking about the steps I could take to change this mistake isn't really helping me either :\ so any suggestions as to what I should do? I am at a loss... ^^; and I really hate to be a bummer but I also really have to talk to someone about this heh...

AmyxRobin, if you're young and still have a girl-like voice like you said in another thread, please keep using it, because like you I kept singing my favourite songs in a high range all through puberty, and I was able to keep most of my range (I was the only 11th-grade guy who was still singing the alto part in the school choir), and it really helps with my voice now over a decade later!

That's what I have been thinking  :D and I tend to use my girl voice while I am absent minded or just by myself lol so I will have no problem with keeping it :D thanks Apple oh and I tried it a few seconds after I posted on the other thread I can hum  :P

Keep using the highest pitches of your voice too, and not just the talking pitch ;) so keep singing as well as talking!! Keep up with singing high-pitch songs regularly (up to G5 or so) if you can.

You 2 are sooo lucky i had a silent voice break so i never went super deep but i am literally just on the boy side and my range diminished over night!!  Amy never let that voice go!!

I wont  :D and I'll be sure to practice every volume haha

Thats what I do to I really like songs from the 50s and 60s.

lol I sing whatever I have on my cd  :)

Quote from: AmyxRobin on August 03, 2011, 11:08:03 PM
lol I sing whatever I have on my cd  :)

And dont stop trust me the omg my voice is so annoying thought is not the best :D :D

As for parental support, assess what the risk is in coming out to your parents.  Worst case scenario is they throw you out and disown you.  If that's the case, and yes it sucks, you need to suck it up and finish out high school though make a plan for transitioning in/after college.  There are enough uneducated young MtFs out there that you don't need to be one more.

If you think its safe to open up to your parents, take it in steps.  As good as it might feel to tell the truth, whole truth and nothing but the truth, you might as well threaten to hold your breath until you get your way.  They might be the 1 in 1 million parents that immediately take you for a completely new wardrobe and start calling you "Amy" on the spot, but they're probably not.  As parents you need to give them time to warm up to the idea.

So what can you do? You said you're close with your mom, open a dialogue.  Talk about the abstract issues that go along with being transgendered, the anxiety, the depression, the low self esteem, etc.  These are all perfectly acceptable reasons to see a therapist and they're not nearly as shocking as "I'm a girl!".  Advocate for yourself, I wish I'd done a better job of it when I was your age.

If you're lucky enough to get in with an understanding therapist and sympathetic parents and doctors, go for it!  But don't worry if you don't.  Everyone transitions when they're ready.  Don't let it become a race, take your time and do things the right way.  As for the under 25 thing.  The only link I've been able to find is human growth hormone (which you naturally stop secreting at 25) and if that's the case its a carrier for T not E, so it would seem to be exactly the opposite for MtFs (and good news for FtMs).  Again transition when you're ready and you'll pass.  I can show you 16 y/o's that don't pass and 60 y/o's that do.

Actually Regan I told my mom last night since she kept on asking what was bothering me, I told her minor things but I ran out. I was still trying to think of what to say but she kinda caught me off guard and I told her what ever was able to come out of my mouth cause I was so nervous. She understood some of it and accepted it but I still think I should clear some things up, I did make it clear I wanted to see a therapist though.

It sounds like things went pretty well. I hope things keep going well during your transition.

Quote from: AmyxRobin on August 04, 2011, 12:08:10 PM
Actually Regan I told my mom last night since she kept on asking what was bothering me, I told her minor things but I ran out. I was still trying to think of what to say but she kinda caught me off guard and I told her what ever was able to come out of my mouth cause I was so nervous. She understood some of it and accepted it but I still think I should clear some things up, I did make it clear I wanted to see a therapist though.

Well remember the rest of what I said then...  :)

Great that you're facing it head on early, BUT, don't cave into the pressure to rush it.  Its unlikely you'll get surgery before you turn 18, and depending on where you live you may not get hormones (or blockers) until then too.  So take things slow.  When you fully transition you will transition fine whether its tomorrow or years from now.  Rush into things too quickly and you'll be yet another failed transition (trust me there are enough of those already).

I'll keep that in mind  :) and also what do you mean by failed transition? things just didnt turn out right? or the person had second thoughts?

Quote from: AmyxRobin on August 04, 2011, 12:51:16 PM
I'll keep that in mind  :) and also what do you mean by failed transition? things just didnt turn out right? or the person had second thoughts?

Sometimes both...

I used this analogy once before, and people liked it, so here goes...

Transition is an ocean to cross, its your choice whether you can do it in a speedboat or an oceanliner.  The point is the oceanliner takes longer, but its more stable.

I see, thanks again Regan :) any other advice is very welcome :D

Don't do some of the things I did when my first transition failed (or rather what led to the failure of my first transition).  Here's a couple things I figured out the second time around (in no particular order):

1.  Resist the urge to DIY.  The urge is strong and there are plenty of websites more then happy to help you achieve that goal.  I'm not going to BS you and tell you "hormones are pretty powerful stuff", the real truth is (and I say this having DIYed 2 or 3 times in the past) hormones change how you feel about just about everything.  Its important to have someone to talk to about those things.  They also take an incredible toll on your body and that needs medical monitoring.  Not to mention that medicine is more of an art then it is a science and what works for one person, works for that person only.  Without medical monitoring you're either wasting money overdoing it or wasting money on drugs that aren't doing anything but stressing your liver.

2.  Pretty much everything in your life will change between now and then.  I'm still working through this part, but the fact is people have to transition with you or they have to leave your life (either their choice or yours).  You need to build up your support network and accept that the people in your life you love and trust as the boy they believe you to be may not be as positive a part of your life as you shift from boy to girl.

3.  Your mother probably told you, "you get more flies with honey than you do with vinegar".  She's right.  If you want to fast track to failure, be angry with the world, be in your face about being angry with the world.  Throw around ultimatims, demand things of the people in your life.  In short, push the people that love you out of your life if they show any resistance on their own path to accepting who you are becoming.  Some people in your life need to leave, but work towards understanding with them before you cut all ties. 

4.  Fight the unnecessary depression over all the things you didn't get to do growing up as a girl.  We all have to grieve for our lost childhoods, but don't grieve over never being the prom queen, the cheerleader, or any of the other popular girl stereotypes.  Most cis girls didn't have that experience growing up either.*

5.  Most of all, know who you are, the girl you can be, and go after that with everything you can.  This too takes acceptance though.  No one is too tall, too fat, too anything to not transition.  However, not everyone can be the prom queen, the cheerleader or the girly girl.  If tomboy, girl jock or even stone butch lesbian works for you - own it! 

6.  Listen twice as much as you talk.  Listen twice as much as you probably think you should.  Ask lots of questions.  Every other transitioner is either an example of what to do or what not to do, learn from all of us.  Give back to the others that will come after you, whether they're 6 or 60 when they first walk the path.

That's about all I can think of for now.  :)


* My revelation was getting depressed watching kids play on the beach.  Who does that?  I told my therapist that's when I finally understood things, that I would have given anything to be a girl.  Growing up a boy was difficult for me, at best, I did things I hated doing just to try to fit in as the boy I wasn't.  Would I have not done those things as a girl?  Probably not, but I would have felt alot differently about it, or at least not felt the pressure to do things I didn't want to do.  I compared it to a stereo being stuck on static.  I would have given anything just to turn down the noise that was my gender dysphoria.  More then not being seen as female, I feared having to live the rest of my life as male.

Ty Regan  ;D you rock I'll read this many times lol ^^ btw how did your transition go? o.o curious...

Quote from: AmyxRobin on August 07, 2011, 08:47:32 PM
Ty Regan  ;D you rock I'll read this many times lol ^^ btw how did your transition go? o.o curious...

My transition thus far has been a little over a year of hormones from 24 to 25, where I did most of the things I was telling you not to do, in turn I totally quit transitioning only to DIY 2 or 3 times, for short periods, until I started seeing a therapist again last year.  I start AAs and electro this week (yay!) and I'm trying to work out a 2 -3 year plan to finish transition (finally).

I did alot of things in the last 10 (ok well 12) years that I might not have done otherwise had I transitioned, most of which I'm proud of (and maybe a few things I'm not, but that's life).  I'm a lot more confident in my transition now that there's little left in my life now that transition might prevent me from doing (or even just the fear that it would prevent me from doing).  I'm also alot more secure in my sense of my female self (something that was seriously lacking the last time).

As you find your place on this board, and in your life, tell the truth twice as much as you think you should, lie half as much (and know that this board is not real life and is no substitute for it, all the lies and half truths we all tell included) and you should be ok.

mhm ty for telling Regan :) btw sorry for late response went on vacation with my family :D

My head kinda wants to go kaboom with this waiting and hiding @.@;..... trying to keep cool is depressing may as well act how I want to act huh?

Nononono don't do that... are you okay?
Tell us more how you are feeling... :)

That was pretty much it... I feel like I should kinda leave my brain some where... like in a little box so it wont annoy me so much :-\ ... or on the wall... but that would be a gross sight :P

But aren't you now starting your transition? Come on tell me more :):)

Hey Amy,
I have found that talking out your feelings really helps with the depression. It's like once it's voiced it alleviates the pressure, and helps you accept that sometimes you're up-sometimes you're down. I see a counsellor at the gender centre at the moment, but to be honest, any good counsellor will help you with your feelings and depression.
If you have problems getting to someone, there are many free call lines avaialable that you can use as a sound board to get your head straight as you transition.

All the best sweetie

No, cause my mom forgot to find a meeting with the therapist, I think she forgot again after I'd reminded her... and I could go to a counselor but I have a few friends to talk to that are really understanding, so I think the position is filled, and my school counselors get enough trouble as it is... :P

Nag her every day ;D You really want to see one right? Can you tell her how you feel?

Yeah, but just a glance at her I can tell shes uncomfortable with the topic, no matter how much she says its ok... but I really really do want to see a therapist >.<

Quote from: AmyxRobin on August 26, 2011, 04:50:17 PM
Yeah, but just a glance at her I can tell shes uncomfortable with the topic, no matter how much she says its ok... but I really really do want to see a therapist >.<

i know the feeling my mom protests she ok but the moment i do a girli thing she freaks out !

My mom can't tell when I do girly things :P I can even slip into my girl voice and she says nothing about it, its just talking about it is what makes her uneasy

Amy,

Living your life for others is a sure way of being unhappy. Mainly because others never get to experience the real you. This will surely tick them off, which only leads you to bend over backwards to please them even more.
The real you will shine- once you let it. The real you is incredibly easy to love as well.

There's nothing wrong with bothering your school counsellor, that's what they're paid for. Use them, they want to help those who want to help themselves.

A great book to read is' piling your own strings' by Dr Wayne Dyer. It will help you ask for what you rightly deserve.

um... explain? I don't get what your trying to say o.o... I just don't talk to the school counselors cause they kinda creep me out, not comfortable around them. I feel like they are going to write me up for being alive o.o... same with the administrators... kinda just keep my distance o.o...

Quote from: AmyxRobin on August 28, 2011, 10:50:29 PM
um... explain? I don't get what your trying to say o.o... I just don't talk to the school counselors cause they kinda creep me out, not comfortable around them. I feel like they are going to write me up for being alive o.o... same with the administrators... kinda just keep my distance o.o...

Honestly....are you afraid of them or yourself? 

It can be very scary when someone accepts you for been you. It means they don't just see the light, but the shadows as well.

Love and respect

Jen

Quote from: AmyxRobin on August 28, 2011, 10:50:29 PM
um... explain? I don't get what your trying to say o.o... I just don't talk to the school counselors cause they kinda creep me out, not comfortable around them. I feel like they are going to write me up for being alive o.o... same with the administrators... kinda just keep my distance o.o...

i don't blame you because school counselors are not held by a privacy code so  you can't really trust them unless you can get them to sign a contract :) i say don't talk to a school counselor unless you can hold them to a privacy contract

Quote from: AmyxRobin on August 27, 2011, 06:03:47 PM
My mom can't tell when I do girly things :P I can even slip into my girl voice and she says nothing about it, its just talking about it is what makes her uneasy

oh and telling my mom turned my life into he'll because i can't do anything girlie she now makes me feel so male ... moms are hard to deal with i know i sure will try not be :)

Oh wait there is the word I dont trust the ppl at my school, thanks Zoey btw my mom is doing the same thing to me... putting emphasis on treating me as a guy after I told her :p