Susan's Place Transgender Resources

What do you do when you get clocked and laughed or stared at?

I think it is one of the most feared situations, imagined or real, feeling ridiculed? FOR BEING YOU?!

It takes me back many years when a work colleague / friend had this "bad habit" more a >-bleeped-<e-habit to laugh at things he didn't either understand you said or more so, didn't agree with. A sort of derisive laugh.

To me it's a sign that the person, in EST talk, is actually an >-bleeped-<.
In practically every case they, the ones that do the laughing, are "verklemmt" (uptight, inhibited, somehow neurotic). So please bear that in mind. They seem to have learned to project THEIR uneasiness (Verklemmtheit) due to their own inhibitions ONTO OTHERS, you.

I used to get pretty uptight myself when this guy did it, and then got the idea to laugh derisively straight back at him --- jolly much in the same manner as he did. IT JUST STOPPED HIM DEAD IN HIS TRACKS, as if he had hit a brick wall. His projection didn't work for him anymore, hey.

I would NEVER do such, if not being prompted by someone's mindless unkind derisive laughing at me. But yes, if it happens I laugh right back into their faces and as it happens they think now all of the sudden, is there something wrong with THEM? Zip open? Shirt-tail hanging out? Smudge of egg on their chin, etc. heehee.

In a more kindly scenario just laughing back may change the mood and so we both might just laugh about how silly it is all - and move on from there.

A milder form involves just some stunned, dumb, looks that stick to you.
If that happens I would sweetly approach that person, smile at them and may just say 'hello", and "how are you today" or share my being annoyed about a slow moving queue at a bank counter or at the post-office.

In the end it take always the right attitude AND NOT, NEVER! being aggro EVER.
Like learn to smile at the devil and he will just go away --- at least most of the time.

How about you guys and girls?

Axelle

Last time it happened, I did nothing at all :) I just looked away, walked on and did whatever I was going to do... (I think it was to buy a McDonald's meal but can't really remember now hehe)

QuoteWhat do you do when you get clocked and laughed or stared at?

Laughed at: Smile and laugh along with them.
Stared at: Make a cute snap and a cuter wiggle.

Quote from: AxelleI think it is one of the most feared situations, imagined or real, feeling ridiculed? FOR BEING YOU?!

I'm rather dulled to it... I survived middle and high school where I was cast socially among the druggies and outcast openly as a woman since early middle school. Ridicule of me is almost nothing to me. It's hard to get under my skin by ridicule.

QuoteIt takes me back many years when a work colleague / friend had this "bad habit" more a >-bleeped-<e-habit to laugh at things he didn't either understand you said or more so, didn't agree with. A sort of derisive laugh.

Derisive laughter is 100% mockable. Every time someone laughs derisively at me or anyone I like: I laugh back with a cruel scoff at their fail laugh. The message gets across fast :)

QuoteI used to get pretty uptight myself when this guy did it, and then got the idea to laugh derisively straight back at him --- jolly much in the same manner as he did. IT JUST STOPPED HIM DEAD IN HIS TRACKS, as if he had hit a brick wall. His projection didn't work for him anymore, hey.

Hey, I just recommended this :O Maybe I should read through responses fully in the future... but too much time wasted ^_^

QuoteI would NEVER do such, if not being prompted by someone's mindless unkind derisive laughing at me. But yes, if it happens I laugh right back into their faces and as it happens they think now all of the sudden, is there something wrong with THEM? Zip open? Shirt-tail hanging out? Smudge of egg on their chin, etc. heehee.

It's that their hands are sweaty and they just got an STI from the girl they had a quickie with in the storage closet but 10 minutes ago. :D

QuoteIn the end it take always the right attitude AND NOT, NEVER! being aggro EVER.
Like learn to smile at the devil and he will just go away --- at least most of the time.

100% agreement with this. Only time I am aggro is when my personal space is repeatedly and annoyingly violated despite warnings. So it only affects children and I exhibit this aggro by bodily lifting them, carrying them somewhere... and setting them down. Walk away. Repeat as necessary.

Quote from: Laura91 on August 05, 2011, 01:26:55 PM
When it has happened I honestly feel like killing people. I know I can't actually do that so I just grit my teeth and wish death upon them.

You *can* actually kill people (it is, infact, rather east). That does not mean you should :P

Hi

For me it's  im seen as different . as to clocked . if i wasn't   id be more surprised. People will allways look at me, & i dont try & hide the fact of im a masculine  looking woman facial wise any ways,

& no its not a problem , because im accepted  by so many people it does not matter .

Any way the nice thing is i get to talk to lots of people . so it has its good side , for me any way.

To do what i do you have to be a very strong woman. & enjoy what you do,& my pic denotes that,

...noeleena...

The only time I had a problem was at a supermarket, I was being 'followed' by three large Neanderthals. I ended up waiting to get served at the delhi section and one of them, a rather ugly and very smelly person, came over and invaded my space and stared at my face. I became quite frightened and just  walked away and left the store.

I was at a restaurant and as I walked to the table I heard a couple say 'Look at this one' so I went to their table and asked what they wanted to look at. They went bright red, totally embarrassed and my sister in law and I sat at the table next to them and had a nice meal while they did not.

I felt fine.

Cindy 

I was at a walmart once when I turned a corner, running into a young girl that worked there. She immediately laughed and yelled at a co worker to come to her, saying "she found an it!" All I could do is run out of the store. Once I got to my car I cried for over an hour!

Very often, I didn't have much time to respond. In certain venues, such as the women's restroom, it could be dangerous to respond. Most of the time, I was so ashamed of being trans that I tried to ignore the other person.

But I very clearly remember one confrontation that had a successful outcome. My ex and I were going into a Chinese restaurant, and two...young women were coming out. There was some discussion about "what" I was; one of the girls started yelling in a snotty voice, "Excuse me! Excuse me!" We turned, and she said, "Is that a girl or a boy?" I, as usual, was caught off guard, so there was a long silence while we all stared at each other. Finally, my ex said in a very even voice, "Does it matter?" It was clear that they weren't going to get any satisfaction out of us, so they left.

I know now that he didn't really "get" the trans thing the way I thought he did, but I am still very thankful to him for what he said that day. Years later, when I was immediately pre-transition and early in transition, I came up with all sorts of retorts. I don't think I had to use any of them at all.

i've only been stared at. and i think talked about. but I ahev bad hearing so i dont really know

but when i feel like its happening I just start to act more girly and basically not care.

I guess i go into the mindset to change their minds with my actions and make them think they were wrong in their assumptions.

I fear it like the plague but when it actually happens i tend to find some sort of strength to overcome it. idk.

When I get laughed at or stared at, as a result of probable clocking, I just pretend like it isn't happening, and forget about it. I'm pretty sure it's my Adam's apple a lot of the time... but who knows.

I'm glad this thread got revived.

When I get clocked and laughed or stared at, I usually just ignore it and don't react. Sometimes I get snarly with the person. Once in awhile I'll replay it too many times in my head and start feeling bad. If I'm already fragile, I might rush away and cry privately.

Usually, though, I don't get made fun of. Staring and rude questions is more the norm, and I try to be fair and keep in mind that I didn't used to understand trans people either. Ignorance is what it is.

Felix, reading your last sentence brightend my outlook for an unknown reason. You rock!

Well I know I annoy the crap out of you all when I do this, but I do like to share my gender clocking mishaps.


So my husband for about 8 years had hair all the way down to his butt and I have very short hair. I have a masculine hairline in the back of my head, or so I've been told by hairdressers.  I hate hair on the back of my neck but when they taper it it looks very masculine.

So one day hubby and I are walking down the street and some punk runs up to us to get in our face because he thought we were two guys but then he realized and just made a stupid comment about my husband's hair.  I've learned never to hold his hand walking up the street.  Trouble.

Another time I went into Starbucks and was looking at coffee mugs when a manger came up and asked if he could "Help you sir" and then I turned and he went blood red in the face and I got free cappuccino.   :angel:

But when I was younger I was clocked as a trans for the LONGEST time.  I got beaten up by two black kids in the middle of Charles Street in Baltimore Maryland.   Right in the middle of the street, hanging out with my adorable gay friend, and this man got out of his car to stop it and then got back in and left because he thought I was a trans.

That's useful input mixie, not annoying.

OMG I run into people from my old school ALL THE TIME, and usually when 3 girls from my old school see me, the laugh at me or confront me and tell me all sots of transphobic bullsh!t. When that happens I flip them off.

I do nothing to suggest I feel there's anything wrong with me.

If someone is laughing at me, I ignore them so much as to not even glance at them.  I think back to my childhood when I was ignorant and laughed at people.  Nothing pissed me off more than laughing at someone and have them pay absolutely no attention to me.  Inside my mind I would be screaming, "Damn it, look at me!  Look at me laughing at you!  I want you to know I'm laughing at you!"  In return, people who laugh only get an epic fail if the person they're laughing at doesn't pay them any mind.

If I am being clocked or stared at, I flaunt my femininity.  Not to persuade their mind into believing they were incorrect in their curiosity, but to show them that I'm in no way humiliated by how I look.

This is all now, of course.  Prior to, I was self-conscious and would in some cases try to act more masculine/become confrontational; this in turn proved to be a waste of time as the person would actually laugh, stare, point or clock even more.  As well, this only took me further away from who I truly was and I realized I'd never transition if I continued to live by other people's opinion.  Though I claim the masculinity rise as a simple defense mechanism, thankfully I have built my courage and lack of care for rude people up high enough to no longer need it.  People want to own that moment in time they take to laugh, stare, point and/or clock; they want you to take that moment out of your life and give it to them; I choose not to.  They aren't deserving of it.

I stare and laugh right back. Everyone deserves respect, regardless of what gender they may be or present, and it shouldn't be accepted to be treated less than human.

fortunately I'm never clocked as a girl, people tought I was a girl before transition, I was one of those lucky bastars with no facial or body hair and a voice between male and female.
A friend of mine who was in transition was living in the center of a small town, with a lot of shops in the streets.
One day I would come to her, she told me she would get some wine and than we would have a nice talk, I told her I would wait in front of her house in case she wasn't back yet.
I was waiting there and saw my friend coming with the wine, while she was walking trough the crowded street, there were some guys from a shop yelling at her, to yelled nepkut, I can translate it to fake vag, I saw my friend shrinking under those harsh words.
I became angry and went to the shop, asking for the manager.
When he arrived I told him what happend in the street and I told him that it was a bad commercial for his store.
I also told him that I wouldn't buy anything from the shop and I would ask family and friends to do the same, till he had employers working with some kind of civilisation.
We don't do bussiness with punks.
He could only say, yes maám, i will take care of that.
Don't know or he did but I had to make a statement and the best way to punish is to hit them where it hurts, in this case, money.
My friend told me that this was going on for months and she didn't go outside the house often because of the yelling to her.
I hope the manager fired them.

Quote from: Axélle on August 05, 2011, 12:24:44 AM
What do you do when you get clocked and laughed or stared at?

I just do nothing. I get snipish comments.

I think that it's actually the best way to do nothing because gg girls do nothing(and it works), and when they get pushed to action they wipe the floor and men are dithering idiots.

I've noticed back talk goes against me. I don't mind being called a fag but when I get called a man it hurts.

I took a trans friend with me to Barnes and Noble last week. There was a table of middle aged women looking over at her and snickering. I could tell in my friend's eyes she was mortified.

So I turned around and stared at them. I mean I STARED at them. I wouldn't let my glare off of them for at least seven minutes. That's a very long time when someone stares you down. They shifted in their sits and were very uncomfortable because everytime they turned their heads to look at my friend they saw me there. Still staring at them with my arms crossed.

If I did not work there I would have approached them and inquired about their age and ask if they have yet to mentally surpass the High School mentality yet.

But since I worked there, I didn't want to do anything stupid as I just got the job there over a month ago.

But I stared them down until they got up and left the building.

I do not tolerate immature BS from anyone who hurts a friend of mine.

Depends on situation. But rare occassion it is when I can smile easily or say something half serious/half funny and walk away.
I mean, without T - I mostly feel myself a real pacifist and some weak freak: keeping the pain inside (later complaining or making jokes about it, but) at that moment standing embarassed, numb all over in body.
Since I've been wearing men's clothes, not unisex pieces or mixed up, people recognizes me as a "fag/sissy", sometimes a teenage boy. Since I've been using men's deodorant/after shave (just because of fragrances) it's even better - they suppose I'm a teenage boy.
But there were many times I had problems because of my look/attitude.

- Once, holding hands with my ex-girlfriend, at night a young man followed us by shouting "dirty, asslicking fags" etc. It was cold outside so our chests could not be seen, also hair and how we moved... that was not girly. My ex was considered masculine, I was called a sissy, feminine guy. He tried to beat my ex, then me... then, by sudden my ex showed her tits to that idiot, so he was shocked and left us. I could hit him on face but I didn't do anything just staring at the ground.
- A day after a small group attacked us, one hit me on face - we spent all night in hospital to get know what happened (fortunately nothing serious). And what could I do when he attacked me? I was staring in front of him, dizzy because of pushed away many times in a blink of an eye. I could not run away or think about shouting for help or whatever... I felt numb, then also in my face. Yeah, I'm a sissy or what.
- Recently I've been working for a hipermarket (as student-work) and the workers just make silly moments. So I can smile after all. That's all I can do. Like I was in women's changing room (as non-op and without T, I'm terrified of being together with bio-men... altough, women are not a lot better), and after work two older women asked me if I were a girl or boy because if a boy they really enjoyed my curious visit, they felt sexy whatsoever. That made us laugh. But when I stay with the guys (that means I can be a guy for 3 minutes, until I gotta tell my orig. name to the group leader, give my sign. - being a freak...) I always get some sooo hard work or "just go the cosmetics, you must have soft hands, haha!" - I never holler back. And it bothers me so much.

With my friends... I'd do anything to my friends - then I can also control the attackers' hands. I would not hit them, but hold them back to avoid future problems.

ANTM,Cycle 14--Bonus Clip--'Bitch Please Look!!' (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZClg-tE1-h0#)

Please stick around, Andris.

Sorry you had to go through that Andris.
I do not mean this in any patronising way. I think I'm well known for being honest.

You have proved yourself to be a man by standing your ground, supporting your friends and protecting your girlfriend. Even if you had female clothing on you were still the man.
You should be proud of yourself.
Bullies and yobs will go after any guy they think are smaller than them. It is fact of life that some teenage boys are just fools who need to hit someone smaller or more vulnerable than themselves. When they are drunk they may even be stupid enough to try it against someone bigger or meaner. That demonstrates their IQ = 0.

No man who gets attacked by a fool like these should ever feel less of  a man for it. You have very little chance against unprovoked attack, even if you have training. And remember these yobs have been training by beating people up. They also have the upper body strength that you will develop when on T. They also have feeble brains.

Also your work situation, don't let these stupid people put you off or intimidate you. You are young and growing and are very brave. You will develop and learn how to deal with these situations. The thing we have to learn is confidence. Not brash stupidity but confidence. Believe in your self, if you don't no one else will. It takes time but every step is an important one.

Tell your supervisor that you are not a freak and resent any such remark, keep a written diary of such comments and when the time is right inform senior management. Who knows senior management may contain someone like me :angel:. Then it's payback time baby >:-). 'Cos I do not allow people working for me to act in that way. And I have the legal right to correct it. And I have. And I do.

I know these situations and laws change around the world etc but the human principle is the same. And by posting here you will get the support and who knows there may be a member in your town who can help out. This is not far fetched. I am in personal contact with many members who are very close friends and we do help each other out.

Sort of like a Trans sexual Rotary Club :laugh: Now there is an idea.

Take care my brother and keep well

Cindy

Sorry to hear Andris.
A very bad experience.
Those dumbo's who attacked you are nothing more than wild dogs you know, a lot of courage in a group, but when they are alone they run away, those cowards.
You did the right thing for not escalating the situation.

hugs
Annette

Ugh!  I'm having to deal with this again.  While I had my extensions in I was passing or at least not getting the snickers and points.  Unfortunately they all got glued together and the bonds started breaking down so I had to take them out.  So now I get clocked ALL the time.  It doesn't help that it is so crowded right now because of holiday shopping.  Hopefully the FFS will help a lot, but I got just a bit longer to wait on that and then the recovery period.  I think I'm going to start wearing one of my cold weather hats constantly just to help hide the hairline that is killing my passing.

To get back on topic, if I'm by myself I will sometimes try eye contact and that seems to stop it right away.  I try to just shrug it off when I'm with the kids though since I don't want to risk any kind of confrontation when they are around.  I've never had anyone push it further after eye contact, but it isn't worth the risk to them even if it is exceptionally unlikely.  Now having said that I'm usually dealing with a bored husband dragged along to the store with his wife and not teens.  It is funny but around here it is the older people that are so hostile.  Around here anything different makes you an outsider.  Just my lip rings alone are enough to get sneers.  Ironically I don't have trouble with teens that much at all.  They are either too self involved or get the same sneers from the adults and so are almost allies for me.

Jeneva,

Just a comment; who are you making eye contact too and why?
I never make eye contact with men unless I want them to react. I'm pretty sure most woman are the same. Woman to woman it is all eye contact when talking, but you have already noticed what they are wearing and how they are feeling before we meet.
Guys look at people and make eye contact as a status. Basic Humanoid behaviour, if you as a female and start to make eye contact with a guy you are inviting him into your personal area and that is where all the signals go haywire.

I won't spell them out but some creatures think you are trying to attract them and if they do not like your appearance they can be negative.

As for piercings, don't get put off. They are a very personal thing that many people do not understand, I dislike them, but then again my ears are pierced, I love them. I dislike tattoos, but I can appreciate the art. 

Some times we need to explain if we can. That might sound daft, a person maybe an older person looks at your piercings and looks horrified. Have you ever thought of explaining them to them?  ' I'm sorry you don't like my lip rings but they mean this and that to me. Do you have children or grandchildren who do this? Do you know why?

The biggest problem people have is lack of communication. You people, youngsters, have more means to communicate than anyone before you. Some times talking to someone can be the beginning of great understanding. For both of you..

Hugs

Cindy

When I make eye contact it isn't at all flirting. The comments I get aren't meant to be heard by me so when I look them in the eye I'm going for more of a busted stare.

And while I'd love to be a teen again I'm actually twice that old.

Quote from: Vaerama on August 08, 2011, 03:06:18 AM
You *can* actually kill people (it is, infact, rather east). That does not mean you should :P

that's why I have to remember there are cameras everywhere ......
When I feel threatened, I butch up, maybe I need to learn to bitch up instead...
but sometimes they stare cause you look good.

Quote from: nickikim on December 12, 2011, 05:30:14 PM
that's why I have to remember there are cameras everywhere ......
When I feel threatened, I butch up, maybe I need to learn to bitch up instead...
but sometimes they stare cause you look good.

It depends on the person. Women never stare at me, every male seems to be staring at me...But it doesn't feel confused or hostile.

I've never been clocked, well, because I've never been out. However, there's a pretty humorous story that I'll probably make into a "You had to be there" story, but it involved me and a friend and slightly my trans-ness in a not-out-yet kind of way ;)

I was out with my roommate's girl friend and her friend (also female). We were leaving the bar last week when I was trying to mimic a tone my roommate's gf was making for whatever reason. As we crossed the street, she said jokingly: "You're a terrible girl!" and some drunk frat guys walking by the other way said "So are you!" in a mocking tone. So, I turned around and started walking backwards laughing hysterically and saying "OMG Did you hear what he just said??? HAHAHA". I have a very punctuated laugh (especially when slightly intoxicated...) that I know could cut deep, but as we walked away I told her, still loudly, what he said and then immediately followed with "... which is ENTIRELY untrue!" They said "Aw, why don't we hang out with you more?", and it felt great to stand up against that kind of attitude. First time I ever actually did that actually...

Thank y'all for support and kind words. I strongly agree and feel that hitting back wouldn't be better,  does not make them or somebody else masculine. By standing numb I feel as they see me as non-feeling anything or as "mute = acceptance (of bully) - and/but I also hope to get some better look or something soon. :)
I wonder if somebody here had bad experience, bully because of naturally dense eyelashes?(!) After all, I can smile how they dare judge a men by eyelashes. Funny and sad at the same time, isn't it?

About eye contact... As noticed here, sometimes it's pretty hard to use less facial expressions when you're a real open-minded, honest kind of and picked somebody by chance who is less tolerant/practiced on this subject. (For instance, city of millions vs village of hundreds... family experience, cultural differences and that silly "men should not watch men" or "women watching men or men watching women mean flirting" attitude. Non-written attitudes and habits you should follow but you don't know the "rules" yet because you were/are trapped in a role tought by society.)

Back to the topic...
I wish I had more humorous story like pidgeontoed told! :) Soft(!) humour definitely would help us, everybody, in my opinion.
(When I'm stared at by parents and their children, it happens that adults call me "girl" and the toddlers and smaller children repeat strongly that "it's a he, a boy!!!"... Children are so pure and open minded when watching somebody, they're not staring so I always say hello back - I really like them. This happened today again.)

I'm kind of dumb, so I don't usually realize when I am laughed at, or stared at.
I just sort of carry on my way.

I saw either a CD or TS that looked completely femme but had -not- worked on their voice in the slightest, on the train. Some guy started laughing after she got off the train. I looked at him and said "She looks good in a dress, you're just fat." His wife thought it was hilarious.

Quote from: Kelly-087 on May 06, 2012, 05:32:25 PM
I saw either a CD or TS that looked completely femme but had -not- worked on their voice in the slightest, on the train. Some guy started laughing after she got off the train. I looked at him and said "She looks good in a dress, you're just fat." His wife thought it was hilarious.

:laugh:

Throw my dick at them.

Quote from: Jayr on May 07, 2012, 01:03:57 AM
Throw my dick at them.

I need to get myself a dick. Throwing a medicine spoon just isn't as fun.

Quote from: Jayr on May 07, 2012, 01:03:57 AM
Throw my dick at them.

I'm sorry, that made me giggle! It reminded me of that scene from Sorority boys where they have the sword fight with the... well, you get the idea.

I don't really get the chance much to be stared at. At work it's like being a celebrity. Everyone knows about me! and I do mean everyone. I caught one press operator staring at my butt when I was changing a mold and I did a cute wiggle.
But I've never noticed being openly stared at in the 'predatorial-type' way.

Well.. until today that is. There was this other press operator who was watching me do a mold change. I have no idea who he is but it was kind of creeping me out. But I got the mold change done, went over to him and told him to take a picture, it would last longer and walked off with fake indignance.

Quote from: Felix on May 08, 2012, 01:14:13 AM
I need to get myself a dick. Throwing a medicine spoon just isn't as fun.

Again we need an unwanted parts exchange program, ;D

Smile and keep being pretty for all of them. c:

Quote from: JoeyD on May 21, 2012, 08:15:52 AM
Smile and keep being pretty for all of them. c:

That's the spirit honey :eusa_clap:

Axélle

To Andris,

My words may not weigh much in your experience, but I too have had a lot of problems with bullies (who doesn't?)

Growing up, I was always the weirdo, the geek, the momma's boy, the queer. It doesn't matter what any of them said to me. I am the youngest of six kids, and by far the tallest. All of my brothers told me, when I was in middle school, when my bullies (arch-nemesis') start to gawk or laugh at me, to just walk over to them and ask them what was so funny. Most of the time, they just called me stupid. It got the the point that every time I walked down the hall and saw any of my previous bullies, I would go over to the nearest person and point and laugh at them and laugh, just so they could see how it felt.

When I was finally confronted with being a bully myself, (by some new kids) I responded and told them that even though it looks like I am begin a bully, I am in fact standing up for the people who do not have the strength to do so themselves.

In 8th grade, I was the tallest kid in school (there is only about 150-200 kids in the middle school). I was still taunted and laughed at, and there were times where some bullies would knock books out of my hands and when I went down to pick them up, they would put duct tape in my hair. I would get mocked a lot, kids would say stuff like, "My name is Tyler, yessirry, I have to sit down while I pee." I then laughed at them and said, "That is a really good rhyme, did your two year old sister tell you that one?" or "Oh, I wasn't aware you were so scared of me." Most of the time people would get more confused than embarrassed, but I made do.

I played a lot of basketball and baseball in middle school, and played baseball up until my junior year in high school. I had a handful of friends that will always be my best friends, and they were always there for me. I lost one of my brothers to suicide when I was 13 (8th grade), and the difference between getting bullied before and getting bullied after was like comparing night and darker night. You would think people would have toned down the bullying? Hell no, How else were they going to show that they were superior?

My freshman year of high school is where things started to get better for me. My favorite baseball coach is the high school science teacher, and he has taught everyone in my family, and he is a close family friend. He pulled me out of my first geology class, and had me tested. He knew I was smart, and he knew what I was going through. And he told me that since he was the biology and physics teacher he was going to have me test out of those classes so he can watch over me. I was in biology my freshman year with a bunch of sophomores, and I got along fine mostly because my teacher didn't give a >-bleeped-< about what other people thought about him.

By the time I finished the Physics program at our school, I had all the science requirements to graduate, so I had two extra free hours every day to do what ever I wanted. But instead of going home early, I became the Physics TA. Got my own lab coat and everything. The funniest part was when I was a senior, and my classmates were finally taking physics classes, they thought my teacher was going easy on me because all I had to do was grade papers, clean tables, and draw models for gravity and aerodynamics and I would get an A.

He was a great teacher, and he became one of my closest friends. He gave me the confidence to be myself, so I let the geek out. Before the first semester of my senior year was over, I was finished with all of my Advanced Placement classes. My last semester schedule looked like this:

A Day;
First period: Speech class
Second period: Free hour
Third Period: Free Hour
Fourth Period: Free hour

B Day;
First Period: Senior Seminar
Second period: Free hour
Third Period: Free Hour
Fourth Period: Free hour

In my experience, the bullying will stop once you stand up to them. Most people will not fight or want to fight once you stand up to them. But it is a different case for me because I am so tall. No one wanted to get in a fight with me. By the time I was finally sticking up for myself, all the upper class men and women were my friends, and I had about 3 or 4 girls crawling all over me (Geek is in BTW :P )

It is ALL in the CONFIDENCE!

I could talk about this all day, but I know people don't come on here to read a novel... sorry this was so long haha.

it's happened to me only once, when i was first starting out. i was getting off the bus and a guy i went to school with was getting on with 2 more guys and he shouted: "WTF is that?".  when it happened i felt really bad, it brought me down and i felt like crying. i was very sad even a few days after it happened.

I've actually been mistaken for a girl by a finger pointing little kid while dressing as a male. It felt revealing. Is it bad, doctor?  ;D

Quote from: ThatTallGirl on May 21, 2012, 12:50:13 PM
In my experience, the bullying will stop once you stand up to them. Most people will not fight or want to fight once you stand up to them. But it is a different case for me because I am so tall. No one wanted to get in a fight with me. By the time I was finally sticking up for myself, all the upper class men and women were my friends, and I had about 3 or 4 girls crawling all over me (Geek is in BTW :P )

It is ALL in the CONFIDENCE!

I could talk about this all day, but I know people don't come on here to read a novel... sorry this was so long haha.

I admire your courage. I only wish that others, including I, had even an ounce of that. If I did, life might have been different, but you live and you learn...

Never actually been stared at actually. HA! I MIGHT LOOK LIKE CRAP IN THE MORNING BUT I STILL PASS WITH MY 'DESIGNER STUBBLE'!

Ahem,
Anyway, I don't care if they do. So long as they stay out of my personal airspace and leave me and my family alone.
But I do get odd looks when my son is yelling "HEY DAD, CHECK THIS OUT!" from the other end of the toy isle at Walmart and I respond. lol

I haven't been stared at in a nasty way for over two months, now. Yesterday I thought I was getting a long stare from a creepy guy on the bus....turned out he just wanted to offer me his seat!!!  :D

Staring never used to annoy me too much in the early stages; after living in semi-rural China as a tall white male, you get rather used to it. There I would just stare intently back at the starers until they became embarrassed and looked away, sometimes I would just ask them whether they had seen a white person before or not, and would often get involved in a friendly conversation.

When I first went out en femme in Australia, I only got a few furtive looks, and thought "Hey, this isn't so bad!" Some teenagers used to laugh a bit. I was kind of amused by this, because some of them looked ten times more feminine than I had as a teenager. My opinion was also "Who the hell cares what teenagers think anyway? They laugh at everything, like Beavis and Butthead!" The best thing to use them for here is a free gauge for your own passability, because so many people are polite or indifferent.

My last aggressive-type starer here in Australia clocked me because of my voice, I think. She was also the sort of Australian that gets offended that someone dare speak any language other than English, and I was speaking in Chinese to my friend.

So I did to the starer what I used to do to the curious starers in China, just stared right back. Same result...she looked away.

Then she warned her kids (who just happened to be talking about whether they like boys or girls) about "transvestites" who looked like girls but were really boys, and pointed me out specifically. I didn't acknowledge it with anything other than a huge smile like: "Oh you are SO clever for clocking me!" Her kids got a big smile too. Nothing annoys a person more than having their intended insult deflected as if it was funny or completely inconsequential. Then her kids started asking her what she meant, but she was cowed and mumbled "I'll tell you when we get off the bus"

Hahaha Transwoman 1 Starer 0! ;D

Fortunately I felt safe in the knowledge that no-one on the bus cared what I was except for her, and that no-one else was going to hassle me about what they just overheard.

I think I get looked at by more woman than men. I don't get 'insulting' stares but woman check me out a lot more than guys do. I'm not sure if it is the usual female/female look you over type of look or the WTFAY look. It doesn't bother me at all. And it tends to be from woman of my age, I  haven't got to the bottom of it, I'll have to ask one of them when the opportunity arises in a coffee shop or some such place.

From guys I get the face, boob, bum look, in whatever order they seem to like ::).

But I've never been laughed at, I'm sure I'm clocked all the time. And I don't care.

Which I think is the best defence you can have.

In some ways compare it to celebrity woman who are stared at. The page 3 girls and body model' girls.  They know that the only reason guys are looking at them is that they are sex objects. And the only reason woman look at them is 'good grief' she is wearing that? and her boobs are so artificial, and she did that to her face.

Cindy

Women ALWAYS check out other women.  So much so we don't even notice.  Men are more conditioned not to stare or look at women unless you are interested.  So sometimes I chuckle at the way you think being looked at is the same as being clocked.  You'll "know" if you are being clocked.  If you aren't sure, that's just what women deal with. Ex  Kadri,  I would be staring at you like crazy if you spoke Chinese in front of me because it would blow my mind, since Chinese is such a hard language to learn as an adult,  I'd be wondering what your "story" was. Yah know?   The other woman though was  a vile creepy hag.  Puke.

This thread is so helpful to a girl like me just staring out  I love it and admire your strength.Thanks everyone!

Simply Lisa

Quote from: mixie on June 20, 2012, 09:21:31 PM
Women ALWAYS check out other women.  So much so we don't even notice.  Men are more conditioned not to stare or look at women unless you are interested.  So sometimes I chuckle at the way you think being looked at is the same as being clocked.  You'll "know" if you are being clocked.  If you aren't sure, that's just what women deal with. Ex  Kadri,  I would be staring at you like crazy if you spoke Chinese in front of me because it would blow my mind, since Chinese is such a hard language to learn as an adult,  I'd be wondering what your "story" was. Yah know?   The other woman though was  a vile creepy hag.  Puke.

actually true to a good extent. I feel likewise about this situation, actually makes me amused to think that any TS person is being clocked because women are looking at them. Means nothing, women do that all the time with other women,. I agree you'd know if your clocked, and TBH ? if you see women giggling at you that doesn't necessarily mean your clocked either. You'd know about it, and I think most of this comes from being unsure about our role in the world along side CIS women, its a confidence thing, with out it, leads to paranoia about your own appearance.

If you ARE clocked, better not to make a spectacle of the situation, just ignore them and walk on, if you like smile at them if you got the courage to. But don't ever behave un naturally, like you don't belong there.

That's my thoughts anyway.

QuoteI do have situations being stopped in a shopping / super market's aisle and told - "gosh I LOVE your legs! How do you do it?"

Same. Except not my legs, (I always wear jeans) but its my nails usually ! ^^

Quote from: Kadri on June 10, 2012, 03:01:07 AM
I haven't been stared at in a nasty way for over two months, now. Yesterday I thought I was getting a long stare from a creepy guy on the bus....turned out he just wanted to offer me his seat!!!  :D

Staring never used to annoy me too much in the early stages; after living in semi-rural China as a tall white male, you get rather used to it. There I would just stare intently back at the starers until they became embarrassed and looked away, sometimes I would just ask them whether they had seen a white person before or not, and would often get involved in a friendly conversation.

When I first went out en femme in Australia, I only got a few furtive looks, and thought "Hey, this isn't so bad!" Some teenagers used to laugh a bit. I was kind of amused by this, because some of them looked ten times more feminine than I had as a teenager. My opinion was also "Who the hell cares what teenagers think anyway? They laugh at everything, like Beavis and Butthead!" The best thing to use them for here is a free gauge for your own passability, because so many people are polite or indifferent.

My last aggressive-type starer here in Australia clocked me because of my voice, I think. She was also the sort of Australian that gets offended that someone dare speak any language other than English, and I was speaking in Chinese to my friend.

So I did to the starer what I used to do to the curious starers in China, just stared right back. Same result...she looked away.

Then she warned her kids (who just happened to be talking about whether they like boys or girls) about "transvestites" who looked like girls but were really boys, and pointed me out specifically. I didn't acknowledge it with anything other than a huge smile like: "Oh you are SO clever for clocking me!" Her kids got a big smile too. Nothing annoys a person more than having their intended insult deflected as if it was funny or completely inconsequential. Then her kids started asking her what she meant, but she was cowed and mumbled "I'll tell you when we get off the bus"

Hahaha Transwoman 1 Starer 0! ;D

Fortunately I felt safe in the knowledge that no-one on the bus cared what I was except for her, and that no-one else was going to hassle me about what they just overheard.

uhhmmm no, in my experience not always a good idea to do that ! won't always work, you did clearly embarrass the woman though so good for you. If anything by reacting to it, and saying anything like that in return to some one who you think are making remarks about you, is a defensive mechanism, I think by saying anything your actually confirming they are also right abut you. Personally, its better not to let yourself get worked up, and just ignore the woman. If you got friends with you who are non Trans it helps a lot, because when they give you support and treat you like a normal person, those nasty little creeps in the world won't be so vocal in talking about you or TS/TV people out loud like that.

I've had it all thrown at me, I went from openly making sarcastic remarks back at people, (which doesn't actually always help) not a good promotion for trans people for sure ! to just staring back at them and smiling, and in my best voice ask them what's the problem ?? This was years ago.. I think looking back at the things I said to people, was really a knee jerk kind of reaction to a defensive vulnerable state I was in. If anyone is giving you grief in a public place, don't be tempted to confront them just tell some one else they are bothering you, I mean like if your on a bus, you could always try telling the driver some one is causing a nuisance, in a cafee, tell the owners, a shop tell the manager.. etc..

You could of quite easily of defused the situation, by 'not' stating well done you clocked me !! you could of instead, said some thing as witty, like "I know what you mean, you see a lot around these days" don't you, ?! in your best female voice :) *alternatively* insert you witty reply 'HERE'.  I mean all you did in the end was confirm to her, your not a "real" woman as they often say.

TBH, what she did was rude, and should never of done anything like that anyway in public. Some people...

Kadri I hope that woman's kids turn out to be less ignorant than their mom.

The smile carries a lot of weight.

When people stare in a condescending way or laugh/giggle at you - look back at them, have that one smile that make them feel so little and continue walking.  Don't stop and go do the thing you are about to do...

Hope this helps :)

This kinda sorta happened to me the other night for the very first time.

I was at a club with another trans woman. I was sitting next to a stranger female and 2 other guys. The other trans girl wasn't passing very well (she had been maam'd at dinner but sir'd at the club). Well she flat out asked me "Are you a boy??" in a rather nice way actually. I looked at her at first like I didn't know what she asked, and said "what??" and she asked me again. I looked at her in shock and with big eyes like why are you asking me this!! I said "Umm what??? Do I look like a guy??!!" That's when the other 2 guys started laughing their asses off. She said "Oh... um NO! I was asking if you thought that girl that walked by us was a guy!!" (Not referring to my trans friend, but a lesbian that had walked by us).

I kinda just shook it off and acted very uncomfortable and tried to put off a vibe like now I'm an insecure woman because I think I look like a guy. Afterwards my friend (not the transsexual) said "Wowww you handled that PERFECTLY!" lol!

I guess it's karma. A month or so ago I was out with my friend (same 1 who said I handled it perfectly). We went to a gay bar and while I was outside waiting on his friend, who is a cis girl, he told everyone in the bar that I was trans (he likes to out me.. because he likes seeing the shock on peoples faces and it boosts my confidence). Well, everyone was floored in surprise, and one of the guys asked the cis girl if she was really female, lol!

Quote from: mixie on June 20, 2012, 09:21:31 PM
Women ALWAYS check out other women.  So much so we don't even notice.  Men are more conditioned not to stare or look at women unless you are interested.  So sometimes I chuckle at the way you think being looked at is the same as being clocked.  You'll "know" if you are being clocked.  If you aren't sure, that's just what women deal with. Ex  Kadri,  I would be staring at you like crazy if you spoke Chinese in front of me because it would blow my mind, since Chinese is such a hard language to learn as an adult,  I'd be wondering what your "story" was. Yah know?   The other woman though was  a vile creepy hag.  Puke.

Haha..yes it's nice, now that I find myself attracted to women, I no longer feel weird about checking them out. Maybe they are checking me out too!  ;D

It isn't actually that unusual to find white people who speak Chinese around this city any more. I've heard them speaking it in pubs, and even one convenience store checkout girl who spoke it to a customer. I also forgot to add that my speaking voice in Chinese still hasn't been trained well enough to sound sufficiently female. English is fine. Creepy hag is a perfect description!

Quote from: Kitty_Babe on June 25, 2012, 05:48:24 AM
uhhmmm no, in my experience not always a good idea to do that ! won't always work, you did clearly embarrass the woman though so good for you. If anything by reacting to it, and saying anything like that in return to some one who you think are making remarks about you, is a defensive mechanism, I think by saying anything your actually confirming they are also right abut you.

I didn't actually do anything other than smile condescendingly. The "you've clocked me" stuff was just what was going through my mind. I was wearing sunglasses as well, so she couldn't see my eyes. I was happy to have annoyed her with the minimum of effort.

If they don't grow up like their mother it will be because they have had a lucky escape.

Thanks for the replies!

Friday after work I stopped at the discount clothing store to look for a new dress for my niece's bridal shower. (It was casual day at work, and I am finally un-selfconscious enough to forgo my skirts or dresses on those days even though I'm much more likely to get clocked.)
Over my right arm were draped two dresses, a swim suit, and a couple of sweaters to try on, and the dressing room attendant, a rather dim-bulb looking frumpmeister, counted my items, handed me a tag, and then, pasting an "I'm so smart" smirk on her face, turned her head and in a loud stage whisper pointed to the "MEN" sign on the men's side of the dressing rooms and said "I will have YOU try on your items OVER HERE". I stared first at the sign, then turned my head like I was confused, then read the sign again, then turned to her, leaned forward, and in an equally loud but more lady like whisper told her in my best non-smirk smile, pointed in the correct direction and said "No, I think NOT. I will try on my items with the REST of the LAY-DEES". One of the other women there then looked at the attendant like she was a rude child, and nodded a supportive smile to me.

  The attendant apologized.  :embarrassed: I don't know what her problem was, but it wasn't mine. The funny thing was, my reaction wasn't at all calculated. Her stupidity really did puzzle me, and it took me a second to figure out that she was trying to send me to the men's dressing rooms. ???

Men and women come in all shapes, sizes, and appearances. My wife who is tall, broad shouldered, and prefers short hair, has been mistakenly clocked by the same sorts.  Though it hurts any woman to get that thrown at them, I try to take it in stride, but do try to educate gently where I can  :police: because vulnerable people can be devastated by the same treatment, regardless of whether they are cis, trans, intersex, or just big boned.  :'(

After I left the store - with my gorgeous new party dress and a swim suit that fits YES! - I did reach into my purse and put on a lovely scarf which coordinates with my casual day outfit. Wonder woman - transform!  :laugh: That gave me enough confidence to get only appreciative looks the rest of the evening. When I feel good about myself, I glow.  :-*

P.S. Often when I'm clocked in very bright lighting at close quarters, it means I'm just barely clockable, so one little accessory (a lovely scarf, a touch of lipstick, or even a little more attitude) and I'm back in the comfort zone again.

All of your stories are examples of a few things in the world:

1. Stereotypes carried on in ignorance towards you by people who are oblivious to everyone around them who have forgotten what it is to actually be a human being

2. Social, political, and religious conditioning on part of sheeple who can't or won't think for themselves

3. Overall fear of people and situations that are different, which oftentimes carries with it great anxiety for those who give in to such reactions that vary from the staring, to the violent hate we see.

I remember a movie about a trans person (FTM?) that aired on Lifetime TV. The end was tragic, but in these days, I think our world has come to a better overall understanding. I think those who act rudely or hatefully, those who commit acts of discrimination are not in the majority. Some time ago, I sat in a restaurant with a whole group of trans MTF's / crossdressers who perform a show in the community. Their director is a gay man, the nicest person you ever want to meet (quite literally).

Anyway, we all had a wonderful conversation and no one dared bother any of them or me for supporting them. Perhaps that was a lucky night and perhaps it was in a part of town where people are a bit more enlightened and educated.

Your stories remind me that I will eventually face these scenarios, and give some great ideas about handling these situations. Let us all remember that we all have a right to physical self-defense if that should ever be truly needed.

As a kid, I was bullied severely by kids at my school for coming from a LGBT home and to this day, I still carry the scars and memories. Some days the echo of those memories are not as present or loud as others, and I am grateful for those days. On the worst of days when the memories are the loudest and I feel the shame all over again, I sometimes still freeze in fear and tend to isolate myself, I get moody, I get defensive, I get depressed, I get anxious.

To this day, I have never talked to anyone about it. The day is coming soon when that silence will be broken, when I meet with my new therapist. Back in those days, the school staff literally made it known to me that my bullying was my fault and a symptom that I was the sick one who needed help. They literally made it known that the other kids had some sort of implied right of expression to act the way they did.

I think I spoke about some of this in another thread I replied to. These kids weren't just reacting to me coming from a LGBT home, they were also "clocking" me due to my fem nature, my lack of male bravado, lack of macho tough guy image. This just re-affirmed to me publicly, that I was indeed different but needed to keep it to myself for fear of being beaten. I did eventually fight back in self-defense when I was in physical danger. That was indeed when much of the bullying stopped and respect started towards me. I regret that I had to do those things, because it didn't feel good. I wasn't proud of it then and am not proud of it now.

Thanks for sharing your stories everyone! I have learned a lot and want all of you to know I am always here for you as you have been for me.   

Quote from: Dawn Heart on July 01, 2012, 04:19:30 AM
As a kid, I was bullied severely by kids at my school for coming from a LGBT home and to this day, I still carry the scars and memories. Some days the echo of those memories are not as present or loud as others, and I am grateful for those days. On the worst of days when the memories are the loudest and I feel the shame all over again, I sometimes still freeze in fear and tend to isolate myself, I get moody, I get defensive, I get depressed, I get anxious.

To this day, I have never talked to anyone about it. The day is coming soon when that silence will be broken,

You have made a great start by sharing with us. I'm sorry you went through that, and am so glad that you had the strength to survive.

Most of the time I do nothing except smile. It catches them off guard,and most people where I live who feel the need to mock me don't have any teeth anyway, so it makes them jealous! :)

A few weeks ago I was in a very public situation, I don't go out as female most of the time as it's very hard for me to pass due to a combination of a very prominent 5 o'clock shadow & bad excema which prevents me from using heavy makeup but this was a special occassion.

Some bloke saw me & shouted abuse, I didn't clearly hear what he said but he was pointing straight at me & laughing so my response was to smile & blow him a kiss, he went bright red & I thought his head would explode with rage, I was with a great many friends so I knew I was safe from retaliation.

Later in the day a young immature lad asked me if my breasts were real, I told him not to be so rude & he then asked if he could have a feel so quick as a flash I reached into my bra & dumped one of my fake breasts into his hand, his face was a picture & one of the men who'd heard the exchange walked over & cuffed him round the back of the head & told him he should be more respectfull towards women.

I often get looks as I refuse to remove my nail varnish just for the sake of others, it's one of the few things that can snap me out of a depressed state of mind, if someone stares or laughs at my nails I simply ask them if they think purple would be better than the pink i'm wearing, they all scuttle off quick sharp at that one.

Quote from: Cindy James on August 08, 2011, 03:52:41 AM


I was at a restaurant and as I walked to the table I heard a couple say 'Look at this one' so I went to their table and asked what they wanted to look at. They went bright red, totally embarrassed and my sister in law and I sat at the table next to them and had a nice meal while they did not.

I felt fine.

Omg, Cindy. That's hilarious. xD

Quote from: Jeneva on December 12, 2011, 06:53:45 AM
Ugh!  I'm having to deal with this again.  While I had my extensions in I was passing or at least not getting the snickers and points.  Unfortunately they all got glued together and the bonds started breaking down so I had to take them out.





Have you tried making the clip in ones? There are very easy and cheap to make and reusable. :)

I made some for about $20, that includes the hair which is synthetic and 6 clips. You can find a how to video on youtube on how to tie them.

People have been staring at me for more than a decade, regardless of trans status.  I get stared at because of tattoos & scars often.  There was a time when I'd keep my head down & move on as quickly as possible.  These days I find that looking the person in the eye, thus acknowledging their stare(s), makes *them* uncomfortable & they move along.

On an occasion when that failed, the ass hat actually walked up to me, told me he couldn't *tell* my gender & he needed to "feel" to find out.  I politely asked him how he'd feel if someone said the same to his mother or any other loved one & then excused myself to inform security.

Back when I was last transitioning I had a crappy looking wig.  It was so bad that I literally spent an hour sitting in front of the rearview mirror in my truck, continuously combing the hair.  I was so worked up over the wig that I couldn't walk through WalMart without wanting to crawl into a shell.  A couple of girls nodded their head in my direction.  It turned out the girl at the register smiled at me and told me she liked my hair, and when I got home and looked at my arms in the mirror I knew why I had been clocked quickly...my arms were still muscular.  I had only been on HRT for a month or so.  Moral of the story is that if you don't naturally pass without HRT, then you need to give HRT time to work and temper your expectations accordingly.  Another thing:  you may look sexy or cute in an outfit in frontbof a nirror at home, but cute and sexy don't make you look real.......unless the sun has gone down and you're without a flashlight.

Ignore negative energy and intention directed your way. Realize their motivation to degrade and dehumanize you as a transperson is likely borne out of their own insecurities. Transgender actress and activist  Laverne Cox describes the statement " Thats a man" oftentimes directed towards a transwoman as an act of violence, which it is. My advice: Pray and thank God/Spirit for giving you wisdom and strength.

This thread has me thinking.  I thank you all for your perspective as it informs mine.  Most of my life I've been labled as a little bit odd.  First it was because I was not aggressive like the other boys; later because I would rather read or play music than do sports; as an adult it was because a lot folks could not decide if I was gay or straight or whatever.  So I developed strategies to cope.  Try to be the smartest person in the room was one, which was fine unless I wasn't;  get involved with theater;  get married (poor women), climb mountains; run marathons, pretty much anything that would make me feel superior in some way so that the deeply held thought that I was a fake and a fraud would stay hidden.  "I am a rock, I am an Island. and a rock feels no pain and an Island never cries," the song goes, and so went I.  I wasted decades playing this game.  Finally a couple of years ago I just couldn't do it any more and admitted to myself the truth and from somewhere found the inner strength to seek my authentic self.  So twenty months into HRT, and unless I get FFS, I am probably about as physically feminine as I will ever be. 
So how do I respond the occasional stare or snarky comment?  Depends - Am I safe?  Then with a smile or sometimes I even have the guts to engage and educate.  Am I tired?  I just try to get away.  Am I frightened? Stay in a crowd.  I don't do some of what I used to to as a matter of course.  I don't go downtown at night alone.  I am not very flamboyant or ostentatious.   I am much more aware of my surroundings.  But at the bottom of it all I am who I am, and grateful for the chance to be just that.  Thank you to all who guide me and respond to my ramblings.  You are my inspiration, and my muse.
j

I didn't exactly get clocked since I wasn't dressing as female. But I told my friends and they just told me that I'm disgusting and that I should kill myself. I went to the scool psychiatrist and told him what they had told me, except that I feel trans. He called some calls and got me set up for a meeting with a real psychiatrist, because he said that there appeared to be some problems with my feelings that I would have to speak with someone apart from my family.

I usually get stared at...
I stare back trying to understand what they re thinking...

I usually stare back, too.  If I'm feeling especially unhappy with the person responsible I might add a look of disdain :D

I've been laughed at a few times, but it doesn't bother me much anymore.  I just go about my business and ignore the people who have so little excitement in their lives that I have to be their entertainment.

A couple years I went to a concert on Halloween and decided to partially cross dress for it from the waist down with thigh high stockings, hooker boots, and micro skirt!  From the waist up I just wore a regular shirt and ghoul Halloween mask over my face.  As soon as I got out of my car, there was a guy walking by.  He stopped right in his tracks and was like "THAT'S A MAN, THAT'S A MAN!"  I just kept walking.  Once inside I walked past another couple guys and one said to the other "there goes that gay guy again."  He didn't say it in a derogatory manner.  He just truly seemed ignorant.  I didn't bother to correct him.

But besides those two instances, everyone else was awesome about it.  I constantly had people coming up to me telling me how awesome they thought I looked.  I even got some attention from girls which never happens when I look like just another random guy.

Clocked- don't give a sh^t.  Happens less than it used to.  I mean, most people I deal with or see knew me before, right?
Laughed at- Only happened like the first time I went out.   I'm still big and strong enough to kick most guys asses anyway.
Stared at- Cross eyes and slowly morph a goofy face.

It's completely situational.

Depends on how they stare at me.  One gent was looking at me with a smug look at a table across from me so I batted my eyes at him.  He smirked in a way that I found to be flirtatious and went back to eating.  Another person stared with a soft smile on their face so I smiled softly back.  I tend to "reward" kindness/compliments with the same back.

Idiots, however...different story.

Another guy called me "f**" one day so I blew him a kiss, waved, and said "So sweet, hun.  Thank you!  I love you too!" louder than he insulted me so people could see that I was talking to him.  I'm not "gay" but whatever.

Another 50-something male idiot yelled something completely moronic at me from (get this) the back of his buddy's SUV.  Like I am going to take a guy like that seriously?  Maybe if the insult was more intelligent.  He asked this:
"Nice outfit.  Do they also sell it in the girl's section?" 
I ignored him and din't even pay him a second glance, but what was going through my head was this: say whaaaaaa?  No, sir, they sell dresses exclusively in the men's isle these days.  Where have you been?

Another time a car full of men started yelling and saying that they were going to kick my @$$.  They started to pile out of the car, so I puffed up and started to speak in the deepest "man voice" I could muster, yelling: "Party time, party time, party time!"  Freaked them out so they went back into the car.  Little did those bozos know I am ex-military and a one-time self-defense instructor so I wouldn't have gone down easy.

There has only been one time I was actually hurt by an insult, but it was because it was something my father used to use on me as a kid.  That feeling lasted for a bout a minute until I got a lock on it: then I was mad at myself more than the ones who insulted me for letting my dad "win" again.

What I am hoping for is someone who can insult me with intelligence...but the thing is, the people who are intelligent enough to create any good insults are probably too intelligent to feel the need to say anything about it anyways.

I have had people take bets on my gender...no lie...but as an "androgynous tomboy" person that is exactly the kind of thing I should expect.

I don't think I've ever been laughed at, and I don't know what I would do if that happened.

But I've been stared at a lot. This one time a guy  called me by my birth name just to see how I would react. I didn't even know him so people are gossiping about me again. I just looked at him and he smirked at me with an expression I'd imagine would be more fitting on satans face.

Once an old man stared at me from the inside a stil standing bus but I couldn't make out if he was clocking me or was just constipated. Maybe he was very confused by what he saw and tried to make sense of it. I looked away but kept looking back and seeing him looking at me.

The other day a guy I was in high school with saw me and pulled his friend's arm saying something like "look there! I always knew he was gay!" but I couldn't hear so well because me and my friends were walking away from his direction. No one else seemed to hear it.

What do I do? I usually say something back (it's the latina new yorker in me lol) but what is best is to keep it moving and ignore it. In the beggining it sucks, but as you age in transition things like that start to bother you less and less. This is going to sound cliche but it gets better. You get used to being in your skin and eventually stop caring what people think about you.

amazing thread. helped me a lot  :)

I'm already used to it. I've had long hair for about half my life. It was my first attempt at telling myself that hey you're really a girl. Unfortunately I didn't listen. I've gotten laughed at and pointed at as a result for a long time. However now that I'm out and full time, I've noticed people are a little more obvious about it. Oh well. I have a nice house and car what do you have?

for me this is a normal day, I made a choice to stay with my 24 year job and live in a small rural town, I was very well known and involved socially, as my life fell apart and I decided to live as me and stop fighting. People who know me soon realized that I am a better person now. For those who choose to comment or snicker I remind them how much life has changed and that as me I am much better person, I rarely open a door and express only as female, at least I do not get teased as being a feminine man any more tehe. I made a choice to start living my life as a transsexual male to female, I have great pride about who I am growing into and the positive changes in my life for being me. Sure it hurts when people are rude and insensitive but still for me this is so much better regardless of what others think say or do. I have been able to find peace in who I am and accept that even on my best day I am a transsexual and very proud of it, not many people are willing to take the hard path in life and we have

xoxo
Jerri

Jerri, you almost brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for the wonderful share. I truly believe it takes courage to be who you are amidst the judgement and stereotyping out there. Regardless of which path we choose, we will get judged, laughed at or ridiculed. We might as well live our true authentic selves.

Kudos to you girl, proud of you!

Quote from: Jerri on December 30, 2014, 02:35:12 PM
for me this is a normal day, I made a choice to stay with my 24 year job and live in a small rural town, I was very well known and involved socially, as my life fell apart and I decided to live as me and stop fighting. People who know me soon realized that I am a better person now. For those who choose to comment or snicker I remind them how much life has changed and that as me I am much better person, I rarely open a door and express only as female, at least I do not get teased as being a feminine man any more tehe. I made a choice to start living my life as a transsexual male to female, I have great pride about who I am growing into and the positive changes in my life for being me. Sure it hurts when people are rude and insensitive but still for me this is so much better regardless of what others think say or do. I have been able to find peace in who I am and accept that even on my best day I am a transsexual and very proud of it, not many people are willing to take the hard path in life and we have

xoxo
Jerri

Asymmetrical expressions are insincere in general, it's difficult to fake sincerity (and thus insincerity is arguably physically unhealthy) -- but asymmetrical smirks, eye-rolls and such particularly are expressions of contempt, dismissal, and putting someone below you. This however is a doubled-edged sword, as you are then cutting off roads to learning, and self-growth, and I believe such megalomania to be more appropriate for the immature than for adults. Kant said that enlightenment was merely the maturity of our species.

When you are contemptuous, and let your expectations, and pre-judgments get in the way of sincerely paying attention, then you won't learn anything. We need to dismiss information or perceptions that threaten our worldviews, or they will trigger a reevaluation of our beliefs.

When someone does that, all I see is them being willfully ignorant.

Haha love it girl :)

Quote from: awilliams1701 on December 30, 2014, 12:48:33 PM
I'm already used to it. I've had long hair for about half my life. It was my first attempt at telling myself that hey you're really a girl. Unfortunately I didn't listen. I've gotten laughed at and pointed at as a result for a long time. However now that I'm out and full time, I've noticed people are a little more obvious about it. Oh well. I have a nice house and car what do you have?

I have an unintentional reaction of glaring at people who stare at me. I have been trying to work on that. I've learned to remind myself that when people stare, the chances that they're thinking bad things about me are pretty low. People are like crows - they're attracted to shiny things. People stare at people who stand out; a lot of the time, they're staring because they're curious. People are staring because I'm interesting, not necessarily because they're judging me. I try to respond to staring with a friendly smile, because a lot of the time, people just want to know what's going on. Sometimes that person will come over and talk to me, and they turn out to be nice.

I guess I've dealt with more aggressive responses a few times, but it doesn't happen that often. If I think someone's going to try to corner me or something, I'l either get out as fast as I can, or go somewhere with a lot of people and wait for them to get bored and find another target.

If I overhear someone say something nasty about me, it can hurt. Sometimes I have to go somewhere and give myself time to recover. Sometimes I have the self confidence to just say something nice to myself to counter it, but not always. Sometimes all I can do is wait for myself to forget about it.

I....glare back. I live in a small town in Kentucky, so I do tend to stick out. At this point, though, I am pretty used to it. I just tell myself 'girl, they are just staring because you are gorgeous'. Lol. Even if it isn't true, it helps.

*sidenote* I'd rather deal with the glares and stares than ever show myself in public not dressed. Ever.