Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Female to male transsexual talk (FTM) => Topic started by: TroyTransistor on August 09, 2011, 01:56:45 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Something's got to give
Post by: TroyTransistor on August 09, 2011, 01:56:45 PM
Post by: TroyTransistor on August 09, 2011, 01:56:45 PM
I am so sick of being constantly referred to as "the girl" by my dad, aunt, and uncle. My brother is "the boy" and I just want to be Troy.
I am fed up with hearing she this, her that, it's hers. I just want people to stop misgendering me.
I am disturbed by the looks people give me on the streets- is that a boy or a girl? And then they decide and the look grows taunting. Is it a boy, or a GIRL? I just want people to see me for who I really am.
I am embarrassed when people at family gatherings ask my gender and I have to lie. They are uncomfortable and I am too. I just want to tell the truth.
I even have a video made so I can come out on Facebook and I am READY to talk to my dad about transitioning NOW, but I can't. I can't bring myself to do it. Even though it hurts so much, I don't know how to tell my dad he has to give up the little girl he never even had.
Something's got to give, be it my fears of hurting my dad or my ability to keep myself restrained while I get my "gender" thrown in my face every day.
I just want to be Troy, but I don't know how any more.
I am fed up with hearing she this, her that, it's hers. I just want people to stop misgendering me.
I am disturbed by the looks people give me on the streets- is that a boy or a girl? And then they decide and the look grows taunting. Is it a boy, or a GIRL? I just want people to see me for who I really am.
I am embarrassed when people at family gatherings ask my gender and I have to lie. They are uncomfortable and I am too. I just want to tell the truth.
I even have a video made so I can come out on Facebook and I am READY to talk to my dad about transitioning NOW, but I can't. I can't bring myself to do it. Even though it hurts so much, I don't know how to tell my dad he has to give up the little girl he never even had.
Something's got to give, be it my fears of hurting my dad or my ability to keep myself restrained while I get my "gender" thrown in my face every day.
I just want to be Troy, but I don't know how any more.
Title: Re: Something's got to give
Post by: Squirrel698 on August 09, 2011, 02:32:19 PM
Post by: Squirrel698 on August 09, 2011, 02:32:19 PM
Yes you do know how. You answered your own question. In case you missed it ...
There you go. You know how to do it but you won't do it.
And i'm gonna quote Yoda : "Do or do not... there is no try."
Quote from: TroyTransistor on August 09, 2011, 01:56:45 PM
I even have a video made so I can come out on Facebook and I am READY to talk to my dad about transitioning NOW
There you go. You know how to do it but you won't do it.
And i'm gonna quote Yoda : "Do or do not... there is no try."
Title: Re: Something's got to give
Post by: Arch on August 09, 2011, 02:36:18 PM
Post by: Arch on August 09, 2011, 02:36:18 PM
Hi, Troy.
I know it sounds pat and simplistic, but people tend to do things when they are ready. Unless you get pushed into coming out, you'll have the rather dubious opportunity to find your own...breaking point. The point at which you cannot stand it anymore and you simply must come out and risk the consequences. Many (perhaps most) of us fight it and fight it until we cannot fight it anymore. And then, sometimes, we make hasty decisions.
Seems to me you're playing it smart--you're aware, you're not in denial, you're seeking support and community, you're laying the groundwork for coming out to your family.
You can lessen your fear and apprehension by feeling in control, or as in control as you can be in a situation like this. So education, support, and preparation can be very important.
Do you know how your family members feel about trans issues? You can often find out a great deal about people's attitudes without ever coming out yourself. If you find sympathy and an enlightened attitude, even from one family member, that can go a long way toward mitigating the fear. Perhaps once the fear or pain of not coming out outweighs the fear of coming out, you can take measured steps to come out to one person.
At least you're not doing it the way I did it. I denied and delayed for so long that when I fully came out and admitted that I already WAS a man, I had very little control and a huge amount of fear. I spent nearly two years mostly just putting out fires and reacting to my situation. Only recently have I started to feel like I have some control over my own life. And only very recently have I started to see that even when it boiled down to "transition or die," I CHOSE to transition so I wouldn't die.
Having choices, and knowing that you have choices, makes a big difference.
I know it sounds pat and simplistic, but people tend to do things when they are ready. Unless you get pushed into coming out, you'll have the rather dubious opportunity to find your own...breaking point. The point at which you cannot stand it anymore and you simply must come out and risk the consequences. Many (perhaps most) of us fight it and fight it until we cannot fight it anymore. And then, sometimes, we make hasty decisions.
Seems to me you're playing it smart--you're aware, you're not in denial, you're seeking support and community, you're laying the groundwork for coming out to your family.
You can lessen your fear and apprehension by feeling in control, or as in control as you can be in a situation like this. So education, support, and preparation can be very important.
Do you know how your family members feel about trans issues? You can often find out a great deal about people's attitudes without ever coming out yourself. If you find sympathy and an enlightened attitude, even from one family member, that can go a long way toward mitigating the fear. Perhaps once the fear or pain of not coming out outweighs the fear of coming out, you can take measured steps to come out to one person.
At least you're not doing it the way I did it. I denied and delayed for so long that when I fully came out and admitted that I already WAS a man, I had very little control and a huge amount of fear. I spent nearly two years mostly just putting out fires and reacting to my situation. Only recently have I started to feel like I have some control over my own life. And only very recently have I started to see that even when it boiled down to "transition or die," I CHOSE to transition so I wouldn't die.
Having choices, and knowing that you have choices, makes a big difference.
Title: Re: Something's got to give
Post by: TroyTransistor on August 09, 2011, 02:48:42 PM
Post by: TroyTransistor on August 09, 2011, 02:48:42 PM
I'm already at my breaking point, I just don't want to discuss it with my dad. I haven't spoken to him about it since I came out to him in December, and I don't want him to reject me because I don't have the choice of going anywhere else. I'm a bit of a coward, you see =/
I've got a little over an hour before my dad should be home, I'm trying to work up the proverbial balls to tell him I can't keep pretending any more.
I've got a little over an hour before my dad should be home, I'm trying to work up the proverbial balls to tell him I can't keep pretending any more.
Title: Re: Something's got to give
Post by: Arch on August 09, 2011, 03:22:15 PM
Post by: Arch on August 09, 2011, 03:22:15 PM
Good luck, Troy.