Community Conversation => Significant Others talk => Topic started by: qUiRkY qUeEn on August 09, 2011, 08:20:13 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Partner Wants to Venture Out with Make-up
Post by: qUiRkY qUeEn on August 09, 2011, 08:20:13 PM
Post by: qUiRkY qUeEn on August 09, 2011, 08:20:13 PM
Hello Everyone,
I support my spouse in her transition, but sometimes get freaked out due to how people will respond to her. I know I should not care what people think, but this is pretty new for the both of us and we do communicate well with one another. We are going to have to learn how to go out in our "new" society. Basically, I want her to be happy with herself and do not want her feelings to get hurt. I will have to bash someone's head in LOL I am only kidding. But I guess as long as we stand together through our transition everything will fall into place and these decisions will not be so challenging. Should I let her do (appearance wise) what she so wants? Or try to tell her what I think? How would you respond? She wants to test the waters and wear eyeliner out. I almost feel that I am "her" doing it. Does this even make sense??? LOL I have to be confident right along side of her THIS I know she is counting on me to do... This is quite the learning process!! :-/
I support my spouse in her transition, but sometimes get freaked out due to how people will respond to her. I know I should not care what people think, but this is pretty new for the both of us and we do communicate well with one another. We are going to have to learn how to go out in our "new" society. Basically, I want her to be happy with herself and do not want her feelings to get hurt. I will have to bash someone's head in LOL I am only kidding. But I guess as long as we stand together through our transition everything will fall into place and these decisions will not be so challenging. Should I let her do (appearance wise) what she so wants? Or try to tell her what I think? How would you respond? She wants to test the waters and wear eyeliner out. I almost feel that I am "her" doing it. Does this even make sense??? LOL I have to be confident right along side of her THIS I know she is counting on me to do... This is quite the learning process!! :-/
Title: Re: Partner Wants to Venture Out with Make-up
Post by: Marta on August 10, 2011, 12:15:19 PM
Post by: Marta on August 10, 2011, 12:15:19 PM
I think it's important to start somewhere. My aunt who just barely came out to the family early this year- went out on female attire to a family gathering for the first time. It didnt go too well but like i said dressing the way they want has to come sometime.
Title: Re: Partner Wants to Venture Out with Make-up
Post by: Jayne on August 10, 2011, 01:18:33 PM
Post by: Jayne on August 10, 2011, 01:18:33 PM
As someone who's going through the transition i'd like to point out that her confidence may be very fragile right now as the first few times out are nerve wracking, i'm sure she would appreciate any constructive comments as due to not growing up with make-up we often make bad choices to begin with.
I've been going to work with mascara & eye liner for several months now so that the people I work with have time to get used to subtle changes, your SO may find this a good way to begin as it's great for building confidence.
I know i've pointed out how hard this is for her but if you don't feel comfortable with her going out wearing make-up then you should mention it as your feelings are just as valid as hers, at least if you discuss this in advance then you could both reach an acceptable comprimise.
Only you can truly know the best course of action to take as everyones different.
I wish you all the best
I've been going to work with mascara & eye liner for several months now so that the people I work with have time to get used to subtle changes, your SO may find this a good way to begin as it's great for building confidence.
I know i've pointed out how hard this is for her but if you don't feel comfortable with her going out wearing make-up then you should mention it as your feelings are just as valid as hers, at least if you discuss this in advance then you could both reach an acceptable comprimise.
Only you can truly know the best course of action to take as everyones different.
I wish you all the best
Title: Re: Partner Wants to Venture Out with Make-up
Post by: Asking Alexandria on August 10, 2011, 05:52:09 PM
Post by: Asking Alexandria on August 10, 2011, 05:52:09 PM
Quote from: qUiRkY qUeEn on August 09, 2011, 08:20:13 PM
Hello Everyone,
I support my spouse in her transition, but sometimes get freaked out due to how people will respond to her. I know I should not care what people think, but this is pretty new for the both of us and we do communicate well with one another. We are going to have to learn how to go out in our "new" society. Basically, I want her to be happy with herself and do not want her feelings to get hurt. I will have to bash someone's head in LOL I am only kidding. But I guess as long as we stand together through our transition everything will fall into place and these decisions will not be so challenging. Should I let her do (appearance wise) what she so wants? Or try to tell her what I think? How would you respond? She wants to test the waters and wear eyeliner out. I almost feel that I am "her" doing it. Does this even make sense??? LOL I have to be confident right along side of her THIS I know she is counting on me to do... This is quite the learning process!! :-/
I never quite got used to seeing my father (he was mtf, I appologise for not calling him mother, but personal reasons make it impossible for me, I mean no offence to anyone here :( ) out dressed and with make up, I tried and I failed. All I can suggest to you is to keep honest with each other, always make sure that your spouse knows how you feel, and when you're ok with it, after all there's two people in a marrage, and each must look after the other. Best advice I could ever think of to give, just take it slowly, make sure that each of you are comfortable and just keep talking, there's no better cure than a good lighthearted talk :)
It's save my relationship with my boyfriend (whos ftm) many times :)
P.S best of luck to her and yourself :) with both of you being happy and comfortable with it, going out will naturally fall into place in its own time too :)