Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I am fast approaching my SRS date, coming up in 22 days,  ;D and I've been reading up a bunch of the post-operative care sites and threads. Reading what I have thus far, I understand that most everyone agrees that for the first six months you need to dilate at least 3 times a day.
Well for those who will be returning to work after 2 months, how do you dilate mid-day?? My work day is the standard 9-5 kind of deal, and share an open office with 2 other people, which leaves no room for privacy. There is a first aid room, however there is no lock on the door and the general concept is if the door is closed, then it's in use.

Any advice on this would be appreciated!!!

Thanks.

Two months off?  Damn.  I was back in the office inside of two weeks (and barely a week after getting home from Montreal)...

Quite frankly, by two months in, you should be good with a morning, return home and prior to bed schedule if you are actually going to do three times a day two months after returning home...I never did try to dilate in the office, and at the time I had an overnight desk where it was me and my warrant publicists and perhaps the custodial crew in the building, so privacy was not even a real issue. 

Dang girl. 2 months? I worked at liberty mutual as a disability claims manager and we only gave two months for those who had like a quintple bypass or those who got rotator cuff surgery when their job requires heavy lifting. Two months off is a blessing! Most girls I knew took 2 weeks off.

If you are out of work for 2 months then I wouldnt worry about it. Dilate in the morning, right after work and right before bed.

I was off work for seven weeks and upon return dilated before, after and before bed without issues.  As Valerie mentioned it can be a bit rough but you can do it.

Most trans people aspire to SRS and then think it's all over a few weeks later.  I don't think soooo....  :D

      The discomfort of dilating isn't too bad immediately, but then, as the healing process kicks into high gear, there is a period where it's extremely uncomfortable and it tests your resolve to continue.  The process of 3-a-days wears you out and wears you down.  The surgery is just the beginning, the healing and dilating are a long, involved process.

      It's even worse for us McGinn girls.  The first 2 months was 5 times a day, then 3 times a day until 6 months, then once a day.

      At any rate, this is not a journey for the faint of heart.  If you really desire it in your heart and you truly want your body to be as normal a female as you can, this is what you have to do to accomplish that objective.

      So, get a bunch of books to read or movies to watch.  You're not going anywhere for a while...   ;D

      And I wouldn't trade this experience for the world.  I'm a real woman, with a real Va Jay Jay.

Quote from: Re: Joyce on August 16, 2011, 04:29:38 PMI wouldn't trade this experience for the world.  I'm a real woman, with a real Va Jay Jay.

Woohoo!!  And it's worth every single miserable minute of dilating till you think it's all you're ever going to do for the rest of your life!  God bless Dr. McGinn, and Dr. Brassard, and Dr. Bowers, and Dr. Supporn, and....

Quote from: FairyGirl on August 16, 2011, 05:10:09 PM
Woohoo!!  And it's worth every single miserable minute of dilating till you think it's all you're ever going to do for the rest of your life!  God bless Dr. McGinn, and Dr. Brassard, and Dr. Bowers, and Dr. Supporn, and....

Totally agree, and would I do it again if the clock got turned back.  Sure would, without a second thought.  The hassle of the dilating regime is easily overcome with the new joy of finally being how you should have been born.

Just like Ann mentioned, I was back to work two weeks later and add to that I hardly ever dilated as compared to what others mentioned (Here is a thread called Phew (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,99041.msg729818.html#msg729818) were I go into more details about it).  This all happened nearly 21 years ago.

So as others have mentioned if you do it 3 times a day, that will be more than ample.  Although I would say twice should be more than sufficient (this is only my opinion).

Quote from: Re: Joyce on August 16, 2011, 04:29:38 PM
Most trans people aspire to SRS and then think it's all over a few weeks later.  I don't think soooo....  :D

Unfortunately as mentioned above I was back at work two weeks later, with the occasional dilating periods and a few spasms of pain.  I was happy as a lark euphoric.

      The discomfort of dilating isn't too bad immediately, but then, as the healing process kicks into high gear, there is a period where it's extremely uncomfortable and it tests your resolve to continue.  The process of 3-a-days wears you out and wears you down.  The surgery is just the beginning, the healing and dilating are a long, involved process.

Not necessarily so.  I never had any discomfort when I dilated and I only ever had one problem and that was when I could not even find the opening.  Mind you this was about one or two days after coming home from hospital and when this happened I was in tears thinking it had closed up.  I had a nurse and my flat there helping me! Oh the memories. :embarrassed:

It's even worse for us McGinn girls.  The first 2 months was 5 times a day, then 3 times a day until 6 months, then once a day.

I would agree, 5 times a day is brutal compared to what my regime was, which was barely once a day and my operation was nearly 21 years ago. Yes I understand, that everyone is different and depending on the circumstances everyone's post operative care is going to be different.

      At any rate, this is not a journey for the faint of heart.  If you really desire it in your heart and you truly want your body to be as normal a female as you can, this is what you have to do to accomplish that objective.

      So, get a bunch of books to read or movies to watch.  You're not going anywhere for a while...   ;D

No, I never did get a book or watched movies (well occasionally I did). However more often than not, I was out and about going to the coast, swimming, dating, shopping and just living my life.

      And I wouldn't trade this experience for the world.  I'm a real woman, with a real Va Jay Jay.

This is the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Trust yourself, listen to your doctor and you will be all right.

Warmest regards
Sarah B

I dont understand how the pre-op gals can subjectively comment on post op dilation having no actual personal experience with dilation.  Each physician has their own post op dilation schedule, whichever surgeon you choose, follow his/her schedule with absolute conviction

Quote from: FairyGirl on August 16, 2011, 05:10:09 PM
Woohoo!!  And it's worth every single miserable minute of dilating till you think it's all you're ever going to do for the rest of your life!  God bless Dr. McGinn, and Dr. Brassard, and Dr. Bowers, and Dr. Supporn, and....

dont forget Dr. Preecha, Dr. Saran, Dr. Chettawut, Dr. Sanguan........lol  :)

Quote from: Jamie Nicole on August 16, 2011, 07:38:01 PM
I dont understand how the pre-op gals can subjectively comment on post op dilation having no actual personal experience with dilation.  Each physician has their own post op dilation schedule, whichever surgeon you choose, follow his/her schedule with absolute conviction

I'm not sure that anyone in the thread who has commented thus far was still pre-operative.  And as near as I can tell, everyone in this thread except the OP has gone through the dilation routines.  Some of us went with routines that worked for us and did not prove problematic even 15-20 years after getting off the operating table despite the fact that they were nowhere near as rigorous as prescribed by our respective surgeons...

Quote from: Re: Joyce on August 16, 2011, 04:29:38 PM
Most trans people aspire to SRS and then think it's all over a few weeks later.  I don't think soooo....  :D

      The discomfort of dilating isn't too bad immediately, but then, as the healing process kicks into high gear, there is a period where it's extremely uncomfortable and it tests your resolve to continue.  The process of 3-a-days wears you out and wears you down.  The surgery is just the beginning, the healing and dilating are a long, involved process.

      It's even worse for us McGinn girls.  The first 2 months was 5 times a day, then 3 times a day until 6 months, then once a day.

      At any rate, this is not a journey for the faint of heart.  If you really desire it in your heart and you truly want your body to be as normal a female as you can, this is what you have to do to accomplish that objective.

      So, get a bunch of books to read or movies to watch.  You're not going anywhere for a while...   ;D

      And I wouldn't trade this experience for the world.  I'm a real woman, with a real Va Jay Jay.

I'm confused Re: Joyce, Your post seems to imply I gave the impression that i'm not as incredibly excited as I am about SRS or that i'm not looking at my countdown clock every hour on my iPhone. I asked only about how others have managed the dilation schedule after returning to work.

Many of you have given me the answer I needed, that you do it right after work. I hope that will be sufficient! :) Thanks all of you that answered as such!

Quote from: Ann Onymous on August 16, 2011, 09:19:09 PM
I'm not sure that anyone in the thread who has commented thus far was still pre-operative.  And as near as I can tell, everyone in this thread except the OP has gone through the dilation routines.  Some of us went with routines that worked for us and did not prove problematic even 15-20 years after getting off the operating table despite the fact that they were nowhere near as rigorous as prescribed by our respective surgeons...

there are.........

Quote from: Jamie Nicole on August 16, 2011, 07:38:01 PM
I dont understand how the pre-op gals can subjectively comment on post op dilation having no actual personal experience with dilation.  Each physician has their own post op dilation schedule, whichever surgeon you choose, follow his/her schedule with absolute conviction

Because i have a best friend who is post op, an ex girlfriend who is post op and several other friends who are post op. I will be post op the first week of October. Had consultations on dilating and other subjects with my doctor. I know enough about dilation to give advice about. Apparently my suggestions were accepted as other post ops agreed.

I would never give advice on an issue that I know nothing or little about.

I am sure if she talked with her doctor and told her doctor that dilation is simply not an option during lunchtime, the doctor isn't going to say "your vagina is gonna close up if you don't dilate during lunch."

I mean...after all, post ops sleep 6-8 hours a night without any dilation whatsoever, so dilating in the morning,right after work and in the evening before bed wont close up your vagina. It's when you disregard dilation or half ass it is when you get into trouble. I know a girl in San Diego who had her vagina closed up because she just didn't feel like dilating. However, missing lunch but doing it 3 hours later should not be detrimental to the development of your vagina.

I'm sure if she talks to her doctor, he will say the same thing.

I may be pre op for the next two months, but I know enough about dilation to give advice on the subject. My doctor does have a rigorous schedule but she also knows my classes are pretty much non stop from 9 am to 6 pm. As long as i dilate at 8 am, during the half hour break at 4pm and then 9pm, she said I will be fine; i will just experience more discomfort at the 9pm and 8 am because of the length of time between sessions (as this is the doctor that requires more dilating than many other srs docs).

I would never give advice I do not know anything about.

I had my surgery and was back to work within two weeks. I was in agony. There was a single stall restroom that I used during my lunch break and it was absolutely miserable.  I kept up with it for a year or two and finally quit doing it. Everything seemed to stabilize in that time and I haven't noticed that anything has changed since. That was 23 years ago?

Quote from: Hayley Rivka on August 16, 2011, 09:26:18 PM
I'm confused Re: Joyce, Your post seems to imply I gave the impression that i'm not as incredibly excited as I am about SRS or that i'm not looking at my countdown clock every hour on my iPhone. I asked only about how others have managed the dilation schedule after returning to work.

Many of you have given me the answer I needed, that you do it right after work. I hope that will be sufficient! :) Thanks all of you that answered as such!

Hayley,

      I think you read things into what I wrote that simply aren't there.  It was my intent to answer your dilating question by giving additional information on how other SRS patients have reacted to the discomfort and required discipline of dilating. 

      My information came from more than one surgeon and is based on real-life experiences of myself and many others.

      I am happy that you are excited and I never intended to question your enthusiasm or commitment. 

I took off from work the 6 weeks Dr. Mcginn wanted, though i felt good enough that i could have gone back a week or so earlier, age and medical history played a part, i am 59, even though i telecommute from home, the 5x a day routine for the first 8 weeks was tough to fit in during my work day, thank goodness my manager and the guys in my work group were understanding and allowed me to take the time i needed, now i am at 3x a day, once before work, at a late lunch around 2:00 and before bed, occasionally i miss one and end up doing 2x a day with no problems except being a bit tighter, of course i am over 3 months post op.

At first dilation is easier but as healing takes place things tighten up, continuing to follow your surgeon's recommended dilation schedule especially during this period i believe is critical. 

I used all my vacation time and floating holidays for this year, my company would not allow any medical leave as this surgery is on our medical exclusion list.

Paula

Quote from: Annah on August 17, 2011, 01:22:11 AM
Because i have a best friend who is post op, an ex girlfriend who is post op and several other friends who are post op. I will be post op the first week of October. Had consultations on dilating and other subjects with my doctor. I know enough about dilation to give advice about. Apparently my suggestions were accepted as other post ops agreed.

I would never give advice on an issue that I know nothing or little about.

I am sure if she talked with her doctor and told her doctor that dilation is simply not an option during lunchtime, the doctor isn't going to say "your vagina is gonna close up if you don't dilate during lunch."

I mean...after all, post ops sleep 6-8 hours a night without any dilation whatsoever, so dilating in the morning,right after work and in the evening before bed wont close up your vagina. It's when you disregard dilation or half ass it is when you get into trouble. I know a girl in San Diego who had her vagina closed up because she just didn't feel like dilating. However, missing lunch but doing it 3 hours later should not be detrimental to the development of your vagina.

I'm sure if she talks to her doctor, he will say the same thing.

I may be pre op for the next two months, but I know enough about dilation to give advice on the subject. My doctor does have a rigorous schedule but she also knows my classes are pretty much non stop from 9 am to 6 pm. As long as i dilate at 8 am, during the half hour break at 4pm and then 9pm, she said I will be fine; i will just experience more discomfort at the 9pm and 8 am because of the length of time between sessions (as this is the doctor that requires more dilating than many other srs docs).

I would never give advice I do not know anything about.

although you may know many people that have personal experience with post op dilation, the fact is, you're still pre op and as I have commented previously, how can anyone that is still pre op, subjectively comment on post op dilation?  same goes with saying that dilating 3x/day "should be ok"..........um, are you a medical doctor?  go ahead amd smite this Annah, but, I'm simply pointing out that you're giving advice on a subject that you have no personal experience with.  Knowing many others does not constitute personal experience either.

You need to read my entire post and not just skim it, give me a negative rating and then tell explain to me how I'm wrong.

At the bottom of my post, I stated, I have talked with my SRS doctor concerning dilating and fitting it in with classes and work and it can be done. Furthermore, I said to tell your doctor about the schedule conflicts and to see what they say. I did the same with my doctor and she told me as long as I dilate after my last class around 4 I will be fine.

This isn't me pulling wind out of the air and just posting to posting. I am basing this on an actual discussion I have had with my doctor in addition to those I know personally who had done the same thing I am doing and that the Original Poster on this thread may need to do.

Devaluing someone's opinions and then smiting them with a negative rating without reading the entire post is not very tactful. If you have an issue with me then PM me about it. Don't continue to do this passive aggressive retaliatory action against me. It's not very becoming.

I did read your entire post and whatever McGinn told you is for you and that doesnt necessarily mean that it's for anyone else.  Each person is different, body weight, depth obtained, whether it's only a penile inversion or with a scrotal skin graft, so forth and so on.  Did Hayley even indicate which surgeon she is using?
Bottom line is you indicated that by dilating morning, noon and before bed that she should be fine.....you're offering medical advice without the credential and that is where you are wrong.  Each surgeon has their own post op dilation regimen specifically tailored to their technique and for the patient.
Hayley-consult with your surgeon about your concern and stick to your surgeons recommendation.....

If I would have had to, there is an extra sitting room + shower in the women's bathroom at my work...but luckily I got away with simply dilating before work, after work, and before bed. That seemed to work fine. I think the worst for me is the one before bed though....I just want to go to sleep and having to do that extra chore before I can sleep is always so dragging.

Now that I'm at 2x a day, I stick to the before work and after work and that seems to work nice.

Quote from: Debra on August 17, 2011, 12:50:42 PM
If I would have had to, there is an extra sitting room + shower in the women's bathroom at my work...but luckily I got away with simply dilating before work, after work, and before bed.

That's exactly what my doc suggested. Im sure there are others out there too who weren't forced to dilate on their lunch break! OMG that would be a pain!

Having surgeons tailor the number of suggested dilations to the patient would be something new from back when I had surgery...back then, all of the major players gave EVERYONE the same guidance that came across their operating tables.  It was a pre-printed document in a lot of cases...and they usually gave guidance (even outside of the USA) on the standard of 'abundance of caution' as we would see in an attempt to stave off liability claims. 

And the reality is that there are plenty of us from WAY BACK and who used different surgeons and who were not even diligent at the three times per day but yet have turned out just fine...and with FAR LESS time off than was being described as expected by the OP. 

Dr. Bowers on her website and confirmed by her office recommends ideally 8 weeks before returning to work. My companies FMLA benefit covers my salary at 100% for the first 60 days and then 60% for the next 30 days after that. If I had my surgery in November instead, I would have been covered 100% for all 90 days, as  I would have passed the 4 year mark at the company, increasing my benefits somewhat.

Dr. Bowers office told me that most patients take on average 6 weeks off. If I have the days, and need it, I WILL use them!

Quote from: Hayley Rivka on August 17, 2011, 03:20:31 PM
Dr. Bowers office told me that most patients take on average 6 weeks off. If I have the days, and need it, I WILL use them!

I'm not saying don't use time...hell, at the time I had surgery, I had close to three months worth of time on the books not even counting my sick time (made for a nice check when I finally quit that agency in '99).  I just didn't need to use it...I cannot fathom being at home for that amount of time.  I would have gone absolutely bat-->-bleeped-<- crazy...and since it was in the days before remote access on computer networks was common, I couldn't work from home. 

Quote from: Ann Onymous on August 17, 2011, 03:57:51 PM
I'm not saying don't use time...hell, at the time I had surgery, I had close to three months worth of time on the books not even counting my sick time (made for a nice check when I finally quit that agency in '99).  I just didn't need to use it...

It's not something I lose! It's not like my vacation time or my sick time or my personal days etc. This is purely FMLA for medical leave alone. Considering that 1. I have worked just about every weekend this summer, 2. Have not had a single vacation in 2 years, 3. Have work that I do on the side, it makes lots of sense for me to take the 2 months!!!

I will A. have a vacation for a while, B. Spend time with my wife and son, C. Heal, D. Do some consulting work on the side all off the books and make double what i'm earning! Perhaps enough to pay for my sons sleep-away camp next summer, or pay for our 10 year anniversary cruise next year!

Plenty of reasons to take the time!

Quote from: Hayley Rivka on August 17, 2011, 09:44:25 PM
D. Do some consulting work on the side all off the books and make double what i'm earning! Perhaps enough to pay for my sons sleep-away camp next summer, or pay for our 10 year anniversary cruise next year!

Be careful with that...if your employer catches you, the least of your worries would be getting fired.

Quote from: regan on August 17, 2011, 10:37:44 PM
Be careful with that...if your employer catches you, the least of your worries would be getting fired.

Not at all! I provide internal messaging support. There is no conflict of interest in any way and the work being done on the side is all remote, so it's not like I'm taking time to do something I can do in the office and doing it while on medical leave. I do this work from home.

I'm one of a number of people in my group that do work on the side. My company is a software development firm, of which I have no part of. ;)

Quote from: Hayley Rivka on August 18, 2011, 12:26:22 PM
Not at all! I provide internal messaging support. There is no conflict of interest in any way and the work being done on the side is all remote, so it's not like I'm taking time to do something I can do in the office and doing it while on medical leave. I do this work from home.

I'm one of a number of people in my group that do work on the side. My company is a software development firm, of which I have no part of. ;)

The Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993 (FMLA) is a United States federal law requiring larger employers to provide employees job-protected unpaid leave due to a serious health condition that makes the employee unable to perform his or her job

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family_and_Medical_Leave_Act_of_1993 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family_and_Medical_Leave_Act_of_1993)

Your employer may feel if you're well enough to continue your side job, then your recovery probably isn't a "serious health condition" requiring FMLA leave.  I would make sure your employer is clear on your intentions while on FMLA leave.

Quote from: regan on August 18, 2011, 12:56:25 PM
Your employer may feel if you're well enough to continue your side job, then your recovery probably isn't a "serious health condition" requiring FMLA leave.  I would make sure your employer is clear on your intentions while on FMLA leave.

My employer does not authorize working from home, which I would be doing for this side job.

Not to mention, I've been working on this side job around as long as I've been working for my present employer. There is no complication or difficulty.

Also, our plan is a privately insured plan the provides PAID leave, not unpaid leave. If the Doctor says it's too early to return to the office, that's all the care about. For my side job, i'm not returning to an office.

Do what ever you feel is right, but if I were in your employer's situation I would wonder why you could continue your side job, which requires essentially the same functions of your primary job (sitting at a desk, talking on the phone, etc) but you were unable to perfom those same functions for your primary employer. 

A doctor's note isn't a golden ticket, your employer can ask for a second opinion if nothing else.  In the end, your employer may choose deny your FMLA (I would) and may either seek reimbursement from you or terminate you AND seek to recover the money.

Quote from: regan on August 19, 2011, 11:32:39 AM
Do what ever you feel is right, but if I were in your employer's situation I would wonder why you could continue your side job, which requires essentially the same functions of your primary job (sitting at a desk, talking on the phone, etc) but you were unable to perfom those same functions for your primary employer. 

Regan,

You don't seem to follow what I'm saying. My company does not want people working from home. This means that regardless of how well you can use your laptop at home, or answer the phone at home, if you're not well enough to travel the hours commute on the subway in to the office, sit at your desk all day, and as necessary climb the flights of stairs to the data center and address any issues with servers under your control, and travel home  on the subway for another hour, then you are sick and require leave of some sort!

The work I do on the side requires that I simply have access to a laptop connected to the internet.  I can do that in the hospital even! If that is not more clear, then I cannot make it any more so.

Where you work or what you work in, it may be relevant but in my situation it simply doesn't apply. Thanks for your concern. Besides, I did not ask for this advice you're offering rather I asked how to manage dilation schedules with work.

Thank you.