Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Okay, so I posted a little while back about my coworker who is quickly becoming one of my closest friends and about how I thought she knew I was trans. And I asked you guys how I should approach the subject.

Well, turns out she already knew! I asked her a lot of questions about how she found out and she just kept telling me that she has a cousin that's gay. I just gave her this look and told her that that didn't make any sense unless he knows me. And she just kept emphasizing that he was gay and that's how she knew.

Believe me, when I say that this just frustrated me. I asked her if I wear a sign on my head that screams "Gay trans man" or something and she said no, that she just knew. She didn't bombard me with stupid questions and she didn't judge me. All she said was that this is who I am, and that I'm just making my body match what's inside.

So, I ended up telling her the nutshell version of things and explained the hedged truths I've gotten so used to telling people, and how it was a weight lifted off my shoulders, because I hated telling lies even if they're hedged truths. I have a conscience and living in rose colored truths is not fun or easy for me.

But enough of that, I'm just ecstatic that next year at Nashcon I won't have to worry about hiding my bind or anything and that I have another friend that's supportive and that I can just be myself with.

I have a feeling that things won't continue to be this easy. Not everyone is going to be as accepting. I've lost one friend already but that's moot.  We'll see, but I can't let these negative thoughts get me down, my friend is accepting and just as much a geek as I am, though we're both in agreement that I am by far the bigger dork. lol.   

Maybe she got the trans attachment on her gaydar. Having experience with the LGBT community definitely improves your ability to read people. I had a similar hunch about a co worker of mine. First time we worked together he started calling me Jimbo so I renamed him some girly name and he seemed to enjoy the name and pronoun use. This wouldn't put a blip on most people's radar. They would just think it's joking around. As we became friends and started texting it seemed he was usually doing housework, taking care of kids, or watching chick flicks. So when they came out to me as being MTF it was not a suprise. He now thinks he is just a gay cross dresser, that's why I'm not referring to him as a woman. Anyway, my point is that there may have been something subtle you did that tipped her off.

It is definitely possible for people to "just know" without anyone telling them.

I think you got a good friend there.

I had three people who just knew. One being my girlfriend. She's the one who helped me accept myself and that I needed to transition in the first place. The other, is a friend of mine, well, technically when we met (not even two years ago) he was dating my friend of 10+ years. Since then they've had a baby and are practically husband and wife in my book. But we all hang out a lot, and he started referring to me as "one of the guys" the first time we actually hung out. He was very proud of me for coming out and admitting who I really was. The other was a friend of mine who, just happens to be a transmale magnet for some reason or another. She knew before I came out, said she could just see it.
And of course, all of my ftm friends knew. We actually made a point of coming out together, so we didn't have to go it alone. We consider ourselves brothers, and for some we're the family that they don't have anymore.
But yea, oftentimes, good friends just know.

*pokes her head into the boys room*

I had a friend tell me when I came out that she knew I was trans years ago and that she was worried I wasnt going to figure it out.

We bleed out from every pore our real gender identity. You can put a boy in a girl body but people will pick up on that. Most might not know what is going on but a few will figure you out. Sometimes years before you do yourself.

Yea. Even my dad admitted that after I came out, he could look back and see the signs. Apparently I was a very violent and aggressive 3 year old. :P

Quote from: cynthialee on August 17, 2011, 12:44:30 PM
We bleed out from every pore our real gender identity. You can put a boy in a girl body but people will pick up on that. Most might not know what is going on but a few will figure you out. Sometimes years before you do yourself.

You know..that is so true. For years I tried to hide it and there were just -some- things that I did that screamed, gay transman. I liked men, but I acted male. My thought process is very masculine etc. I had friends that knew too..it's almost creepy.

When I moved to where I currently live, I immediately started making friends with the LGBT-inclined people where I worked.  I mean, they all just started talking to me all of a sudden.  I wasn't out yet but was pretty much presenting the same way I do now, other than not binding.  I didn't even have to come out to most of them, I just started using male pronouns and they caught on.  Later I found out that they all knew right from the beginning and were just waiting for me to tell them. :P  And when I came out to my old friends where I used to live, they had their questions but none of them seemed particularly surprised.  Some people are perceptive, and some people are obvious closet cases...

I told the 3rd person I work with today, or rather she kind of dragged it out of me.  I was having some serious anxiety issues at work over working in retail and giving factory tours while being referred to with my female name and pronouns..... long story.  But any way she finally convinced me to just tell her what the hell i was freaking out about, and I finally did while we were out on our lunch breaks together.  She wasn't surprised, and had kind of wondered, but figured she was wrong since I never said anything and went by my female name and everything at work.  Apparently when she first met me, she was like "he's kinda cute" and then heard me talk and ended up really confused.

the other people had a similar reaction.  I think a lot of people that I see on a regular basis, like co workers or at the gas station or something, know on some level, but they don't actually understand it, so they don't really know.   Like its not something they have ever had to think about or been confronted with, so they would never think "I know that person has a vagina, but I think they might actually be a guy."

did any of this make sense to anyone?  im bad with the coherent writing thing tonight.

When I came out to one of my closest friends, he said "Uh, well, duh..." and was instantly fine with it and said he already knew. I had, years previously, had some vague discussions with him about my gender issues, but the things I'd mentioned were still miles from actually identifying as trans — and at the time I came out to him, I was presenting EXTREMELY femininely and had been for a while — so I was surprised that he "knew". It was incredibly validating, I have to say.