Susan's Place Transgender Resources

this is something I've always been curious about.........is there any jealousy or deferential treatment towards those TG gals that have no problem passing or are more attractive from those that do not/are not?

Yes. Your opinion on passing also tends to be dismissed or ignored when others percieve you as being able to go through life without being mis-gendered. At least that is my experience.

Quote from: Jamie Nicole on August 19, 2011, 05:14:42 PM
this is something I've always been curious about.........is there any jealousy or deferential treatment towards those TG gals that have no problem passing or are more attractive from those that do not/are not?

   Yes...unfortunately there is. I get alot of dirty looks from older less attractive transwomen in my transgender support group. I'm a very nice and talkative person in real life but despite that i still get the cold shoulder by alot of the transwomen in my group.  ::)

     It's ok to be envious of other women or other transwomen, I'm actually quite envious of more then a few t-girls here.  :D

Alot of assumptions tend to be made. Some will assume that because i look female and am considered attractive i've had no problems in my life relating to being trans. They don't realise that you can suffer in different ways and in my case was subjected to the transphobic abuse as a child instead.
Some can be bitchy towards you but it's not usually too bad. Many are complimentary but what i really hate is others complimenting me while putting themselves down.

I'd have to say yes.  It kind of hurts when people tell me that I shouldn't worry about my nonexistent boobs or other aspects of my body just because my face passes.  I'm not the only woman who has those concerns, and I really dislike it when I'm dismissed or can't find compassion from others because of the genetics I received.  Then again, maybe I'm overly sensitive.

Honey, now why would be BA: THE number one cosmetic surgery, um?

Yes, exactly. And you not done growing --- they all are... (best guess).

Lastly, two years on HRT seem the recommended regime before you pester your bf to help you ($$$) with BA.

Cheer up hon, and hug,
Axelle
PS: self also just <A38, (after 15 month HRT) and not loosing sleep just yet over it, um.

I'm jealous of you all!

I mean that in the nicest way possible, but you are all so far ahead of me in transition (I'm still deep in the closet, although I have told two friends..). I wish I had the courage to come out.. Maybe tomorrow... Or the next day... Or the next.. :'(

Remember jealousy is a very natural emotion. And a very common one among woman. Every coffee room talk in my place is bitching about girls looks, clothes,  wedding dresses, anything. Not necessarily about girls at work but all of them in the magazines.

She may have the most gorgeous bum around and then someone will say, I wonder why she slumps her shoulders?

The Green Goddess knows women >:-)

Cindy

Hi,

I was going to say no . thats not true then i thought , im not a transsexual. so iv done things quite differently & i have wondered , why .

Im not going to say i know why , tho i see many transsexuals think they are better than those who are dresser's transvestics & some thing's have been said about those of us who are intersexed.

The one thing that comes to mind & more so for myself is im accepted   as a person first. & 2 nd as a woman who is different. being intersexed just means for me im nether male or female , or both depending on how you see me not so much the looks just as a person .

There are a few people not just trans who are not sure how to accept me so in a sence im a delemer to them.

In many ways some trans can not or wont accept us & i'v seen it , so it comes down to the person concerned.

Im not sure why. may be its about,   we are not like them , we think very differently , & may be in the main for my self im very open with people my history is out there for people to see & read. world wide,

The other detail is about not accepting who you are, where as i did from very young never had any issues concerning  who i was / am..   so may be that has a bearing on the knowing your self against those who have many issues to deal with .
That does not say i did not have a lot of other issues, i did just not who i was,

...noeleena...

Hey babe,
pussy makes perfect --- just kidding.

What is nicer then to let rip about girls in mags, I ASK?!!

No one gets hurt, and we all have a good time. Sorry, just my limited girl view :-)

Axelle

Yes, I believe there can be jealously against those who can pass well. Unfortunately, I see it happen often in a lot of areas.

However, the opposite is also true where a sense of elitism can be present within those who present well against those who do not.

Many of you misread jealousy with lack of compassion. And expecting compassion and giving compassion is kind of unproductive and doesn't change anything in our life.

I've never felt jealousy towards anybody, I sometimes am kind of sad that plastic surgery offers so little! haha

Quote from: Annah on August 20, 2011, 06:41:24 AM
However, the opposite is also true where a sense of elitism can be present within those who present well against those who do not.

elitism?

Quote from: Cindy James on August 20, 2011, 03:28:18 AM
Remember jealousy is a very natural emotion. And a very common one among woman. Every coffee room talk in my place is bitching about girls looks, clothes,  wedding dresses, anything. Not necessarily about girls at work but all of them in the magazines.

She may have the most gorgeous bum around and then someone will say, I wonder why she slumps her shoulders?

The Green Goddess knows women >:-)

Cindy

not to mention very competetive with each other!! lol

When your worth and value is placed solely on how tight your vag is or how big your tits are by the whole of society as opposed to men being judge by brains and strength ... ya I think women have something to be a little bitchy over.

Jealousy yes, but never resentment, only admiration.

Quote from: Jamie Nicole on August 20, 2011, 02:02:40 PM
elitism?

yes. Meaning the issues where a trans who passes may snark on those who do not. They (the ones who pass well who are "elitist") may judge those whose appearances are harder to blend into physically without looking at everything she offers or presents.

I see this just as much as I see those who may show passive aggressive or outward hostility against those who pass well.

Many very passable ts women do not care to associate in public with those who do not pass very well, for fear they themselves may be outed.

Quote from: Annah on August 20, 2011, 06:41:24 AM
Yes, I believe there can be jealously against those who can pass well. Unfortunately, I see it happen often in a lot of areas.

However, the opposite is also true where a sense of elitism can be present within those who present well against those who do not.

Ditto. I see both sides of this and it's not pretty.

Quote from: Jamie Nicole on August 19, 2011, 05:14:42 PM
this is something I've always been curious about.........is there any jealousy or deferential treatment towards those TG gals that have no problem passing or are more attractive from those that do not/are not?

You're kidding, right?  Of course there is. I've been guilty of doing it. I've always had a hard time with some people I've met. I try not to do that so much anymore... but if someone sees one of us, her companions will get an extra look of careful examination. Those are my feelings, ingrained from years of experience. But logically, I realize that it shouldn't matter for the most part. But then, I think of where I live; where the fundamentalist wackos actually do ride horses and carry guns. I've tended to not worry about it so much these days. But there's always that doubt that lingers. It pulls and tugs at my senses.

Now, that was the "I'd like to shake this person loose" part. There's always someone more attractive and gets by better that will treat me just like I have to some of my closest friends in the past. I understand. I really do. Yes, there have been times where I have been extremely jealous, even unto feelings of attraction, for those who have such a special talent.

It is hard to find your own place of comfort. It is hard to treat everyone equally... even if they are just like you. It's part of our ancient lineage of self preservation. That's not an excuse; it's a reason. We need to fight the reason and come together. Jealousy and coveting really have no place in a civilized society.  But I do understand. I've been there and still find myself fighting it nearly every day.

Quote from: Kim 526 on August 20, 2011, 03:48:35 PM
Many very passable ts women do not care to associate in public with those who do not pass very well, for fear they themselves may be outed.

There is validity to that argument when one is in stealth.

However,

When it occurs on the internet trans websites or in a trans support group, there is no excuse for that behavior.

Quote from: Valeriedances on August 20, 2011, 05:21:23 PM
If they fear that they really lack confidence in themselves and are not as passable as it might seem.

I agree. I have never understood this type of thinking.....it reminds me of straight people who wont be seen with openly gay people for fear others might think they are gay. Quite sad if you ask me. Anyway, i'd rather be read as trans than a bigot.

If somebody ever felt jealous of me because of how I look, my reaction won't ever be, "OMG don't hate me because I'm beautiful!" or "ohhh, grant me the strength to shoulder this terrible burden of being so unbelievably gorgeous!!"  Reacting that way would be silly, at best.

Regarding the question of the thread, yes I know it exists because if there is anything to be jealous of, you can bet people all over will be indulging that emotion to it's fullest extent.  It is a hard one to control.  I know first hand because I can be a total jealous bitch sometimes.

This is something I've wondered, is it harmful or helpful when people post pictures on these forums of themselves looking beautiful?  I think a lot of people in the early stages of transition find inspiration and HOPE from seeing happy and beautiful trans women on the other side of their transition.  On the other hand, people that feel frustrated with how their own transition has been progressing, something I'm often guilty of myself, might find the same picture discouraging.

It's interesting to think about, and I don't think there is a good answer.  The only thing I can think of is somebody that hasn't started transition is being assaulted by the full brunt of dysphoria, while somebody in the middle of transition at least has started mitigating some of it.  Those who've not yet started may be in the most dangerous place of all?

    Can't we all just get along?  :(

Quote from: Forever21Chic on August 20, 2011, 09:31:14 PM
    Can't we all just get along?  :(

i would second that lol

Quote from: Kim 526 on August 20, 2011, 03:48:35 PM
Many very passable ts women do not care to associate in public with those who do not pass very well, for fear they themselves may be outed.

For me, it's the content of their character and not their looks when it comes to who I socialize with.

As Lily said

QuoteJealousy yes, but never resentment, only admiration.

Actually I do wish I could have transitioned when I was in my twenties or even earlier and looked cute like allot of you girls on this site.
But I am also very happy for you all.
:)

I would love to associate in public and private with any other ts women if there were any in this little town.
But as far as I know I am alone.  :icon_frown:  :icon_frown: :icon_frown:
Darn.
Fear of anything is bondage. 

Quote from: Forever21Chic on August 20, 2011, 09:31:14 PM
    Can't we all just get along?  :(

Let's do it :)

QuoteMany very passable ts women do not care to associate in public with those who do not pass very well, for fear they themselves may be outed.

When I first started going out and wasn't very passable I had a friend who would stay noticeably distant from me in public. It made me feel really bad so I make a point of never trying to put someone else through that now that I am a lot more passable and have friends who are just getting started on things.

You know, it is funny. I just thought of an experience back in 2008 when the campaigning was hot against gay marriage here in California. I went to town and protested with a whole lot of people with families who were standing up for a lesbian couple who lives here. I was standing next to them when some jock in a pickup drove by and called us a bunch of f-ing ->-bleeped-<-gots. I turned to my new lesbian acquaintance and said "I can be a lesbian for a day." She had a good laugh and we've been pretty good friends since then.

So, why am I so paranoid about getting outed as this other thing? Because of my husband. I honestly think that if it were not for him, I really wouldn't care. He really doesn't want me to come out of the closet. You see? he's got the same problem!

Cindi

Quote from: Lily on August 20, 2011, 02:35:00 PM
Jealousy yes, but never resentment, only admiration.

Couldn't have said it better myself!
I only envy those who developed big boobies!
All the females in my fam aren't so blessed with big chests so boo genetics lol

But more power to the transgirls who got it (: