Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I wonder how many transgender people have felt that perhaps they were gay in denial when they were actually a bi or heterosexual transgender person.  It's confusing enough not understanding your gender identity, not knowing what transgender or transsexualism is and on top of that sexuality. 

Did you ever feel like you thought you were gay and denial but in reality you were just transgender person?

Felecia

I am a gay transman, so no I didn't. Instead, I thought I was a straight tomboyish girl with more mental problems than the rest of my family, but only when I was little.

I'm more transgender in denial. For some reason it was easy to accept being gay but it took a while to acknowledge I may be transgender which would explain a lot of things about myself.

I buried all of my feelings so deep that even my closet needed to be excavated.

I liked guys, but could never date guys as a guy.  So I dated women and pretended to like it.  Even married one.  But I always knew I was a woman inside, and maybe it was okay to like guys as her, but until I accepted her, I couldn't accept my attraction to guys.  Now I've accepted her and I AM her, and I've accepted my sexual orientation too.  I know what I want, just not how to get it. :P

I still can't decide if I am gay or transgendered (and i been on hormones for 5 months so far ><).

I had never thought of myself as a girl. Sure I wished I was and I felt I had female personalities (and had a lot in common with girls), but I accepted I was born a guy.

And now my body is changing to be more feminine...

But does that make me a girl? Or transgendered? Why not just a gay guy that is EXTREMELY feminine?

Haha, some people relate to me and talk to me as a girl... and some people relate / talk to me as a guy... I guess it is just confusing :P I'm the same person in both cases, but apparently gender is all in the eye of the beholder (which means it kind of makes me trying to pick one pointless :P).

Well, I'm bi and I make no effort to hide it.  My discomfort is definitely identity-based, not preference-based.  When I fantasize, I imagine partners of either gender depending on the mood of the moment...but I have to cast myself in a female role.  If I try to imagine myself as male, I get distinctly uncomfortable...and not in a happy way. It just doesn't work.

I didn't have a sexuality until I dealt with my gender issues. I really could have gone through life as a severely depressed asexual/straight tomboy if I hadn't. I wondered if I was a lesbian in high school, because I wanted to wear boy clothes and never shave my legs, and that was the stereotype I knew of, but I just couldn't see the attraction in women. Or men. I had no sexual interest in anyone at all. Now I've figured out I'm a gay transsexual man, and ye gods am I interested in men. I am only interested in them if they see me as a man and want that, though. I'm not interested in being desired as a woman.

I repressed liking guys until I discovered my gender issues, so it does make me wonder. Before I was trying to be bisexual. But I think about it and being a guy just doesn't seem like it's me at all.

I have thought about it before, mainly in my younger teen years when my hormones were bouncing off the walls. When it came to sexuality, I could imagine being intimate with either gender, but when I tried to think of doing so as a man...it didn't feel quite right. Of course there were a few times where I thought (or hoped) to myself, "Ok, I'm just a gay/bi man." I think by calling myself gay/bi, I was really being a transgendered person in denial. Now, I consider myself a heterosexual (maybe even bicurious) female.

I went from thinking I was Bi, to trying to identify as a feminine gay man, then  I realised gender not sexuality was the issue.  Once the confusion cleared I found I definitely felt a genuine attraction to women only.  So now I identify as a lesbian.   Confusing trip or what?

Karen.

I thought I was gay for many years, but still felt like something was off even with others who seemed like me. Cause they weren't, really. But they were the only examples I could see that were similar at all. Did not know FTMs even existed until a famous person went public.
I take responsibility for my own doings, but find it puzzling that the shrinks and therapists never mentioned gender identity when they were scrutinizing my weirdness. Guess if well educated people like that couldn't figure it out, I shouldn't feel too bad.

a few weeks ago i got the last confirmation i needed that i'm right about my ->-bleeped-<-. i was wearing an unmistakably male attire (though without a binder), and he said that was the most like me he'd ever seen me look. could be mistaken as tomboy, but i was only being me and he actually saw that. quite ironic that a guy i almost never have contact with knows me better than my own mother though..

i've been in denial about both sexuality and gender, but in the end it doesn't really matter because what i tried to be is undeniably part of who i am. it was just a far too limited edition for me to feel comfortable with it

Others had me pegged as gay, but they had the male part incorrect.  My gender identity and sexual orientation have always been pretty clear to me.  Female attracted to females.  As a result, for a while I thought it'd be better (easier) to just go along with it and play the safer role of a straight male.  Not my best plan.

I had the luck to grow up in a very gay friendly environment, so realizing and coming out about my sexuality has been a non-issue.  I'm having a much harder time getting the gender thing sorted out.

I never gave guys a second thought, and was extremely uncomfortable around them most of my life, until I reconciled with myself and my identity. Now when I see a cute guy I just about melt. I wish I could talk to my girlfriend about this, but I just don't know how.

It's very wrong lol

Accepting being attracted to both men and women was easy compared to accepting I did not want either men or women to want or treat me as the male I was told I was. Looking in the mirror and not identifying with my male image is not logical. There are both men and women who are drop dead gorgeous and magical - being attracted is logical. Not knowing who I am after 6 decades - not logical. Bi-sexual is easy to accept. External evidence to the contrary I am female? - not so easy.

Thought about it, questioned it. Then slipped into a female persona to try and make up for it in my Southern Baptist family, became suicidal again, realized I had gender issues and just said "androgyn" for a while. I claimed to be androgynous and attracted to women, the family seemed more okay with it than me saying I was male. Kinda knew in the back of my mind that it's not androgyny if you want to get top and bottom surgery, but that acceptance came a little later.

I never thought I was gay at all, the idea never came into my mind even when I was figuring things out. I could never love another as a man I'm just incapable of filling in that roll which completely ruled out the option. The one relationship I've had with a girl was pretty much reverse rolls with me behaving more like the girl and her vice verse, only subtle things but people noticed and commented.

Quote from: Rabbit on August 26, 2011, 12:09:17 AM
I still can't decide if I am gay or transgendered (and i been on hormones for 5 months so far ><).

I had never thought of myself as a girl. Sure I wished I was and I felt I had female personalities (and had a lot in common with girls), but I accepted I was born a guy.

And now my body is changing to be more feminine...

But does that make me a girl? Or transgendered? Why not just a gay guy that is EXTREMELY feminine?

Haha, some people relate to me and talk to me as a girl... and some people relate / talk to me as a guy... I guess it is just confusing :P I'm the same person in both cases, but apparently gender is all in the eye of the beholder (which means it kind of makes me trying to pick one pointless :P).

There's nothing wrong with being an extremely feminine gay guy. There's also nothing wrong with transitioning if it's right for you.

There's also nothing wrong with finding a comfortable, androgynous place that fits you, even if it's neither male nor female.

I definitely confused these feelings I had about being stuck in the wrong gender as a sexuality issue. I thought I was gay for quite some time before I finally realized that my feminine feelings had nothing to do with my sexuality, and I was forcing being gay because I thought that's what it all had to mean.

I finally settled on pansexual, but now I've realized that it's okay to be more attracted to girls and be feminine (well, duh). Ever since I started transitioning, this has become more and more clear. It feels so good to be authentic, finally, and not forcing something that I am not.

I went from being "bisexual" and fairly feminine to being totally aromantic yet straight in most of high school, then figured  I was bisexual  over the summer after Grade 12, tried forgetting it and temporarily joined a cult, went through another strange year, then I really came out to some people I knew as bisexual, realized it wasn't quite right, found out what Pansexuality was, and I totally clicked with it... As I became openly attracted to men, I realized I still had some issues to deal with, I started wearing makeup, realized I was never a "dude", but I felt sorta "gay", but not masculine at all, then I came out to my family as "androgynous" etc... That didn't go over well on my Mom's side... Over about a month or so I came to the slow realization I'm a transgirl, I started going to counselling regularly... Time has passed, I'm moving out very soon... I've had quite a journey.

I'd say it's totally possible for someone to think that, but I mean, most gay dudes I know don't have gender issues, except for my FTM friend  :-X

My former partner tried to talk me into thinking I was gay instead of trans. Other than the fact that I don't comprehend how gay men think, it might have worked. Now that I'm on my own again, I'm just myself again.