Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I went and spoke with my dad first, I brought a fairly direct and rational explanation, and tried my best to explain very clearly about how this is something that brothered me terribly since my earliest memories. I told hm I have a lawyer already to change my name and that there will be no signs left that I did this once I am done, so I won't have many problems in a professional environment. I told him my teachers support me, and that I have never been so happy in my life.

I put a lot of emphasys on explaining I love him and didn't mean to hurt him, but I simply had to do this and to be open to him. In the end, he said I'm a man, I have potential to be a man and that I should marry a woman and have children. This would be the solution to everything.

With my mother, I explained the same thing. She didn't say much of it at first, but once she found out I had spoken with my father already, she freaked out. Basically, she believes my psychiatrist has manipulated my mind to talk me into doing this and after I do my SRS she will murder my psychiatrist. Furtherly, she evoked the name of a saint and made a oath on his name that she would do it and then commit suicide, while kneeling in front of me and looking really out of it.
Then she spoke with our maid that was at the kitchen helping clean stuff about where to get a gun and left the house, leaving me fairly worried. She came back soon after, weaponless. She is still looking very agitated, talking loudly, doing exagerated movements and her eyes are fairly wide and open.

I'm glad my dad is at least.. trying to help me in his own way. I never thought he would understand completely right off the bat, but I'm worried about my mom reacting in a psychotic manner. Right now I am just praying she won't do anything really wrong. Either way, I'm worried this might be the beginning of my separation from her.

Srry you're going through this Maiara. I know what it's like to have a mom who overreacts in a psychotic way.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

Wow...just...wow. Reading that took my breath away. It's like I knew that reactions could go that way, but this is really an eye-opener. I'm so sorry that it happened that way...but I'm not sure I could give you a consolidation big enough. Honestly, I just want to give you the biggest hug in the world right now :(.

I too am sorry you had to endure that. Yesterday my wife started blaming my therapist saying that she is talking me into going forward with transitioning. She wont hear that I need to do this but thinks I should be able to simply put it out of my thoughts and be a man.

People just don't/won't/can't understand what we go thru to be able to think rationally and just be stable emotionally. I hope things get better for you.

Randi

Uhh, hon, that doesn't sound like the best start. I hope everything will work out without any major incidents.

Trista, Shades, Fighter thanks for the hugs. :) And Randi too for the wishes of good hope.

It really ins`t the best of starts as Anne said. After those initial events, my father locked himself in his bedroom and went silent. My mother was acting fairly psychotic for a while, but then proceded with what seens like a cover up job wtih my father. She has explained to me she is telling him I didn`t really mean the things I said.

No gun has come by my house, thank god. I was worried I would have to actually call my doctor and tell him my crazy mother was placing his life into danger.

So, I guess they wish to ignore the issue exists. And you know what... Im going to graduate and do this without any kind of familial support if it is their wish, and if they are ashamed of me, if my presence causes them shame or pain, I will just silently fade and leave their lives.

Hi Maiara,

Fortunately you are a strong woman. I think it may be best to accept that your parents cannot deal with this in any sensible way. Iy may be time to walk your own path. I know that is a tough remark, but sometimes reality sets in.

Cindy

Sorry to hear it didn't go well.  Sounds like your mother needs to see a psych ASAP, rather than you.
Moving out might ne the best thing you can do in the cicumstances.

Karen.

Hmm, I would advise your mother not to make any death threats, I mean that is a bit less than prudent, in these days of overactive litigation. Unless of course she is being serious in which case, as another has already wrote, she is the one that needs help, but I will give the benefit of the doubt and assume that she isn't being serious.

I am sorry that things have happened this way for you, it may be that more difficult times are ahead for you. Marrying a woman, and having children, is not a cure for GID in any case even if you like women and want children. I hope that they don't start trying to push things on you now, knowing who you are, and trying to change it.

I think it is about time you start evaluating, the potential need to be independent from them, like do you have ways to fund housing and school without them? In what I have seen the most powerful weapons most parents bring to bear are financial ones. I really hope that they don't do anything too rash.

@all Thankfuly I don't live with them, I attend university at another town.

My mother actually bought a gun, which is being keep at my aunt, and she says she will use it commit suicide should I undergo any surgical procedure. Under all this, I decided it is best I get back to my university tonight rather than monday. I don't feel safe here and my mother is acting REALLY psycho.

She said plenty plenty of harsh and hurtful things. I'm sure things will never be the same between us anymore.

@Ikari It can come down to them cutting my financial support pretty easily. I will see what I can do once it happens.

Gods, Maiara, be safe.

Harsh :(
I know what it's like to have a mother who can also be a bit psychotic at times, I can only imagine how she'll react when she finds out :(
The best of luck with the rest of your journey though! :)

you should probably just stay away from them. your dad just isn't responding psychotically, but he saying "you have potential to be a man, and you should marry a woman." that story has been repeated many times on this website where mtf have tried to be men in the past, they even got married and had kids, some of them even went into the military. you can't just become more masculine, but your dad probably thinks it's just that easy, when he knows nothing about his own gender. your mom sounds dangerous. she sounds like illegally dangerous. just stick with those who support you, and don't want to make you repress yourself in anyway, because it never ends well.

yes, she IS illegaly dangerous.

I never expected it to go this bad. But you know why? Because I never really knew my mother, now I know who she is and I will keep a few miles of distance.

We can trade my families if you want Maiara (They all accept me and love me lol.. weird)
I never cared much for family so it wouldn't mean much to me, maybe you should adapt the same attitude.

And if your psycho mom does kill herself, NEVER think that it was your fault.
I mean she was the one that bought the gun.
If it seems like I'm making a joke out of this, it's because this is just ridiculous, please stay away from them.

Seeing she has obtained a pistol, even if it is being kept somewhere else, sounds like it's time for the Police and a Psychiatric Crisis Assessment Team, if you have such a thing locally.
As a former member of the Police I'd take this very seriously. She really does need help, before she hurts herself or someone else.

Karen

Quote from: justmeinoz on August 28, 2011, 09:36:03 PM
Seeing she has obtained a pistol, even if it is being kept somewhere else, sounds like it's time for the Police and a Psychiatric Crisis Assessment Team, if you have such a thing locally.
As a former member of the Police I'd take this very seriously. She really does need help, before she hurts herself or someone else.

Karen

Yes, yes, and yes.
Please report her.

Keep your distance.  Your mom doesn't have to know about any surgeries you may or may not have done in the future.  None of her business really.  I admire your strength in dealing with this so far.

Hi Maiara,

First off, big hug to you.

It does sound like the crisis side of it has taken over for the moment and it is good that you are getting back to the university. Safety first for yourself and a little distance for your parents so they can process all of this. I hope for you that in time they will be able to sort through this and come down the road to acceptance. Anger is a natural reaction for many and I know my wife certainly had a few choice words at first. Thankfully, none of them involved theats of violence. Our relationship is better than ever once she could take it all in at her own pace.

You know your parents best and whether they will come around. Whether they do or do not, I wish you much strength during this time.

Police and a Psychiatric Crisis Assessment Team

We don't do that stuff here.  That's proactive and US law enforcement reactive, and really we like it that way.

I'd take a trigger lock to your aunts house and put it on the gun and tell your aunt to hide the key. Sorry they are acting this way but her actions sound more manipulative than anything. I would bet that she has a history of manipulative behavior, if I had to guess. I would never accept responsibility for someone else's behaviour or reaction to what I do and I certainly wouldn't do or not do something due to a threat from anyone.

Thanks for the support, everyone.

I spoke with my dad yesterday on the phone and he said she is still a bit psycho. *Sigh*. Anyway, I have a lot of anedoctodal evidence, but not a single proof. I haven't SEEN the gun and we couldn't find it yet, it is hidden.

I also want to help her to get out of this crisis, not lock her up. Of course, there might be a point that jailing her up is exactly what should happen to help her, but I don't think the point has arrived yet.

@jessicaH

Yep. I'm not accepting responsability for what she is doing. She is a grown up woman.

Well I'll be damned that is a scary moment to read about  '_'
I would by all means seek some form of psych help for your mother, I know your father can have her signed in but I don't know how he's reacting to her *ahem* behavior.
And if you don't feel the point has arrived now it might be a tad to late when it does, and as for locking her up I wouldn't say that's exactly what your doing it's more like removing her from the area of stress and having her be in a controlled environment with help.... ok yeah locking up miiight fit but it conjures a bad image.

Best of luck Maiara!

I'm going to be in contact with a psych this afternoon. Things are fairly bad.

I'm writting here to register the going ons. This situation may lead to a terrible disaster and if I die, I want someone to know what happened with me.

I called a psychiatrist, he said there is little I can do from here. I can either seek to put her in a institution or I can call the cops. From what I heard, she is involved with drugs, guns and really, really, REALLY MOTHER->-bleeped-<-IN BAD people. Her goal seens to find vengeance by murdering the doctors who were involved with my transition here in my university.

My dad is in denial of all of this. He is old and expends most of the time in his bedroom. He is still in shock from what I told him.

I have called relatives from the part of my dad, but there is little they want to do to help her because they don't care. (long history behind they not caring as well). In addition, I don't have the phones from our relatives from HER side of the family.

I called our maid and asked her to speak with my dad and tell him absolutely everything that is going on as soon as possible. She is to call me tommorow and pending on what my father does, I will go back to my hometown and take things on my own hands, that is, get her locked up by force
and myself.

Once in my hometown I also know where some of our relatives live and may  seek help.

The downside of going there and seeing her is that it will trigger conflict with her... I'm completely unsure of what to do and I am praying.

Be careful, Maiara, please. I'll be praying, too.

Well, it seens I must always do things with a boom.

I decided the best (although not obvious) course of action was to come out to my whole family. So I reached out to everyone I could and explained the situation, this would let my mother know her plans are no longer a secret and would have people talk with her about what is going on. She was no longer talking with me at all.

Last I heard from our house maid she had calmed down and is going to talk with a priest. On my part, upon hearing this I cried and thanked god for allowing me to keep my mother and my family.

Well its funny
I have the support from my whole family except my parents, who seen focused on stopping me at all and any costs.

Well, it's good to hear at least some of them are supporting you.

Take care.

Following these events and with the knowledge I have gathered about who my parents truly are, I am closing my current forum account and taking my transition into a deep level of stealth.

I will stil be around, just with a different name I won't make public.

Do what you need to, and be safe.

:( and it seemed things were going rather well, I hope everything is ok and you obtain a better situation.

I agree, do what you need to to stay safe and comfortable with your online presence,  we will still be here for you regardless of your name or level of detail about your situation.

She has recovered from her psychotic crisis and things are under control. No one is getting murdered, there aren't any drugs being used.

WIth that said, she seens to accept me now and we can talk openly with each other about my issues. My dad is in total denial. They are NOT going to cut on my fundings, so I can still pay for university without problems.

I'm glad it worked out. It would've taken a pretty low person to disown a child like that.

Totally

But holy ->-bleeped-<-, was that a stressful situation... I could never have guessed it would go THAT bad. Anywya, with her supporting me things are going to be a lot easier.

I really hope my parents don't react like that. What your mother did sounds pretty damn close to what my mother would say and do.

I hope she doesn't react like that. =\

Hopefully it gets better!

Omg mine too >.<, but even she understands how messed up disowning a child would be. My grandma almost did it when she got pregnant with my brother, so I expect a similar turn of events.

Quote from: Bird on September 03, 2011, 01:52:19 PM
She has recovered from her psychotic crisis and things are under control. No one is getting murdered, there aren't any drugs being used.

WIth that said, she seens to accept me now and we can talk openly with each other about my issues. My dad is in total denial. They are NOT going to cut on my fundings, so I can still pay for university without problems.

It's good to know that the psychosis is under control and that some support is beginning. Hopefully your dad will come around, too.