Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So...being a non-op FtM, I've got boobs, and I hate them more than anything in this world.

I want to chop them off much like most FtMs want to do, and I don't even consider them a part of myself.

I strap them down, but my binding comes loose sometimes, and I don't have a real binder.

...My friends know that I'm FtM, and there's this girl in the group who has a major crush on me. She calls me her 'other boyfriend,' she calls me 'babe,' and her 'bootycall,' and she's asked me if she was single if I'd date her. I told her that I wasn't into the dating scene, it was a lie. She's not my type; she's too butch, and I like my girls...girly. That's normal, I assume o.o;

Anyway, understanding that she's pretty 'friendly,' she ->-bleeped-<-ing grabbed my boob today while she hugged me. I got pissed and I told her not to do it again, she said that she understood. But even so, this continues to upset me, she just sent my dysphoria running up the ->-bleeped-<-ing wall, and I feel sick with myself. There's a lump in my throat and I feel like I'm going to throw up. Now, I'm not new to dysphoria, or the depression and anxiety that comes along with being insecure about your body and your gender identity, but I've never had it like this before. ->-bleeped-<-ing hell. I'm trying not to be mad, but come on, even if I was okay with being a girl, it's not like I'd be okay with getting groped. But it pisses me off all the more because I told her YESTERDAY that I bind!!! Isn't that a clear enough hint that I don't want people touching my boobs!?!

So...similar experiences guys? Let me know I'm not alone, and how did you deal with the overwhelming disgust?

What are you using to bind with? 

Right now, I use three *Loose* sportsbras, and a football compression shirt *I fold it twice and squish everything again* It actually works fairly well.
Especially when I layer my clothing *I'm wearing two tank tops under my t-shirt* and then an open jacket on top. It's not the most effective, but it works well enough for me for right now.

What size binder would you need? 

Of that I have absolutely no clue.
I looked at binders briefly sometime last year, but couldn't afford one and haven't looked back since.
I can't even remember my cup size, I'm a B...I think... xD
It might be time to do some research on binders again.

That woman sounds exciting, actually.  She should come grope me, LOL.

I feel really bad for you, RDP.  I can tell from your post how serious of a dysphoria trigger your breasts are.  It was really inconsiderate of her to touch your breasts without your permission.  Perhaps she doesn't understand how bad it makes you feel?

In any case, I'm sure there are a lot of cis women who wouldn't like people randomly touching their breasts.

xD Exciting doesn't even begin to cover it, she's very...interesting.

Thanks for your concern, I really appreciate it :3

I know that she didn't do it to make me angry or upset, she does it to all of the other girls in our group, but it just made me feel awful because I try to forget that they're there and then it's like... BAM...fate won't let me pretend that they're not there =____=; That, and it made me feel completely objectified as a woman *Shudder* I know that I shouldn't let me upset me that much, and I should get over it, but I was even more appauled because she asked me yesterday if I bind, and I told her yes - that should be a hint that I don't want to be reminded of them. Or maybe I'm just expecting everyone to cater to my whims too much? >__O;

If you haven't already you need to make it clear to her that behavior is unwanted.

Quote from: GentlemanRDP on September 07, 2011, 04:45:57 PM
xD Exciting doesn't even begin to cover it, she's very...interesting.

That's probably why she sounds intriguing to me.  I like people who are... different.

ive gotten groped before but usually by people who dont think i have boobs like friends even if they know im trans i never really had boobs and i started binding before they got to where they are now. although some people have felt me up just to see how my chest feels like a girl at my school and one of my trans friends, sister's, friend. it doesnt bother me as most people dont notice the boob or those who know im binding say "parker, your really flat" or something of the sort.

To be 100% frank and honest, if this bothers you tell her to back the ->-bleeped-<- off. No need to sugar coat it, honestly. Having your personal space invaded in such a way (being touched in ways you don't like) is really awful, trust me I know. It seems to me like she doesn't take you (or the fact that you're trans) seriously or she is totally oblivious. Either way you need to make it crystal clear that she is not to invade your personal space like that again.

if you cant afford a binder, you could apply for the big brothers used binder program. that's what i did. you tell em a little about ur situation, and if you have 5 bucks to pay for the shipping, he sends you the right one. all the info on sizing and such is included with ur application. he tells you how to size it. here's the link: http://www.thetransitionalmale.com/BBUB.html (http://www.thetransitionalmale.com/BBUB.html)

I can relate. All you can do is tell her you're not interested and if she goes for another grab, grab her hand or arm and sternly remind her again.

I seem to have had an unusually high rate of crotch grabs over the years. No one ever grabs for my chest, it's always slipping a hand up my thigh and a package group. Awkward, to say the least because when someone you're not into does it it's just creepy. I'd really like to know where the ladies who do that (or guys) think that's appropriate (unless it's clear the other person is into you and you're behind closed doors)?

The first time it ever happened I was like in a bit of a shock. I mean, no one had ever laid a hand on me and here was this chick full on getting a handful. I was up against a wall and finally snapped out of it and ended up pushing her back some and just saying "don't" and walked away. Luckily I was on vacation and I never saw her again. Some of the other people who've done it I did know and it did cause some very awkward situations.

in the manga-comunity people tend to grope you pretty much, I find it somehow funny that people think im more a guy if they grope me than if they dont then there like "are you a boy or a girl?" grope* "you dont have boobs then your a guy" (guess my bindings work pretty well then..)

its extremly unconfortable, I hate everyone trying to get near that place, and its very few people who is able to thouch me around there..
in general if someone grope you where your not confortable then its sexual harrasm, alone that fact should make people understand that you dont want it, but some people are stupid,
there are alot of places I dont like to be thouch from fear of they will notice my bigger cheast or my binder,
and if people dont respect it then I get SO MAD and normally im a claim person.

Quoteshe does it to all of the other girls in our group, but it just made me feel awful because I try to forget that they're there and then it's like... BAM...fate won't let me pretend that they're not there =____=; That, and it made me feel completely objectified as a woman...

It was innapropriate. Period.

Easy to understand it setting off dysphoria...could also trigger PTSD for someone with that problem.
I'd be fighting the urge to either never leave the house again or beat the snot out of her.
I HATED having that area touched by anybody before surgery. Hated them being there. Hated them being called "breasts".
They were responsible for ending my boyhood at an early age and I never really got over that.
Feeling objectified "as a woman" is all it takes to set off terrible feelings for me.
Feeling objectified as a man does not have that effect so far.

Sorry about your experience.  That sounds invasive and completely inappropriate.  Be aware that it's harassment and act accordingly. 

I've also had my share of groping but it usually just makes me laugh.  I wear a binder and it's comfortable and does the job perfect well.  I've had quite a few guys pat me on the chest in a manly way.  When I was doing my grappling / wrestling I had quite a few out right grabs.  The best they could at least.  This always amused me because they have no idea what they are actually grabbing.

Most guys wouldn't walk up and grab a girls breast (I don't think) but guys don't seem to mind doing it to each other.   

Use an ACE bandage. That's what I use and it feels like it's not even there.

Thanks to everyone for all of your comments, experiences, and advice. I really appreciate it, and I'm sorry that I don't have a chance to reply to all of you <3

Quote from: Todd Landon on September 08, 2011, 12:36:44 AM
if you cant afford a binder, you could apply for the big brothers used binder program. that's what i did. you tell em a little about ur situation, and if you have 5 bucks to pay for the shipping, he sends you the right one. all the info on sizing and such is included with ur application. he tells you how to size it. here's the link: http://www.thetransitionalmale.com/BBUB.html (http://www.thetransitionalmale.com/BBUB.html)

I've never even heard about this before.
I'll definitely look into it, thanks for the link!

Quote from: insideontheoutside on September 08, 2011, 03:54:40 AMI seem to have had an unusually high rate of crotch grabs over the years.

This is absolutely terrifying. Not that I have anything down there, but I think I'd pass out if I were packing and someone grabbed at it - I'd be horrified that it might come loose and drop out of my pant-leg >.<; But I guess that I can be happy that that hasn't happened...yet.

Sorry about all of your crotch-grabbing experiences, but thank you for sharing.

Quote from: Natkat on September 08, 2011, 08:46:19 AM
in the manga-comunity people tend to grope you pretty much, I find it somehow funny that people think im more a guy if they grope me than if they dont then there like "are you a boy or a girl?" grope* "you dont have boobs then your a guy" (guess my bindings work pretty well then..)

This is so true. It shocks me how it's actually 'acceptable' at a lot of conventions. I bind a lot more for cosplays myself, but I've never had that happen to me at a con, I might be viable to hurt someone.

Quote from: Squirrel698 on September 08, 2011, 11:18:11 AM
Sorry about your experience.  That sounds invasive and completely inappropriate.  Be aware that it's harassment and act accordingly. 

I've also had my share of groping but it usually just makes me laugh.  I wear a binder and it's comfortable and does the job perfect well.  I've had quite a few guys pat me on the chest in a manly way.  When I was doing my grappling / wrestling I had quite a few out right grabs.  The best they could at least.  This always amused me because they have no idea what they are actually grabbing.

Most guys wouldn't walk up and grab a girls breast (I don't think) but guys don't seem to mind doing it to each other.   

Thanks for your empathy, I appreciate it.

I think I could handle if a guy did it...like that, as long as he was reading me as a man, I don't think it would bother me at all, and I'd probably laugh about it as well. I can only imagine how many times you were grabbed during wrestling xD But I guess that's just part of the sport.

Quote from: Kentrie on September 08, 2011, 02:14:16 PM
Use an ACE bandage. That's what I use and it feels like it's not even there.

Seriously? o.o; No offence at all, but that sounds a little crazy to me. You must have a pretty small chest if it doesn't hurt. I've used that before, and I've also used ducktape ( OUCH! ) But...seriously, I don't trust ACE bandages, they're made to restrict every time they loosen, and they do so with every breath you take. I've read many a horror-stories about people causing themselves bruised and broken ribs, and the occassional tragedy of people falling asleep with them on and suffocating themselves in their sleep. You should be very careful if you're using one of those.

I'd suggest against the ACE you can potentially seriously be injured and scarred by the ACE because it does not expand correctly when you breathe.  Sorry you got groped :( You're a better man than I am I would not have handled that so well. I would have rudely told her to keep her d*mn hands to herself.

Quote from: xAndrewx on September 08, 2011, 02:35:51 PM
I'd suggest against the ACE you can potentially seriously be injured and scarred by the ACE because it does not expand correctly when you breathe.  Sorry you got groped :( You're a better man than I am I would not have handled that so well. I would have rudely told her to keep her d*mn hands to herself.

I think I only handled it so well because I was in shock xD But thank you though.

 My chest is about a B and I don't get bruised or anything. I've never slept in it before though. I've heard those horror stories.

Quote from: GentlemanRDP on September 08, 2011, 02:27:45 PM

This is so true. It shocks me how it's actually 'acceptable' at a lot of conventions. I bind a lot more for cosplays myself, but I've never had that happen to me at a con, I might be viable to hurt someone.

rape is accepted so it dosent surprize me,
I wont say I am scared of contact like that, I have hugged alot of people, kissed random folks, and got "raped" a couple of times by crazy fangirls, but the groping thing are just a BIG NO NO,
if my cheast where flat I wouldnt mind but my cheast is so far only flat because I bind, and I am always terryfied anyone would find out. brbrbrbr..

I think
generally you dont grope guys but I had been poked a few times for people who didnt knew if I where a guy or a girl, however my mtf friend got the same problem, actually worse, I think, people tend to poke her boobs pretty much.

I feel I can relate from the other side of the road...

I just imagine being pre- or non-op, presenting and passing OK as female and some one (boy OR girl) grabs be between my legs --- as a 'friendly hello' or just to see what gives. Hellllllll !!!!

I think I would want to throw up all over them, right there and then.

So much for hitting our GID brick-wall, full on.

But as was suggested, you have to address it to prevent future occurrences.
If they want to be puked all over, let them try. Eish.

Axelle