Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Post operative life => Topic started by: Northern Jane on September 11, 2011, 05:14:05 AM Return to Full Version
Title: Going back to real life
Post by: Northern Jane on September 11, 2011, 05:14:05 AM
Post by: Northern Jane on September 11, 2011, 05:14:05 AM
I have been hanging around these forums for about 10 years and recently it has become increasingly obvious to me that it is time I let go of the distant past.
As you may know, I 'transitioned' in 1974 at the age of 24 but I put transitioned in quotations because I never really passed for a boy before that. From earliest childhood I always thought I WAS a girl, from 8 onward I just thought I was a freak. I was assessed by pioneers like Dr. Harry Benjamin and aided by the likes of Dr. Stanley Biber. Often I was the first Transsexual many medical professionals had ever seen. At 24, with surgery, I KNEW I was just a girl like any other and lived my life accordingly.
Many years went by and I didn't think about my medical past very often - it was irrelevant to my daily life. It was not until 2000 or 2001 that I began to wonder what life was like today for people like me in the new millennium and ventured out through the safety of the Internet to find out.
Things had changed a GREAT DEAL! And that is a good thing. "People like me" were on Oprah Winfrey, Barbara Walters and other respectable and mature shows. People like me were finding support, acceptance, and help as young as age 7! WONDERFUL! Much else had changed as well. Transsexualism was under the GLBT banner, medical help was no longer limited to the passable Type VI transsexual, and it had largely become about money: anyone with enough money to pay had access to surgery and "gatekeepers" made money by long term counseling (rather than a single assessment of mental competence). The desirability of the latter changes are for others to decide.
In the past few months I have found myself drifting away from the on-line community. My experiences (as a child and a teen) were relevant only as a historical perspective and my life 24/7 has nothing to do with my childhood and no relevance to 'the community'. If I tell someone of my childhood these days, I get a blank stare - it doesn't register - or a "So?". Even dating I get the same thing - a lank stare.
The evolution has been from I thought I was a girl, to freak, to Transsexual, to I AM a girl, to I was Transsexual, and eventually to I am just another girl, where things stand today; and where they began has become irrelevant; the past is incomprehensible to those in my life, and it is time to let it go and just live my life for the present and the future.
And so I bid adieu to the community. I hope you find your dreams (as I have).
(I will not be checking back for replies.)
As you may know, I 'transitioned' in 1974 at the age of 24 but I put transitioned in quotations because I never really passed for a boy before that. From earliest childhood I always thought I WAS a girl, from 8 onward I just thought I was a freak. I was assessed by pioneers like Dr. Harry Benjamin and aided by the likes of Dr. Stanley Biber. Often I was the first Transsexual many medical professionals had ever seen. At 24, with surgery, I KNEW I was just a girl like any other and lived my life accordingly.
Many years went by and I didn't think about my medical past very often - it was irrelevant to my daily life. It was not until 2000 or 2001 that I began to wonder what life was like today for people like me in the new millennium and ventured out through the safety of the Internet to find out.
Things had changed a GREAT DEAL! And that is a good thing. "People like me" were on Oprah Winfrey, Barbara Walters and other respectable and mature shows. People like me were finding support, acceptance, and help as young as age 7! WONDERFUL! Much else had changed as well. Transsexualism was under the GLBT banner, medical help was no longer limited to the passable Type VI transsexual, and it had largely become about money: anyone with enough money to pay had access to surgery and "gatekeepers" made money by long term counseling (rather than a single assessment of mental competence). The desirability of the latter changes are for others to decide.
In the past few months I have found myself drifting away from the on-line community. My experiences (as a child and a teen) were relevant only as a historical perspective and my life 24/7 has nothing to do with my childhood and no relevance to 'the community'. If I tell someone of my childhood these days, I get a blank stare - it doesn't register - or a "So?". Even dating I get the same thing - a lank stare.
The evolution has been from I thought I was a girl, to freak, to Transsexual, to I AM a girl, to I was Transsexual, and eventually to I am just another girl, where things stand today; and where they began has become irrelevant; the past is incomprehensible to those in my life, and it is time to let it go and just live my life for the present and the future.
And so I bid adieu to the community. I hope you find your dreams (as I have).
(I will not be checking back for replies.)
Title: Re: Going back to real life
Post by: Lee on September 11, 2011, 05:28:45 AM
Post by: Lee on September 11, 2011, 05:28:45 AM
Even if you won't read this, I still want to wish you luck and lots of happiness. :)
Title: Re: Going back to real life
Post by: AbraCadabra on September 11, 2011, 05:53:23 AM
Post by: AbraCadabra on September 11, 2011, 05:53:23 AM
Yeah,
there is a time to let once more to let go, and move on. I can feel that.
Some of us older TS/TGs might have benefited too from your own 'ancient' coming along history?
I for one would have thought so.
Yet, just going into SRS, 6 days from now, I have a notion what you feel. Let the young ones take over, do the hand holding, deal with the EVER recurring issues related to our particular trans case(s).
It's a bit of getting tired working in ER at times, isn't it?
And yet, still mostly talking to myself here, I know, it was EVER, EVER, just so important during those VERY dark and so insecure hours of early transition to have just one, only one, experienced transwoman to speak to. Oh my.
If it wasn't for that, I'm sure I would not be writing these line.
Thank you Jane, for having done lots of just that.
It's been much appreciated I'm sure, and not only by me,
Axelle
there is a time to let once more to let go, and move on. I can feel that.
Some of us older TS/TGs might have benefited too from your own 'ancient' coming along history?
I for one would have thought so.
Yet, just going into SRS, 6 days from now, I have a notion what you feel. Let the young ones take over, do the hand holding, deal with the EVER recurring issues related to our particular trans case(s).
It's a bit of getting tired working in ER at times, isn't it?
And yet, still mostly talking to myself here, I know, it was EVER, EVER, just so important during those VERY dark and so insecure hours of early transition to have just one, only one, experienced transwoman to speak to. Oh my.
If it wasn't for that, I'm sure I would not be writing these line.
Thank you Jane, for having done lots of just that.
It's been much appreciated I'm sure, and not only by me,
Axelle
Title: Re: Going back to real life
Post by: Debra on September 15, 2011, 09:28:31 AM
Post by: Debra on September 15, 2011, 09:28:31 AM
best of luck to you =)