Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi I hope I don't offend anybody with this post. I just stumbled across this forum and I thought I would get some advice. I was born a male but for as long as I can remember I've felt like I should have been a girl. It is like a need. I have tried to just crossdressing on occasion or just being a feminine male among other things. None of that worked for me though. Nothing I've tried has satisfied that need I have. The only thing left that I know of is transitioning. However the thought of transitioning scares me. I just want to be a normal guy. I just want to like being the guy I was born as. I have tried for years doing different things to try and enjoy being male. Nothing so far has worked. I am at a breaking point in my life because of this. My academic career is in shambles and I can't seem to be able to keep motivated at jobs. This issue has caused me so much hurt and pain, but now it is actually stopping me from functioning in society. Meanwhile this need keeps growing and getting worse everyday. I feel shame and embarrassment for being transgender. Somedays I feel like my only option is to transition. This makes my shame and embarrassment unbearable. However I can't ever bring myself to do it. One reason is that I have been male my entire life and the thought of trying to unlearn all of that while learning this whole new set of rules makes my brain hurt. A different and probably bigger reason is the fact that I am my parents only son. I feel like if I came out to them about this it would kill them, especially my father. So please is there any way that I can make these feelings go away? Anyway to stop being transgender?

You're asking some really hard questions, but familiar ones. I think for many that have felt trans for a very long time the feeling is similar to what you describe. It certainly was for me.

I was 33 years old when I finally came to terms with the fact that everything I had tried for decades wasn't making this go away. I went and saw a therapist. She really helped me a lot. She didn't encourage me to transition, she didn't discourage me from transitioning - she was just there to help me work through my thoughts and fears and to allow myself to look at who I am authentically and honestly - to not tell myself lies any more.

Transition is a scary thing, but it's also a beautiful thing. It is right and good to fear it, because that shows that you understand that it's a major process to go through. But also I don't know of any way to make the feelings go away - except for one way. In my case the pain of continuing to live my life in a way that didn't feel authentic for me was more painful than the fear and pain of transition - so I eventually accepted my path. I can say without a doubt that transition does indeed resolve my gender incongruence. Living as a woman feels completely normal now. (I went full time 5 months ago). It isn't easy, and in a way you do just trade one set of problems for another - but in this case you get to choose which set of problems you want to deal with. Or, maybe it's not much a choice after all - I wonder about that for myself.

Nobody can tell you to transition, if anyone does you should find a new friend. Only you know the answers to the questions you ask. This forum is full of people who wrestled with the very issues you are bringing up. I know it was the case for me. Just look at some of my old posts and you can see that I was dealing with quite a few of my own questions, fears, demons publicly on here.

No matter what, don't lie to yourself any more. If you can please find a qualified gender therapist to talk to, or stay engaged around here and talk to other people. You can learn a lot by reading and interacting here. I wish you peace on your journey, even if that means that you realize that transition is not for you.

I tried a wife, kid, religion, warehouse career, denial, alcohol, therapy, prescription drugs... What can I say? I'm a fighter.

There's this thing loosely called a clinical threshold, and when you hit it you will seek out a way to address your gender issues in a constructive manner. Being transsexual, that means transition. However, you could find a happy place somewhere inbetween the genders. Only way to find out is to explore the possibility.

   I'm sorry confused21 but if you're a transexual then this won't go away, as you get older it gets worse. When i first started seeing my gender therapist years ago that was the first thing i asked her "is there a pill i can take to make me feel male?" and the short answer is no - if there was then this site prolly wouldn't exist lol. The best thing for you to do is start seeing a therapist that specialises with gender issues.

 Hey there Confused. I'm new to this forum as well , but I'm over two years full time. I'm 32 now. Madelyn sums it up great for me: "the pain of continuing to live my life in a way that didn't feel authentic for me was more painful than the fear and pain of transition".

Unfortunately, there is only one known treatment, and you already know what it is. Believe me, when I was 21, I was just like you. The idea of even coming out, let alone transition, was terrifying. I spent much time trying to "fix" myself. I too wanted to just be happy as a boy. Like Emma, I did the warehouse worker thing and tried to force myself to be a man. I used to tell myself "You're strong, of mind and body, so just make it happen, cap'n!", but as you are seeing, it is not easy. In fact it's emotionally and mentally draining.

Many are going to tell you to slow it down, and while I think you should be cautious, I also know how much I wish I had come to terms sooner, like at 21. So I would say to not waste any more time and energy on fighting it, it leads to a dark place, and to try to come to terms with who you really are.

I wish I could tell you how to come to terms, but I feel like it differs for everyone. For me, I realized my neice was turning 13. So what, right? Well, you see, I remember her being born, and I remember feeling mostly the same for those 13 years (wanting to be a girl, crossdressing, etc) and I just had had it. Enough was enough, and I was going to be damned if I was going to go another 13 years like that. It took seeing that I had not even made a dent in the feeling for 13 years, in fact the urge,need was stronger than ever.

I know you may not want to hear these things, but it just isn't going to go away. Just look to those of us who have taken the first big steps, and see if we aren't universally happy with our choice to transition.

Quote from: confused21 on September 11, 2011, 10:38:26 PMI don't want to be transgender

Most people don't, if self-report data is to be believed.

Quote from: confused21 on September 11, 2011, 10:38:26 PM
I feel shame and embarrassment for being transgender.

This is what you need to work on, more than anything else.

You need to first get to a point of self acceptance. There is NOTHING wrong with being transgendered.... and actually, it is very beautiful!

Now and then I have feelings that it is negative. But, then I look in the mirror and ask myself what is negative.... and I can't find anything. I am just a little prettier than before, a bit softer, smell better.... how are these things bad?

Once you accept yourself and start transition... you will feel SOOO Happy. Not needing to feel like you need to fit yourself into a mold you aren't comfortable with will really be a great uplift.

I didn't feel super confined by my "male self", but I still had an amazing effect by starting hormones and moving towards things I wanted. Really, "being transgender" so far has been the best thing I have done, I am really happy about it all and wouldn't want to be anything else :)

Basically you don't want to be transgender, you don't want to deal with how society might see you or how you would have to deal with family, friends, and co workers.  You don't want to look like someone strange or an oddball.  You just want a normal life.

There isn't any way to stop the feeling other than to start doing things that alleviate your dysphoria.
Some people might not want to have blonde hair or blue eyes,  to be gay or straight, or be more compasionate, or strong etc but that is who you are transgender.  You may want to be just another regular guy but no pill would change how you feel about who you are inside and make you love being a male.

To make your life a little better.  You could start by wearing womens undergarments (panties), socks.  You could grow out your finger nails longer, shave your body.  Wear womens wide neck shirts, look maybe a little androgynous.  That's a start.  Work on trying your luck at makeup.  Most importantly in your case since you have felt this way for so very very long is to go see a Gender Therapist.  Not a regular therapist but a gender therapist.  They won't make you take hormones or anything that you don't want to do.  You tell them how you feel, tell them about your life, why you think you are transgender and they work on a strategy to make your life better and manageable and yes that might include hormones and that might include in the future transition.  But you would work on other stuff before that like going out in public with foundation on, going for laser treatments and electrolysis.

Felecia

I dont like being transgender either, but I accepted that it is another aspect to who I am. I mean who wants to be stuck on medication for the rest of their lives, right?
I tried to ignore that feeling, but I couldn't do it. I dont know anyone that has.  I didn't go to the extremes that some have, like drugs and/or alcohol. I wasted my teens sitting in my room, building model kits just trying to ignore that feeling. And it simply did not work. With self acceptance, the real trials began. I'm pretty sure that transitioning will destroy my marriage. And I resigned myself to that possibility.
After 6 months, on HRT, that feeling is just a fading whisper. I may not be the perfect woman. or pretty. But I am me. And that's a peace that I've never had. So, unfortunately, transitioning was the right thing for me to do. I wished I had listened to that feeling long ago and spared a lot of people, including myself, a lot of heartache.

Anyway, get yourself a councilor. That will be your start point. where you go from there, is in your hands.

Not wanting society to look at you strange, for people to misunderstand you, for there to be possible conflict with family and friends.... all these things are the fears that come from OTHER people. Being transgendered doesn't make these things happen, being around stupid or bigotted people does.

It is like that twilight zone episode, where the beautiful girl is having surgery to make her less of a "freak"... because she lives in a society of pig-people.

Being beautiful or being yourself aren't things you should let a closed minded society poison you to!

There is nothing bad about being trans (other than needing to take a pill, kinda annoying, but no biggy). All the other crap we deal with is because of OTHERS forcing their idea of what is "right" onto us.

I find this an incredibly beutiful thread, not because of the stress from being TG, but the happyness from acceptace.
For myself I dont remember a time when I did not  crossdress. I also, my entire life dreamed of turning in to a woman, but stupidly I lied to myself, didnt understand myself, and was never true to myself.
Because of this, I was always ashamed of dressing... Wanting to, but so scared to.
In the past year, Iv come to terms with who I am. I am Transgender. Once I stopped the lies to myself, everthing was so much more simple. The shame slowly faded and now I feel only excitement of each new change tward being a woman.
Personally, what I have done until the time comes that I can pass are a few things.
1. No one sees whats under your clothes, so thats eaisily fixed.
2. Theres minimal outward apearance between womens pants and males. Womens are so much more comfortable though! So thats fixed now.
3. I make sure to keep my toes painted at all times, I hate being unpainted anymore. Drives my right up the walls.
4. shave. again its under your clothes. Cant see it anyway.

The main thing that will help you feel better is acceptance, plain and simple. Thats the biggest step. Well, not the biggest, but a bit step none the less.
Remember also that tere is a wide range of being transgender.
You can go all the way and get SRS, or live part time in a much more andyngenous body.

There is an upside though. You get to re-invent yourself, so to speak. And see how life is for the other sex.

In all honesty, I love being a woman a heck of a lot more than I was as a guy. I wasn't very good at being a guy in the first place and my peers could sense it. It was like sharks smelling an injured fish 5 miles away. I just wish I had been born a normal genetic girl to begin with and not have to face The crap other people give me for  trying to correct a medical condition I've had since before I was born. That and all the childhood experiences I missed out on that are common for girls that I'll never get the chance to experience.  Oh well. Just make the best of it and live life to the fullest.

I would suggest starting with blocking male hormones running thru your body. If you can get a prescription for spiranolactone it will block the testosterone in your body from affecting you mentally. It will give you some free thinking time to figure out just what you want. It will not change you but it will allow you to not be seeking any sexual satisfaction. If you then still want to transition then you will know it on a clear mind, not one hyped up on T.

I wish you well and either way there is a way.

I love how you say things with clear and calm wording Keaira.

"It was like sharks smelling an injured fish 5 miles away."

That is so, so true, Keira. Great analogy.

The feelings don't go away.  You can attempt to avoid things you know trigger them, but the nature of the problem makes that unrealistic.  Just looking in the mirror or seeing a woman can set me off, hating my features and envying theirs.

Anyway... it can be difficult, but there is no reason to feel ashamed of this.  All I can say is, try to avoid wasting your life living in pain trying to appease others.  It would be a good idea to at least see someone about these feelings to work out the best path for you.

Quote from: confused21 on September 11, 2011, 10:38:26 PM
Hi I hope I don't offend anybody with this post. I just stumbled across this forum and I thought I would get some advice. I was born a male but for as long as I can remember I've felt like I should have been a girl. It is like a need. I have tried to just crossdressing on occasion or just being a feminine male among other things. None of that worked for me though. Nothing I've tried has satisfied that need I have. The only thing left that I know of is transitioning. However the thought of transitioning scares me. I just want to be a normal guy. I just want to like being the guy I was born as. I have tried for years doing different things to try and enjoy being male. Nothing so far has worked. I am at a breaking point in my life because of this. My academic career is in shambles and I can't seem to be able to keep motivated at jobs. This issue has caused me so much hurt and pain, but now it is actually stopping me from functioning in society. Meanwhile this need keeps growing and getting worse everyday. I feel shame and embarrassment for being transgender. Somedays I feel like my only option is to transition. This makes my shame and embarrassment unbearable. However I can't ever bring myself to do it. One reason is that I have been male my entire life and the thought of trying to unlearn all of that while learning this whole new set of rules makes my brain hurt. A different and probably bigger reason is the fact that I am my parents only son. I feel like if I came out to them about this it would kill them, especially my father. So please is there any way that I can make these feelings go away? Anyway to stop being transgender?

That was me before i transitioned, almost word for word.  Why cant i be a normal guy... i said that to myself so many times, i too couldn't stand it anymore, i had it since i was 5, i thought it was a phase i thought it would go away.  If you have GID it will never go away unless you do something about it unfortunately.  I transitioned at 31 with all the same worries and questions you had, i was afraid, its really a scarey thing, and it causes a lot of problems rather then fixes them for a time. 

Before my transition i was a lot like you almost exactly really the way you wrote it.

I am 35 now and i have completed my transition and i can tell you all those worries i had before are gone, my GID is gone, and i am living a normal, healthy, happy life as a woman.  The only regret i have is that i didn't do it sooner. 

I am not telling you to transition, what you should first do is see a therapist first and work through your issues and make sure that is your only option.  Because i have to say transitioning sucks especially the surgeries, however, if you have GID, after, you feel really great when its over and the world finally makes sense when it didn't in the past, its a refreshing feeling, i hope you can experience that kind of peace someday.

Quote from: Bird on September 12, 2011, 10:45:47 AM
I love how you say things with clear and calm wording Keaira.

Thank you ^_^
Vocally, I'm a really terrible communicator. I think my mind works faster than my mouth. But writing my thoughts seem to make what I want to say so much clearer.

Quote from: mimpi on September 12, 2011, 11:43:15 AM
"It was like sharks smelling an injured fish 5 miles away."

That is so, so true, Keira. Great analogy.

It really is like that. Especially among children. Since there was little to no information that I even knew of about transsexualism  and GID, other kids thought I was gay. I knew I wasn't. And I was at a total loss as to why people thought that. But whatever these kids saw, it led to many fights in school and in my neighborhood. Unfortunately, My Dad was in the Army, so by the time the bullies thought I wasn't much sport anymore, I'd end up moving and it would start all over.

Anyway, back on topic.

Should you decide that transition is the right path for you, and just to be clear, it is not the only path, then your in for a pretty tough ride. you will be tested over and over again. People will try to make you feel worthless. Push their religion onto you, Tell you how you feel is irrelevant because it affects their comfort zone. You need to start a support network. When someone tells you that your just a guy in a dress, that can really knock your self worth and confidence down quite a bit. Everyone on this forum who  fits into the trans spectrum has been tested. But if you have friends, family, councilor, co-workers, or people online supporting you and cheering you on, you can make it. And you just might find that there are more people in your corner than you realize.

Here's my example:

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi688.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fvv246%2FKeairaElisabeth%2FIMG_0436.jpg&hash=1bcc9697536f8a118776bc7175565c52752fd926)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi688.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fvv246%2FKeairaElisabeth%2FIMG_0435.jpg&hash=f8051ee59ffa99793cf9c6c072ed2e622d0a6bce)

I thought, when I went full time, I would be hated by almost every woman in my area. Especially when they learned I was going to be using the women's restrooms. I heard rumors of lawsuits, stories of people voicing their anger. And it really knocked the wind out of my sails. I cried for an hour and a half in a break area at work with my friend Doshia trying to comfort me. And by the next day I was feeling pretty down. But, I was surprise the day after when I was given this card while I was busy changing a mold. And after reading it, I cried again because I was so happy. I've not looked back since ^_^

Wow thanks for all of the replies! Here is a little more of my story if anybody is interested. I have felt like a girl for as long as I can remember. It is like a need. I remember when I was young i always liked girls toys. I used to get barbies on my birthday. One time my sister and I spent the whole day trying on each other's clothes. I remember lying in bed at praying that god would turn me into a girl. I got to the point to where I would even sleep naked to make it easier on him (as if pajamas are going to be able to stop God from changing me into a girl lol) but everyday I would wake up as me again. I remember being at the mall around this time and I saw this Y2K countdown clock shirt I wanted. I begged my mom to buy it for me but she said I couldn't have it cause it was a girl's shirt. She found the guy version and I remember crying and throwing a fit cause I wanted the girl one. I then tried to get her to buy the hat version instead but it turns out that was the girl version too. i end up with the boy shirt. I remember one day I was flipping through the channels on tv and I ran across this program about transgender people. It fascinated me. I had no idea that there were others out there like me who wanted to switch genders. I was astonished to learn that it was actually medically possible to change someones gender. I knew that I needed to change the channel before my mom came in but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Well eventually my mother walked in and ask what I was watching. I told her. She then gave me this funny look and asked me if I felt like them. She asked me if I wanted to be a girl. Me being embarrassed defensively said no and came up with some excuse about how I just ran across it looking for cartoons. She continued to give me a strange look and told me that she would be okay if I ended up being gay but please don't ever come to her and tell her that I wanted to be a girl.(I still don't get how being gay is better than being transgender) But after she said that I was crushed. I felt like from then on I couldn't ever come to my parents with my problems, something that still plagues me today. After that I just tried to focus on being happy being me. Once i reached high school I made sure to keep myself busy by being so involved in things that I didn't have time to worry about my "problem". From school, to sports, to a job, to being heavily involved at my youth group at my church I made sure to stay as busy as I possibly could. It worked great until I had free time to myself.  I coupled that with trying to do more "manly" things. Everything I tried fell flat. It all felt wrong somehow. I couldn't understand it. I begin to find out everyone I meet thinks I'm gay until a while after they meet me. When asked why they respond with I just seemed different then any other guy they've met. I am gentler and not as aggressive. I don't talk like other guys, using curse words and such. The biggest thing they say is it is the way I treat women. I actually treat them respect and I don't run around treating them like sex objects. they say that it seems like I would rather be friends with them instead of have sex with them. This confuses me and also saddens me to think that is what guys are "supposed" to act like.  In my senior year I finally got my first girlfriend. It was a horrible disaster. That whole situation felt wrong somehow. I just couldn't be the man I needed to be in the relationship. Our "relationship" was basically us saying we were boyfriend and girlfriend, but never actually doing anything that couples do. She eventually breaks up with me after graduation. Once I went to college I wasn't able to keep busy enough and my transgender feelings were able to charge straight back to the front of my mind. Things then snowballed to where I am now.

On one hand I feel like I should go ahead and transition. On the other I keep hoping that these feelings will go away and I can have a normal life.
This may seem terrible but the thought of transitioning to a woman scares me. Being a woman just seems overly complicated. There seems to be so many rules and steps involved in doing the simplest things. The thought of trying to learn all of that terrifies me.

Anyway if you managed to make it through the long wall of text, thank you. Sorry it was so long and thanks for reading! :)

Well it does sound like you need to see a therapist. I would do that at college if you can find one who is open minded. You also might explain to your mom how you covered up back when you were watching that TV show. She might have just over reacted since you said you weren't feeling like them. hugs

Like all the previous posters I can only agree that GID makes life hell until it is resolved.
Definitely find an experienced, reputable Gender Therapist and with their help sort out your feelings and the various options.
Using a Testosterone suppressor would take a lot of the pressure off you mentally too.
Main thing is you are recognising what is going on and making some progress, even if slow, to a resolution.
It's true that life isn't easy, as one of our Prime Ministers used to love to say, but he forgot the second half of the quote, "but it can be glorious."
Karen.

Honestly, the thing I love about myself is all my life, I planned on having huge careers (acting, singing, writing, filmmaking, the whole works) because I knew I wanted to quickly afford various surgeries and treatments that would make me prettier, and on a much more serious note, the things I've been through, transgender related or not, has inspired me to write 30 screenplays, a stage play, 7 books, multiple symphonies, an entire album's worth of vocal+acoustic songs, and all that mess. As well, I knew that a very grand lifestyle (traveling, hard-earned riches, ect ect) would be something that would have a chance at milding my disorder to the point that I could take it as a slower process.

Personally, I've grown to want to transition more than anything, well before I rise up in my career, but what I love is that I still plan on doing every career move I've ever planned for. I didn't plan those things as an escape or distraction from my disorder, but I planed them because I was inspired by it. I even planned those things well before I knew what my disorder was; I wrote my first book and collection of poems at age 8, the book having evolved to one of my current most proud works. I've always lived life being inspired to dream for things well outside of being transgender, and transitioning into the opposite gender is not going to change who I am or what I want to do with my life in the least. I actually want to transition to better lead the lifestyle I already proudly live.

Quote from: confused21 on September 11, 2011, 10:38:26 PM
So please is there any way that I can make these feelings go away? Anyway to stop being transgender?

Short and to the point answers.

A) Being transgendered is a VERY tough thing, I wouldn't wish this on anybody.

B) These feeling just don't go away. I tried getting married (failure!), etc etc and nothing stopped it.

C) The only way to stop being/feeling TG is to transition. I finally feel "cured".

Transition is scary and full of risks, thank goodness 99% of the things I was afraid would happen just didn't.

Quote from: Stephe on September 13, 2011, 10:05:00 PM
A) Being transgendered is a VERY tough thing, I wouldn't wish this on anybody.

I would wish it on everyone :D It would give people a better understanding of what gender really is and break down the discrimination that genders face.

The thing is, ->-bleeped-<- (of some form or another) isn't that uncommon. Not all need to do hormones or go through full surgery...

The more people who are transgendered, the better the world becomes. The more we can break down the imaginary walls society sets up for us...and move forward with some understanding of eachother.

Being transgendered doesn't have to be a painful experience filled with fear. If it were more accepted, it would simply be a beautiful time of self discovery and growth...

So, yup, I wish ->-bleeped-<- on everyone :)

Quote from: Rabbit on September 14, 2011, 02:43:28 AM

Being transgendered doesn't have to be a painful experience filled with fear. If it were more accepted, it would simply be a beautiful time of self discovery and growth...

In a perfect world I would agree, but we aren't there yet and today, being transgendered is a painful experience filled with fear for most people.

From the other side of transition, I can see a lot of what you posted is true about seeing both sides of gender from our perspective etc. But the problem is right now it's not "more accepted" but that also seems to be slowly changing and I try to be a part of this positive change. I suppose my point was I wouldn't wish having to sort out how to deal with being transgendered in today's world on anyone. IMHO if you make a list of the positives on one side vs the problems on the other, I'm getting a much shorter list on the positive side.

I am NOT saying there is anything wrong with being TG/TS, just that it's usually a painful experience to have to deal with emotionally and sometimes physically as well.

Quote from: confused21 on September 11, 2011, 10:38:26 PM
So please is there any way that I can make these feelings go away?

No. You can suppress them at the cost of becoming (more) neurotic. Of course that will have a negative impact on the relationships you are trying to save by suppressing it. In the words of Bender from Futurama, you're boned.

Quote from: Rabbit on September 14, 2011, 02:43:28 AM
I would wish it on everyone :D It would give people a better understanding of what gender really is and break down the discrimination that genders face.

Any man would benefit from having to live as a woman for a year. But I still wouldn't wish trans on anyone who wasn't already.

Quote from: Stephe on September 14, 2011, 10:56:09 AM
In a perfect world I would agree, but we aren't there yet and today, being transgendered is a painful experience filled with fear for most people.

The thing is, the bigotry towards trans people isn't everywhere. You can (with a bit of work) find a place that you fit in... a place that is safe and around people who accept you. If you find that, suddenly being trans isn't so bad anymore.

Sure, I have had the fear of rejection and discrimination... but as I tell more people around me and find some acceptance, those fears diminish.

I think if you focus on a larger scale view of the world and how much bigotry is "out there" towards us, you percieve things worse than they are.

When I read about abuses or murder or suicides of trans people... I become much more scared for a bit. Worried that the entire world is like that and if anyone finds out my "secret", I would surely be attacked the next day walking to my car.

But that is simply because I am focusing on all the bad, and letting it poison my own experience and perception of reality. Turning a rather beautiful experience into one that is shadowed by fear.

Sure we have to be careful and not put ourselves into sittuations which could end badly. But really, going to the store you aren't likely to get randomly attacked just because you look different (at worse, maybe some people will stare and whisper if you look very out of place).

Basically, being trans isn't as bad as some people make it out to be :P It is more the repeated dialogue of "this is a birth defect! I am a freak! No one will love me!" that causes a LOT of anxiety to younger trans people. Sure, you need to be aware that you might run into problems and some people you run into might be ignorant pieces of crap (everyone runs into people like that, trans or not)... but the overall message should be "it is beautiful! transitioning is finally being yourself! you will find people who accept you and be happier than you ever have been! This isn't bad! You should be excited for things to come!"

Quote from: Rabbit on September 14, 2011, 08:41:24 PM

Sure, I have had the fear of rejection and discrimination... but as I tell more people around me and find some acceptance, those fears diminish.

I have lived as an openly transgendered person for 10+ years. Being TG isn't horrible in most places but it's a painful thing to have to come to terms with. Something non-trans people don't. It's something I would not wish on anyone to have to deal with. Life has so many other problems, why add this one on top of everything?

Maybe you feel "blessed" to having been born transgendered? I have found it to be a real complication in my life that has created a lot of unnecessary anxiety and unhappiness over the years. I don't see it as a birth defect etc but it def makes finding a -happy place- a LOT more complex than for non-trans people. It took till I am 50 years old to finally feel good about myself. And for me, the good points of being TG don't outweigh the problems. Like your quote "Transitioning is finally becoming yourself", non trans people don't have to transition to start living and being happy as the right gender, something that is at the very basic lvl of human existence. At best a transgender person has to suffer through many years of confusion and turmoil.

I guess we are going to have to just agree we disagree here. I don't see myself as "defective" but I don't feel I was given a blessing having been dealt this hand either. The blessing would have been: being born the other sex to start with. I don't think people should hide they are trans or be afraid to become whatever finally makes them happy. I just don't see this as something that's a bonus to be born with.

Quote from: Stephe on September 14, 2011, 09:46:12 PM
Maybe you feel "blessed" to having been born transgendered?

being born transgendered has caused me lots of pain and anxiety, but that's mainly because my parents wound't even hear me talk about the theme, no less let me dress or behave the way i wanted to. i still wouldn't be without it because it has led me on a quest to find my true self, causing me to find a much bigger world than i'd have otherwise, and a university of infinite possibilities. being a non-binary, transitioning is a possibility, but the result would probably not be an easily identifiable man or woman, and still not too close to what i'd want it to be

to the op i just want to say that if you can actually understand some of those rules that seem to apply to girls, then you're already a much better woman than i could ever hope to be even with my natural female body. it is ok to be terrified of making an extreme life changing decision, at least that shows you're thinking about this seriously

It usually isnt you causing yourself problems and issues. Its others doing that to you because they dont understand. They see a freak show, jerry springer guest and it causes them to question their own sexuality when you've transitioned, i.e. "She's so hot, but I know she wasn't born a woman... am I gay?" I'm well aware that for all my male co-workers that I see on a daily basis, this is weird. And as time goes by and my body continues to become more feminine, its going to get a little more awkward. But also as time goes on, The women at work are accepting more and more. I've had discussions on a wide range of topics, although Make-up seems to have popped up 3 times. So and So doesnt like my nail polish, She doesnt like my lip color [ I wear a tinted lip balm], This color eyeshadow would look great with your dark brown eyes.. Which is all good. no point me getting all dolled up for work given my job position, as I tend to get covered in oil and grease. And I am slowly being pushed out of the men's club for men.

Overall, I'm finally happy to be myself. And I dare some of these people who think it's all fun and games to go out one day in a dress, make-up and heels and experience the fear that we feel taking our first baby steps on our path to freedom.

Quote from: Keaira on September 15, 2011, 12:04:59 PM
Overall, I'm finally happy to be myself. And I dare some of these people who think it's all fun and games to go out one day in a dress, make-up and heels and experience the fear that we feel taking our first baby steps on our path to freedom.

OMG YES!
Who's looking?
Why are they looking?
Is it a god or bad look?
But it's also so very exhilarating, and yet comfortable and right at the same time.

Quote from: _Jess_ on September 15, 2011, 12:15:30 PM
OMG YES!
Who's looking?
Why are they looking?
Is it a god or bad look?
But it's also so very exhilarating, and yet comfortable and right at the same time.

EXACTLY!!
It's freakin' scary as heck that first time out in public. I did it by going to walmart and buying something. this was Pre-HRT and surprisingly I wasn't even given a 2nd glance. but it felt like God was watching, and he has a mighty stare. It took me an hour to pluck up the courage to get out of the car and go in in the first place and I was shaking when I got back in it.

Quote from: Keaira on September 15, 2011, 12:28:32 PM
It took me an hour to pluck up the courage to get out of the car and go in in the first place and I was shaking when I got back in it.

HAHAHA!
It was a grocery store that I've never been to for myself, I didn't have the courage to actually checkout though.
Sat in the car for a while, then got out and stood there.
Then shaking all the way home.

Quote from: Rabbit on September 14, 2011, 02:43:28 AM
I would wish it on everyone :D It would give people a better understanding of what gender really is and break down the discrimination that genders face.

The thing is, ->-bleeped-<- (of some form or another) isn't that uncommon. Not all need to do hormones or go through full surgery...

The more people who are transgendered, the better the world becomes. The more we can break down the imaginary walls society sets up for us...and move forward with some understanding of eachother.

Being transgendered doesn't have to be a painful experience filled with fear. If it were more accepted, it would simply be a beautiful time of self discovery and growth...

So, yup, I wish ->-bleeped-<- on everyone :)

It's why imagination was the word I repeated over and over as a child I knew it was core to Being more basic than anything, as an adult I realised mature imagination is guided by empathy for other Beings.  What's so bad about being the wrong gender?  Not having true happiness is the answer.

Imagination is a fantastic thing there's two sides to it. 
The negative side of imagination is a narrowing, hard simple-minded logic and reason.  This is the force of death.
The positive side is a blooming.  Life and shared experience, where the scarcity of resources shown to be a myth.  Geoism is where we create resources and use only what we need to grow along with all other Beings.  This is the force of life.

At 58 years old wrestling with this since my earliest memories, drug addiction, suicide attempts, career and Life in shambles, I am finally at the point of acceptance or die. I dress feminine now slacks and tops but only to the point of ambiguity, it's a horrible thing to try and deny my true self and I just cannot anymore, I just wish I had the resources to transition.

i know the feeling. i first made the astonishing revelation in my middle school karate class. i didnt know the pants i wore were girl pants. so i kept wearing them and it felt...right. during my karate class, i had on a sleeveless shirt and those bedazzled boot cut tight pants on and i just started in the mirror. everything else around me just vanished and all i saw was me with the biggest, most genuine smile ever. you see, i dont smile, well i cant smile but that moment, it just felt out of this world. of course i didnt know and once i was told that boys dont do that, i threw a fit but i promised myself to spare myself of the pain, i'd forget that moment ever happened, but it did. even as i think about it, me at the age of 10, i can't help but to smile like a village idiot. its hard, and i wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy but its ingrained in our being so unfortunately denying it means denying ourselves. when i abadoned that moment, i felt nothing but a big black hole in my soul and even as i continued to fight it, it pain just kept getting stronger and stronger. i wish i knew at 10 what was happening and i could honestly say, i would of been much happier.     

I'm honestly a bit uncomfortable with being labeled a "transgender woman" as I simply identify as a woman, simpliciter.  Nevertheless, this is the way I've been trying to rethink it: there are some mtf who really embrace being trans whereas others just want to be a non-trans woman.  This is not to deny that you've gone through a transition, but to simply assert that you are that very thing, and not some outsider with only a similarity to that thing. 

However, perhaps that way of thinking really just doesn't understand what it means to be a trans woman.  Maybe the right way to think about it is that being a trans woman really is just a kind of woman! And that should be considered so no more or less than a cis woman, who also simply is just a kind of woman.

I don't think I will ever be able accept the fact that I'm transgender.

OTOH --

I'm 67 yrs old, have been "doing this" since like forever. I don't remember not feeling like I'd prefer being female. Like 4 yrs. old and recognizing differences between me and my sister.

I look like a man in a dress. Able to "pass" if it's dark, and I'm dressed like a female jock in workout clothes. *LMAO* Large enough house, secure income, VA disability for gender ID and PTSD. Probably more female clothes than male, I don't have any problems buying what I want.

I'm not going to jump though a bunch of medical/legal/religious hoops so I can wear a dress or use the women's restroom. Not going to change my name or who I am.

Physically male, hetero-sexual male, but wish I looked like Nicole Kidman, or whatever. I don't have a sexual relationship going on -- which simplifies things. "Coming out" is moot -- parents are deceased. Other relatives are pretty loose around "non normative gender."

There's no requirement to declare gender, go through transition, submit to invasive medical procedures. There's space out there where we can be who we are -- be  both of who we are -- without heaps of complication.

There's a normative gender dyad out there, culturally determined and culturally hegemonic. "None of the Above" is a legitimate choice. Granted, somewhat easier when one is not trying to juggle the sexual relationship thing . . .

Hey Allison I like your attitude and signature line, welcome aboard.

I have met exactly no one who "wants to be transgender" and I have been part of the LGBTQ world all my long adult life.  I have, however, met many people who accept that they are transgender, embrace this reality and take steps to transition or find a place where they are comfortable with being their true and authentic self.  Hiding, guarding behaviors, and acting like we are something we are not is far more damaging than dealing with the truth IMO.

When I first started I wished I had been born a girl instead of a guy. I had no plans to transition. But its been worth it. I too was concerned about being my dad's only son. Even worse I was named after a friend of his who died in Vietnam. He wanted to name each of my three sisters after Allen. That story was the first thing that came to mind when I accepted my trans status. I was heartbroken at the though of hurting him over it.

Well I was wrong. My dad has been super supportive of me. He even encouraged my mom to use my correct name.

There came a point after starting the transition where everything was finally coming into place and for the first time in my life I feel like I'm living my life. I'm not living my dad's or the bullies at school or anyone else's life. I'm living mine.

Am I scared about transitioning? At this point, just the surgery. I'm over everything else. Yeah I'm not happy that two of my sisters have been against me, but its easier to deal with that than everything else. Family acceptance was my biggest fear and it turned out almost exactly how I expected it to. Taking pills every day hasn't been that bad. The increased peeing is mildly anoying. I don't regret transitioning one bit so far and I'm almost 5 months HRT and 8 months for being full time.

Sorry for unearthing this topic. I hope I don't cause offence by doing so.
I came across it in a google search searching for trans shame and feeling some.
And like the second post or so said trans is nothing to be ashamed about, but is actually very beautiful.
That really touched me and got me out of my bad place and I just wanted to say thank you.
I'm generally well adjusted to my adrogynous life but it's hard sometimes.
Edalia

Dear I Don't Wanta . . .

Wow, you really brought me back to the point where I either did something about my GID or . . . . I even tried the second alternative and screwed it up, thankfully.

Your questions are often what comes up when it's time to talk to a professional for  several sessions.  There are answers and way more questions but the key is to get some help navigating them. 

Also, it's quite fortunate that you posted here.  Please do so regularly as talking to others who understand is so important.  I won't try to answer your questions just yet, and some have already posted some truly insightful words.  Feel free to reach out to me if you think that will help.

Take care and stay in touch,

Rachel

P.S. If there's a trans-support group in your area, contact them and meet with them.  That's such a great way to begin understanding - that plus therapy.

If increasing your femininity hasn't worked, if only partially, becoming more feminine or an out transwoman, probably isn't going to help in all honesty. If small changes don't produce small benefits for your dysphoria, you can't realistically expect big changes to create big benefits. The fear you feel is instinct, and a warning. A warning to try and make sure you're not looking at the complete transition as a form of escape from your problems. Alot of people have hope that once X happens, their lives will completely change. But it won't. You'll still be the same person with the same life problems. Which maybe multifaceted and complex.

As far as motivation goes, the right diet and exercise can be very beneficial. Staying busy is also critical. But its difficult to get started when depressed.

Tell your father you may have "gender identity issues." The word "transgender" will lead him to think full blown transexual. Which isn't what you want him to think from the start. Stay vague, and let it sink in gradually. When he gets to one stage  of acceptance, you go to the next.

And of course there's the therapy option. As for if you can stop being trans as an adult? Yes by all measures. There are detransitioners, so they stopped.

You're not going to unlearn your male socialization. That's in your subconscious by now. If changing yourself on such a fundamental  level makes your brain hurt and if it seems seriously daunting then don't learn those rules. Theyre gender stereotypes anyway. Remember the end goal here is to make you feel better. If it's not doing that than it's doing nothing for you.

Caveat: I haven't transitioned nor have I seen a gender therapist, so I'm not an expert.

Confused21, I had been daze and confused for a long time whether I am a cross dresser or a transsexual. Since I have to deal with this confused alone is really tough, and some time I was wish I better death than alive. Until I go to local support group, and find out there other like me out there deal with the same suffer. Recently I decide to take COmbined Gender Identities And Transsexual Inventory (COGATI) MtF test, and result came back with classification level 5 Transsexual. They recommend I find local Gender Dysphoria counseling for help, and I got my first appointment in couple weeks. Good luck.

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Quote from: Carie Lynn on April 12, 2015, 07:28:22 PM
At 58 years old wrestling with this since my earliest memories, drug addiction, suicide attempts, career and Life in shambles, I am finally at the point of acceptance or die. I dress feminine now slacks and tops but only to the point of ambiguity, it's a horrible thing to try and deny my true self and I just cannot anymore, I just wish I had the resources to transition.

Carie, just go on internet search for 'transgender in your area' I am sure there are resource near by. Good luck[emoji3]

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Quote from: dex_paradox on April 13, 2015, 05:33:46 AM
I'm honestly a bit uncomfortable with being labeled a "transgender woman" as I simply identify as a woman, simpliciter.  Nevertheless, this is the way I've been trying to rethink it: there are some mtf who really embrace being trans whereas others just want to be a non-trans woman.  This is not to deny that you've gone through a transition, but to simply assert that you are that very thing, and not some outsider with only a similarity to that thing. 

However, perhaps that way of thinking really just doesn't understand what it means to be a trans woman.  Maybe the right way to think about it is that being a trans woman really is just a kind of woman! And that should be considered so no more or less than a cis woman, who also simply is just a kind of woman.

Well that what Gender Dysphoria come in. That we don't know which gender we suppose to be.

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Quote from: Tessa James on April 15, 2015, 03:55:11 PM
Hey Allison I like your attitude and signature line, welcome aboard.

I have met exactly no one who "wants to be transgender" and I have been part of the LGBTQ world all my long adult life.  I have, however, met many people who accept that they are transgender, embrace this reality and take steps to transition or find a place where they are comfortable with being their true and authentic self.  Hiding, guarding behaviors, and acting like we are something we are not is far more damaging than dealing with the truth IMO.

Tessa, I'm finally except myself as a transwomam, and I look forward to what ahead of my journey of transition.

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Quote from: Qrachel on February 01, 2016, 08:44:33 AM
Dear I Don't Wanta . . .

Wow, you really brought me back to the point where I either did something about my GID or . . . . I even tried the second alternative and screwed it up, thankfully.

Your questions are often what comes up when it's time to talk to a professional for  several sessions.  There are answers and way more questions but the key is to get some help navigating them. 

Also, it's quite fortunate that you posted here.  Please do so regularly as talking to others who understand is so important.  I won't try to answer your questions just yet, and some have already posted some truly insightful words.  Feel free to reach out to me if you think that will help.

Take care and stay in touch,

Rachel

P.S. If there's a trans-support group in your area, contact them and meet with them.  That's such a great way to begin understanding - that plus therapy.

Rachel, you are correct my local support group just like my second family.

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All well and good to transition. But what if you already have a wife and kids and you know you'll get the ax at work for it if you do transition. How can I do it and keep a roof over my families head. I don't see it being practical. Then on top of that there's parents on both sides to deal with. I need to deal with it in a way that isn't going to completely mess things up. Otherwise I'd be happy to get the surgery tomorrow. I would love to make the change but it just isn't possible.




*No Profanity Please*

Hi Jasmine  :icon_wave:

Welcome to Susan's  :)  Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Here's a few quick links to help you along

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Hugs

V M

Problem is. If I transition I'll have NO friends, family or job. I want to but I can't. I need to somehow sweep these feelings back under the rug somehow. I don't want to but I don't have any other option.

Welcome to Susan's Place. There are options but they may not be great options. We have a number of member on the site who take HRT to help control the feelings but are delaying transitioning as long as possible. Others can get by with "vacations" where they live life as themselves. Some move toward gender neutral where they can express without presenting fully female. I would suggest you see a gender therapist and go from there because at this point, you won't be able to put it back in the bottle for long. To start you off, I am going to give you a couple of links to look at.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,207785.0.html
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,209589.0.html

Quote from: Jasmine976 on September 14, 2016, 09:13:15 PMI need to somehow sweep these feelings back under the rug somehow.

The world would be a much different place if we could forget on demand.  The one thing that is true for everyone about gender dysphoria is that it doesn't go away.

So, one way or another, you will have to come to terms with the feelings.  Whether you do that through a full public transition, or privately though things that have meaning only to yourself, a gender therapist will be able to help you discover the best way for you.

Jasmine, Kathy was right dysphoria does not go away. We can suppress it for awhile but it is always there in the back ground, and will reappear. I will give you my own personal experience and hope that you can use something from it that will help you. Two and a half years ago I quit trying to suppress it and accepted myself as trans. What I have done since then is to slowly incorporate more women's clothing into my daily life. There are many things that you can wear that will not out you to others, jeans, tops, shorts etc. Just the feeling that I have when wearing them is so beneficial to how I feel about myself. My wardrobe is now about 60% women's and the remainder is male clothing. I have now also started HRT low dosage without going forward with a full social transition. Again, this can be done without outing yourself to others, is it what I would ultimately like no, but I know that this is what will work in my situation. I have outed myself to my wife because I did not feel that starting on HRT without her knowledge would be right for our relationship. There were some initial problems with that but she is now ok with it. The biggest things that helped with her acceptance of starting HRT was the fact that I sought therapy help before going forward and that I also told her about it and told her that I would not go forward with it without her being on board with it. I hope that this will help you and wish you the best of luck with your journey, hugs

Jasmine,

You have some good advice from the others.

I am 51 and was in the place you are in about a year and a half ago.

I think therapy is really important. I had never gone before and was very nervous. However, it helped guide me through the maze of confusing and conflicting ideas. It was not a pleasant idea but like Denni I then spoke to my wife about it. I have shared with my one of three teenage daughters before she went to college. I will talk to the others soon.

I am not out at work and have been on low level HRT for a bit over 7 months. Almost all of the clothes I wear at work  and everywhere else are women's or androgynous but that fits the style I have been wearing for years. Sweaters, vests, ties. Might I add my pants have never fit well till switching to women's.

Feel free to keep posting and asking questions here. After you reach 15 posts you can share private messages. Feel free to contact me if you want either  to share or ask questions or just kevetch(don't know how to spell that).

With warmth,

Joanna

I was just wondering. Is there a way to remove facial hair for a couple of days? I'm desperate to get my face silky smooth to help me with coming out about being transgender.

Unfortunately shaving and proper coverup makeup are the only temporary solutions. While waxing could do what you are after, it would be very painful and could damage the hair for future hair removal.

Quote from: Jasmine976 on September 16, 2016, 09:13:03 PM
I was just wondering. Is there a way to remove facial hair for a couple of days? I'm desperate to get my face silky smooth to help me with coming out about being transgender.

I pluck my facial hair, yes it is a bit painful until you get use to it but it does last for a few days

I have come across these latex face masks online. Does anyone else use these at all?

Quote from: Jasmine976 on September 14, 2016, 09:13:15 PM
Problem is. If I transition I'll have NO friends, family or job. I want to but I can't. I need to somehow sweep these feelings back under the rug somehow. I don't want to but I don't have any other option.

You could buy yourself some time with modest concessions to your true self.   My little combo right now is basically, HRT, a little counselling, and a purse.   Almost no one knows beans.     I'll add little things as I move forward, enough to buy a little time each step; enough to be progress on each step.   HRT can take a long time anyway...

Transition need not be some monumental giant step into the limelight.

Quote from: Jasmine976 on September 14, 2016, 08:50:43 PM
All well and good to transition. But what if you already have a wife and kids and you know you'll get the ax at work for it if you do transition. How can I do it and keep a roof over my families head. I don't see it being practical. Then on top of that there's parents on both sides to deal with. I need to deal with it in a way that isn't going to completely mess things up. Otherwise I'd be happy to get the surgery tomorrow. I would love to make the change but it just isn't possible.




*No Profanity Please*

I can only speak for myself but one way to protect yourself is get an education. It opens a lot of doors to companies that are accepting of transgendered/transsexual  people. Coming out to my wife was hard but I had already lost one wife because I was not up front. She knew early on in our relationship of 34 years that I was a crossdresser. But she did not know of the lifetime of prayers, pain, and longing to be someone I was predestined to be.  We have had a good long laugh about my Spiro induced "man boobs" i had developed about 15 or so years ago. It has been a source of family humor for some time. I finally told my wife that I had prayed for these boobs, not just that but I always have felt I was not very male. In the last 6 months I have gone from a questioning crossdresser to an estrogen taking transitioning female. The peace of mind, the calmness, the weight of keeping secrets no more is so liberating. The people I was really concerned about were my kids. They always considered me the best Dad ever. I should have know better because I raised them to be tolerant and logical. They were totally supportive. My son saying."You've got to be   yourself" "You're still the best Dad ever". My heart soared. I am now a month in and gaining a greater insight every day. Whether I go full time or not is still under consideration. Yes I am afraid of ignorance and stupidity. But I really feel that communication cures ignorance. Stupidity on the other hand is unmanageable. There are just enough stupid people out there to make one reconsider.

Lol no one wants to be trans. Ya I feel you, I tried cross dressing a while back and looked horrendous, and went through a phase where I gave up everything and went full on male. That didn't work so I just transitioned anyway, but it's a process, and you can kinda only go up. Ive been transitioning since I was 16, and I can pass now. It does get better if you try

Just wanting to pick people's brains a bit. What is the appeal of being the opposite sex. For me personally I kinda enjoy acting all girly and I also kinda have the desire to have boobs and a vagina. I've never really felt any sentimental attachment to my penis like most males seem to. If anything it gets in the way and is a nuisance more than anything. Sometimes I'd like to chop it off. Lol. Also girls seem to have way more fun clothes to wear and try on. I'd love to spend a whole day just trying on nice dresses. Just wondering what interests people about transitioning.

Quote from: ~Carmen on September 19, 2016, 01:02:25 PM
Lol no one wants to be trans. Ya I feel you, I tried cross dressing a while back and looked horrendous, and went through a phase where I gave up everything and went full on male. That didn't work so I just transitioned anyway, but it's a process, and you can kinda only go up. Ive been transitioning since I was 16, and I can pass now. It does get better if you try

Not true, I'm happy to report.  :) Transgender is the best thing that ever happened to me. Others here feel the same way I do. Every path is different.

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Jasmine976 on September 19, 2016, 07:54:24 PMJust wanting to pick people's brains a bit. What is the appeal of being the opposite sex

I think the question is kinda false in itself.   If I were just male, cis variety; my measly amount of T would never rake my mind across the coals; and try to drive it to truly silly levels of stupid.    If I were just male, bonding as a friend with other men would be at least possible.    But that's not the card I got.

The question really seems to me, at least, to be, what is the appeal of taking action to make the body fit more closely to the expectations of the mind.   For me, the dissonance between a brain keyed to experience arousal or anger at 50 ng/dL being immersed in a solution at 500 ng/dL has just become intolerable.   Likewise, when T went quiet, and the brain that was looking to be periodically exposed to 200 pg/ml of E was finally able to feel and think what it was supposed to feel and think; the entire world around me came alive, and I came alive.

The physically, if I touch my chest, I feel something different now; something that should have been there nearly 40 years ago; just the subtle change in weight distribution makes me move and feel the world in a different way, in a way that my mind has been looking for since my consciousness began.

otoh, I don't still much understand the dressing part; but at least now I think I know why; basically NONE of my female role models in my family are ever found in anything other than pants, shorts, and tshirts/polos. 

Quote from: confused21 on September 11, 2011, 10:38:26 PM
Hi I hope I don't offend anybody with this post. I just stumbled across this forum and I thought I would get some advice. I was born a male but for as long as I can remember I've felt like I should have been a girl. It is like a need. I have tried to just crossdressing on occasion or just being a feminine male among other things. None of that worked for me though. Nothing I've tried has satisfied that need I have. The only thing left that I know of is transitioning. However the thought of transitioning scares me. I just want to be a normal guy. I just want to like being the guy I was born as. I have tried for years doing different things to try and enjoy being male. Nothing so far has worked. I am at a breaking point in my life because of this. My academic career is in shambles and I can't seem to be able to keep motivated at jobs. This issue has caused me so much hurt and pain, but now it is actually stopping me from functioning in society. Meanwhile this need keeps growing and getting worse everyday. I feel shame and embarrassment for being transgender. Somedays I feel like my only option is to transition. This makes my shame and embarrassment unbearable. However I can't ever bring myself to do it. One reason is that I have been male my entire life and the thought of trying to unlearn all of that while learning this whole new set of rules makes my brain hurt. A different and probably bigger reason is the fact that I am my parents only son. I feel like if I came out to them about this it would kill them, especially my father. So please is there any way that I can make these feelings go away? Anyway to stop being transgender?

You can't stop yourself from being transgender you can look for a answer search for something to stop the pain
but the only true way of stopping that pain is confronting it and saying this is who i'm wanting to be! AND BE that person your heart is saying you are. Yes it is scary, and i understand how scary that road can become sometimes i try find ways for me to accept that i was born female the problem is i keep realizing i'm not a female i just have a body that is my brain is another story my brain is male. Don't be ashamed of being transgender don't be ashamed of being who you are. Sure you're different but who isn't different inside of this world? weather or not its something we see everyone has their own differences and yours happens to be that you're transgender. So start by embracing it :)
Do not be scared, this world is willing to learn and change along with us and this generation is improving as we speak
be proud to be who you are and use this as a light, use this as a way to lead your life and be happy and seceded in being yourself. Not everyone in this world lets themselves be happy and happiness is wonderful.
I was also scared to death of telling my parents because i was their daughter and they didn't want to let their daughter go away. But there daughter was never really there daughter it's just how they envisioned me. Then they noticed daughter never disappeared. My mother is starting to see that i'm right here and always will be. i'm still who she new.
With parents it'll take time for some and for others it'll take longer, parents if they really love you really care a parent isn't going to throw that love away there going to learn who you really are instead and love you even more for being yourself and living your own life, how you're wanting to live your own life. My family is religious they are also
very boys do this girls do this and it was complicated for them to understand but they took the time and eventually started to ask questions and come around sometimes i feel they don't but they did and are I don't know your family i can't say how "your" family will react or not.
However i can say parents love they don't hate. Please do not let fear take over your life and control you for me the best thing i ever did was accept myself it made my life interesting but more bright, more possible, it brought a smile to my face that hasn't been around lately.  And it sure as heck will be okay for you too! :)

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on September 19, 2016, 08:09:33 PM
Not true, I'm happy to report.  :) Transgender is the best thing that ever happened to me. Others here feel the same way I do. Every path is different.

Hugs, Devlyn

Oh so you are happy you were born in the wrong body and had to/have to go through the hell of transitioning, and happy with all the hate towards you and/or others like us? Okaaaay got it

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on September 19, 2016, 08:09:33 PM
Not true, I'm happy to report.  :) Transgender is the best thing that ever happened to me. Others here feel the same way I do. Every path is different.

Hugs, Devlyn

I agree and disagree with both Carmen and Devlyn. Bear in mind it is different for each person.

I really did not want to find that I am transgender either. It adds so much complexity to  an already complex situation(married life with kids and both parents working). However,  in finally accepting and starting down a path (not sure how far I will need to go) I am happier, most of the time, than I have ever been before. So both points of view.

Quote from: Jasmine976 on September 19, 2016, 07:54:24 PM
Just wanting to pick people's brains a bit. What is the appeal of being the opposite sex. For me personally I kinda enjoy acting all girly and I also kinda have the desire to have boobs and a vagina. I've never really felt any sentimental attachment to my penis like most males seem to. If anything it gets in the way and is a nuisance more than anything. Sometimes I'd like to chop it off. Lol. Also girls seem to have way more fun clothes to wear and try on. I'd love to spend a whole day just trying on nice dresses. Just wondering what interests people about transitioning.

Jasmine, I could go on about what I like. However, I think it is less of an appeal and more of a need for me. Yes, much of what you mentioned above goes for me too(I think both my therapist and wife were surprised how little I would mind losing that appendage). It is about wanting to feel better and happy but it is also about the difference in what I have lived like and how that is different even with my early small steps.

Not sure if that answers but I am sure other members may answer differently. That's cool and part of what makes this such a great group of members.

With warmth,

Joanna

Quote from: ~Carmen on September 20, 2016, 10:01:58 AM

Oh so you are happy you were born in the wrong body

I wasn't.  

and had to/have to go through the hell of transitioning,

I didn't.

and happy with all the hate towards you and/or others like us?

I  don't receive hate.

Okaaaay got it

I don't think you do. You're assuming every transgender person is transitioning, has dysphoria, and has had a rough time with acceptance. Your experience is not everyone else's.

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on September 20, 2016, 11:10:15 AMYou're assuming every transgender person is transitioning, has dysphoria, and has had a rough time with acceptance. Your experience is not everyone else's.

This so much.  And its really kinda hard to get used to once you've made the step to seeing all these other trans-x folks.  I feel little distress over clothing, pronouns, or even names (people have called me random first names all my life, I barely notice); but intimacy, socialization, interaction, and anything remotely erotic are pure, brutal, anxiety city.  If I did a female RLE, little would visually change other than perhaps making an effort with my beard, and I'd probably buy a few more nice shirts; people would still get my name right sometimes, and wrong sometimes, sometimes call me "sir" and sometimes "ma'am"; and I'd just carry on.     But if I had to go on a date or to a party???  I'd need a team of shrinks (with cattle prods) to get me out the door.

Others are almost exactly opposite, joyful and practically reveling in the sensuality of it; but going into deep anxiety with the periodic misgendering or clothing/passing failures.

What we have in common, is a need to remedy a deep incongruity of sex, assignment, and gender in such a way that we can live comfortably to the end of our days.

OP, I feel as though you have answered your own question.  If you're trans, you're trans; you can't change that aspect of you any more than you can change your genetics.  One day, they might make a pill that eliminates gender dysphoria completely, and sign me up if they do.  Till then, this is our lot.
It seems as though you've tried to bargain with yourself on this matter for a long time, tried to compromise it, but it hasn't worked.  In your mind, you seem pretty dead-set on transitioning.  I, too, was my parents' only son, and the prognosis of transition was frightening enough for me to try and kill the desire for about 20 years.  For 20 years, I proceeded to make terrible life decisions to try and convince everyone and myself that I was a man.  I came out the other end successful, but after the demands of the daily grind calmed down to the point where it wasn't enough to keep me occupied, I knew it meant nothing.
You could work yourself to death as a distraction, you could try and shout over the inner voice as it gets louder with time, but eventually you hit a breaking point.  Let it break.  This is your dream.  It's not necessarily a happy dream, most dreams get scary, but your conscience is pointing you down this path.  There will be loss, there will be alienation, there will be no guarantees of anything.  No one chooses to transition for the pension plan, but you can't live your entire life being guided by fear and guilt.
It's been an ugly, beautiful road so far.  My family pretty much unanimously turned their backs, my job doesn't know what to do with me (I don't know what to do with it, either), lost a well-established long-term relationship, but I have hope and the conviction that what I'm doing is right.  You're not just transitioning your gender expression, you're transitioning your entire life, taking the road less traveled.  You can be afraid, but don't let it paralyze you.

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on September 20, 2016, 11:10:15 AM

Don't think you quite understood what I was talking about. But whatever carry on. This site has a habit of being all over the place and not being serious at times anyhow

Lets not fight :O

I wouldn't mind being transgender at all if the cultural reaction to a trans person was "Oh.  How can we help each other?"  The current cultural reaction in much of the world is a little different from that.

It's the cultural reaction that makes us feel poorly about ourselves.  If we are raised to believe that certain things are evil, or wrong, or unacceptable, and yet find those very things within ourselves, a conflict arises.  This internal conflict, our internalized transphobia, and the external social conflicts, from cultural transphobia, are what make our lives so damn miserable. 

Quote from: Michelle_P on September 21, 2016, 11:56:30 PM
It's the cultural reaction that makes us feel poorly about ourselves.  If we are raised to believe that certain things are evil, or wrong, or unacceptable, and yet find those very things within ourselves, a conflict arises.  This internal conflict, our internalized transphobia, and the external social conflicts, from cultural transphobia, are what make our lives so damn miserable.

This is very true, and it's a huge barrier that prevents many of us from fully transitioning, myself included. Even after years of therapy, I still feel ashamed and scared to fully present in public as my true self. I've come out to most of the important people in my life, but very few have seen me present as female.