Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I've been back in school for almost 2 months now and most everyone I talk to is now calling me Darrin 98% of the time. I'm happy and quite surprised because I've been going by my female name for over a year and a half there. The problem is, I'm still "she" to everyone and before it was no big thing, but now that I'm starting to feel more and more comfortable in my identity, it's really pissing me off. How do I go about correcting people in a polite way? I don't want to be a jackass because people have been so positive about the name change and have actually remembered to call me by my preferred name I don't want to get nasty with people. Any suggestions? Has this happened to anyone else? Male name with female pronouns? Thanks!

I always just targeted the ones who did it alot and privately asked them to remember to use male pronouns.  When people mess up I also parrot what they said and use a male pronoun. 

EX:

Them: No she didn't. (talking about me)
Me: No he didn't (emphasizing he)

As soon as they say the wrong pronoun say the correct one.

I've gone about this jokingly and seriously.

Someone says something like, to take Andy's, "No, she didn't."
Jokingly, I would put my hand on their shoulder and say, "I'm a 'he', darling. Don't call me a girl, that makes me sad. You wouldn't like me when I'm sad." And I've had people reply to this with laughter and/or freaking out because they don't like to be touched, and I knew this.

Parroting does help, as well as just stopping them if it's long -- I'd usually just wave my hand in the air, but maybe that's a bit effeminate? -- and say "I'm a he, not a she. Work on it tonight for homework."

Or just mention it to them. "Hey, just a quick thing -- do you mind not calling me 'she/her', it makes me really uncomfortable."

It would depend on the person. Like, more of a friend-type or more random-classmate type.

I would definately joke with my friends, 'cause I'm not good at being all to direct. Probably going (in a soft/whispery voice) "psssst, it's he". Maybe start talking about them with the wrong pronouns would be fun as well. At some point they will correct eachother and you won't have to anymore.

ive been having the same problem, i found that people follow anyone who they think is the leader so more people you get to call you he the more people will follow. so i told a few friends to call me he, then the rest of my friends followed, then all of my friends of friends now the only people who dont use male pronouns are ass holes.

If it's a close friend I just poke them and say "Dude, I'm a dude."
If not, I just say "he", "him", "his", etc.

I'm dealing with the same problem myself. I was asked by HR at work to give people time to adjust. I've given them 5 months. Time is up. Now that we have the correct name going 97% of the time, I think I've been more than patient. I mean, I use the Women's Bathrooms. That should be a hint that I really dont find being called 'he' very endearing.

Quote from: Andy8715 on October 03, 2011, 08:42:23 PM
I always just targeted the ones who did it alot and privately asked them to remember to use male pronouns.  When people mess up I also parrot what they said and use a male pronoun. 

EX:

Them: No she didn't. (talking about me)
Me: No he didn't (emphasizing he)

Simply genius!

I just had an amusing moment at the Cyber, also helped I was with a friend. One of the working ladies who recognized me from 2 years ago called me "she", I pointed to myself and corrected "he", my friend (who also works there) backed me up and said, "Yea, I have two classes with him." She profusely apologized, so I said, with a dramatic humor, "It's cool. I'm just a very pretty man." Without missing a beat my friend says, "Ohyesyouare!" and winks. We all got a good laugh out of that. xD

I think what bothers me is people are still seeing me as female. I mean, yeah I know it takes time and I'm being patient with people, believe me. I just get down about it. People keep saying "girl" when referring to me. Like, "Hey girl!" or, "Go girl!" or something to that effect. It really is grating. I think I just need to correct people more.

Quote from: Darrin on October 08, 2011, 08:00:28 PM
I think what bothers me is people are still seeing me as female. I mean, yeah I know it takes time and I'm being patient with people, believe me. I just get down about it. People keep saying "girl" when referring to me. Like, "Hey girl!" or, "Go girl!" or something to that effect. It really is grating. I think I just need to correct people more.

You gotta speak up for yourself.  I have to do it less and less now but at first I had to do it a lot. 

Quote from: Darrin on October 08, 2011, 08:00:28 PM
I think what bothers me is people are still seeing me as female. I mean, yeah I know it takes time and I'm being patient with people, believe me. I just get down about it. People keep saying "girl" when referring to me. Like, "Hey girl!" or, "Go girl!" or something to that effect. It really is grating. I think I just need to correct people more.

For some people it's just that it's habitual. It's what they're used to. Not necessarily that they see you as female, but because they're used to addressing you that way, without even really thinking about it.
And in the case of my girlfriend, she constantly says, "Awgurl~". At first it bothered me, until I realized that she says that to everyone, even my cisgendered male friends. xD (I'll never understand some of the things she does. :/ )

I got paged over the intercom at work by the wrong name today. Then by another technician. But he apologised after I gave him a good Stare. And it wasn't a care bear stare either. -_-

I've stared correcting people, but people think it's funny or something. I'm really getting pissed. I'm trying to be patient and do my best to keep correcting people.

Yea...I think sometimes for me, it helps that I'm in a very open group of people. Pretty much all my friends I met through anime conventions or raves (the clean kind).
But I had similar problems in Berlin with my study abroad group...they seemed to think it was a joke. I think that's the biggest reason I'm completely stealth outside the anime community, I find a majority of people just don't understand anything different...
If it's some close friends of yours, it might help if you printed off a pamphlet for them that explains it in a professional context. I know that helped when coming out to my doctor (he'd never dealt with a trans patient before).

Here's what gets me!

I just made a phone call to work to see if I needed to come  early. I went through 2 people. One was a complete stranger to me and one was my boss.
The stranger called me ma'am right off the bat. And I'm not trying to sound feminine. I'm half awake right now. My boss answers my question with "No Sir."
I mean wth? A complete stranger got it right first time! If I remembered her name I'd find her department and give her a rose for that. :D