Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hey everyone. I'm new here and I just wanted a place to talk about gender identity. I'm younger and starting to realize some things... I was born female and am currently...undefined? I'm not sure really what I am or what to do. I don't feel comfortable in women's clothes or being labeled as a woman really. I don't dislike my body, but I've kind of always felt I should have been born a boy. I've been wearing men's clothing recently and have been more confident than normal. I feel more comfortable hanging out with men than women and don't really understand where I fit because I'm biologically a woman. I can see myself as a man more comfortably than a woman, but taking steps to be that is very very scary because I live in a very close-minded environment. I've been reading about transgender for a while now and I'm really not sure how I identify myself, so maybe some of you can help me out. <:-) I promise I'm a very friendly person.

*some things that are making me confused gender wise-to help you all understand my situation a bit more*
-I like wearing men's clothes
-I like being around a men and being thought of as masculine
-My relationship with my parents is alright, but I've never really had a good relationship with my mother even though my parents are still happily married
-When I was young (about 6 or 7), I was convinced I was a boy. After having that mentality scolded I have been identifying myself as female since about two years ago, when I met friends who accepted me for who I wanted to be. I am still unsure of what I identify as.
-I have only two known homosexual relatives and my family kind of shuns them. (I am attracted to men and women, and am realizing I am attracted to transmen as well as androgynes.)
-I've only been in one relationship, with a straight man, and it lasted about a month before I started realizing I was too confused sexually to be in a relationship. We are still good friends. : )
-No one knows about my gender identification issues and only my family and close friends know about my sexuality.
-I wanted to use the boy's bathroom as a child (about 6 or 7).
-I don't know anyone who is trans/androgynous, but I went to a summer art program a year ago and saw a tranguy(I'm not totally sure but they were wearing a binder and lived in the girl's dorms. I'm not trying to offend anyone so I'm sorry if I do. ;u;) and I started questioning my gender identity. (I was also extremely attracted to them, but I was WAY too nervous to talk to them. I feel silly now that I didn't.)

Thanks for taking the time to read my first post. Hopefully I can get some help because this has been effecting my grades. I'm thinking more about my gender than the subjects I'm being taught. ;u; Also, I am very sorry if I used terminology in an offensive way. I'm obviously not very knowledgeably about transgender/androgyny but I'm trying to become more knowledgeable. Please tell me if I said anything wrong.

[EDIT] Wow, I didn't realize how long this was. Sorry! Where should I put posts like this? It seems less like an intro and more like a biography. <XD

Hi. You put your introduction in the introduction category, right? Seems like the right place.

I would be careful talking to your family. I've always been attracted to gay men and androgynes of both sexes (I know that's a bit oxymoronic). I've always felt like a boy, more at some times than others. I'm much more confident doing male things and being associated with male attributes. My own family are pretty conservative. We don't speak of my gay uncles. Who I really am is not someone who will ever be welcome with my blood relations, and you might be in a similar position.

You might want to attempt to become financially independent before taking too many actions to make yourself more male, even if it's just exploration. You might even need to move to a bigger city. Think carefully about your options.

I think you're on the right track, though. Be safe.

Hi and welcome to the forum!
First of all, don't worry about the length of the post ... you should see my intro topic ;) The majority of my posts seem to be half essays or something, so it's all good.

You will find lots of great support here, though something we can't help with that much is figuring out what you feel like. That is something you have to try and do yourself, all we can do is support you to the best of our ability in your journey. The most popular suggestion is to seek out a therapist (and with good reason) as he/she will be able to guide you a lot better and work on a personal level with you. You say you're 17 so it may be a bit harder to do that if your parents aren't that open-minded, but if you have the ability to seek out a therapist, that'd be a great starting point!

AS I said though, I do advise you to be careful as long as you depend on your parents. If you think they might not accept you, and throw you out or something, it might be best to wait just a little bit longer before deciding to do anything. I know it hurts to be as confused as you likely are, but not having any income to either live OR do something about your confusion would surely hurt much more.

Also don't worry about not using the terminology in the correct way or anything. We are all here to learn ... as long as you use common sense you should most likely be fine. Someone might correct you if you're wrong, but that's all part of the learning process! I have learned a lot by just looking at some Youtube videos and reading these forums though. And I've only arrived here just a few days ago.

So welcome!

Okay, glad my post isn't out of place. :-)

I don't plan on trying anything too drastic while I'm living with my parents. I don't think they'd do anything too drastic if I came out aside from probably being disappointed and a bit transphobic (they were talking about Cher's son, who recently went through a sex change, like he was insane. I can also remember them talking badly of transsexuals before, but I'm not sure if it's a general dislike for transsexuals or if I was transsexual they'd change their views) which would be very sad for me because whether or not I like them, their opinions of me are influential, because they're my parents.

I don't think they take my sexuality seriously, so after telling them I was attracted to women too, I told them I wasn't attracted to anyone at the time and that I wasn't looking to be in a relationship. The BOYFRIEND I had also got an endless amount of flack from my parents, so I'd be terrified to see what would happen if I brought a girl home, though I think that might just be them having trust issues...because they have some serious trust issues.

It's nice to finally tell someone though, even if it's online. <:-) I don't think I can see a therapist because that involves telling my parents about my gender identity issues. I've had some issues with depression over the past couple years (due to being "in the closet" and generally feeling out of place in my house) and I tried asking my parents if I could see a therapist, but they were very against the idea, because as far as they knew, I was fine. I started seeing a school counselor last year, but that did almost nothing for me because she was pretty inexperienced and it seemed like she wasn't very used to dealing with problems with sexuality and gender identity. She basically just let me talk at our sessions and did the whole "and how does that make you feel?" thing. It didn't feel like she was really listening to me, so I never told her about my gender identity issues. Whenever I brought up my sexuality, she seemed to get a little uncomfortable. Also, my dad works at my school, so it's hard to do anything without feeling like he'll see (Going to the school councelor was extremely nerve wracking because I was afraid he'd find out, which he did, and then the school year ended and he didn't tell me what he thought of it really, which I interpreted as he didn't want to talk about it. Since I started wearing guy's clothes (And not even, they're more like girls clothes that look kind of masculine, aside from my shoes, which are actually guy shoes, and I loooove them. : ) My mom gave me a lot of flack for getting them though. Saying things like "Why do you want guy shoes? These one's are cuter." ...which...makes me feel pretty uncomfortable) my parents have bee acting kind of weird around me.

But it's really nice hearing from people who understand. <:-)

hi and welcome to Susan's some of the most inspiring and intelligent conversations come from the ftm on this site you canlearn a lot from them and others so i hope you will gather your courage and jump in the waters tepid at the moment lol
Jessi

Hi KayKen, and welcome to Susan's! We're a diverse and friendly bunch here (the head count is over 8500) - get into things as slowly or as quickly as you feel comfortable, I'm sure you'll find plenty of support here.

Gender isn't necessarily a big m/f switch, so maybe what you experience as confusion is simply that your sense of gender is fluid, and/or doesn't fit the expected "norms". Let it be what it is, play with it, try stuff on for size - enjoy your self :).

And be sure to check out these links for the bobby on the house rules:

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by  (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
  
• Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar/post links and photos) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
  
• Age and the Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,62197.msg405545.html#msg405545)
  
• Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
  

Also, if we're allowed to post links, tsroadmap.com is helpful. Thetrevorproject.org is geared toward potentially suicidal youth, but can be useful even if you aren't on the edge. I'd try to contact your local lgbt organizations. They're usually pretty practiced at being discreet when necessary, and they can make a world of difference.

No matter how it ends up, don't let anybody tell you who you are, even if you don't know who you are.

Welcome aboard.  It sounds like you are giving yourself plenty of time to sort things out, which is always good. 
If you are able to seperate sexuality and gender issues it does make coping with both a lot easier.  As you have let your parents know you are not interested in any relationships, maybe they will eventually start to question things themselves and approach you.  That would give you control of the conversation.

It does get better, so just hang in there.

Karen.

Hi and welcome to Susans! You came to the right place, we're all about learning and sharing! See you around, hugs, Tracey

Hey welcome,

I felt the same way some time ago. but what helped put things in perspective was a chart similar to this (I don't remember where I got it from so I made one quickly):

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fa3.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net%2Fhphotos-ak-ash4%2F307396_2470031518035_1469783177_2818111_388364861_n.jpg&hash=df2262b2296038aff0b48cb5635825d71045d27e)

just remember you don't have to be on one side of everything.

Ello there, it's perfectly understandable and fine to be confussed. I hope you can find the answers you seek here within the confines. I know you are never "pushed" to do anything you don't want to do. you might be transgendered or you might simply be  strong tomboy. however the situation, it's important to find out who you are and be true to who you are. no one here will tell you otherwise. :)

~Gadg

Hi Kayken!

I'm also new to this site, its a very interesting site for many reason, but the best things is u can just ask a question and many people will give all sorts of answers or ideas of how they either relate or what not.

U shud hit the FTM forums though give u loads of insight!

Enjoy!

Hi Kayken,it's nice to meet you,there's lots of information here so dig in.Hugs,Rachael.

It's great to hear from you all! This seems like a very friendly place and I can't wait to become more active. :-)

I actually went to my local farmer's market with my parents today and our local LGBT Alliance has a booth there I never noticed. I wanted to go over and talk to them but my parents were with me, so I'm gonna head down with a friend next week maybe. It also turns out my school has a GSA(Gay-Straight-Alliance) club that I never knew about as well, and I'm going to the first meeting for that on tuesday. :-) It's cool how I never noticed all these programs until just now. I'm gonna try and be more active in them and maybe that'll help me out.

I also think it's kind of ironic because just today, I had to fill out THREE forms where I had to specify my gender...and every time I paused. I'm also noticing how everyone acts around me, like, how gender affects people's actions. It's very interesting to witness, and I never noticed how many people seem to be (appearance wise) in the "gray area". It's just an interesting thing and I'm realizing that people don't necessarily "belong" to a gender...

But anyway, thanks for all the advice and greetings! I'll be around for sure. :-)

Hi KayKen, thought I would take a moment and welcome you to Susan's.


I can understand being nervous. I remember when I first started writing here years ago it was the same for me. The more you write, the easier it gets. There are alot of nice people here and I'm sure you will find you are not alone.

Best of luck.