Susan's Place Transgender Resources

With a lot of new faces here, I thought it might be a good time to remind Androgyn's that there are hormone options available.
While the option isn't everywhere, it is becoming more common.

For myself, I use spironolactane (Aldactone). It's a testosterone blocker. I personally prefer it, for now.
I've been taking it for 34 weeks now, some minor changes and a much better temperment for me.

There is also T available for FTA.

As with anything like this, your reaction to different levels can vary by quite a bit.

I just bring it up as a 'new' topic, and to see if there is anything new happening.
If you are diagnosed with GID, you may want to look into this.

Enough being serious,
Ativan

I'm androgyne and have takes the 'mones (E) for 20+ years minus the year when I was in Africa. Tried Spiro for a few months but apart from being the foulest taste on this planet it always worried me with that potassium business and all that time spent in the bathroom. Probably would come off them but my body's been on them so long there are side effects if I try to. Hot flushes, irritability and no libido...

I've toyed a bit with the idea of going on T. There are some effects I'd love, some I'd hate. I'd welcome the muscle and fat redistribution and genital changes, am ambivalent about body hair, wouldn't want my body odor to change or facial hair to grow, and love my high soprano voice. I don't want to masculinize my body per se, just de-feminize it. Tricky.

There is a medicine that is a n estrogen blocker though many dr's are hesitant to prescribe it. I just wanted to amke sure people know it's out there.
I have been on T for almost two years now and it suits me very well. I do a daily gel so I babe the ability to adjust it to my day to day needs. My voice was a very low alto when I started and is a low baritone now. It's taken some time for me to relearn how to use my singing voice.

Have you lost any of your falsetto range? I wouldn't mind extending my range down but I'd be sad if I couldn't hit the high notes anymore.

What changes do estrogen blockers bring? Do periods stop? I'd like that. Do they affect fertility? I'd like that too. I suppose one wouldn't/shouldn't use hormonal birth control.

I do believe that estrogen blockers would alter your fertility though I don't know what effect it would have on your voice if anything.
Being on T does change your voice for sure. You go through a "puberty" in the same way that a natal male does. I figured I'd be able to keep my singing range as long as I worked on it though the dropping time but I found that to be untrue. I had to give up singing while my voice was changing. Once it settled into the new range I was able to start working on my head voice and bring it back up into my old "normal" range though I still don't havethe top of my old normal range. Hard to explain and your milage may definitly vary.

I guess I was wondering what effects estrogen blockers might have considering I've already gone through female puberty.

Can you get a similar sound in your head voice as before, or does it sound completely different? Like a man's falsetto I guess. I'm trying to think of my dad's voice for reference as to what mine might sound like, but he definitely doesn't sing.

If the effects of estrogen causes you depression/GID then a blocker could help with that. It likely wouldn't change your body...but it would effect your mind by removing the estrogen.

As for my singing voice...so hard to say. I'm not trained in music, haven't been in any music prgram since high school choir. ( I'm 29 now, so it's been a while) I sing with the radio and have been stretching my upper range that way. Men sing from their chest, lower throat area where as my female voice comes from my soft palette, head area. So the two ways of singing sound pretty different and I am able to sing from both places. It'a hard to say if I sound like my old self because I can't really tell...ya know? I've not been "brave" enough to record my singing voice either before transition or current. I just sing in the car and while it's important to me...it's not something I share.

Cyndi might be able to shed light as she's heard me before during and after...but my singing has been a tough spot for both of us ing transition and it's causes tears so...not sure if she'll share.

Hmm. I wonder if estrogen could be a factor in my depression and anxiety. They're still pretty prominent, despite numerous meds of all sorts. Something to potentially bring up with my therapist and psychiatrist there.

I'd love to hear more about your voice, but not if it's going to cause anyone heartache. I've been singing in choirs as long as I can remember and it'd suck a lot if T were to take that away. I wish there was a way to tell for sure what would happen.

It doesn't cause me heart ache but I can't discuss it with any justice today as I'm still quite high on pain meds from surgery.
I don't believe it would alter your voice in such a way as to be irreparable. I do know that it'll take more work to keep your range, and it definitly takes time to learn how to use the new lower "men's" range because the way they use thier voice is different. It's not something we female born folks know how to do. Going though "male puberty" literally stretches the vocal cords and makes them longer. Hense the different range. Though where you start from can give you some clue as to where you'll end up. (though YMMV) I've not had any formal voice training and so I've tanken longer to figure it out as it's just been me in the car with the radio. With voice training I'm certain it could speed the learning process up considerably.

Male puberty, eh. Setting aside the voice for now, I'm curious about other aspects. I'm a little worried about acne. I get icky acne that only seems to respond to hormonal birth control, and I'm very self-conscious about it. Did T affect your skin at all?

(Congrats on your surgery, and thank you for taking the time to talk during your recovery!)

Sorry for all the questions. I could just head over to the FtM's, but it's nice to have an androgyn perspective since I'm not looking for all the MALE-type changes as fast as possible, you know? We have different goals.

To flip the coin on this conversation, I'm interested in the female side of HRT.  Being an androgynous physical male, I want to have some of the female effects of HRT but not to totally transition.  To be precise, I want to have the smoother skin, slightly more feminine features and small round breasts (at least A cup but no larger than B) but I also want to keep my penis fully functional.  My girlfriend is supportive of my desires but she DEFINITELY doesn't want me to lose any sex drive or ability to use my factory installed equipment!  :)

Does anyone have any experience in, I guess you'd call it, partial MTF HRT?

re: partial MtF
It's all about dosages. Consult a spiecialist, everybody's dosages vary, for some people very little will do too much, and for some others too much will do very little

I'm taking a very small dose of E daily to control my GID which was giving me uncontrollable, wild swings between boy and girl mode, and unbearable mental "storms" with incessant, repetitive thoughts of being a girl (i'm bigender). I was out of control during those episodes, and quite frankly they frightened me. The episodes started out of the blue and were coming more and more frequently.

The wild swings/mental storms are gone now, and i live a pretty typical boy life. Yes, there have been some physical changes but i'm still well within the physical range of normal, older males. Girl mode is still there but now she's a much nicer, much quieter presence. Libido is still present but it's not exactly like being a 18 year old LOL..... it's a small trade that i'll gladly make to have peace in my head.

E has been a miracle drug for me.

 Ordered my first load of Estradot patches, only a very low dose, but both myself and my wife worry about sex drive getting knocked out, so hoping that such a low dose wont do too much damage, basically want the best of both worlds, but dont think i will get it somehow.

Ok I am mtf and not androgyn but I think I can set some fears to rest here...

I am on a full feminizing dose of HRT and have had an orchidectomy and I am still functional in a 'male capacity'. The buisness still stands at attention whenever I am sexually aroused.

So it would seem to me that one of you androgyn types on a low dose of E should be fine in that department.
Now however....
Once you start E or T blockers you will no longer be able to attain very strong erections. Full erections will still be possible but they will be rare. Most the time the best you will be able to manage is about 3/4 erect. Not an issue for a girl who could care less if she had it or not but it may be an issue for those who like their male equipment fully functional.
Orgasm will still be possible but there may be some mental barriers to get past.

Julian,
If you supress your natural E you will need to take T. You simply can not go through life without one of the two. Your bone health requires it.

Quote from: Ember on October 14, 2011, 09:35:20 PM
To flip the coin on this conversation, I'm interested in the female side of HRT.  Being an androgynous physical male, I want to have some of the female effects of HRT but not to totally transition.  To be precise, I want to have the smoother skin, slightly more feminine features and small round breasts (at least A cup but no larger than B) but I also want to keep my penis fully functional.  My girlfriend is supportive of my desires but she DEFINITELY doesn't want me to lose any sex drive or ability to use my factory installed equipment!  :)

Does anyone have any experience in, I guess you'd call it, partial MTF HRT?

Suppose I must have. Have done pills, injections, patches and gel plus that Spiro stuff for a short while as well.

Not wishing to be crude here but in my experience one's 'performance' is very dependent on how interested one is in the other person. If you really fancy them then no problem but if it's all a bit of a chore and getting boring then there's a big difference.

It's statistically unlikely to get bigger than a B Cup unless one starts HRT in one's teens. Not saying it can't happen...

As I mentioned elsewhere do not use gel if you are with a partner as it can effect their cycle.

I've been using Spiro for something like 34 wks. Some loss in sex drive, but it wasn't that high to begin with.
I suppose I would be concerned if I had a partner, but I don't. In fact, having less without someone, it actually helps.
Doesn't tie up as much of my thinking and feelings as much. It's there, it's just quieter.

Body hair is less, especially my legs, and shaving my face is not needed for 3-4 days easy.

The biggest change is attitude. Almost no anger.
Hasn't gone away completely, don't get it wrong but, it's far less than at anytime I can remember.
(If you knew me before, and you know me now, you can see the difference.)
It's a lot easier to just be happy sometimes.
I have found my dysphoria to be far less than it was. A lot of negativity is just not there.
That's by far the biggest thing. It's like when you accept or find out who you are x10.
It is the best thing.

Ativan

To be honest I can still get angry :o But I do know what you mean, definitely think more clearly. Not sure if it was the same for you but I went from being a smart kid to a dumb one when I hit puberty. Not saying the smartness has returned but definitely more clarity of thinking.

My dysphoria was driving me to suicide; HRT saved my life. I have been on a full transition dosage for closing on on two years. The physical effects have been minimal; decrease in body hair, minor breast growth. I had no problems passing as a girl before HRT and none passing as a guy now. If you need HRT to control your dysphoria, don't hesitate.

Quote from: Virginia on October 15, 2011, 08:39:02 PM
My dysphoria was driving me to suicide; HRT saved my life. I have been on a full transition dosage for closing on on two years. The physical effects have been minimal; decrease in body hair, minor breast growth. I had no problems passing as a girl before HRT and none passing as a guy now. If you need HRT to control your dysphoria, don't hesitate.

Quote from: Virginia on October 15, 2011, 08:39:02 PM
My dysphoria was driving me to suicide; HRT saved my life. I have been on a full transition dosage for closing on on two years. The physical effects have been minimal; decrease in body hair, minor breast growth. I had no problems passing as a girl before HRT and none passing as a guy now. If you need HRT to control your dysphoria, don't hesitate.

i guess this means i should call a doctor who might help me. if there's any chance it might stabilize my moods a bit, it would probably be worth it

It wasn't a matter of stibilizing moods; HRT had little if any affect on that for me. I have always been extremely moody- could go from Snoopy Dance happy to fist through wall rage in the blink of an eye. I'm talking about gender dysphoria. For me, GD is a horrible horrible thing; 2-3 hours of sleep a night; total obsession with my gender to the point of being nearly impossible to think about anything else; an uncontrollable compulsion to express my other gender regardless of the consequences; a life sucking zombie-like funk that makes it barely possible to perform the basic functions of daily life. And I am not only dysphoric about my maleness but also my femaleness.

I was barely controlling my GD with a combination of therapy and presenting as female a day a week; more like a drug addict waiting for my next fix than a stable balance between my male and female self. My wife and I were desperate for something, anything to give me peace or relief. With my dysphoria about my femaleness, I was petrified of the changes hormones might cause. But it was a race between insanity and suicide, and I was running out of options.

HRT was my salvation. If this is what GD is for you, fight like a mother lion for her cubs to get your medication. I began a full transition level regimen of estrogen and anti-androgens in January 2010. The effects were noticeable the morning after my first dose. The best I can describe it is like turning down the volume on a radio; barely perceptible at first but unquestionably different. After a year of living hell, within 2 weeks I was sleeping a full 8 hours and the volume steadily went down over the next month.

I also had bad insomnia that was cured within a week of starting HRT.

My GID played out through anxiety and angst. I couldn't decide what to wear on a daily basis, I would space out and drift off to parts of my mind unknown just to avoid...myself. I had mo real drive for much, I had no real ambition...I was lost to varrying degrees.
Being on T has put a shine back in my life. I can't even begin to express all that it's touched. Everything...really.
It literally came down to taking T...or throwing myself into the frozen pond on our property back in feb of 2010. I was scared because I had no real idea the journey I was going to embark on...I saw no other transitioning androgyns...but I think it's likely the best thing I've ever done.

about 2 and half years ago, I commited a sort of suicide, in which I left everything and lived homeless for a few months.
it changed basically every way I see things.
I still am myself and so, and the disphoria was there all the time. So when I managed to return, it was just like, obvious that I would be doing mones, somehow.
Every day I feel if I'm already dead, so I dont have to worry about /that/ anymore lol

Quote from: Sevan on October 16, 2011, 09:13:21 AM
My GID played out through anxiety and angst. I couldn't decide what to wear on a daily basis, I would space out and drift off to parts of my mind unknown just to avoid...myself. I had mo real drive for much, I had no real ambition...I was lost to varrying degrees.

i called it mood swings, but this is actually closer to what i'm really experiencing. but it's a little cyclic, and on days when my estrogen is low i'm much better able to just be ok with myself. like i won't lash out a people (who should have made more effort to get to know the real me) for no good reason just because they happened to call me cute or feminine at some point that day or week. right now i'm moving on to the bad part of my cycle, and really just wanna sit down in a corner and pretend i don't exist, for it feels like nobody would ever even want to know the person i really am

Quote from: Sevan on October 16, 2011, 09:13:21 AM
Being on T has put a shine back in my life. I can't even begin to express all that it's touched. Everything...really.

and this is the effect i hope i could get. but i still hesitate to ask for help because i'm afraid of changes
anyone want to encourage me?
(to get help, not necessarily a specific treatment)

Taka this is one of those kinds of things that needs a leap of faith. Knowing that you do better when you are in your low E zone is a good sign.
Find a therapist and doctor who will work with you to find the right balance of 'mones for your body. gel may be a good option for you. There is time to try things out before any long term changes stick. It took me a few months before my voice started to change irrevocably. There is time to try things out and see how it feels.
It's not a situation of going on hormones and finding sudden, irrevocable changes. Take a leap, seek out therapy that will work for you.
One of the best ways to see if hormones are right for you is to try them. There had been studies showing this. If it's not rigt for your body you will know pretty quickly and will recognize either a peace comes fromit or the opposite.

Quote from: Sevan on October 16, 2011, 09:13:21 AM
My GID played out through anxiety and angst. I couldn't decide what to wear on a daily basis, I would space out and drift off to parts of my mind unknown just to avoid...myself. I had mo real drive for much, I had no real ambition...I was lost to varrying degrees.
Being on T has put a shine back in my life. I can't even begin to express all that it's touched. Everything...really.
It literally came down to taking T...or throwing myself into the frozen pond on our property back in feb of 2010. I was scared because I had no real idea the journey I was going to embark on...I saw no other transitioning androgyns...but I think it's likely the best thing I've ever done.

This sounds a hell of a lot like me. It's like I spend my days waiting for it to be late enough to go back to bed. I can never decide what to wear or how to present. I miss a lot of class from being unable to leave my room for fear that someone will see me like this.

I'm just always, always petrified of doing something that I'll regret more than not having done it. I'm starting my fourth month on hormonal birth control, and I think I like it. My partner says my moods have been a little better, but my antidepressants have also increased during that time. I feel like it gives me PMS where I didn't really have it before. I like not having to use barriers. I love, love what it does to my skin. I think that's what I'm most worried about with HRT, is acne. Estrogen is the only thing that fixes it. But it might be estrogen that's poisoning my mind. I don't know what to do.

What are the first changes I could expect on T, besides mood? The first physical changes.

Increased sex drive will be first. This will likely happen in the first week.
A sense of calm and clarity often is reported in the first few weeks.
Increase in clitoral size typicaly follows shortly after. Ussually within the first month. (The first changes will be noticeable rather rapidly, however it is a slow process that will take a year or two to finish. With a clitoral release and ureathra extention/rerouting it is pretty much a very small penis.)
Then the voice will start to deepen a tad. This is a somewhat creeper effect. One day you will be talking then the voice will crack. Takes about 1-4 months on average. But it could take longer if you have a very high pitch and faster with a low pitch.

You do not ussually need to worry about 'roid rage. Most transmen/female bodied androgyns on T actually calm down from T and become less prone to such displays.
Your emotions will become harder to tap into but they will not disapear.
Sevan likened female emotions once as an open ocean with large waves, and male emotions as a deep underground river. The emotions might not be easily seen but they are deep and powerful. Haveing been on both ends of the stick so to speak I must agree with the analogy.

oh yeah...
Also noticable within the first month will be increase in strength. It will take awhile but the muscle will start changing and becoming masculine muscle mass. This is the part I miss about being a guy.
Strength.

Thank you so much for the answers, Cynthia. You and Sevan have been great help.

This looks like something I should definitely bring up with my doctors and therapist. All of those changes are ones that I either could live with or would welcome. I'd love to be stronger, love the genital changes, and could work through the voice. My emotions right now are right on the surface all the time too, and I'm really self-conscious of that.

cyndi explained it quite well and I'd like to add that my emotions were always on the surface in such a way as to always almost feel raw and exposed. I did so much work just to try and protect myself...rieki, energy work, avoidance, chakra work...so much crap just to try and smooth down my always bristling nerves. I would cry from other's emotional expressions, I would cry from certain pitches (particularly notes in commercial songs) I wouldn't/couldn't handle being able to be there for my friends in an emotionally supportive way because it would overwhelm me.
Now all of that has shifted. I don't know that I'm the "norm" in this way...but that was one of the most relieving things for me. Hands down.
I noticed that I did well and ok with progesterone, but horrible with E. So that's something to consider as well. I still use my sexual parts...and those parts are fueled with estrogen, so I do take a weekly dose of bag cream to keep everything working well in that arena. Due to a chronic health condition I have very thin walls down there. This is definitly a YMMV issue, and not one I hear commonly from anyone else. The dr's have told me that it's just absorbed in that area and doesn't effect the rest of my body system so I don't have any trouble using it.
It's all about being your best advocate, listening closely to your body and making the changes that are right for you. There is almost nothing that you can do within the first few months of taking T that wouldn't be reversible.

I am so glad we'Re having this conversation!! I will apologize for my spelling...I'm sure it's a mess. I'm wiped out, and typing on my iPod...but I can't stay away! This is a conversation I've wanted to see for a long time. :)

Aww Sevan, it sounds like you've got the same highly sensitive temperament as me. My partner hates that his emotions sort of spill over into me, that I have a hard time comforting him because it makes me upset too. Everything makes me cry. Musical cadences, being put down in an obviously joking way, hell, being called by my preferred name often does it. I think we must be kindred spirits or something.

Haha, I can't stay away from this conversation either. Most of my replies have been sent from my partner's iPad since I've been at his place most of the time without my computer. I'm really, genuinely glad that I have someone who's gone before me in all this, and this conversation makes me excited for my future in a way I haven't felt in a long time.

i'm glad we're having this conversation too. thank you so much for your input sevan, it means a lot to me

i have troubles with high sensitivity too, and because i can't stand crying i tend to withdraw or emotionally detach. and if that's not possible i start getting destructive, and have broken things a few times. don't like it, and i'm pretty sure estrogen is to blame for a lot of it

I think having these high sensitivity issues speak to being wrong with the hormones. I know quite a few MtFs that struggle with similar (though possibly opposite) issues.
Another interesting tid-bit is other senses. Did you know that your senses can shift if you change your hormones? My eyesight got a little bit worse because your eye shape can change from hormone shifts. Not terribly so, just a small shift but that's something I've heard others deal with.
Another interesting one is the sense of smell. I've always heard that women have better sense of smell (entirely antidotal...) but when cyndi and I shifted hormones we both experienced better sense of smell, though different sensitivities to different things. Body odor, meat, and salty smells are much stronger to me where sweet smells are stronger to cyndi. 

Quote from: cynthialee on October 16, 2011, 11:57:14 AM
oh yeah...
Also noticable within the first month will be increase in strength. It will take awhile but the muscle will start changing and becoming masculine muscle mass. This is the part I miss about being a guy.
Strength.

Yeah... i'm in the same boat as you. I used to work out and was quite buff; I wore sleeveless shirts to show off my upper body and I had trouble putting on jeans because my legs were too big. Now? I struggle to rip open simple plastic food wrappers LOL......

Another thing that's been reported for boys on E is shrinkage in the body - feet, chest, shoulders, etc. (but not my hands; they are still huge :()Have you experienced any of these? My shoes flop around on my feet now.

I shrank an inch in height and my feet became a slight bit smaller. Not enough so to change shoe size but enough for me to notice.
(other parts shrink sometimes also...)
:p

interesting about the senses. i wonder what it would feel like if my perfect vision was impaired..

the high sensitivity is weird. my sister is sensitive, but seems to accept it as part of her personality, my mother isn't sensitive at all. but i am so sensitive to other people's emotions that i really can't stand being in any emotional setting, or around many people for a long time, and i end up unable to relate to people instead of becoming more sympathetic. and that's not really the person i am inside

but i am so sensitive to other people's emotions that i really can't stand being in any emotional setting, or around many people for a long time, and i end up unable to relate to people instead of becoming more sympathetic. and that's not really the person i am inside

I was just going to say that!

I even do that here. I hate it, the spiro has helped quite a bit with that. That letting go of the underlying rage.

Ativan

To the issue of my eyes...I have far from perfect vision...my ewe have been bad since I was in the 3rd grade. However my buskin hadn't shifted much for many many yeas and then suddenly they shifted again recently. So I find that odd.
I'm not sure what to say about your sensitivities...other than that I get it. Somewhat.
I had accepted it as part of my personality and didn't expect it to shift at all...then over time the gushing open, raw river sealed over with ice. Still there, still rushing and accessible (though as cyndi quoted menfrom private conversations, it is more difficult to access) and I find it much more tolerable to be there for others. It doesn't effect me like it used to.
I also want to out slot of importance on dosing. While I won't (can't) speak to specifics I think that dosingfor androgyns can't be stressed enough. It needs monitoring because it's not necessarily right for each person to be fully hormonally in line with the binary. For me, while I'm definitly well within male hormonal levels I have to watch it because it can become too much for me and I get agitated and aggressive (for me...not sure it would even qualify as such by someone else's radar...) that's why I can't say good enough things about daily gel and my ability to monitor it.
Since I'm healing from surgery we gave me a shot that lasts a week rather than doing my normal daily gel because I can't properly shower right now and the gel goes on my chest...so I needed something different while healing. Which sucks cuz I do like my gel but I'm so glad to have the flexibility

I just wanted to butt my head in and say thanks for discussing this. I used to identify as neutrois, but I'm more of a gender-neutral FtM (I tend to have issues with the "gyn" in "androgyn"). I just recently started on hormones, and I wanted to second the mood thing. I am so much calmer and less dysphoric now. It's amazing. I've been suicidal for as long as I can remember (I mean, it was practically an ingrained part of my personality) but now...that's just gone. It's been gone since I gave myself permission to consider T, and it's stayed gone since I started. I don't feel aimless or hopeless anymore. I really do feel it saved my life.

Quote from: ZaidaZadkiel on October 16, 2011, 09:42:20 AM
about 2 and half years ago, I commited a sort of suicide, in which I left everything and lived homeless for a few months.
it changed basically every way I see things.
I still am myself and so, and the disphoria was there all the time. So when I managed to return, it was just like, obvious that I would be doing mones, somehow.
Every day I feel if I'm already dead, so I dont have to worry about /that/ anymore lol

Respect for writing that.

Have been somewhere similar myself.

As a transitioning M2A or as I'm more likely to say M2WtF It took  a bit of work finding medical assistance to get hormones and a supportive shrink  I'm also single and don't like what I have "down there" If I miss taking my night time tablets 2 times i  row then my boy bits will be happy to "jump into action" even though I don't want them to.  In the early days I'd sometimes see if I could still get it hard and while it wasn't as hard as before it was always able to work
I take spiro and the pill + Estrogen and some herbal feminisation stuff
most of the stuff I take 2 times a day but only take spiro & the pill at night

I frustrate myself. This is something that could really help me. Hell, I've been feeling better even since I started letting myself consider HRT.

I've just got these stupid hang-ups. My dad started going grey and losing hair when he was my age, or even younger. I seem to have inherited his hair genes; we have similar color and texture, and I'm already greying. I don't want to lose my hair. I'm acne-prone and don't have the smoothest skin, even on supplemental estrogen. My vanity's already holding me back.

And I don't want to face the possibility of losing my wonderful partner because of this. I already have a much higher sex drive than him, which makes things frustrating and tricky, and he likes me a lot as a female.

I understand Julian. My vanity almost stopped me...I take fenestride to keep me from losing hair because I don't want that either. Yes, it's vain but...couldn't we look at anything we do to our physical self as "vanity"?

vanity?
it's science.
Just pure unadultered science.

At no time in the past had humanity been able to do so many crazy things with magic pillz (or shots)
So, I for one, crave to do More things with chemicals. See how far can this rabbit hole go, right ?

But whatever. I just had my E shot today. Had to wait in a queue with people with actual medical conditions.

all i know is that my dysphoria actually went down when i was on the contraceptive pill. but i also felt it was changing my mind, my personality (and my body -- larger breasts, smaller shoulders, less hairy (lol?)). after two years that it had changed who i was, my personality, was more important than anything positive i might have got out of the pill, so I stopped taking it.
:-\
i just worried if i took any other hormones, even if they made my body more like i feel it should be, it would change my mind as well and this thread just confirms that in some way. I couldn't stand to go through that again i think.  :(

still working on getting my body back to pre-pill days, but i don't think it's going to happen. oh well. maybe i just need to work out more though and eat less pizza.  :laugh:

My dysphoria is the same as it was, The dysphoria/suicidal ideation has changed, in that it is almost a distant memory.
More of what is my personality has come out, but it hasn't changed it for the worse.
Without the changes in how my hormones are treated, I most certainly would have or would be very close to, taking my own life.
For some of us it is the literal difference between life and death.

Ativan

Would agree with you there, Ativan. Would probably be dead by now if I hadn't gone on estrogen: drugs, suicide, road traffic accident, fight or my brain would simply have exploded.

If one looks out of the car or bus window and notices the facial expression and body language of women and men walking down the pavement/sidewalk there is a massive difference in general between their apparent levels of happiness. On the whole women appear happier than men, rarely does one see a man smiling to himself.

Anyone else noticed that?

i smile happily all the time, but it's totally fake. i never smile as much when i'm actually happy, because i don't have the same need to pretend everything is fine