Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Lately I've been a bit so pessimistic about finding a man, and I've noticed that the majority of SO's on here are women. :3 srsly? How many male SO's come on here? Mtf's, you should make your bf's/hubbies join the site. XD

Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on October 18, 2011, 02:40:24 AM
Lately I've been a bit so pessimistic about finding a man, and I've noticed . . .  you should make your bf's/hubbies join the site. XD

lol Ever read this?

Quote from: The New York Observer
"The Second Most Beautiful Girl in New York" She has a type—she likes confident, sexy, creative guys. But she's found that these men, more so even than the men she dated pre-op, are frequently unable to live up to the swaggering open-mindedness they claim to possess

Most good guys I know are either gay, religiously single and fiercely independent, homophobic and married (domestically trained) already or indeed *broke and destitute* from divorce & support, in trying to get away . . . Point is one cannot MAKE good "bf's/hubbies" do ANYTHING as hard as the now controlling feminists may have tried; My best Jackson Height's NY / Columbian  buddies on Facebook tell me "don't bother, stay pre-op and you'll be much better liked for sure"! Vanity is still a sin and with "beautiful and brainless" gg girls a dime-a-dozen why would you want to compete with them anyway?

Here here just discovered a possibly good nook book to read, will probably recommend it to my daughter as well!

The Marriage Plot

QuoteDoes modern love have any need for romance, much less marriage? For Madeleine Hanna, an English major writing a senior thesis with the marriage plot as the centerpiece, the question looms large. In Madeleine's favorite novels, marriage is the plot. But in the story line of her own life, sexual liberation and career goals have made hopeless romantics obsolete—even while two thoroughly postmodern guys are vying for her affection. After all, it's [long after] the 1980s: [forget romance, GET A BETTER JOB - to shop & help support Obama's ailing economy] she's supposed to be reaping the rewards of feminism.

lol Cheers!

Howdy!

We're out here.

After about 10 years of being single and not looking (it really was not miserable by any means), the right woman showed up.  I thought I had a good life, but suddenly this woman came into my life that shared so much with me and complimented me with her differences from me.  So I married her.  I wasn't looking for anyone - I was fine being single.  But if you find love, you find love.

Prior to meeting her, I had several intersexed friends, so I knew a tiny bit about sex and gender (a tiny bit, sadly, is way more than most people know).  So the idea that someone might identify one way but have been identified on their original birth certificate another way wasn't all that huge of a stretch for me.  Did I ever anticipate marrying anyone but a female that was originally and always identified as female?  No, it never even crossed my mind that I would.  And I had plenty of ugly prejudices, albeit mostly before I became friends with a some intersexed people.  I've learned that the heart doesn't always follow my prejudice.  That's a good thing.  I'm glad that my heart was wise enough to love my wife, and very glad my mind was able to catch up.

I can't say I can see myself as a stereotypical male.  And my life experiences have proven that things aren't quite as simple or black and white as the uninformed typically believe them to be.  I'm even learning that it's okay to be me - whatever that looks like.  It's one of the gifts my wife gave me: she can first-hand put into perspective how important being honst with yourself and society is.  Most people never have anything in their life that requires that level of honesty.  So most people aren't honest.

There are people who will follow love, even some of us men!  I fear that we're not quite in the majority, but we're still there.  There are straight guys who will love you with everything in their being. Yes, there are other types too, and it's really important to figure out which type a guy is (that's true for everyone, regardless of the gender of your partner - you need to know if they are decent or not!  Too many women find lousy husbands and vise-versa).  But we're not all bigots.  But we may be ignorant and need to be educated.  A decent guy can be easily educated.  If it's a struggle, that's a warning sign.  But there are guys without that problem, really!

Sorry for the long, rambling post.  But one of the reasons I do post here is to let people know we exist, both other men who might be worried and women who might wonder if we exist.  We do, and, while I'm taken, don't worry, there's better choices than me out there.  :)  And I truly wish you to find the love that would fill your heart with joy.

ill see if i can get him to register :)

Thnx Slanan, that was rly comforting to read. Actually when I asked I was thinking of you being like, the only one I could think of to come on here. XD But I didn't want to put you on the spot. :P

Quote from: Annah on October 19, 2011, 12:22:15 AM
ill see if i can get him to register :)

Huzzah!

This is a topic that is near and dear to my heart and which has, regrettably, caused me some significant heartache over the years.  I have been a supporter of transgender people since I was in my mid-teens, and I have always been open to the possibility of a relationship with one if the right circumstances materialized.  I fell DEEPLY for someone about ten years ago who rejected me for reasons I have never been able to comprehend: she said I was being too "forward" and that I only expressed an interest in her out of sorrow for her situation!  This wounded me profoundly as it could not have been further from the truth.

I believe that a great number of transgender women have a tendency to build up fantasies about "the perfect man" that are almost impossible to realize.  This seems to be born out in the many posts that I have read regarding the disappointments people have experienced through the dating and the "coming out" process.  Is it such a bad idea to take a chance on a man who has a little understanding of what a transgender woman is going through and still be willing to support her through the process; or is it preferable to risk breaking one's heart in search of perfection that probably does not exist?  I wish I knew the answer as it probably would have saved me a lot of pain. 

The poster is correct about the majority of significant others being women, as I have found over the years (I am certain someone will disagree with me on this) that an extremely high proportion of transgender women identify as lesbian.  But that's probably a whole separate topic thread.

I hope you do find someone!!!  :)

<I believe that a great number of transgender women have a tendency to build up fantasies about "the perfect man" that are almost impossible to realize.>

The 'perfect man' for me would be an ordinairy, masculine man  completely without tv/cd/pre ts tendencies. And that's almost impossible to realize.

Because most men who are into ts's have somehow gender issues themselves, which puts me off completely because I'm simply not into women or any kind of feminity.


<that an extremely high proportion of transgender women identify as lesbian>

Yes, that's correct! Furthermore: as (passable) 'straight' men/pre ts/pre everything they're very often into ts's. By means of projection I guess.

Quote from: Dahlia on November 06, 2011, 09:12:08 AM
Because most men who are into ts's have somehow gender issues themselves

I don't think that's true.

Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on November 06, 2011, 10:22:09 AM
I don't think that's true.

Alas, it is. A very close MTF post op friend of mine ran into a gorgeous, tall, hunky, muscular, blue eyed blonde haired Viking guy a couple of years ago.
After a couple of months he loosely announced to her: 'I'm like you. I want to become a woman too'. My friend said 'couldn't you have told me that earlier? I'm only into men!' and ran off, leaving (then) him angry and 'you're so narrowminded' shouting at her.
She's post op nowadays, the woman she wanted to be, and into women only.

Well....there's more.....several post op MTF friends of mine had very nice, very masculine boyfriends who later turned out to be cd's/tv's, in a matter of half a year to a year.

And yes, it happened to me too......this gorgeous, hunky, masculine guy who turned out to wear lace panties and silk stockings under his male clothes.

I'm very, very careful nowadays with men...I just don't want to wind up with a 'hidden girlfriend' who, of course, likes to be screwed by a TS while wearing lingerie himself.

I think 80% of the guys who are either bi or into TS's have genderissues to some extent themselves.

Quote from: TradMForever on November 05, 2011, 11:59:23 PM
I believe that a great number of transgender women have a tendency to build up fantasies about "the perfect man" that are almost impossible to realize.

I think a great number of people have a tendency to build up fantasies about "the perfect S.O." that are almost impossible to realize.

I don't think trans people or women are unique in having unrealistic expectations.  Both too high of expectations or too low of expectations can become a disaster.

The other thing I've seen is when people have a prejudice but don't realize it, they might think that the group they feel prejudiced towards would find it wonderful to date them!  For instance, someone might look down on blacks, but not conscously realize it.  If they are white, they might think that they would be a wonderful partner because (partially subconsciously) they would be a "step up" for that person who will have to accept whoever would go out with them.  I've seen overweight and disabled women subjected to men who think, "She'll accept me, she has no choice."  Just because someone  doesn't think a woman is desirable to most men doesn't mean she would desire a man "willing" to date her (in fact, it's likely a major turn-off to her - she'll figure it out).  Yet some men (and likely women) think that way.

Quote from: TradMForever on November 05, 2011, 11:59:23 PM
This is a topic that is near and dear to my heart and which has, regrettably, caused me some significant heartache over the years.  I have been a supporter of transgender people since I was in my mid-teens, and I have always been open to the possibility of a relationship with one if the right circumstances materialized.  I fell DEEPLY for someone about ten years ago who rejected me for reasons I have never been able to comprehend: she said I was being too "forward" and that I only expressed an interest in her out of sorrow for her situation!  This wounded me profoundly as it could not have been further from the truth.

I believe that a great number of transgender women have a tendency to build up fantasies about "the perfect man" that are almost impossible to realize.  This seems to be born out in the many posts that I have read regarding the disappointments people have experienced through the dating and the "coming out" process.  Is it such a bad idea to take a chance on a man who has a little understanding of what a transgender woman is going through and still be willing to support her through the process; or is it preferable to risk breaking one's heart in search of perfection that probably does not exist?  I wish I knew the answer as it probably would have saved me a lot of pain. 

The poster is correct about the majority of significant others being women, as I have found over the years (I am certain someone will disagree with me on this) that an extremely high proportion of transgender women identify as lesbian.  But that's probably a whole separate topic thread.

I hope you do find someone!!!  :)

+1 that's all I can say.

Quote from: Dahlia on November 06, 2011, 10:42:29 AM
Alas, it is. A very close MTF post op friend of mine ran into a gorgeous, tall, hunky, muscular, blue eyed blonde haired Viking guy a couple of years ago.
After a couple of months he loosely announced to her: 'I'm like you. I want to become a woman too'. My friend said 'couldn't you have told me that earlier? I'm only into men!' and ran off, leaving (then) him angry and 'you're so narrowminded' shouting at her.
She's post op nowadays, the woman she wanted to be, and into women only.

Well....there's more.....several post op MTF friends of mine had very nice, very masculine boyfriends who later turned out to be cd's/tv's, in a matter of half a year to a year.

And yes, it happened to me too......this gorgeous, hunky, masculine guy who turned out to wear lace panties and silk stockings under his male clothes.

I'm very, very careful nowadays with men...I just don't want to wind up with a 'hidden girlfriend' who, of course, likes to be screwed by a TS while wearing lingerie himself.

I think 80% of the guys who are either bi or into TS's have genderissues to some extent themselves.

Dahlia, that's a very interesting trend.  As a matter of curiosity, how did your friends (and yourself) meet these guys?  Was it through the Internet or the old-fashioned way, such as in a bar? 

I must fall into the 20% category, as I have never had issues with gender identity.  ;) 

Quote from: TradMForever on November 06, 2011, 08:54:58 PM
Dahlia, that's a very interesting trend.  As a matter of curiosity, how did your friends (and yourself) meet these guys?  Was it through the Internet or the old-fashioned way, such as in a bar? 

I must fall into the 20% category, as I have never had issues with gender identity.  ;)

Hi TradMForever,

Well, good for you, you don't have any Tissues yourself  and don't seem to be confused about your attraction to T's :-)

I and my close MTF friend met these guys the old fashioned way;  while going out and in daily life.

My other MTF friends met their boyfriends who turned out tv's/cd's through the internet.

Btw: we are open about being MTF.

Perhaps you should read this thread? Most of the MTF posters here speak about men having T issues themselves and here and there some ehm, interesting stories too.

I think Tlovers have a very fine radar for spotting MTF's in daily life, they sense the MTF hormone vibrations  from miles away, no matter how feminine and/or passable she is.


https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,13877.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,13877.0.html)

My partner wouldn't register even if I paid him to. In fact, he wouldn't even be able to get on the site. He's not very good with computers. Poor thing. Lol.

Quote from: Dahlia on November 07, 2011, 11:51:00 AM
Hi TradMForever,

Well, good for you, you don't have any Tissues yourself  and don't seem to be confused about your attraction to T's :-)

I and my close MTF friend met these guys the old fashioned way;  while going out and in daily life.

My other MTF friends met their boyfriends who turned out tv's/cd's through the internet.

Btw: we are open about being MTF.

Perhaps you should read this thread? Most of the MTF posters here speak about men having T issues themselves and here and there some ehm, interesting stories too.

I think Tlovers have a very fine radar for spotting MTF's in daily life, they sense the MTF hormone vibrations  from miles away, no matter how feminine and/or passable she is.


https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,13877.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,13877.0.html)

Hi, Dahlia.  Thanks for pointing this thread out to me.  I definitely will read it.

I have the "dubious"  ??? distinction of also being the SO of an MtF. We've been basically together for about 30 years and officially married for about 15 of them. We first met after I gave up the first experiment on transitioning and figured I'll do the next best thing. Help some other TS feel more like a regular girl and I can feel more like a normal guy.