Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I love my boyfriend. Yes, he is 23 yrs older than me. Yeah, he's a married man. But I enjoy the time I spend with him. Yesterday, he came to see me. We went out to Fresh Choice, went to Target, out to a nature walk, and back home to make love. I felt bored, and I kept wondering, "why am I doing this?" I wasn't in the mood for sex and lately I haven't been in the mood for him. He kept trying to force me to have sex and was kissing me the entire time... I told him, 'stop" and he got pissed off.

My boyfriend has been married for 23 yrs. His wife is suffering from onset Alzheimers and they both live with his 98 yr old mother in her house. He is the polar opposite of me. He is a film show organizer and an A/V installer. He has a 23 yr old daughter.

But I felt the term that signified what I am going through is "stagnation". The last two years of my transition have been that. I can't go out to the City or San Jo without my boyfriend questioning me and having drama created. So as a result, I've became very lazy. I can't ever go out with friends, because he'll text me and ask me why I am not on AIM.

It is somewhat disappointing to transition and then spend the next 2 years at home on the computer. I hate it. I hate being on the computer talking to him when I should be doing stuff around the house, meeting my friends, etc.

My boyfriend is also jealous of any man who is attracted to me on fb. I meet a ton of guys IRL and on fb. Guys who I've dated, who are now on my fb. My boyfriend has issues with my gay guy friends paying attention to me, much less straight guys. It's caused a lot of drama as he's told me he will beat the crap out of my friends if they come over to my house.

Yesterday I showed him a Chris Crocker(One of the new ones, when he is looking/acting like a boy) video and he told me, "If that kid was my son, I'd disown him" and I was like why, then he said "He's a gay sissy". This kind of stuff bothers me, since he knew me transition when I was the gayest boy ever... That combined with his controlling behavior is driving me ->-bleeped-<-ing insane. His homophobia is the worst.

I don't know what to do. I miss being social, but I love him.

You've been to his house and met his wife?

Quote from: Renate on October 22, 2011, 04:08:40 PM
You've been to his house and met his wife?

Uhhh no. His wife does not know about us. I am his little secret.

So you're taking the word of an adulterous, homophobic, jealous control freak about the status of his wife?

Hmm. Maybe you should break it off with him for a number of reasons and start fresh with a guy that's more...a lot of things that seem maybe better suited for you...or something?

I think I have to agree with Meghan... he sounds like the very bad kind of controlling person.  I'd break up with someone like that in a heartbeat because I prefer not to feel like I'm in prison when I'm in a relationship.

All the above and into therapy for co-dependency issues.

Mahsa, you deserve way better than this sack of .....

  Girl you and I should go hit the club scene sometime. There are plenty of cute guys out there to buy us drinks & w/e else we so desire. Hehe  :eusa_whistle:

Quote from: Rukia87xo on October 22, 2011, 05:02:17 PM

  Girl you and I should go hit the club scene sometime. There are plenty of cute guys out there to buy us drinks & w/e else we so desire. Hehe  :eusa_whistle:

I know, the last straight bar I went to this cute hipster guy bought me drinks. When ya gonna be in sf?

Quote from: Renate on October 22, 2011, 04:19:52 PM
So you're taking the word of an adulterous, homophobic, jealous control freak about the status of his wife?

He says he loves me more than her. But my gay friends(and theres a lot of them) are like, "He needs to get himself a boyfriend"

None of them consider him "straight"...the homophobia kinda killed that idea. There are straight guys who are open to relationships with trans... But they usually have no issue with her gay friends.

But his wife has no friends and he basically kept her locked up inside all day.

Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on October 22, 2011, 05:10:00 PMBut his wife has no friends and he basically kept her locked up inside all day.

Well, far be it from me, since I've sworn off all relationships other than the FWB variety till I'm complete, however...

Of course there's NO chance what I quoted could be in YOUR future with him??? Just asking...  (sounds kinda like your present, actually)

Quote from: Colleen Ireland on October 22, 2011, 05:32:13 PM
Well, far be it from me, since I've sworn off all relationships other than the FWB variety till I'm complete, however...

Of course there's NO chance what I quoted could be in YOUR future with him??? Just asking...  (sounds kinda like your present, actually)

Fwb?

Mahsa take a good long look at that pic... You are beautiful however any i mean any one who treatens you or someone else ..... come on fill in the blank???? Love is blind go get a kitty or dogie u don't have listen to it bitch just feed it and love it hehehe  :D joke (although this is not a joke)
Please be careful. love u

Normally the up-side of being 'the other woman' is that you get stuff lavished on you (like say an apartment, or a car) and you still have your freedom.  Sounds like he didn't read the rule book.

I think since you posted this thread, you already know what you want/have to do. You are just afraid to do it.

I know because I've been there. Be strong, girl.

Quote from: tekla on October 22, 2011, 07:15:41 PM
Normally the up-side of being 'the other woman' is that you get stuff lavished on you (like say an apartment, or a car) and you still have your freedom.  Sounds like he didn't read the rule book.

He can't afford any of that. Sometimes we go to Target or the comic shop/

Red flag; red flag.

You realize you are being used by an old man, don't you?

Robyn

I could never go out with a man that is married, especially to a wife that has this disease.  Im not the judgmental type, but there are soo many single guys out there..Why go for this one?  It is obvious what he wants from you. 

Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on October 22, 2011, 06:14:37 PM
This is him and I... Every young guy I've showed his photo to is like, "Is that your dad?"

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fa7.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net%2Fhphotos-ak-ash4%2Fs720x720%2F309547_280449071977725_100000379048523_925711_547179618_n.jpg&hash=0568f63aed55c34825de2927329ff52b4c381a21)

Yo me it looks like a 40 something woman with a 50 something guy. I think yous should re-calibrate your moral compass.

Jen61

Quote from: Jen61 on October 22, 2011, 08:30:02 PM
Yo me it looks like a 40 something woman with a 50 something guy.
Jen61

You're saying I look 40 something?

Way to be insulting... I didn't even read the rest of what you had to say.

So, why do you put up with this guy?
What does he bring to the table?

All the flags are on alert. If you have never met his wife how do you know she has Dementia? He controls access to her, and he is controlling access to you. He wants to get his jollies off with you whenever HE wants, he doesn't allow you to meet and interact with people your age and interests. He wants you available for him at any time, and as Tekla said you aren't even getting the joys of being the mistress.

I would be saying bye bye, change the locks, change the phone number and get a new internet account, and hope he doesn't stalk you.

I think you have found a guy who is a true predator, and you are the game.

Take care and be careful

Cindy

Quote from: Cindy James on October 23, 2011, 01:57:30 AM

I would be saying bye bye, change the locks, change the phone number and get a new internet account, and hope he doesn't stalk you.

I think you have found a guy who is a true predator, and you are the game.

I dumped him once and he convinced me to come back... Yeah, I know what he is capable of.

Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on October 23, 2011, 02:11:23 AM
I dumped him once and he convinced me to come back... Yeah, I know what he is capable of.

You need to plan an escape strategy, even if it needs restraining orders etc. I have no idea what that involves in the USA, I'm in Australia. But you have your life to live, and by the sounds of it, a life that is fun and doing stuff you want to do. You are being prevented from doing that. That is unfair.  No one has the right to use you, and please don't take offence, as an unpaid prostitute, by either intimidation or coercion. The fundamentals we want and have as woman in the Western world is that we have equal rights to men. OK sexually boys and girls have a spectrum of sexual interests, and many woman want and enjoy a dominant sexual partner. But for me that's where is stops. I'm his equal in every way. He is my sexual partner when I want him to be. And he had better damn well do what I want him to :laugh:; Ahmm maybe a like a dominant partner but I'm not very submissive :laugh:.

I'm very sorry but I really do think you are being used, and for your future happiness you need to think through the issues and get help. You own your sexuality, he doesn't. And, my apologies for being long winded, you have Gay friends and are have DQ friends, he purports not to like that scene, he then says he is homophobic?  But how can he love you without accepting your friends? Do you think you can have a long term relationship with someone who doesn't like your friends, and people you hang out with?

I'm an old cow, but my relationships are with men who respect me for being me. They and I like to spend time together doing what we both like. OK we both make exceptions, I'll watch a movie I dislike because he wants to see it. He'll watch Modern Dance Theatre that I enjoy and he hates. But we make the compromise, because we respect each other. I have not got close the 'love' word. We respect each other and without that there cannot be love (IMO).

Please see what you can do to get out of this mess. I really do not want to see you hurt.

Cindy

Quote from: Cindy James on October 23, 2011, 02:35:49 AM

I'm very sorry but I really do think you are being used, and for your future happiness you need to think through the issues and get help. You own your sexuality, he doesn't. And, my apologies for being long winded, you have Gay friends and are have DQ friends, he purports not to like that scene, he then says he is homophobic?  But how can he love you without accepting your friends? Do you think you can have a long term relationship with someone who doesn't like your friends, and people you hang out with?

I don't know about that, the downside is that a lot of straight men who date transsexuals have their own sexual issues to deal with. He was attracted to me as a boy...Yes, I was a feminine boy. He is really into my part though and that kind of bothers me. Yes I understand there are plenty of men out there who wouldn't mind if their girlfriend had a penis(and I have no intentions for srs)... But I've thought for the longest time I was merely his step stone into gay culture and he was my stepping stone into straight culture. Up until 6 months ago, I was fawning over gay boys instead of straight boys.

Now due to my drag mom coaching me, I've perfected my look. It's just a matter of getting some ffs(nose and lips) so I won't have to rely on makeup as much. I can land any man who wants me at this point... But he has done a lot for me.

So I think to a certain degree, I am a suroggate for his wife and someone for him to further explore his sexuality with.

~Hmmm, so he doesn't trust you or respect your choice of friends.... Cut the strings, seriously! You're obviously unhappy, so ditch him for a man (or woman) that will make you feel alive, and who won't try to run your life. You can do better than a married jerk.

Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on October 22, 2011, 03:50:28 PM
I love my boyfriend. Yes, he is 23 yrs older than me. Yeah, he's a married man. But I enjoy the time I spend with him. Yesterday, he came to see me. We went out to Fresh Choice, went to Target, out to a nature walk, and back home to make love. I felt bored, and I kept wondering, "why am I doing this?" I wasn't in the mood for sex and lately I haven't been in the mood for him. He kept trying to force me to have sex and was kissing me the entire time... I told him, 'stop" and he got pissed off.

My boyfriend has been married for 23 yrs. His wife is suffering from onset Alzheimers and they both live with his 98 yr old mother in her house. He is the polar opposite of me. He is a film show organizer and an A/V installer. He has a 23 yr old daughter.

But I felt the term that signified what I am going through is "stagnation". The last two years of my transition have been that. I can't go out to the City or San Jo without my boyfriend questioning me and having drama created. So as a result, I've became very lazy. I can't ever go out with friends, because he'll text me and ask me why I am not on AIM.

It is somewhat disappointing to transition and then spend the next 2 years at home on the computer. I hate it. I hate being on the computer talking to him when I should be doing stuff around the house, meeting my friends, etc.

My boyfriend is also jealous of any man who is attracted to me on fb. I meet a ton of guys IRL and on fb. Guys who I've dated, who are now on my fb. My boyfriend has issues with my gay guy friends paying attention to me, much less straight guys. It's caused a lot of drama as he's told me he will beat the crap out of my friends if they come over to my house.

Yesterday I showed him a Chris Crocker(One of the new ones, when he is looking/acting like a boy) video and he told me, "If that kid was my son, I'd disown him" and I was like why, then he said "He's a gay sissy". This kind of stuff bothers me, since he knew me transition when I was the gayest boy ever... That combined with his controlling behavior is driving me ->-bleeped-<-ing insane. His homophobia is the worst.

I don't know what to do. I miss being social, but I love him.

I hate to say this because i can understand the understanding nature of such as perhaps you, that seems common especially amongst the transgendered, but I just don't feel that this is the sort of person for you... I imagine you may try to keep it going but it is going to end that seems apparent... you might as well end it now... you cannot have someone holding you under what you can be... the only relation ship worth having is with those who accelerate you not those who stagnate you...this stagnation is not of any bit you but of him... this relationship does not seem healthy but perhaps there are other considerations... i would take it slow though and simply step outside the bound let that break it off rather then direct attempt... go out with your friends and if he moves away from your relationship then so be it... that is all that it can be at such a point... I have seen what those sort of relationships can turn into and it can be severely detrimental to you, I feel, if you hold to tight to his strictions.

Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on October 23, 2011, 02:50:47 AM
I don't know about that, the downside is that a lot of straight men who date transsexuals have their own sexual issues to deal with. He was attracted to me as a boy...Yes, I was a feminine boy. He is really into my part though and that kind of bothers me. Yes I understand there are plenty of men out there who wouldn't mind if their girlfriend had a penis(and I have no intentions for srs)... But I've thought for the longest time I was merely his step stone into gay culture and he was my stepping stone into straight culture. Up until 6 months ago, I was fawning over gay boys instead of straight boys.

Now due to my drag mom coaching me, I've perfected my look. It's just a matter of getting some ffs(nose and lips) so I won't have to rely on makeup as much. I can land any man who wants me at this point... But he has done a lot for me.

So I think to a certain degree, I am a suroggate for his wife and someone for him to further explore his sexuality with.

I'm not sure of the semantics, but straight guys don't date gay guys. Straight guys with gay tendencies may, but I think they would be called gay?

Cindy

Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on October 23, 2011, 02:50:47 AM
I don't know about that, the downside is that a lot of straight men who date transsexuals have their own sexual issues to deal with. He was attracted to me as a boy...Yes, I was a feminine boy. He is really into my part though and that kind of bothers me. Yes I understand there are plenty of men out there who wouldn't mind if their girlfriend had a penis(and I have no intentions for srs)... But I've thought for the longest time I was merely his step stone into gay culture and he was my stepping stone into straight culture. Up until 6 months ago, I was fawning over gay boys instead of straight boys.

Now due to my drag mom coaching me, I've perfected my look. It's just a matter of getting some ffs(nose and lips) so I won't have to rely on makeup as much. I can land any man who wants me at this point... But he has done a lot for me.

So I think to a certain degree, I am a suroggate for his wife and someone for him to further explore his sexuality with.

From your avatar you seem female to me...

To be honest though I worry about that perspective in my own relationships I am a cis male.. but i am bisexual... not afraid of gay relations ships but ...i don't know the female body is more ingrained to me... largely though I find and attraction to transgendered mainly as a result of their experience in understanding universal psychology..or i mean both perspectives... perhaps that is as i personally identify non-gendered...or bi-gendered... maybe he is the same... but then from what you have said it seems plausible that his homophobic expression especially considering they were seeming ly inconsiderately expressed around you may be a result of attempt to disguise yet excepted interests...

Quote from: Cindy James on October 23, 2011, 03:17:20 AM
I'm not sure of the semantics, but straight guys don't date gay guys. Straight guys with gay tendencies may, but I think they would be called gay?

Cindy

Dresden_Doll coined the term, "Heteroflexible" I think that applies here.

Quote from: Abstract on October 23, 2011, 03:23:35 AM
From your avatar you seem female to me...

To be honest though I worry about that perspective in my own relationships I am a cis male.. but i am bisexual... not afraid of gay relations ships but ...i don't know the female body is more ingrained to me... largely though I find and attraction to transgendered mainly as a result of their experience in understanding universal psychology..or i mean both perspectives... perhaps that is as i personally identify non-gendered...or bi-gendered... maybe he is the same... but then from what you have said it seems plausible that his homophobic expression especially considering they were seeming ly inconsiderately expressed around you may be a result of attempt to disguise yet excepted interests...

Well the whole disowning his gay son type stuff and not wanting me to be around gay men bothers me. But he's 51 and is too old to change.

But he isn't into my duality. He wants me to completely embrace the femininity and shut off my rainbow connections. But not letting me out, controlling and watching everything I do takes the relationship to a different level.

In the past 15 months, we've spent the night together...ONCE.

I cannot agree strongly enough with Cindy James. I have a friend who once spent ten years in an abusive relationship before finally breaking free. He was a very controlling individual. He isolated her from her friends and family, "strongly encouraged" her to do things his way all the time, made her feel inferior, and eventually started making threats of violence. Yet, he somehow also convinced her that he loved her and planned to marry her "someday".

His typical behavior was to become more and more overbearing until she either blew up at him or had a melt-down, after which he would "become nice" again for a while...but the negative behavior always came back, usually stronger than ever. It eventually took a near-intervention on the part of a trusted and worried friend to break her free of him. Sadly, she developed PTSD from all the abuse. Not a good thing.

Be very wary of anyone who tries to control what you do or who you are, especially if you find yourself spending less and less time with your family and friends; these are signs of possible bad juju. If he tries to minimize your access to his life (such as his own mother) that is also not a good sign.

Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on October 23, 2011, 04:10:52 AM
Well the whole disowning his gay son type stuff and not wanting me to be around gay men bothers me. But he's 51 and is too old to change.

But he isn't into my duality. He wants me to completely embrace the femininity and shut off my rainbow connections. But not letting me out, controlling and watching everything I do takes the relationship to a different level.

In the past 15 months, we've spent the night together...ONCE.

I don't see that continuing then...you should let it go...

Girl, I KNOW you can do better than that!  Btw, Ive seen the other side of this. My mum cheated on my Dad. And it just totally destroyed the family. And I'm not exaggerating. I'm here in the US, my Dad lives in Scotland, my Mum, Germany and my brother lives in England. Break it off and enjoy your freedom.
*hugs*

I'm not going to say that you shouldn't love him, and I'm not going to tell you to necessarily break up with him. I am going to say, though, that you shouldn't let him push you around, control you, or imprison you. You have to lay down the hammer on this one, one way or another. He doesn't control you, YOU control you. You have every right to live your life the way you want. Live how you want to live, not how he wants you to live!

Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on October 22, 2011, 06:12:58 PM
Fwb?

FWB = Friend With Benefits

And I'll repeat my question:  Don't you think your present situation bears much resemblance to his wife's, and could worsen to be EXACTLY like that?  He does sound like a control freak at least, abuser (long-term) at worst.  I'm concerned for you, hon...

Mahsa, it sounds like maybe you can do better outside of your current situation, but I'm sure as hell not going to judge you. If it's not fun anymore then you'll find the strength to move on.  Or you can keep taking the good and bad and we're here to listen!

Dare I ask who else here has stayed in a doomed relationship for the sake of the sex or the ease of being in a comfortable situation?  It's a little harsh judging someone else's life situation if we're not in it ourselves.  We've all been through (or are in) rough places and what makes us happy doesn't always make sense to the outside world. 

Jenn

Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on October 22, 2011, 09:18:16 PM
You're saying I look 40 something?

Way to be insulting... I didn't even read the rest of what you had to say.

Honey,

When you post in public and ask opinions you should expect to hear opinions you may not like. As far as appearances it is all perceptions, and witout the benefit of fully know you all I can go is by your appearance. I look at the bags under your eyes and the skin in your neck and well, to me you look like you are in your late 30's or early 40's. No offense intended !

As far as dating a married man, he is braking the law, adultery, and you are knowingly part of it. Immoral in my opinion. So that you know where I am coming from, let me  tell you I was at the other end, the receiving end. It is very hurtful to be betrayed by your spause. In my case, i filed for divorce based in adultery, and in said document I named the other party involved in the adultery. MY adulterous ex-spause "boyfriend" name and her name are now in the public record as adulterous !  I hope you reconsider your position.

Sincerely,

Jen61

Quote from: Keaira on October 23, 2011, 05:27:14 AM
Girl, I KNOW you can do better than that!  Btw, Ive seen the other side of this. My mum cheated on my Dad. And it just totally destroyed the family. And I'm not exaggerating. I'm here in the US, my Dad lives in Scotland, my Mum, Germany and my brother lives in England. Break it off and enjoy your freedom.
*hugs*

It was devastating on my 6 kids. The oldest is boy with her, the youngest girl sort of talks to her, the rest (3 boys +1 girl) do not want to hear her name mentioned. BTW all live with me; I have sole custody and the house and everything. I won nothing, after 5 years, I still cry about her loss. I think I Will always love her and miss her, but I cannot and will not forgive her for the pain she inflicted to the kids.

Masha:

Sorry for the drama, I do not mean to hijack your thread, but you have stirred my soul.

Jen61

It might be news to you, - but there is learning in stagnation, um.

It's also called at times: "Enjoy your stuckness..."

The other bit of wisdom I come often across says: "You obviously have not been hurt enough yet.."

It may sound a like tough love - and yes it is. You will not be able to do much with all the advice given here - until you KNOW and FEEL you ready.

Honey, if you ready - you WILL make a move.
In the meantime... enjoy your stuckness..., because that is what you have decided to do for now.

Ponderous,
Axelle

You can do better! You stopped letting your dysphoria control your life, I know that you are strong enough without him. Not a single person here has said "wow, what a great guy. "
I know I'd want a boyfriend that makes others say " wow, you are so lucky to have a man like that. "
That to me says it all. If you can't be an equal in a relationship, then it's anything but one.
But, don't be swayed by our opinions. You know him best. You must decide for yourself and follow your heart.
*hugs*

Quote from: Keaira on October 23, 2011, 12:26:21 PM
You can do better! You stopped letting your dysphoria control your life, I know that you are strong enough without him. Not a single person here has said "wow, what a great guy. "

I suffer from no dsyphoria in this situatiob. I can land any guy who wants me...Wait, didn't I just add you on my fb?

Quote from: Jen61 on October 23, 2011, 09:53:44 AM
Honey,

When you post in public and ask opinions you should expect to hear opinions you may not like. As far as appearances it is all perceptions, and witout the benefit of fully know you all I can go is by your appearance. I look at the bags under your eyes and the skin in your neck and well, to me you look like you are in your late 30's or early 40's. No offense intended !

No one has ever mistaken me for 30-40... Ever. Of course, I hang out with straight men...not a bunch of catty women. You don't even have your age in your profile. You used to be a married and have children, so a lot older than me.

Blah. Show your face why don't you?

And bring it on....

Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on October 23, 2011, 12:49:23 PM
I suffer from no dsyphoria in this situatiob. I can land any guy who wants me...Wait, didn't I just add you on my fb?

Mmm... I don't know. It's possible. LOL. This is my real name.
the point I was getting at was you took control of your life. You didn't let it control you.

Quote from: Jen61 on October 23, 2011, 09:53:44 AM

As far as dating a married man, he is braking the law, adultery, and you are knowingly part of it. Immoral in my opinion. So that you know where I am coming from, let me  tell you I was at the other end, the receiving end. It is very hurtful to be betrayed by your spause. In my case, i filed for divorce based in adultery, and in said document I named the other party involved in the adultery. MY adulterous ex-spause "boyfriend" name and her name are now in the public record as adulterous !  I hope you reconsider your position.

What kind of backwater Virginia town do you live in? In case you didn't know, adultery is legal in California.

Quote from: Jen61 on October 23, 2011, 10:01:11 AM
It was devastating on my 6 kids. The oldest is boy with her, the youngest girl sort of talks to her, the rest (3 boys +1 girl) do not want to hear her name mentioned. BTW all live with me; I have sole custody and the house and everything. I won nothing, after 5 years, I still cry about her loss. I think I Will always love her and miss her, but I cannot and will not forgive her for the pain she inflicted to the kids.

Masha:

Sorry for the drama, I do not mean to hijack your thread, but you have stirred my soul.

Jen61

Bleh. Sorry you lost your kids. But you never responded to my "bring it on"....How old are you? 50?

Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on October 23, 2011, 01:16:57 PM
Bleh. Sorry you lost your kids. But you never responded to my "bring it on"....How old are you? 50?

1) Do not take it so personally. I am  not going to fight with you because you feel offended as you look 40 years old in your picture. Perhaps a new picture ?

2) After a second look at your picture, I noticed an abnormal bulging of your left jugular. Do you suffer of shortness of breath, your skin kinds look bluish. It looks like you may  have a hart condition. Perhaps see a doctor !

3) Adultery is not legal in California, the crime of adultery was taken from the books, they did not lehgalized. See { These days, it is NOT against the law in California to commit adultery. HOWEVER, California Family Code section 720 clearly states that in a marriage, "Husband and wife contract toward each other obligations of mutual respect, fidelity, and support."} Commiting infidelity will affect the outcome in a divorce. One can only hope the poor wife will take the old windbag to the cleaners before she gets more sick.

Jen61

Quote from: Jen61 on October 23, 2011, 01:59:55 PM
1) Do not take it so personally. I am  not going to fight with you because you feel offended as you look 40 years old in your picture. Perhaps a new picture ?

2) After a second look at your picture, I noticed an abnormal bulging of your left jugular. Do you suffer of shortness of breath, your skin kinds look bluish. It looks like you may  have a hart condition. Perhaps see a doctor !

3) Adultery is not legal in California, the crime of adultery was taken from the books, they did not lehgalized. See { These days, it is NOT against the law in California to commit adultery. HOWEVER, California Family Code section 720 clearly states that in a marriage, "Husband and wife contract toward each other obligations of mutual respect, fidelity, and support."} Commiting infidelity will affect the outcome in a divorce. One can only hope the poor wife will take the old windbag to the cleaners before she gets more sick.

Jen61

Just ask the terminator how much he is paying to Maria

Jen61

Quote from: Jen61 on October 23, 2011, 01:59:55 PM
1) Do not take it so personally. I am  not going to fight with you because you feel offended as you look 40 years old in your picture. Perhaps a new picture ?

2) After a second look at your picture, I noticed an abnormal bulging of your left jugular. Do you suffer of shortness of breath, your skin kinds look bluish. It looks like you may  have a hart condition. Perhaps see a doctor !

3) Adultery is not legal in California, the crime of adultery was taken from the books, they did not lehgalized. See { These days, it is NOT against the law in California to commit adultery. HOWEVER, California Family Code section 720 clearly states that in a marriage, "Husband and wife contract toward each other obligations of mutual respect, fidelity, and support."} Commiting infidelity will affect the outcome in a divorce. One can only hope the poor wife will take the old windbag to the cleaners before she gets more sick.

Jen61

1) LMAO.

2) Oh my god, you broke my heart. Actually, wait you didn't. It continues on with your "I know everything" theme.

3) You have issues with your marriage. Issues which should have been resolved before you went on your personal adventures of self discovery. 40+, in a mid life crisis, with the wife gone...raising the kids alone. I'd refocus your priorities. You seem to have issues accepting the fact that your wife cheated on you and is gone... I think I know her reasoning. But they aren't appropriate for this thread.

As for us, we are done. Leave me alone.

Why's he dating you if he's homophobic?

Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on October 23, 2011, 02:17:11 PM
Why's he dating you if he's homophobic?

I don't know. I mean he knew me as a guy...Not well. But I was extremely flaming back then.

Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on October 23, 2011, 02:28:01 PM
I don't know. I mean he knew me as a guy...Not well. But I was extremely flaming back then.

Sounds to me like he's in a bit of denial. He may be using you as a way to make excuses for himself as to why he's not gay or bi or anything. Maybe because you're trans he feels he can tell himself he's straight because he's dating a woman, even though he gets turned on by the male bits? It's kind of like those guys who think it's gay to give another guy a ->-bleeped-<- but it's not gay to get one from another guy. At least that's what it sounds like to me. I don't think I can make an honest assessment since I don't know the guy in real life, though.

Maybe you should bring this issue up to him? Communication about these types of things are supposed to be key to a relationship after all. Then again, I'm not exactly good at this sort of thing so take what I say with a grain of salt. Also sorry if I sound offensive in any way, I really don't mean to be :X.

Quote from: Fighter Sadie on October 23, 2011, 02:36:59 PM
Sounds to me like he's in a bit of denial. He may be using you as a way to make excuses for himself as to why he's not gay or bi or anything. Maybe because you're trans he feels he can tell himself he's straight because he's dating a woman, even though he gets turned on by the male bits? It's kind of like those guys who think it's gay to give another guy a ->-bleeped-<- but it's not gay to get one from another guy. At least that's what it sounds like to me. I don't think I can make an honest assessment since I don't know the guy in real life, though.

Maybe you should bring this issue up to him? Communication about these types of things are supposed to be key to a relationship after all. Then again, I'm not exactly good at this sort of thing so take what I say with a grain of salt. Also sorry if I sound offensive in any way, I really don't mean to be :X.

Already did and the answer is, "I am not gay". I mean with men who date ts's...I expect there to at least be some bi-sexuality due to the penis and male past.

I prefer bi men and men whom were closer to the guys I used to date. The whole transition was great for me, since I turned out great. But really, this is not the life I want. I don't want to go to comic cons and movie shows and flirt with the men there. Thought I would be living back in SF in Cole Valley with my yuppy fiancee.

I can't really say because Idk him either, but I think he just sees you as some girl on the side. I don't think he necessarily likes men, but I do think he's fetishizing you.

Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on October 23, 2011, 02:44:50 PM
I can't really say because Idk him either, but I think he just sees you as some girl on the side. I don't think he necessarily likes men, but I do think he's fetishizing you.

He doesn't typically like ts's.. CDsand DQs freak him out. He likes me and this youtube one. But typically he avoids my kind of women.

I have no idea why I was the exception. He got me when I started passing but wasn't exactly pretty. If he had persued me now, I'd be like "I can land someone way younger, bye"

Just dump 'em.

And stop being a tease.

Quote from: Graverobber9 on October 23, 2011, 06:38:27 PM
Just dump 'em.

And stop being a tease.

Whats wrong with being a tease? I need to get my jimmies on too.  :D

Quote from: Jen61 on October 23, 2011, 09:53:44 AM
Honey,

When you post in public and ask opinions you should expect to hear opinions you may not like. As far as appearances it is all perceptions, and witout the benefit of fully know you all I can go is by your appearance. I look at the bags under your eyes and the skin in your neck and well, to me you look like you are in your late 30's or early 40's. No offense intended !

Lol, really? ::) Her neck looks fine to me, and if you want to talk about bags under the eyes, mine are wayyy worse imo, ...and I'm basically a kid. Its mostly genetic (thanks mom); although the fact that I've always been a night person since forever, probably has something to do with it. :P Mahsa probably just parties a lot; she is a disco shark after all.

Quote from: Jen61 on October 23, 2011, 01:59:55 PM

2) After a second look at your picture, I noticed an abnormal bulging of your left jugular. Do you suffer of shortness of breath, your skin kinds look bluish. It looks like you may  have a hart condition. Perhaps see a doctor !

::) ~Yeah, now we realllly know you're just trolling. Next time, remember(!), subtlety is your friend. :laugh:

Quote from: Akashiya Moka on October 23, 2011, 07:10:01 PM
Lol, really? ::) Her neck looks fine to me, and if you want to talk about bags under the eyes, mine are wayyy worse imo, ...and I'm basically a kid. Its mostly genetic (thanks mom); although the fact that I've always been a night person since forever, probably has something to do with it. :P Mahsa probably just parties a lot; she is a disco shark after all.

::) ~Yeah, now we realllly know you're just trolling. Next time, remember(!), subtlety is your friend. :laugh:

I would party... But there's a reason why I am not and it's the OP in this thread.

But I use to use a lot of cocaine, xtc, and whatever else we got our hands on. Not anymore, I go out and drink a sugar free redbull.

Interesting is - you got yourself one lot of attention with your "problem" - here at least.

Maybe, you just need more attention from your man and all be solved?
Now since it is any guy you can get you want, why not start look for better?
Though if you are co-dependent by now, maybe see a shrink if the pain gets too bad?

Now, if you can't... a thread like this one will only go on for so long, and then what?!

Attention withdrawal... back to square one, um.

In the end you made your bed, so now you have to lay down in it. It's really simple as that.

Even coke will only keep things going for so long. So, whilst it lasts - enjoy the ride, but maybe stop querying the side effects of your life style, and all those expectations you busy with?

Thoughtful,
Axelle,

PS: Sorry I'm an old, old, EST-hole and I leaned so see the signs... um.
Just to say it for some add perspective.
Process is called: Negative feedback, and you supposed to say: Thank you for sharing your truth - and then may think and ->-bleeped-<- you too :-) And that's OK, so long we do not say it, um. Hug.