Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Let me get a little more specific. I just sort of accepted everything. However, I am seeing that if I'm talking about myself, like making a joke with my fiancee who knows I am trans, I will refer to myself as "she" or "her". It just comes out automatically. Is this normal? I know I feel like a man. I know I want to go through with this transition. Maybe it's the fact that I've had to play the part of biological female for the last 20 years but still. Am I the only one who did this in the beginning?

i did that in the beginning but i wasnt out in the beginning. i started correcting people in my head so i already was used to calling my self as he when i came out.

My boyfriend and I are both FtM while we got together as female. At the moment, I'm still mostly living as female (school/at home) but my boyfriend started as a guy at school this year. Since we onyl came out to our friendgroup this summer, the first few days/weeks of school were very confusing to him, as you may imagine. And still, everybody thinks he's a bit deaf 'cause he always takes some time to react to his name.  ;)

Right now, I've gotten to the point that, in my head I will think 'he' or 'him' about a 100% of the time. While when I'm talking to my folks, I still have to say 'her' because they have no clue yet. And to our friendgroup it's confusing, because he hasn't asked them yet to call him by his new name and use the right pronounce. (we and our friends live quite far apart so we don't talk that often)

I feel that, in my head, gender and pronounce are hardly connected anymore 'cause of it. Because I need to switch it around so often and all. I know I'm a guy but because I'm 'she' to the outside world, I tend to think in those terms. My boy sees me as a man though.

Let's just say pronouns are a habit. Nothing more, nothing less.

When I talk to someone out loud about myself, I would still use "she."  But when in private and I talk in my head, I always said "he."  Even WAY before I knew I was trans, I said "he" and I never knew why. 

I somehow still refern myself very unisex.
I bet its because I been use to always been scold or generally get into trouble for saying he or anything too male pronoucing..

and yeah I bet it can be alitle hard if you got these kinda wall on you, kinda like when you chance your name and you still responce your your old one and not so used to it when people ask you for it, but after a time it just comes out naturally..

I had a helluva problem in the year I came out cause I was both so used to refer to myself as "he" when I was among those who knew as well as so careful to say "she" (when I absolutely couldn't avoid gendering myself) while I was around those I wasn't ready to tell yet, that I ended up floating all over in pronouns for a little while.

Like others have mentioned, it's just force of habit and you'll get used to it in time.

In my case, I started "he'ing" myself before coming out, to some extent before I knew I was trans, so it wasn't really such an abrupt switch and I don't remember ever making the switch. Like the guy above me, I also had the habit of not gendering myself in speech most of the time before transition, anyway.

I've been mostly "he" in my head since I was a kid, even before I knew of trans as a category. But I always mixed up gender pronouns with people around me, whether they were male or female. I chalked all of it up to my just being weird and overly detached from normal human thinking and behavior.

I'm not currently consistent with using "he" or "she." I come up with some pretty awkward sentence structures sometimes in trying to avoid gendering myself.

I do feel bad when other people "she" me, and I correct them when feasible.

Nope, not for me.
I don't recall ever having difficulty since I never identified with "her/she" anyway.

Out loud to people I refer to myself as 'he', but I still make mistakes in my head sometimes. Less now that I've been on T for a while and have gotten used to being treated like a guy, but a few months ago I accidentally referred to myself as a 'girl' to someone. And last month I caught myself calling me my cat's 'mommy'.

So yeah, it was hard to get used to at first. Kind of like how when I started passing, and people I didn't know started calling me 'he', it felt really weird (but good) at first, and now when I get called he it doesn't feel weird any more.

I always referred to myself as "it" in my head. This wasn't a demoralizing thing for me, because I'm an animist, and I grew up always feeling like things that got called "it" had souls and feelings just like human people, so I didn't understand until I was older that "it" could be an insult. I thought that "it" described me better than "she," and that "he" did not apply because of my female physiology.

I still think of myself as more of an "it" than a "he," but I'm getting more comfortable with "he."

I have been thinking in female pronouns a lot lately, partly due to the way my parents address me. Things like sweetheart, girly, miss, etc. (Despite the fact that I pass full time at school, lol.) Its really just a pronoun, it doesn't mean anything on its own, so don't worry about it. Also living as a male full time is a pretty fail-safe way to rid yourself of that habit. Personally, I think it would be cool if english had gender neutral pronouns. Then again that 'ze/zir' stuff sounds pretty dumb..

Quote from: Gifted on October 25, 2011, 04:34:24 PM
Nope, not for me.
I don't recall ever having difficulty since I never identified with "her/she" anyway.

Same here, pretty much. I always just instinctively said "I'm not that guy" or "this guy right here" or any of that other stuff. I've always had a hell of a time trying to think of myself as any kind of she.

I started practicing in the privacy of my room with my pets, saying stupid things like daddy loves his dogs, etc.  Took a while after 4 decades.  Now it's automatic; when I'm telling stories of my childhood I automatically switch pronouns etc.  I never did think of myself as a girl back then anyway, so easy switch.  Or I use kid.  When speaking about my kids, I'm their parent, not "mom".  (they are the ONLY people allowed to call me that!  I get angry and nauseated if other family members refer to me as mom or my kids mom in any way shape or form).

So, yeah.  It gets easier.


Jay

What was most difficult for me was to break habits I had with regard to other people. For example, saying things like "there's one other girl" and things like that was something I didn't really think about, but once I realized how inconsistent it was, it was a tough habit to break. Not because I thought of myself as female, just because it was very indirect and not something that really occurred to me as much as the more personal, direct stuff.

I've been fighting so hard for women's rights for so long that it's hard to relinquish the job. I can still be a feminist, but it's nowhere near the same as when I was posing as female. Letting go of that credibility has been the hardest part for me in switching pronouns.

I think for me the hardest part about calling myself "he" is the fact that "she/her" has been hardwired into my brain. That, and the fact that my family ignores and seems to forget I ever came out to them.

It happened once to me out loud.  I was puppetting a stuffed animal and referred to myself as she.  Fortunately my partner had the common sense not to prolong the resulting teasing. 

It was enough of a shock to make sure I never did it again.  I use to do it in my head from time to time but that hasn't happened for awhile.

   

I am always correcting other people when they refer to me as 'she' however I still have issues calling myself he or him when talking about myself in the third person. It is just a case of deprogramming I guess....

Yeah, I guess I'm just gonna have to try and correct myself before I speak. I've been getting better at it. I'm still a little embarrassed though. I don't want to be. But I guess there is still fear involved with this whole transition. Though I don't think that will change anytime soon. all in good time