Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I'm sorry for the overly dramatic title there! I thought it would be a nice change from the usual "Hi!" "Hello!" "IT'S ME!!" titles. Not that those thread titles are bad in any way, as they describe exactly what the thread pertains to. I guess I have always just felt the need to separate myself from anything considered "usual" and instead revel in the "weird"... Yes, I know, that is a bizarre and seemingly pretentious psychology. Sorry! :'(

Aaaaanyway... before I begin to talk about who I am, I should mention why I'm here. I frequent quite a few different forum sites, most of which being video game forums, yet it never occurred to me until I woke up a couple days ago and told myself "I need to find a transgender forum FOR transgender people!" that there actually are transgender forums. The reason I need to find a forum, such as this one, is because - quite honestly - it is an absolutely massive struggle trying to be myself, as the woman that I feel I truly am inside, on forums and the like that don't really see a lot of transgender activity. Or, rather, it is not that trans-folk don't play video games or post on forums, it is more that trans people don't really make themselves "known" on different places on the internet, with due cause, as I've learned over the course of my journey on this path.

Video game forums, or video games for that matter (specifically online video games), naturally require a lot of interaction with people. While I can interact fine through typing, it gets... hazardous to talk to people over a mic. It doesn't make me feel particularly good for people to (usually) assume I'm a woman on the internet and then hear that I sound like a dude. That TOTALLY feeds into the ridiculous stigma, and internet meme, that girls don't exist on the internet. It's sad... and I don't want to be the person who propagates that kind of stereo type (G.I.R.L.=Guys In Real Life or other stupid crap like that). You know, it's implying that I am a liar and that I have insidious goals towards unsuspecting prey! No, it's just that I want to be myself, in any situation.

It just so happens that "gamers" tend to be some of the most immature people on the entire planet! There's my stereotype, for the sake of irony, but it's true. If I said I was transgender on a video game forum, which I made the mistake of doing so before, it just bloody SCREAMS for trolls to invade your inbox and/or any threads that you've made. Interestingly enough, when I mentioned who I "really" was, I had gotten more positive reactions mostly from GUYS, of all people, and it was only the so called "women" who tried to give me a hard time. One such person with a particularly foul attitude, aside from a minor incident in real life on a bus, actually succeeded and was the first true taste I got of the bitterness and resentment towards the trans community that some people hold. Even though it was on the internet, I think I am still scarred by it and I think it pushed me further into the little box that I've been steadily trying to inch my way out of.

My point being is that it feels difficult to say what I want to on such forums or, indeed, in video games when it would be incorrectly considered as a "lie" by some, if not most, people who are undoubtedly uneducated about ->-bleeped-<- or other fairly ignorant people who feel scared, threatened, and insecure around people like me. It becomes a great burden to constantly feel the need to check the way I'm writing to make sure it's not too girly or not too "guy". That said, I've had to kind of play the androgynous role in most cases and give vague answers riddled with humour when gender comes up and I am mentioned in the conversation. Like I said, most people usually assume I'm a girl on the internet, which of course in my mind I am, but whenever my gender is specifically mentioned... I'm just at a total loss of words! What, do I outright say to an MMO guild (or something similar) "Yeah, I'm a girl!" only to talk on the mic later and have people thinking that I somehow "tricked" them?

The answer might appear simple: just don't talk on a mic. Unfortunately, that gets difficult when I have to come up with an explanation as to why I'm not using a mic during a raid or other crucial gaming moment where voice chat functions are necessary. I would then be portraying myself as even more of a "fake" if I went through that route. "Well, don't post on forums if it's such a big deal!" It is but I just can't stay away! No, really, I am a sad, depressed, hooded little gremlin who plays video games and has no friends and then seeks human interaction on internet forums, for the games that she loves. Sad but true -- yes, it needs to change and I'm working on that. It still stands, though, and back to my point that I just can't seem to get to, it is a huge struggle to try to check the way I type, the way I portray myself, in the most femininely ambiguous way possible. It is a huge struggle to interact with people when I, unconsciously or not, desperately want to.

Quite frankly, it sucks... and it's nice to get away from the stifling feeling once in a while and possibly talk to people with the same experiences. For the record, I haven't been posting on many video games forums lately and I have to say that I feel GREAT about it. It was like an entire attention seeking crap-fest! It was horrible. It was really only once I found someone, or more accurately someone found ME, who actually listens to my issues and sees me as a person instead of some hideous monster or a strange, deeply erotic being meant to satisfy a man's darkest desires! If that last one seems creepy as hell, it's because it is. I have met people like that over the internet... some of whom I didn't even know was doing that until I had a big "OOOH!!" moment. Yeah, needless to say, that really made me rethink the way I come off to people. :-\

If you haven't hit the back button yet, hang in there! I suppose now I should clarify who I am. My name is Crystal and I am 19 years old. Obviously, I am a male to female transgendered woman. As you can tell, I do have a lot of self esteem issues and I am extremely shy in nature. These aren't helped by some of the issues that I face on a day to day basis; anxiety, depression, agoraphobia, and ADD to top it all off!!

As grim as it may sound, it's true that if I were by myself I imagine I wouldn't be around on this Earth anymore or somewhere very close to that point. Fortunately, in that regard, I do have a lot of support. It's something that I overlook a lot... when depression totally takes over, I forget that there are transgendered individuals who live in apartments and houses that look as if they're falling apart or just look like a drug den -- smoke in the air, dead people in the bathroom, all kinds of bad news. Having to sleep in rags... no, I fortunately am not in that situation and I need to acknowledge that much more than I do. I am thankful to have loving grandparents - whom I live with - and my mother, and her boyfriend and his family, my brothers, my great grandmother, many of my aunts and uncles, and I seem to somehow be adored by some of my cousins!

I live in San Francisco, probably one of the better places to be for people like myself, and I am starting my transition relatively young! I am approximately three months into hormone treatment, already seeing some welcome changes to my body, about two and a half months into laser hair removal treatments, which is undoubtedly working, and I just started working with a speech pathologist/therapist to help raise the voice that I loathe so much into a voice that I can finally feel happy and like myself with! To make things even more sugar coated for me, I have an overall feminine frame and look about me. It can be described that I have the silhouette of a beautiful young woman and that's certainly much more than I can fairly ask for, being in my situation. I have a lot to be thankful for... but, it's the oldest story in the book, you know: "I want more!" Then I get pissed off and depressed that I can't have more and that it will take a while to have more. Not for bratty, disgusting reasons, of course, but more along the lines of "why the hell was I not born as a genetic woman!" "I have to take hormones my whole life!? This bites!" It's the way to win the game that is life, however, or more specifically my own personal game of life. I can rightfully say that I'm a lot better off than NOT transitioning. I don't see that life progressing very much... that's not winning! It's not even playing the game.

Phew... well, that's me! I know it's ALL about me but that's what this thread section is for! I assure you, I'm not conceited or anything... I seriously hope I'm not! I'm definitely a crybaby but by now you can probably tell that it's something I've been striving to change. It's a difficult transition but the point is that I'm doing it and I will get to where I need to be in the near future. I am getting a massive amount of help from all different kinds and that is so much more than I can ask for. I will say that my psychiatrist has been an absolute pivotal character in my journey thus far. I made the realization and the decision on my own, before I even started to see a psycho-therapist, but he has helped me reduce the jagged edges of my road into a more paved and pretty one, built of red bricks complete with flowers on the side! Yes, that's campy... but I assure you that is all!! Thank you for reading all of this, if you did, and I hope to maybe share some experiences with you in the future!

TL;DNR: Hello there! XD


- The Passage/Crystal/Me

First of all, welcome to the forum Crystal!  I am glad to have read what you wrote, as I bet it was a relief to tell someone how you feel :) I trust you feel a bit of relief, anyway.

I am not a gamer, so I cannot relate to your situation, however, do not worry of how you type and whether or not it is feminine or masculine.  I understand your concern with stating you are female and talking as a male, but you have mentioned you are seeing a vocal coach so in due time that should help.  But as for typing, I suggest saying whatever it is you wish to say, however you wish to say it.  If you come to be known for a little while as the feminine guy due to the way you structure your sentences, so be it.  One thing that continually keeps the dysphoria in your mind is silencing your true self.  I also am only three months into HRT, however, I have made the decision to not question whether I am acting too feminine, no matter the situation.  I am who I am, and that's all I will be.

My advice is take a deep breath and relax.  The urge to rush your transition, and furthermore worrying over the things that haven't quite happened just yet will lead to further suffering.  Think of your transition as a journey and each change is a milestone along the way.  You sound to me as if you've already got a lot of good things going for you in your transition; be thankful :)

We are here to support you.  Hang in there, you'll be fine! :)

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your feedback. You're right, it does seem like I want to rush this all. It may very well be, since my logic as of late has been "Yeah, I want to look, sound, and feel like I really am... like YESTERDAY! Not a year from now." My psychiatrist and I have been working on that, however, and he will tell me the very same thing: "slow down, take a deep breath, and realize that this is going to take a while! But you will get there and that's what's important." I know that it will take a while to even begin to fully form as the true "ME" but already I'm seeing changes and that's pretty exciting. You're both right in that I just need to go with the flow, instead of attempting a running marathon on my little brick road. I'll only end up with a sprained ankle! XD

Thanks. :)

Hi Crystal, welcome to Susans! Thanks for sharing with us. There are plenty of gamers here, I'm not one, but they'll stop by and say hello. See you around, hugs, Tracey

Hey Crystal!

Welcome from a fellow gamer. I'm still trying to find my own answers. I understand how you feel as far as trying to make new connections with people. I have recent started college and having difficulty making new friends. That's partially because of my age (32) because I am a great communicator, and partially because I don't want to cultivate a new relationship with someone that wouldn't accept me for me (whoever that may end up being). Congratulations on at least knowing who you are and starting your journey to womanhood.  ;D

Quote from: Tracey on October 27, 2011, 07:39:41 AM
Hi Crystal, welcome to Susans! Thanks for sharing with us. There are plenty of gamers here, I'm not one, but they'll stop by and say hello. See you around, hugs, Tracey

Thank you for reading, Tracey! I know it's easy to look at a big huge essay of a post and say "Yeah, I think I'll read this later!! >.>" I know I do at times, living with ADD. >.<

Quote from: SarahLynn on October 27, 2011, 11:17:32 AM
Hey Crystal!

Welcome from a fellow gamer. I'm still trying to find my own answers. I understand how you feel as far as trying to make new connections with people. I have recent started college and having difficulty making new friends. That's partially because of my age (32) because I am a great communicator, and partially because I don't want to cultivate a new relationship with someone that wouldn't accept me for me (whoever that may end up being). Congratulations on at least knowing who you are and starting your journey to womanhood.  ;D

Thank you! I actually am very glad that I'm at least starting my transition younger. I think it's great that someone, say in their 50's, FINALLY figures it out and decides to help themselves become a happier person inside by going through with the transition but I can't imagine all those long years of torment and agony. It's been like hell on earth for me even since puberty #1 started, which wasn't that long ago, so waiting that long is just something I don't understand and it's something I'm admittedly afraid of doing (not that it will happen now anyway!)

Even so, I really do respect those people for discovering who they really are, despite their age, and actually doing something about it! Doing something about it, meaning to transition, takes a TON of courage to do. At times I'm still amazed that I can do it, I really don't give myself enough credit. Some trans people don't even take that step to make themselves feel happier! Although, that can be somewhat subjective since there are so many different shades of gender identities in the world. Still, there are those who know who they are and know what they want but don't take that step to get there. However, I do understand the feeling of not being able to do certain things out of fear of rejection, loss, and other issues regarding this.

As far as relationships go, even friendships, I don't think it's something I can do -- at least not right now. I want to, desperately even, but I'm just not ready. I am, as my psychiatrist puts it, in the "embryonic stages of transition" and it's not a good thing to endanger that with trying to be with or at least spend time with people who don't accept me as me and instead see me as someone other than who I want to be or the true person I feel that I am inside. The other thing is actually allowing myself to be in a relationship with someone, which could very well be something I need to work on in the future to remain in a happy existence on this world. I don't want to be touched at ALL (physical hugging is another difficulty of mine), I hate to be looked at, I feel that I can't talk to people I am attracted towards since I don't feel like myself, ever, and I don't even feel like I can talk to friends or family for that matter! Even something so trivial as building a friendship with another gamer in a game is very difficult for me. Over time, I have just adapted to being the weird, little soloist gamer in online worlds who evasively dodges guild and group invitations unless I really need help. It's sad! Yes... it requires some work. For now, I'm content just by myself with my video games, my doggie, and my transition to where I want to be -- it's certainly lonesome, though of course. :-\

Hey, welcome to Susan's. :3

What kind of games are you into? I'm currently all hyped up for Skyrim and Battlefield 3. I used to be into WoW before it got ruined by n00bs and general buttholios. :/

OK, I loved the dramatic part, the drumroll gave me goosebumps! Why didn't you mention that you had a dog sooner? I kind of collect Yellow Labs, although I'm down to one right now. Phew! I'm glad I'm not fifty! <checks calendar, 49 years, 10 months, 8 days> Hugs, Tracey

Quote from: Tracey on October 27, 2011, 07:07:44 PM
OK, I loved the dramatic part, the drumroll gave me goosebumps! Why didn't you mention that you had a dog sooner? I kind of collect Yellow Labs, although I'm down to one right now. Phew! I'm glad I'm not fifty! <checks calendar, 49 years, 10 months, 8 days> Hugs, Tracey

I always like keep my audience riveted! No, really lol, it was just a lame attempt at humour. I'm not really a queen coming to greet her subjects, in case I, you know, confused anyone there! XD

I do have a little doggie, yes! She isn't a yellow lab,  though, she's actually a chihuahua and dachshund mix. She is black and white, like a little cow! In my opinion, she seems more like a piglet than a dog. She's all squirmy and has round, pink belly. She even makes little squealing sounds sometimes! Hilarious. :laugh: I'll try to find a picture of her if I can find one.

Quote from: Bradd on October 27, 2011, 07:01:01 PM
Hey, welcome to Susan's. :3

What kind of games are you into? I'm currently all hyped up for Skyrim and Battlefield 3. I used to be into WoW before it got ruined by n00bs and general buttholios. :/

Thanks! When I was a little younger I used to be all over shooter games! My true love in video games has always been RPGs, though, and now I find myself mostly playing those kinds of games (and that includes all of the Elder Scrolls games as well!). I go back to shooters now and after a game I'm left with the thought of "Wow, I really suck!" I nerdrage when I lose too, big time, so it's not good for my health!! XD

The RPGs I've been playing lately have all been pretty old news. I was playing Knights of the Old Republic for a little while, getting ready for the Old Republic MMO, and the story was great but I just couldn't handle the really bad character models anymore. Before that I was playing Oblivion again but even with mods that game is just a little too outdated. Other than those two single player games, I have been jumping from free-to-play MMO to the next FTP MMO.

I have played a LOT of MMOs, since I was like 12 or 13 up to this day, so it was nice to go back to games like Lord of the Rings Online and see what kind of progress that game has done. Very little, I come to find out, so it was a sad day for me when I uninstalled the game due to some simple, silly bugs and bad animations that I just couldn't deal with. Valley girl Elves? Tolkien would be ashamed! I've probably wasted about 4 years total of my life so far just playing WoW. I haven't touched it in a couple years... but it would be a lie if I said I didn't go back for the FTP WoW! I've been dabbling with that for like a month or so, just to spend time. If I spend too much time on that game I actually start to fall asleep. I kid you not!

Having said all of that, it would be a pretty good guess that I don't really have any money right now to even play the games that I want to play. It's true! The disc drives for my 360 and PS3 are both broken, and I'm too lazy to send them in to be fixed (not to mention I feel it would be redundant to have them fix the oldest versions of those consoles instead of just buying a new one), and my computer can't handle a lot of stuff. I would get replacements to all of these if I could but all of the money goes to my transition. That's not a bad compromise! It sucks to not be able to play anything nice but it sucks more not to transition to where I want to go. In the future, however, I plan to at least have a new computer so that I can play Skyrim too, Batman: AC, LotR: War in the North, and the Old Republic!! Someday... someday soon. ;)

I'm lame and no fun, I know. Sorry! :'(

RPGs are pretty much my favorite games. You could probably sell both your broken systems and buy a newer used one. Although you'd have to choose between Xbox and Ps3. I never actually played LoTRO but I heard it was pretty cool. My friend's Mom plays it pretty obsessively. xD

WoW has become crap lately. No waypoint arrow? No animals that attack you in the starting zones? Fail @ Blizzard. Eve has also gone to crap as of late.

Ah, Oblivion. I spent way too much of my life on that one game, maxing out characters and starting all over again. I didn't like the story line as much as Morrowind, but it was pretty legit.

Hey there Crystal! I like to make somewhat "original" thread titles as well when all the others follow the same format. I think I went for "reporting in!" or something when I first introduced myself here. :)

I've had the same issue as you for ages regarding the online games and voice chat thing. People always think I'm female from the way I talk and stuff, but then when that dreaded time comes where you have to be on voice chat it becomes very obvious and then I get a lot of comments like "omg I thought you were a girl!". I try to evade direct gender-related questions though. People can assume whatever they want to assume, that way they can't claim that I lied to them or anything like that. It's worked ok so far.

I love all the analogies you make, it's a sign that you're an awesome lady because the only other person I know that does that is me, and I'm pretty much the most awesome person alive (LOL)

There was something else I wanted to say, but I forgot ... so I'll just stop rambling here and leave it at that ^^

Quote from: Bradd on October 27, 2011, 09:32:36 PM
RPGs are pretty much my favorite games. You could probably sell both your broken systems and buy a newer used one. Although you'd have to choose between Xbox and Ps3. I never actually played LoTRO but I heard it was pretty cool. My friend's Mom plays it pretty obsessively. xD

WoW has become crap lately. No waypoint arrow? No animals that attack you in the starting zones? Fail @ Blizzard. Eve has also gone to crap as of late.

Ah, Oblivion. I spent way too much of my life on that one game, maxing out characters and starting all over again. I didn't like the story line as much as Morrowind, but it was pretty legit.

I live for RPGs, it's crazy. You're not missing much by not having played LotRO, by the way. That is, if you can't get past the annoying bugs and bad character models. Turbine really screwed up the Elves something fierce in their game, at least for the female models. It went from this (http://www.blogcdn.com/massively.joystiq.com/media/2008/02/lotro_races_001_v2.jpg) to this (http://content.turbine.com/sites/lorebook.lotro.com/images/uploaded/thumb/1/12/Jadzi_Short_Elven_Robe_high.jpg/600px-Jadzi_Short_Elven_Robe_high.jpg). Yeah, that's like shooting yourself in foot as far as Tolkien's Elves go! WoW Blood Elf posture does not = Tolkien elf posture. I just can't imagine a female Elven warrior going into battle with that kind of posture... I mean, really!? As long as you can get past little things like that, which are located all throughout the game in their own respective ways, and the bugs, the game is actually quite interesting.

I certainly found the story elements of the game a lot of more exciting than World of Snorecraft's. You actually go into these solo instances in which a story unfolds in front of you. I'm sure WoW has one or two random quests like that but I don't think it's as dedicated as what LotRO manages to do. The appeal for WoW over the Lord of the Rings, though, is more or less the quality of polish that the two games have. WoW is much higher quality in that regard. While failing in 2011, they have still not gone completely free to play. That's pretty good, from a business standpoint! Some people argue that FtP IS the best new business model but obviously not if most of the "best" MMOs out there are still subscription based.

And as I've said before, I LOVE the Elder Scrolls games. I spent waaay too much time as a little kid playing Morrowind, not really knowing what to do but having a hell of a fun time doing it, and then later with Oblivion! I also didn't think the story was as exciting as Morrowind's but then, in comparison, the two stories are kind of similar in being a little... generic? I think Morrowind seemed better to me because it was more of an exotic land than OB, therefore more original, and above all I believe it was far more grittier than Oblivion ever was, despite the game basically being about the planes of hell and demons invading Tamriel. Thankfully, Skyrim seems to really push the boundaries of a high fantasy game by adding in a lot of that grit which was missing from Oblivion. It's far more powerful than the amount of grit in Morrowind!

Quote from: Lynn on October 28, 2011, 06:48:56 PM
Hey there Crystal! I like to make somewhat "original" thread titles as well when all the others follow the same format. I think I went for "reporting in!" or something when I first introduced myself here. :)

I've had the same issue as you for ages regarding the online games and voice chat thing. People always think I'm female from the way I talk and stuff, but then when that dreaded time comes where you have to be on voice chat it becomes very obvious and then I get a lot of comments like "omg I thought you were a girl!". I try to evade direct gender-related questions though. People can assume whatever they want to assume, that way they can't claim that I lied to them or anything like that. It's worked ok so far.

I love all the analogies you make, it's a sign that you're an awesome lady because the only other person I know that does that is me, and I'm pretty much the most awesome person alive (LOL)

There was something else I wanted to say, but I forgot ... so I'll just stop rambling here and leave it at that ^^

Hi, Lynn! I suppose I did make a lot of analogies! The one I like the most, though, is that life is like a game. That was the Comedian's philosophy! Even though being a fictitious character, he was right that if you look at life as a whole... it's more or less just a big game with it's own set of rules and "How to Play" manual. A joke, even, for the pessimists. I find it to be more or less true, honestly. :)

I'm so glad I can talk to someone with some of the same issues I'm having, regarding online video games and the aversion to voice chat for people in our situation. It is a serious bummer... I use the same methods to be ambiguous as to who I am, and it has actually worked through typing, but it doesn't make joining guilds or groups any easier. I have to purposely avoid people in video games to bypass ridicule and little digital finger pointing. It's great if someone actually wants to sit down with me and allow me to educate them about ->-bleeped-<- but, as you probably know, those kinds of people are few and far between all of the endless hordes of immature people collectively known as "gamers". XD

I could just be beating my head against a wall here by surrounding myself with people in a digital world who probably hate me, so why play at all? I guess I'm just deprived of human interaction and since I feel like I can't really do that in real life (at least not right now) I try to find other signs of life on the internet! Well, I found this place -- and that is something.

Anyway, I don't think I am a particularly awesome lady but I'm sure you are! Thank you kindly, though. ^.^

Reading your reply to Bradd made me remember what else I wanted to say ^^
I love RPGs as well, and I am SO pumped for Skyrim. I had that one pre-ordered as soon as it became available back in August I think it was. Only 2 weeks to go! :D

Anyway, you've definitely come to the right place here. No finger pointing going on here and we have a fair amount of gamers as well, so I'm sure there will be a lot more people that just me who can relate to your situation. Feel free to drop me a PM or something whenever you like, I quite enjoy talking to people that aren't braindead :P

Welcome Crystal! You can add another fellow gamer around here, PM me whatever @.@

Glad I'm not the only old school WoW'goer around here. I experienced the same Mic issues
in that game. At first I identified as female in the game, prior to knowing about TG (I was
a straight boy, I had thought). I didn't ever use a mic but still managed to draw in guys,
and I was even convinced to get pics for them. Thankfully I passed well as far as a webcam
was concerned.

Later my addiction to that game caused me to drop the cross-dressing and take a more
personal role in guilds, being a man, talking, spending so much time in it, and ignoring the
things I had done and why. For about a year and a half that went on, and that was the
biggest waste of my life, I can't believe I shut out the signs.

Luckily WoW days are over, and I can learn how to apply make-up with all that free time!

What's all the nonsense I'm saying? Don't let anything get in your way, games are fun but
they can't run your life. Definitely DO NOT let some childish gamer who hides behind
anonymity tell you that your lifestyle is wrong.

Also Skyrim!!!  ;D

Quote from: Lynn on October 28, 2011, 10:56:06 PM
Reading your reply to Bradd made me remember what else I wanted to say ^^
I love RPGs as well, and I am SO pumped for Skyrim. I had that one pre-ordered as soon as it became available back in August I think it was. Only 2 weeks to go! :D

Anyway, you've definitely come to the right place here. No finger pointing going on here and we have a fair amount of gamers as well, so I'm sure there will be a lot more people that just me who can relate to your situation. Feel free to drop me a PM or something whenever you like, I quite enjoy talking to people that aren't braindead :P

Oh, gawd... I'm glad that you pre-ordered! I've been following Skyrim for like EVER, yet, I never pre-ordered because I just knew, deep down, that I wouldn't be able to play it at release! That has sadly turned out to be true. Oh, well!! Maybe I'll be in time for the Old Republic, hopefully, and then pick up Skyrim later. :P

Everyone around me is going to play Skyrim, ACK! I'm going to have to adapt towards dodging spoilers like bullets. That is no easy feat! But thank you, I'll definitely drop in and say hi soon. However, I must warn you -- I can be pretty braindead myself at times. I bet if you took scans of my brain, it would look like Swiss cheese! :)

Quote from: Morrigan on October 28, 2011, 11:19:59 PM
Welcome Crystal! You can add another fellow gamer around here, PM me whatever @.@

Glad I'm not the only old school WoW'goer around here. I experienced the same Mic issues
in that game. At first I identified as female in the game, prior to knowing about TG (I was
a straight boy, I had thought). I didn't ever use a mic but still managed to draw in guys,
and I was even convinced to get pics for them. Thankfully I passed well as far as a webcam
was concerned.

Later my addiction to that game caused me to drop the cross-dressing and take a more
personal role in guilds, being a man, talking, spending so much time in it, and ignoring the
things I had done and why. For about a year and a half that went on, and that was the
biggest waste of my life, I can't believe I shut out the signs.

Luckily WoW days are over, and I can learn how to apply make-up with all that free time!

What's all the nonsense I'm saying? Don't let anything get in your way, games are fun but
they can't run your life. Definitely DO NOT let some childish gamer who hides behind
anonymity tell you that your lifestyle is wrong.

Also Skyrim!!!  ;D

Yes, Skyrim!! Although, you know... yeah! :'(

No, you're definitely not alone in your WoW experiences thur. I've made characters that I have unconsciously acted out as my true self with when I was younger, and I only begin to learn why years later. It was a part of me that I shunned and told myself to never bring out again. It turns out I was just stuffing myself back into the closet and putting on the mask that my family saw! I love them... but there wasn't a lot of leg room with my family to figure out things for myself. It's a long story... but making that long story short, I have to say that in a certain way video games have really helped me "come out" and see myself for who I truly am. I am thankful for that, even if it was just a small influence.

There's also the other side of that story of course, though, where - like you - once I found some "e-pal" dudes that I thought were my "friends" it just kind of propagated the falsity that I was portraying to everyone. I mean, looking back I have to admit, it was nice being 15-16 years old and hanging around a chatroom with a bunch of dudes and their sexy stoner voices... but I didn't want to actually *BE* one of those dudes. I just wanted to... be WITH one of them, I come to find out. Eh. Life is strange!

Anyway... I should scamper off into dreamland before I unveil my entire life story on the interwebz. AGAIN!! XP

I got bored of WoW a while ago. I have pre-ordered Star Wars The Old Republic. I have played the beta a bit and can't wait for it to go live. I have not yet had the voip issue yet but I am sure there will come a point in time that I will cross that bridge.

Hiya, welcome to the forum

I'm an Xbox & 360 PS3, I don't bother playing online games on the PS3 because the party chat is so good on xbox so my situation isn't an issue there.
I only use my headset when i'm in a party with my friends, I met them all on xbox & they are very understanding & supportive. We play Battlefield 3, Lost Planet 2, GTAIV & Left 4 Dead 2, for the most part we prefer co-op games, nothing beats working together against the game.

My avatar on Xbox is female & i've had a few text messages from strangers complimenting me on my driving/flying/shooting skills, what with me being a girl & all that, i've only ever replied by text & refused a friend request from one to avoid an awkward situation.

I played everquest and WoW from the beginning.
Still play WoW on some 3.3.5 some servers (Cata was the final straw for retail for me.)
Couldn't really get into Rift but was really hopefull
Couldn't get into LOTRO
too much of the PVE'er to bother with warhammer online or AOC



I have big hopes for TOR

Quote from: Jane on October 29, 2011, 02:32:13 PM
Hiya, welcome to the forum

I'm an Xbox & 360 PS3, I don't bother playing online games on the PS3 because the party chat is so good on xbox so my situation isn't an issue there.
I only use my headset when i'm in a party with my friends, I met them all on xbox & they are very understanding & supportive. We play Battlefield 3, Lost Planet 2, GTAIV & Left 4 Dead 2, for the most part we prefer co-op games, nothing beats working together against the game.

My avatar on Xbox is female & i've had a few text messages from strangers complimenting me on my driving/flying/shooting skills, what with me being a girl & all that, i've only ever replied by text & refused a friend request from one to avoid an awkward situation.

Thanks! :)

That is so cool that you're stickin' it to the man and continuing to do what you want to do, regardless if it might be considered contradictory to some. I don't but I know I can't really play the kinds of games that you play, not anymore. I just... suck, roflmao. So, I play RPGs where I have less of an opportunity to suck! :P

Also, is that Seven of Nine as your avatar? 8)

Quote from: SarahLynn on October 29, 2011, 01:00:30 PM
I got bored of WoW a while ago. I have pre-ordered Star Wars The Old Republic. I have played the beta a bit and can't wait for it to go live. I have not yet had the voip issue yet but I am sure there will come a point in time that I will cross that bridge.

Hi, again! How was it? I have heard some nasty things from people coming out of beta but I don't know if I can really credit those people since most of them seem to just go out of their way to put down the game. Then, they're still testing it. I'm thinking, "Sooooo... you say the game sucks, you don't like it, but you're still playing it?" Intristing. >.<

Quote from: amanda barber on October 29, 2011, 03:40:36 PM
I played everquest and WoW from the beginning.
Still play WoW on some 3.3.5 some servers (Cata was the final straw for retail for me.)
Couldn't really get into Rift but was really hopefull
Couldn't get into LOTRO
too much of the PVE'er to bother with warhammer online or AOC



I have big hopes for TOR

Me too. I've always been more of a PVE'er myself but I like the heightened realism in the game of running into someone from the opposite faction and then defending myself. So, I usually play on RP-PVP servers. However, it does get tedious to constantly be harassed by moronic PVP elitists who think that PVP is somehow everything in an MMO and that if you're not doing PVP then you're not playing the game.  :-\

But, yes, I also have high hopes for the Old Republic. I have probably followed this game before it's launch the longest than any other. Basically, I was following it since before I even realized who I am! I have even pre-ordered the CE, so I'll be really, really sad if the Old Republic doesn't work very well. :'(

We should all start a Super Friends group in TOR. We could call it, "The Order of Changes". XP

I've been looking for a new MMO to play myself. I've felt this big gap in my life when I quit WoW about 3 years ago ... if TOR is any good I might get into it as well. :o

Quote from: Lynn on October 29, 2011, 09:02:07 PM
I've been looking for a new MMO to play myself. I've felt this big gap in my life when I quit WoW about 3 years ago ... if TOR is any good I might get into it as well. :o

Well, since I highly doubt Bioware would have spies here that could somehow track my IP to my main SW:TOR account, I can say that I've been looking at leaks for quite a while now. From what I've seen, the Old Republic looks incredibly awesome. There are some recent changes in the latest build that I'm not altogether happy with but oh well! I'm still going to give the game a go.

I too feel like I have that gap. I can't really get into WoW very much these days, as the game is for the most part just too old now, but I miss that "feeling" of being in a digital world with all of these people. In a way, it's like a big masquerade party to me. Everyone is wearing a costume!! For some reason, it's fun looking at it like that. In any case, I'm hoping that TOR will fix that void for me. :)

QuoteHi, again! How was it? I have heard some nasty things from people coming out of beta but I don't know if I can really credit those people since most of them seem to just go out of their way to put down the game. Then, they're still testing it. I'm thinking, "Sooooo... you say the game sucks, you don't like it, but you're still playing it?" Intristing. >.<

So far from what I have seen of the beta I'm impressed. Mind you everyone wants it to be a WoW killer, but I think it will carve its own way just fine.
Bioware has me wanting to play all the classes, but the real dilemma is what class to play first.

Quote from: SarahLynn on October 30, 2011, 03:02:45 AM
So far from what I have seen of the beta I'm impressed. Mind you everyone wants it to be a WoW killer, but I think it will carve its own way just fine.
Bioware has me wanting to play all the classes, but the real dilemma is what class to play first.

That's good! Did you play the weekend beta? Or were you in a longer beta period before then?

You're right, though, that's true. From what I've seen and from what people have told me, the game is not a WoW killer. Nothing can kill WoW except WoW. That game is so ingrained in the minds of internet faring youngins that it won't be so easy to for a lot of people to part with the game. Those who have had a chance to play the game, however, and who aren't going out of their way to dis TOR, they go on to say that generally; if you like Bioware games, if you like Star Wars, and if you like MMOs, you'll probably like the Old Republic.

It's a small niche, narrowed like that, but numbers don't lie so far. A LOT of pre-orders -- the trick for Bioware is getting people to stay around. I'm hoping they do, because if so, I plan to fork out money to that game until it finally dies of old age.

Quote from: The Passage on October 29, 2011, 05:57:27 PM
Thanks! :)

That is so cool that you're stickin' it to the man and continuing to do what you want to do, regardless if it might be considered contradictory to some. I don't but I know I can't really play the kinds of games that you play, not anymore. I just... suck, roflmao. So, I play RPGs where I have less of an opportunity to suck! :P

Also, is that Seven of Nine as your avatar? 8)

Sucking at a game doesn't mean you shouldn't play it, I get slaughtered in FPS's online but I still play them.
I prefer co-op games because it removes the need for competition & people tend to get along better, that's why I love left 4 dead 2, lost planet 2 & COD world at war with their 4 player co-op.
I also enjoy messing around on GTAIV online, just me & a few mates annoying the police then running for our lives or all of us jumping out of a helicopter together to see if any of us land in the swimming pool we're hovering over (we normaly miss by a mile & go splat ::), pmsl.)

I'm quite good at flying & racing games but I don't play RPG's often as they take up too much of my life, the only RPG's i've gotten into in this console generation are the Mass Effect series & Fallout 3, I pretty much gave up on RPG's when FFVII swallowed up over 200 hours of my life & Fallout 3 consumed over 300 hours!!

When I came out about being trans some people assumed that i'd give up the male orientated gaming but i've pointed out to them that I know quite a few women who love gaming, people will always fall back on stereotypes when confronted with something new or unexpected, it's something we have to learn to accept & deal with.

Yes that is seven of nine as my avatar, i'm a huge sci-fi fan I love sci-fi from books, TV, films & games

My major change in gaming, since discovering myself, is motivation to play a game. That thing that gets me
interested is...female characters. I will only play a select few games that don't let me play a girl :P

Quote from: Jane on October 30, 2011, 02:15:29 PM
Sucking at a game doesn't mean you shouldn't play it, I get slaughtered in FPS's online but I still play them.
I prefer co-op games because it removes the need for competition & people tend to get along better, that's why I love left 4 dead 2, lost planet 2 & COD world at war with their 4 player co-op.
I also enjoy messing around on GTAIV online, just me & a few mates annoying the police then running for our lives or all of us jumping out of a helicopter together to see if any of us land in the swimming pool we're hovering over (we normaly miss by a mile & go splat ::), pmsl.)

I'm quite good at flying & racing games but I don't play RPG's often as they take up too much of my life, the only RPG's i've gotten into in this console generation are the Mass Effect series & Fallout 3, I pretty much gave up on RPG's when FFVII swallowed up over 200 hours of my life & Fallout 3 consumed over 300 hours!!

When I came out about being trans some people assumed that i'd give up the male orientated gaming but i've pointed out to them that I know quite a few women who love gaming, people will always fall back on stereotypes when confronted with something new or unexpected, it's something we have to learn to accept & deal with.

Yes that is seven of nine as my avatar, i'm a huge sci-fi fan I love sci-fi from books, TV, films & games

Ohmagawd, me too. I've watched too much Star Trek... XD

No but it's true. Gaming is actually a gender neutral activity. In fact, most things are gender neutral. The common belief is that little girls only play with dolls whereas little boys only play with action figures. I know, and we know, for a fact, that this concept is rubbish. I have seen little girls who want to play with action figures because, seriously, who doesn't? They look totally awesome! I have also seen little boys play with dolls, and why not? Dolls, while not quite as awesome as action figures in my opinion, do have a place in every child's toy chest.

I remember when I was a little kid, I played with dolls to complete a family with my action figures. It was like a story and, when I couldn't get female action figures, I would use dolls to fill in as wives, daughters, mothers, grandmothers, of the superheroes. I also had those moments where I wanted a doll to take care of, as a baby. I've seen little boys do this too.

Quote from: Morrigan on October 30, 2011, 06:58:27 PM
My major change in gaming, since discovering myself, is motivation to play a game. That thing that gets me
interested is...female characters. I will only play a select few games that don't let me play a girl :P

I am actually the same exact way. For a while I thought I was doing something really bad, you know, like propagating sexism. It was like this almost day and night 360 shift from almost exclusively playing male characters to almost exclusively playing female characters. After months, when I figured out that it was mostly happening in RPG games, I realized that it was just because I didn't feel comfortable, while in transition from male to female, to play male characters as a representation of ME in RPG games. I realized that after I came out, I only wanted to be myself in video games. So, why would I play a male then? The reason I almost only played male characters before was because I thought the models looked more powerful, compact, and attractive to me. I never really saw them as my own representation of who I am, though, so when I finally did want to represent myself in a video game things changed.

Now, I play my main characters as female - because they are almost like a twisted, alternative version of myself - but I feel comfortable playing alternative characters (who don't necessarily represent myself as me) of any gender or even any sexual orientation. I also have little problems playing games that aren't RPGs, where you're probably only going to play a central, male character. That character is not me, not even an alternate me, it's just an interactive character form an interactive story that I can sort of follow and guide his actions. Like a puppet master! XD

QuoteThat's good! Did you play the weekend beta? Or were you in a longer beta period before then?

I was in a longer beta period and my wife is currently in the beta. Can't wait til launch.....I've been trying to get used to Battlefield 3 lately, but I don't have a whole lot of time with my classes/homework this semester.