Susan's Place Transgender Resources

hi just wanna ask about this since its something who have been bugging me for a long long time.

I tend to get something I myself call "out of sudden depression"
I have never been dignosed with anything of these kinds but its something I got from years ago where I just out of sudden feel deprest and cancel everything to stay in bed for some days..

generally its 2 times at month or more.
My guess is that it has something to do with me being trans since I used to be very deprest and lock myself in my room for days when I where younger and just live in my own imageny of being a guy, back then I had many MANY days of and it were much worse that now.

so yeah it turned much better since and I also feel as being a more happy and healthy person, but I still got these days where I just cant do anything and just feel sad, even thought i have been all happy and everything seams okay..

whats wrong with me? is it normal? has everyone had anything like that?

I feel it to be kinda embarrasing and troublesome, and I dont like to talk to people about it, I have been to a psycolist but it havent really helped me and in general i dont like to talk to psysocolist because of my past where I had bad experience with these people and I cant stop connecting my memories to these even if the person is very nice it just makes me nervous.

Hi Natkat,
my first guess be it's in some way hormone related. I have these episodes like most everyone would, and for some reason look at all the negatives one day and get very low and actually depressed.
It's never that bad to lock myself away though, just feeling low, useless, not needed, etc. etc.

At other times all being the same and nothing really changed -of course my attitude- and I feel on top of the word.  So some mood swings are pretty normal.

If I'm low I like to go for a long walk "it gets the juices flowing" as they say, and mostly I feel for the better afterwards.

I have no idea about what medication, if any, you take but that - plus things in your diet can bring on these lows also.

Just some thoughts,
Axelle

Quote from: Axélle on October 31, 2011, 11:07:28 AM
Hi Natkat,
my first guess be it's in some way hormone related. I have these episodes like most everyone would, and for some reason look at all the negatives one day and get very low and actually depressed.
It's never that bad to lock myself away though, just feeling low, useless, not needed, etc. etc.

At other times all being the same and nothing really changed -of course my attitude- and I feel on top of the word.  So some mood swings are pretty normal.

If I'm low I like to go for a long walk "it gets the juices flowing" as they say, and mostly I feel for the better afterwards.

I have no idea about what medication, if any, you take but that - plus things in your diet can bring on these lows also.

Just some thoughts,
Axelle

well I guess homones could infect it alittle but still this is still this is something I have got for years, since I where a 12 or younger and to now.. 18 so if it homones then it must be my female homones and my male homones..??

It happens to me only its gotten worse as i got older.

I wouldn't jump to conclusions about the cause - yes it could be related to being trans, it could be related to hormones, but it could just as easily be related to fluctuations in diet, what types of food you eat, how much you exercise, how much sleep you get, stress with school or with family, body image, serotonin levels, genetics, etc. etc. etc. And it could very well be a large combination of things.

Everyone has ups and downs. We only see other people in public, so we nly see what people want others to see. A person could be at the brink of an emotional breakdown and appear to be perfectly stable and happy when you see them at the store or in class. The point is, these feelings are most likely extremely normal, just very hidden.

I even have days like this now and then and I'm on meds for it. I know I have things to do like laundry, dishes, trips to the bank to deal with debts, but on my days off, I sometimes just end up sitting around doing nothing.

I think to get over these episodes, you just have to give yourself time to breathe, not stress about the tasks ahead (even if those tasks involve getting your shoes on and heading to the coffee shop to meet a friend) and take one thing at a time. Go as far as leaving your room to go to the kitchen, grab a bite, then get your shoes on, pace around if you have to. Then when you're psyched up go out and do whatever you planned to do. Days like those literally are one step at a time. I find once you're up, once you're moving and out of the house, the rest gets easier. You just have to take those first steps out of the funk.

Quote from: Ryno on October 31, 2011, 02:52:54 PM
I wouldn't jump to conclusions about the cause - yes it could be related to being trans, it could be related to hormones, but it could just as easily be related to fluctuations in diet, what types of food you eat, how much you exercise, how much sleep you get, stress with school or with family, body image, serotonin levels, genetics, etc. etc. etc. And it could very well be a large combination of things.

Everyone has ups and downs. We only see other people in public, so we nly see what people want others to see. A person could be at the brink of an emotional breakdown and appear to be perfectly stable and happy when you see them at the store or in class. The point is, these feelings are most likely extremely normal, just very hidden.

I even have days like this now and then and I'm on meds for it. I know I have things to do like laundry, dishes, trips to the bank to deal with debts, but on my days off, I sometimes just end up sitting around doing nothing.

I think to get over these episodes, you just have to give yourself time to breathe, not stress about the tasks ahead (even if those tasks involve getting your shoes on and heading to the coffee shop to meet a friend) and take one thing at a time. Go as far as leaving your room to go to the kitchen, grab a bite, then get your shoes on, pace around if you have to. Then when you're psyched up go out and do whatever you planned to do. Days like those literally are one step at a time. I find once you're up, once you're moving and out of the house, the rest gets easier. You just have to take those first steps out of the funk.

I feel it became a pretty big problem for me,
somethimes I can do something but theres also times where i can't do nothing at all,

ex today I had this days, I havent been eating anything exept a banan for 24 hours because I just couldnt go out to dinner,
have been clearning and sleepin but generally just stayed inside, not giving a not that I been away..

its gives me alot of absence which isnt good, and people turned angry/annoyed on me and its turns out for no reason at all,
I can be all fine and happy and nothing goes wrong and still not talk to anyone and not being able to do anything and kinda feeling sick without being so.

Natkat,
if you in this mood, does anything get you to cry – ever? Like watching a DVD, TV program, something you'd read, or just quietly doing nothing?

With things like that, in my experience, in my own head / body something in the 'basement of my mind' wants to be coming up.
I then just try and let happen what ever wants to happen, and try not to repress it.
Often it then can end in a HEAVY flow of tears and shaking sobs - and what's at the bottom of it starts to come up.
It can feel like it NEVER, ever would end - but it does after some time. Like any heavy rain storm that clears eventually.

If you can't get there it can be hard and only outside help may enable you.

Never forget how hellish sad it is for us at times, to BE who we are... and not "normal" as most folks at least seem to be.
It can get just too much at times. Repressing that sadness will just make you inert and stop feeling anything, and not wanting to move a bone.

Axelle

Quote from: Axélle on October 31, 2011, 11:15:22 PM
Natkat,
if you in this mood, does anything get you to cry – ever? Like watching a DVD, TV program, something you'd read, or just quietly doing nothing?

With things like that, in my experience, in my own head / body something in the 'basement of my mind' wants to be coming up.
I then just try and let happen what ever wants to happen, and try not to repress it.
Often it then can end in a HEAVY flow of tears and shaking sobs - and what's at the bottom of it starts to come up.
It can feel like it NEVER, ever would end - but it does after some time. Like any heavy rain storm that clears eventually.

If you can't get there it can be hard and only outside help may enable you.

Never forget how hellish sad it is for us at times, to BE who we are... and not "normal" as most folks at least seem to be.
It can get just too much at times. Repressing that sadness will just make you inert and stop feeling anything, and not wanting to move a bone.

Axelle

This is true too. It's hard as hell to cry sometimes but it washes the dirt out of your mind. I don't cry much either and I find the only thing that really pulls it out of me is when I've been thinking or asked too much about my mom's death. And even then it's just a small burst of emotion and then it's gone.

I have anxiety and depression and I think what you've expressed hits pretty close to home. I'm no doctor and Google does not count as a diagnosis, but it helps to go to your doctor. If you're iffy about medication you can ask about natural lifestyle changes that may help. Your family practitioner will have much more advice than us and can refer you to someone who specializes in whatever it is you're dealing with.

When you're feeling like yourself do you get any exercise? Like do you jog, ride or walk to work, etc? When you're feeling more motivated it might help to get into an exercise routine once every other day or so even if you just start with a long walk at a brisk pace. It's incredible what just a bit of adrenaline can do.

Quote from: Axélle on October 31, 2011, 11:15:22 PM
Natkat,
if you in this mood, does anything get you to cry – ever? Like watching a DVD, TV program, something you'd read, or just quietly doing nothing?

With things like that, in my experience, in my own head / body something in the 'basement of my mind' wants to be coming up.
I then just try and let happen what ever wants to happen, and try not to repress it.
Often it then can end in a HEAVY flow of tears and shaking sobs - and what's at the bottom of it starts to come up.
It can feel like it NEVER, ever would end - but it does after some time. Like any heavy rain storm that clears eventually.

If you can't get there it can be hard and only outside help may enable you.

Never forget how hellish sad it is for us at times, to BE who we are... and not "normal" as most folks at least seem to be.
It can get just too much at times. Repressing that sadness will just make you inert and stop feeling anything, and not wanting to move a bone.

Axelle

when im like that I try to cry, but usunally I find it hard. im not doing anything special just felling kinda meaningless and week,
I used to feel it like a time where I had been fighting hard and then I turned all exhausted from it and need a break before I could keep going.

"If you can't get there it can be hard and only outside help may enable you."
the problem is I dont have much trust in people outside, exept friends and so,
its because I had bad experience of transgender people getting threated like s*** and where things just got worse.

---
Ryno; I am not so happy about medicin and if I can get out of it I would like.
about exercise, NO, I used to do some exercise in my first school, which helped,
the problem is I have been binding since I where young and now I turned to get pains in my lungs, which makes me very nervous about exersice of any kinds. I have promist my friends we are going to work out after I get top surgery, but for the moment I am very scared of my lungs being too damaged.

p.s. what is a famely practitoner?-------

* the problem is I dont have much trust in people outside, exept friends and so,
its because I had bad experience of transgender people getting threated like s*** and where things just got worse. *

Then try let go when with a good friend, a good friend would be OK and let you do just that...

Not one that would want you to stop, but just let you be, and let you be some more, hum? :-)

Axelle

Quote from: Axélle on November 01, 2011, 08:12:06 AM
* the problem is I dont have much trust in people outside, exept friends and so,
its because I had bad experience of transgender people getting threated like s*** and where things just got worse. *

Then try let go when with a good friend, a good friend would be OK and let you do just that...

Not one that would want you to stop, but just let you be, and let you be some more, hum? :-)

Axelle

yeah it sounds better, I have some transgender people I can talk to for guide, its a good help since you dont really need to worry about the understanding, or people misguading you to something all in wrong dirrection.

Even though everyone has their figurative 'blue days', if they become a regular thing and you being to feel trapped it may be good to talk to someone about it. Depression is a medical condition and has a string of possible causes and just as many treatments. Some of them are simple--keeping busy, trying new things, getting out and changing mindset to a more positive one. Others are medical interventions that may help you if you feel your problems are severe. I'd talk to someone you trust and perhaps a doctor if you continue feeling this way.

Depression is pretty difficult to beat sometimes, but you'll be able to do it if you set your mind to it and get some support systems. Good luck!

Quote from: Superrad on November 01, 2011, 03:52:22 PM
Even though everyone has their figurative 'blue days', if they become a regular thing and you being to feel trapped it may be good to talk to someone about it. Depression is a medical condition and has a string of possible causes and just as many treatments. Some of them are simple--keeping busy, trying new things, getting out and changing mindset to a more positive one. Others are medical interventions that may help you if you feel your problems are severe. I'd talk to someone you trust and perhaps a doctor if you continue feeling this way.

Depression is pretty difficult to beat sometimes, but you'll be able to do it if you set your mind to it and get some support systems. Good luck!

thanks, I am happy for your words,
I hope I can manage it, my gold is to be fine and happy as I wish, and I am trying my best to make it work.

Quote from: Natkat on November 01, 2011, 07:54:06 AM
---
Ryno; I am not so happy about medicin and if I can get out of it I would like.
about exercise, NO, I used to do some exercise in my first school, which helped,
the problem is I have been binding since I where young and now I turned to get pains in my lungs, which makes me very nervous about exersice of any kinds. I have promist my friends we are going to work out after I get top surgery, but for the moment I am very scared of my lungs being too damaged.

p.s. what is a famely practitoner?-------

Sorry, a family practitioner is a family doctor, general physician, etc. I probably used the wrong term or a regional term. "Your doctor" is who I was talking about. 😉

And I understand being nervous about exercise. I can't run because of my foot, yet at the same time it's probably my lack of running and fitness that caused the problem. If you're comfortable talking to your doctor about your binding history, he or she can probably recommend a good low-impact exercise that will improve your life while not causing any pain or damage to your lungs. Light cycling, a gentle run, even a brisk walk for an hour can help and if you do it early in the morning or late at night if it's safe, you won't have to fear passing by too many people without a binder on - try a tight sports bra to bind as well. It won't have the same effect but it'll keep things from bouncing around, like a jockstrap that guys use to keep their junk from bouncing around. Thinking about it as a guy thing will help.

And like I said, take it slow. Set a goal to get outside and get your blood flowing once a week, even if it is just a walk for an hour. Get your iPod or a buddy and just walk. Once it becomes a weekly routine you can step it up to the next comfortable level. Don't try to change your lifestyle too much all at once or it will be counterproductive and overwhelming and possibly painful. It's always very important to talk to a doctor before starting any kind of exercise program, especially if you do have a health concern like your lungs.

And take Vitamin D pills if you can afford them - or drink Sunny Delight or orange juice. Especially in the winter months when the sun isn't out as much. Vitamin D and C make you happy 🙂 and they are natural.

If this seems overwhelming, just remember, the first step is to take one step. Just one. Set one simple, doable goal each day, even if it's just to get dressed or to make a sandwich or do one page of homework. Just one simple thing is a huge achievement when you are dealing with depression.

Quote from: Ryno on November 03, 2011, 09:30:17 AM
Sorry, a family practitioner is a family doctor, general physician, etc. I probably used the wrong term or a regional term. "Your doctor" is who I was talking about. 😉

And I understand being nervous about exercise. I can't run because of my foot, yet at the same time it's probably my lack of running and fitness that caused the problem. If you're comfortable talking to your doctor about your binding history, he or she can probably recommend a good low-impact exercise that will improve your life while not causing any pain or damage to your lungs. Light cycling, a gentle run, even a brisk walk for an hour can help and if you do it early in the morning or late at night if it's safe, you won't have to fear passing by too many people without a binder on - try a tight sports bra to bind as well. It won't have the same effect but it'll keep things from bouncing around, like a jockstrap that guys use to keep their junk from bouncing around. Thinking about it as a guy thing will help.

And like I said, take it slow. Set a goal to get outside and get your blood flowing once a week, even if it is just a walk for an hour. Get your iPod or a buddy and just walk. Once it becomes a weekly routine you can step it up to the next comfortable level. Don't try to change your lifestyle too much all at once or it will be counterproductive and overwhelming and possibly painful. It's always very important to talk to a doctor before starting any kind of exercise program, especially if you do have a health concern like your lungs.

And take Vitamin D pills if you can afford them - or drink Sunny Delight or orange juice. Especially in the winter months when the sun isn't out as much. Vitamin D and C make you happy 🙂 and they are natural.

If this seems overwhelming, just remember, the first step is to take one step. Just one. Set one simple, doable goal each day, even if it's just to get dressed or to make a sandwich or do one page of homework. Just one simple thing is a huge achievement when you are dealing with depression.

oh I kinda guess what it is,
I have talked to my doctor for a time ago about binding, and so, but she couldnt help me,
---
right for the moment, I live close to the forrest where there aint many people during the morning or night, so I bet I could take a walk without meeting to many people.
----------
I beet I always had these kinda things but now when all the surgery is upcomming I seam to be more stressfull because I want the best I can which can seam kinda hard both, focusing on school and still do the best for your cheast, if I should be honest the most healthy would be not to be in school and be out somewhere where nobody knew me, but it would also be very depressing..

just wanted to point out, that I talked to a transguy who had simular experience as me.

so I wonder if this is something who isnt that uncommen if your trans..

I think everyone has days like that. I have days where it is the hardest thing in the world to get out of bed. I have other days when I can't wait to jump up and go do things.

Do you live in an area with longer nights in the winter? I know where I am we have something called seasonal affected disorder, which is basically listlessness or depression brought on in relation to the weather and the day and night cycles. In my area we lose daylight from September to March, and at the high point of winter we only have three hours of daylight and 21 hours of dark. That plus the fact that it can get down to -40F (same as -40C) makes the winter pretty rough.

I would say find someone who you are comfortable with and just talk it out. I don't think you are weird at all. Everyone has those days. But I do think that if someone is more prone to having down days, being trans could affect it.

Quote from: Ayden on November 13, 2011, 02:44:02 PM
I think everyone has days like that. I have days where it is the hardest thing in the world to get out of bed. I have other days when I can't wait to jump up and go do things.

Do you live in an area with longer nights in the winter? I know where I am we have something called seasonal affected disorder, which is basically listlessness or depression brought on in relation to the weather and the day and night cycles. In my area we lose daylight from September to March, and at the high point of winter we only have three hours of daylight and 21 hours of dark. That plus the fact that it can get down to -40F (same as -40C) makes the winter pretty rough.

I would say find someone who you are comfortable with and just talk it out. I don't think you are weird at all. Everyone has those days. But I do think that if someone is more prone to having down days, being trans could affect it.

we do have the long dark winters as you decribe, and yeah many gets more depressing in the darkness than during the summer,
however its something who been infecting me no matter what kind of weather.

the strange" thing is, almost no matter how happy I been the day before, or how much I really want to do something I like then I still cant do it.
if I am all happy and deside to meet up with some friends, and im really looking forward to have a great time with them, then I can get those and not meeting up with them at all..

right now I am kinda nervous because I had it, and it turned better now, but I am soon going to Japan, and I know if I get it there then I cant go.
however in worst caise I can stay up all night, it sorta helps not to go to bed because then you dont have to come out of it,
I know its really bad for your health but I have done that once in a while..

This sounds like your dysphoria acting up. The same thing happens to me.

Quote from: JasonRX on November 13, 2011, 04:10:37 PM
This sounds like your dysphoria acting up. The same thing happens to me.

hmm maybe,
when I get it I tend to worry alot and feel very guilty,
+ I tend to be very depressing and get flashback.

I've had days like this.  There is so much that I want to do, but I can't bring myself to actually do it.  Usually I just end up sitting/lying in one spot accomplishing nothing, or just sleeping.  A lot of the time, I can't even find the will to get myself something to eat.  Some times are worse than others, and I do eventually get out of it.  A couple weeks ago, I went through a pretty mentally rough weekend.  It felt like I was about to burst into tears at any moment.  By the end of that weekend though, I realized the seeming depression was my mind's way of processing something that really needed to be processed.

Basically, I've been having mental fistfights with myself about what I want/need for myself.  That weekend, I realized that my mental drama was because even though I want T, I don't want to want it, as confusing as that may sound.  The ultimate conclusion that has helped me from that weekend is that I finally realized that I DO want T, and had been in denial before that.  It is kind of like a situation in which a person is in an abusive relationship: deep down, they want to end the relationship, but in their more conscious mind, they don't want to want to end the relationship, because of the difficulties that may lie ahead.  However, their situation will never improve until they realize they really do want to end the relationship.

Now, I didn't know what was wrong all weekend until the revelation I came to at the very end.  My mind has strange ways of processing stuff.  In the end, I came to a slightly clearer understanding of myself, which has both eased my mind in some ways, as well as cause other problems that I know I will have to process as well.  I hope my rambling has at least made some sense.  My brain works in strange ways at times.

Quote from: Daniel006 on November 13, 2011, 07:14:06 PM
I've had days like this.  There is so much that I want to do, but I can't bring myself to actually do it.  Usually I just end up sitting/lying in one spot accomplishing nothing, or just sleeping.  A lot of the time, I can't even find the will to get myself something to eat.  Some times are worse than others, and I do eventually get out of it.  A couple weeks ago, I went through a pretty mentally rough weekend.  It felt like I was about to burst into tears at any moment.  By the end of that weekend though, I realized the seeming depression was my mind's way of processing something that really needed to be processed.

Basically, I've been having mental fistfights with myself about what I want/need for myself.  That weekend, I realized that my mental drama was because even though I want T, I don't want to want it, as confusing as that may sound.  The ultimate conclusion that has helped me from that weekend is that I finally realized that I DO want T, and had been in denial before that.  It is kind of like a situation in which a person is in an abusive relationship: deep down, they want to end the relationship, but in their more conscious mind, they don't want to want to end the relationship, because of the difficulties that may lie ahead.  However, their situation will never improve until they realize they really do want to end the relationship.

Now, I didn't know what was wrong all weekend until the revelation I came to at the very end.  My mind has strange ways of processing stuff.  In the end, I came to a slightly clearer understanding of myself, which has both eased my mind in some ways, as well as cause other problems that I know I will have to process as well.  I hope my rambling has at least made some sense.  My brain works in strange ways at times.

this makes alot of sense,
specially the signs, sleeping alot, I manly sleep for the whole days often,
and also less food, I can go days without eating..

it all seams pretty simular.

thanks

same thing happens to me sometimes
in fact if i get too stressed out by something i actually end up getting sick, anywhere from a light cold to a sever fever. it's just a weird thing that my body does to tell me that its time to calm down and de-stress. when i'm in that dark pit of depression i usually take at least one day our of school to be by my self. but i always find that being alone for a little while and doing what always seems to make me happy, lazing about on the couch eating my favorite food and watching an awsome tv show helps me to de-stress. but venting has always worked the best for me. i try not to burden my friends with my depression too much but when it becomes too much i go to their house, vent, usually cry my eyes out until i feel at least a little better and then we hang out doing whatever i please and i get to be king for a day.
so yeah, don't know if i was helpful but just some food for thought.