Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Topic started by: Mister on November 05, 2011, 04:07:09 PM Return to Full Version
Title: New job
Post by: Mister on November 05, 2011, 04:07:09 PM
Post by: Mister on November 05, 2011, 04:07:09 PM
Background: Transitioned years ago, not clocked for 5+, not out to anyone but my wife, doctor, family.
A couple months ago I picked up a second job to help fill up my travel fund. I wasn't aware at the time-nor would I have probably cared- but I ended up getting a job at a queer company. There are a couple other straight guys that work there, but we're the minority. Since I've been working with my coworkers and customers, I haven't been clocked or questioned at all. If I were, I'd have heard about it- this place tends to be big on gossip and no one is very shy. A few weeks ago, a coworker of mine came out to me as MTF (which is no big secret and something I knew immediately upon meeting her) and also mentioned being interested in me. I thanked her for telling/trusting me, told her I was married, and everything was fine. While our massive language barrier makes most things hard to communicate, she is one of the people I work best with. Now that she's made the effort to come out to me when she assumed I had no idea, I feel guilty for not reciprocating. Should I tell her? If I did, I'm not 100% sure she'd keep it private. If she didn't, I'm not sure how comfortable I am with it spreading around work-- i'm stealth for a reason, after all.
She's great and the whole thing has me feeling shitty. Somehow this lie by omission feels worse when doing it to her.
A couple months ago I picked up a second job to help fill up my travel fund. I wasn't aware at the time-nor would I have probably cared- but I ended up getting a job at a queer company. There are a couple other straight guys that work there, but we're the minority. Since I've been working with my coworkers and customers, I haven't been clocked or questioned at all. If I were, I'd have heard about it- this place tends to be big on gossip and no one is very shy. A few weeks ago, a coworker of mine came out to me as MTF (which is no big secret and something I knew immediately upon meeting her) and also mentioned being interested in me. I thanked her for telling/trusting me, told her I was married, and everything was fine. While our massive language barrier makes most things hard to communicate, she is one of the people I work best with. Now that she's made the effort to come out to me when she assumed I had no idea, I feel guilty for not reciprocating. Should I tell her? If I did, I'm not 100% sure she'd keep it private. If she didn't, I'm not sure how comfortable I am with it spreading around work-- i'm stealth for a reason, after all.
She's great and the whole thing has me feeling shitty. Somehow this lie by omission feels worse when doing it to her.
Title: Re: New job
Post by: JenJen2011 on November 05, 2011, 04:12:12 PM
Post by: JenJen2011 on November 05, 2011, 04:12:12 PM
Quote from: Mister on November 05, 2011, 04:07:09 PM
Background: Transitioned years ago, not clocked for 5+, not out to anyone but my wife, doctor, family.
A couple months ago I picked up a second job to help fill up my travel fund. I wasn't aware at the time-nor would I have probably cared- but I ended up getting a job at a queer company. There are a couple other straight guys that work there, but we're the minority. Since I've been working with my coworkers and customers, I haven't been clocked or questioned at all. If I were, I'd have heard about it- this place tends to be big on gossip and no one is very shy. A few weeks ago, a coworker of mine came out to me as MTF (which is no big secret and something I knew immediately upon meeting her) and also mentioned being interested in me. I thanked her for telling/trusting me, told her I was married, and everything was fine. While our massive language barrier makes most things hard to communicate, she is one of the people I work best with. Now that she's made the effort to come out to me when she assumed I had no idea, I feel guilty for not reciprocating. Should I tell her? If I did, I'm not 100% sure she'd keep it private. If she didn't, I'm not sure how comfortable I am with it spreading around work-- i'm stealth for a reason, after all.
She's great and the whole thing has me feeling shitty. Somehow this lie by omission feels worse when doing it to her.
If you don't feel comfortable and don't want it spreading around like wildfire, I wouldn't tell her. If she wanted to come out to you, that was on her. You don't have to reciprocate and you shouldn't feel bad for not doing so.
Title: Re: New job
Post by: wheat thins are delicious on November 06, 2011, 01:20:25 AM
Post by: wheat thins are delicious on November 06, 2011, 01:20:25 AM
Quote from: JenJen2011 on November 05, 2011, 04:12:12 PM
If you don't feel comfortable and don't want it spreading around like wildfire, I wouldn't tell her. If she wanted to come out to you, that was on her. You don't have to reciprocate and you shouldn't feel bad for not doing so.
this