Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi,
I have urge to make next step (I'm 4 months on E without blockers), I'm not out at work and don't want to solve it here (but there is no reaction to my nail polish or sometimes mascara)
I want to buy some coat and boots and maybe some turtleneck sweater vest (http://i.ebayimg.com/t/J-Crew-Red-Turtleneck-Sweater-Vest-Sz-S-Small-NWOT-/00/$%28KGrHqR,!hoE4!1bTTwoBOQct,,pmg~~0_35.JPG) (it look cute at shop, I must try it how it will look at me)
Question is: Can I just dress it and come to work without any warning and still present as me with just explanation that I like it

Sure you can do it, but don't be surprised if you get a very negative reaction even if you don't get fired for it. If you have to get a new job by peer pressure or force, do you know who would give you a good reference?

I'm not scared of firing or need of new job. Good thing is that I'm almost indispensable IT specialist and other thing is that they have so need for people that they hold even peoples who know just very little about they job and even sleep at work time  ::) And even then I have lot of other places to go (ad male, question is how will be it as girl)
Maybe I'll try it in slower way, boots and sweater one week and coat next week
I'm interested if someone do it this way

I would really counsel you to contact your HR group and talk to them.  Are you willing to be out all the time from now on?

Even if you could get away with it, realize you will be blindsiding many who work with you.  And they could complain to HR and it could get you fired.  Unless you are in a state that has ENDA like regulations you could be fired because of "outlandish appearance".

Think about what you are doing.  Will you use the ladies room or still use the mens room?  If you want to come out at work, and you change your name, HR will have to be notified.  All your document will have to change, this will have a number of ramifications.

HR can work for you in your transition and help smooth the issues others may have with you.

And trust, me, no one is indispensable.  Especially in IT.

Think very carefully about what you want to do.  This isn't a game, this is your life.  But if you do it right, it could be a wonderful transition.

-Sandy

Here isn't HR in real meaning, I'm kind of external worker (I'm just part of supplied system), I have no need to interact with anyone personally
I plan to present myself as girly-androgynous male (so not changing name, photo at ID I have already girly)

Quote from: Medusa on November 11, 2011, 06:34:48 AM
I'm not scared of firing or need of new job. Good thing is that I'm almost indispensable IT specialist and other thing is that they have so need for people that they hold even peoples who know just very little about they job and even sleep at work time  ::) And even then I have lot of other places to go (ad male, question is how will be it as girl)
Maybe I'll try it in slower way, boots and sweater one week and coat next week
I'm interested if someone do it this way

I been out at work for about 4 months. Been on E for about 5months. Just started T blockers 2 weeks ago. I talked to my boss ladie she said that if anyone give me trouble let her know so far noone has said a thing to me. Some laughted under their breath at first but they have gotten used to me now. I was scared at frist but made it through it and loving every minute of it now.

The thought of checking with the Human Resources department, or similar occured to me as well. For courtesy sake, if nothing else.

Ultimately, all other things being equal, it will be for you to deal with. I must confess that, given the opportunities, I would like to change my appearance gradually as well. Partly to let others get use to it and to deal with them as I need to, but also, so I can fit into it in my time and stop as and when I decide.

Not all girls want to broadcast.

Not a good idea in my opinion. Either you tell HR, management, etc and go all the way or continue to present as male until you're ready to come out.

I personally would take it slow... but that is just me.  I keep telling my co workers that I am going to show up wearing 'Hello Kitty' stuff and they don't believe me... well maybe they do :) 

With the economy the way it is these days nobody is indispensable, for every one of you, there are dozens out there without a job looking,  regardless whether you feel you are indispensable just showing up for work as your true self without working with management or an HR department first could get you fired, and if you keep your job when cuts need to be made you could be at the top of their list.

I fully transitioned, I came out to my companies HR department almost 10 months before i told my manager and co workers, like what you are suggesting, i took things slowly, baby steps as it were, it allowed everyone to get used to seeing me.

Paula

   

Thankfully here in Europe is more free places than job free people at least at my domain (Unix admin/programmer)
And I don't feel I want to transit completely  I just want to be androginous (http://www.naitik.net/blog/wp-content/photos/Bill_K2.png)

K. You asked for our opinion and we gave it to you. Good luck.

Oh, how I envy you! I wish I could do the same thing at my workplace, unfortunately I work at such an unforgiving environment where I could get stern looks just for pouting my lips.    :laugh:
Anyway, whatever you go for your colleges might accept it or they might make a fuss of it, and it's always the best to do things gradually. Let them get used to it in order to minimize the threat of anyone causing you trouble.  You know your workplace the best, just keep in mind...

Best of luck and hope you have a kick out of it :)
Viv.

A piece here, a bit there, I don't see the harm in it if you're only going Andro.  Works for me, but I work at a place where we can get away with pretty much anything except being late.  But I don't see the harm in experimenting if the situation is as you say.

Check with HR first and make sure they have a non discriminatory policy on trans people.

Then prepare to have lots of ignorant comments from your coworkers. If you presented as masculine male to begin with, it's gonna be hard. People can't make the leap mentally.

Then prepare to have lots of ignorant comments from your coworkers.

So.  No different than any other day at work then.

Quote from: tekla on November 11, 2011, 02:02:49 PM
Then prepare to have lots of ignorant comments from your coworkers.

So.  No different than any other day at work then.

Not for me. My coworkers respected me and complimented me. To them, they saw what I was doing as completely natural.

Rather than me being a super flaming gay boy.

I would probably get fired if I showed up wearing something like this

http://watchtheguild.tumblr.com/post/12652523505/greatcosplay-the-guild-codex?ref=nf (http://watchtheguild.tumblr.com/post/12652523505/greatcosplay-the-guild-codex?ref=nf)  :o


:)
Hugs
Zaria

Quote from: Zaria on November 11, 2011, 02:57:55 PM
I would probably get fired if I showed up wearing something like this

http://watchtheguild.tumblr.com/post/12652523505/greatcosplay-the-guild-codex?ref=nf (http://watchtheguild.tumblr.com/post/12652523505/greatcosplay-the-guild-codex?ref=nf)  :o


:)
Hugs
Zaria

Halloween was like two weeks ago. So yeah, you would.

I would probably get fired if I showed up wearing something like this

I take it you don't work in a fantasy castle or some place vaguely in the Middle Ages yet amazingly like a roller-skating disco Xanadu?

Quote from: tekla on November 11, 2011, 04:31:35 PM
I would probably get fired if I showed up wearing something like this

I take it you don't work in a fantasy castle or some place vaguely in the Middle Ages yet amazingly like a roller-skating disco Xanadu?

Xanadu was based on a true story. and ONJ was FABULOUS.

I thought it was just a re-do of the 1947 movie, Down to Earth.  I know people who go out on roller skates every month and try to re-live it.  I'll take the Kubla Khan Xanadu myself.

Do you care about getting along with your co-workers?   I mean they need to give you respect but you also ought to be respectful of the position they are being put in.   I'm not talking about dealing with your decision to transition,  that shouldn't be a problem and if it is you shouldn't care.

However if I was at work and someone transitioned and I had to listen to snide comments from other colleagues it would really be very upsetting to me and piss me off.  So it could interfere with my ability to focus on the job.

So what about the people who are probably going to have to contend with the gossip and behind the scenes ugliness?  I agree that you should let HR know so they can prepare and also let the staff you work closely with know.

Good luck.