Susan's Place Transgender Resources

This one will be short. But this is basically how I feel. I am so content/satisfied with male stuff like video games (and even male oriented books and other stuff). But when I'm dragged into female stuff by my sister (like makeup) I can't help but feel/think "Ugh do I really have to do this?" My head hurts from thinking about this. I have maybe a ONE odd day where I'm like "yay let's do my hair!" but seriously most of the time I really really really hate doing female stuff. I suppose I'm not trans if I have one day where I feel female? I don't know I feel super lost. I can't live with myself being bigender or androgyne, sorry but I just can't. I feel like I need to have a male or female identity or I'll go insane. I honestly will. Can anyone else relate?

I don't personally think having one day, like you said, when you have some urge to get your hair done or whatever would mean you're not a trans.
I enjoy "boy stuff" like video games myself but I do have some interests which aren't very male, if I may say so, mostly art-related. I just consider that to be part of my identity and personality and if someone doesn't like it... Well, I don't need that kind of people in my life. If someone would have guts to say I'm not a male just because I like to watch Sex and the City, I would just laugh at them.

I have no idea what "male stuff" is.

ie male clothes video games and such.

Why do things like doing your hair have to be "girl" stuff? I know plenty of guys who spend a long time in front of the mirror getting ready in the morning. I know plenty of guys who like to try on four different outfits in the morning because they "don't have anything to wear". My husband likes to use Mary Kay-esque products on his face because he likes the way it makes his skin. He even likes to do my hair (bleaching, coloring, etc) and play "Ayden Dress-up Time". A good friend of mine even puts on make up and gets his eyebrows waxed, and he has been married a lady friend of mine for twelve years.

I don't see why having days where you prefer to spend a little bit of time on your appearence makes you automatically female. I love video games, watching pro-wrestling and other typically "guy things" like talking about cars for hours on end, but I also like to fix my hair up every now and again. I wear my earrings, rings and necklace everyday and love going shoe shopping. Doesn't mean that I am female, just that I enjoying doing things I like and don't worry about whether or not I will ever be the perfect example of a man.

You can do "girl stuff" all you want without it dictating your gender identity. I take my daughter to the jewelry store and have a lot of fun looking at all the sparklies, but I'm still a guy. You get to decide who you are. Your habits and preferences prove nothing. Who you are is up to you.

I wouldn't link masculinity/femininity to what gender you are. Don't forget the tons of fabulous gay men in the world. :)

Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on December 08, 2011, 05:20:13 PM
I wouldn't link masculinity/femininity to what gender you are. Don't forget the tons of fabulous gay men in the world. :)

I wouldn't link sexual orientation or fabulousness with masculinity or femininity.

I like my clothes which are often button downs, vests, t shirts, all sorts if stuff. As for video games...I dislike most and get really sick if I try to play FPS. I just like what I like.

Quote from: Ayden on December 08, 2011, 05:10:47 PM
Why do things like doing your hair have to be "girl" stuff? I know plenty of guys who spend a long time in front of the mirror getting ready in the morning. I know plenty of guys who like to try on four different outfits in the morning because they "don't have anything to wear". My husband likes to use Mary Kay-esque products on his face because he likes the way it makes his skin. He even likes to do my hair (bleaching, coloring, etc) and play "Ayden Dress-up Time". A good friend of mine even puts on make up and gets his eyebrows waxed, and he has been married a lady friend of mine for twelve years.

I don't see why having days where you prefer to spend a little bit of time on your appearence makes you automatically female. I love video games, watching pro-wrestling and other typically "guy things" like talking about cars for hours on end, but I also like to fix my hair up every now and again. I wear my earrings, rings and necklace everyday and love going shoe shopping. Doesn't mean that I am female, just that I enjoying doing things I like and don't worry about whether or not I will ever be the perfect example of a man.

Yes, I guess I just meant doing my hair in a girly way.

Quote from: Ayden on December 08, 2011, 05:10:47 PM
I also like to fix my hair up every now and again. I wear my earrings, rings and necklace everyday and love going shoe shopping.

I wouldn't even consider any of that feminine these days, lolz

Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on December 08, 2011, 05:51:13 PM
I wouldn't even consider any of that feminine these days, lolz

Yeah, I know. I was still called young man even when I had bright pink hair and was wearing my heeled boots. ^_^  Some of my jewelry is typically considered for women, but I didn't really notice until my friend pointed out to me. I just like what I like.

Quote from: Cody Jensen on December 08, 2011, 05:45:57 PM
Yes, I guess I just meant doing my hair in a girly way.

I wouldn't worry about it. From highschool until now I have had plenty of guy friends who have "girly" hairstyles. A friend of mine has hair down to his butt and likes to braid it. Besides, if you look back historically, there were plenty of "men's" hairstyles that look very "girly" by modern standards.

Quote from: Ayden on December 08, 2011, 06:09:54 PM
I wouldn't worry about it. From highschool until now I have had plenty of guy friends who have "girly" hairstyles. A friend of mine has hair down to his butt and likes to braid it. Besides, if you look back historically, there were plenty of "men's" hairstyles that look very "girly" by modern standards.

This too. I can worry about the stupidest things sometimes XD

A few years ago I tried to be a "normal" straight female. During this phase I dated a straight cis guy who loved to mess with his hair and accessorize. He may of enjoyed some typically female things, but that doesn't mean he wasn't a man or didn't have a male gender identity. Everyone is some mix of masculine and feminine. Some guys, trans or not, are more in touch with their feminine side than others.

I think your putting too much stock in gender expression. Do whatever you want to. Only you know if you're male or not.

I think gendering every single thing is just going to work you up. Just be who you are and do whatever. You know who you are best, and how you express gender isn't all there is to gender identity. If gender was as simple as clothes and activities, the world would be a much simpler place.

Some guys do feminine things. It is not a big deal.

Quote from: Bradd on December 08, 2011, 07:13:25 PM


I think gendering every single thing is just going to work you up. Just be who you are and do whatever. You know who you are best, and how you express gender isn't all there is to gender identity. If gender was as simple as clothes and activities, the world would be a much simpler place.

^ this

I'm confused by this question.  You love and are satisfied with "male" activities and are concerned about rarely enjoying a "female" activity?  What's wrong with that?  Just because you occasionally like getting your hair done, etc. doesn't mean you're female, bigender or androgyne.  Like the other guys have said, I think you're putting a big emphasis on gendering activities.  I can't remember from your other posts if you're seeing a therapist or not.  If not, it might be time to investigate some in your area (or online).

If I remember your other posts right (don't worry, no stalker, just big time lurker), you're questioning and having trouble right now, yeah?
If you take everything as meaning one gender or the other, you'll never be satisfied. If I go out to a club I enjoy doing a bit of girly grinding with my friends, because it's fun (and I'm a manwhore). Does it make me less of a man? Hell no. I know in the early stages it's tough, because you start questioning everything, but doing girly things doesn't mean anything. If you sometimes enjoy doing your hair girly or doing girly things... so what? Eddie Izzard enjoys wearing skirts and make up while being a heterosexual cismale.

Quote from: Cody Jensen on December 08, 2011, 05:45:57 PM
Yes, I guess I just meant doing my hair in a girly way.

Before I knew I was trans, I thought I was a girl, and as a teenager I tried to be a girl a lot.  I had long, styled hair.  I straightened my hair.  I liked my hair.  I originally decided to cut it short because it was just too much work.  and I only liked doing my hair everyone once in a while.
But something I realized, I liked my hair, I thought it looked good.  I had fun doing it.  I just didn't like it on me.  But still to this day I love doing hair.  i cut my own hair, and i do my sister's hair.
I don't think it has anything to do with gender.

Even wanting to dress in girl's clothes I don't think has anything to do with gender.
There was this guy I saw at the trans group I went to one.  and he told a story that was really interesting to me.  He's on T and everything.  but he said he still likes wearing female dresses sometimes.  and sometimes he'll go to work in a dress, and people will be confused and ask him, "So are you not trans anymore?"  But nope.  he's still completely a guy.  that's just what he wants to do.

The important thing is to just do whatever you want to do.
Do you want to be called a guy?  with male pronouns?  Do you want hormones?  because you don't even have to get hormones if you don't want to, it doesn't make you less of a guy.

Quote from: Solobear on December 09, 2011, 08:23:40 PM
If I remember your other posts right (don't worry, no stalker, just big time lurker), you're questioning and having trouble right now, yeah?
If you take everything as meaning one gender or the other, you'll never be satisfied. If I go out to a club I enjoy doing a bit of girly grinding with my friends, because it's fun (and I'm a manwhore). Does it make me less of a man? Hell no. I know in the early stages it's tough, because you start questioning everything, but doing girly things doesn't mean anything. If you sometimes enjoy doing your hair girly or doing girly things... so what? Eddie Izzard enjoys wearing skirts and make up while being a heterosexual cismale.

Yes, I am questioning, and I am trying to find a therapist in my area. It's driving me insane already D: I know now that girly things don't mean anything, but it's just, I'd give anything to have that feeling when you just "know" you know? I can't stand this. It's costing me sleep and driving me crazy!!  :(

I've been through so many "Am I/Am I not?" phases that it's gotten ridiculous. The biggest thing that helps, I've found, is whether or not YOU are comfortable with yourself. I enjoy some things that are typically "female." Trust me, I am the biggest Gilmore Girls fan and I spend more time in the kitchen testing out recipes than I do tinkering in my siiiiiiiick sports car. But I just see the things I do as the things I do. They're not girly things or manly things. They're MY things.

I identify as a transguy, but I'm so happy doing things that I enjoy doing. I don't play video games or get covered in brake dust because I want to feel manly. I just wanna kill some zombies and keep my rims looking nice. I don't cook or spend thirty minutes in the shower because I want to feel girly, etc. I do these things because they make me who I am inside.

I think that's the best thing you can do, man. Just focus on what makes you YOU. Don't put too much stress in the gender identity aspect of it. Before you can really become comfortable with how you identify, you've got to identify yourself.

Quote from: Cody Jensen on December 09, 2011, 10:04:28 PM
It's driving me insane already D: I know now that girly things don't mean anything, but it's just, I'd give anything to have that feeling when you just "know" you know? I can't stand this. It's costing me sleep and driving me crazy!!  :(

ARE YOU ME? haha.  :P I agree with everyone else -- liking "guy stuff" or "girl stuff" doesn't really mean anything about your actual gender identity. But AT THE SAME TIME, I totally catch myself subconsciously wondering if my enjoyment of [insert traditionally feminine thing here] means I'm really a woman. It's always followed by an eyerolling-at-myself-moment, because seriously, I know better. That type of thinking is just so insidious. ::)

I just want to know, damnit. It sucks being so uncertain about something as basic as my gender. It's easy to obsess.  :laugh: But hey, hang in there. We'll both figure it out eventually. <3

Quote from: Nygeel on December 08, 2011, 05:24:55 PM
I wouldn't link sexual orientation or fabulousness with masculinity or femininity.

I like my clothes which are often button downs, vests, t shirts, all sorts if stuff. As for video games...I dislike most and get really sick if I try to play FPS. I just like what I like.

Same, for the most part. I just generally dislike games, with a few very specific exceptions.

Ironically for me, I started to get more okay with being trans when I stopped trying to be so forcibly masculine (yes, sounds funny coming from the guy who's always posting pictures wearing eyeliner and such). If you know you're male, you're male. End of story.

With that being said, I hate the whole idea of "spa day" or whatever the girls you've known call it. My mom's always trying to get me to sit down and let her give me a pedicure or buff my nails or whatever, and it just scares the hell out of me. "Plenty of guys get manicures now, its not that weird"? I don't care. Its still creepy.

Boy stuff... Girl stuff... Make it YOUR Stuff Cody! You dont have to place yourself neatly into any category.  ;)

Quote from: Brian on December 10, 2011, 12:17:12 AM
ARE YOU ME? haha.  :P I agree with everyone else -- liking "guy stuff" or "girl stuff" doesn't really mean anything about your actual gender identity. But AT THE SAME TIME, I totally catch myself subconsciously wondering if my enjoyment of [insert traditionally feminine thing here] means I'm really a woman. It's always followed by an eyerolling-at-myself-moment, because seriously, I know better. That type of thinking is just so insidious. ::)

I just want to know, damnit. It sucks being so uncertain about something as basic as my gender. It's easy to obsess.  :laugh: But hey, hang in there. We'll both figure it out eventually. <3

Ha :P This! lol Yeah, me too, me too. I hate how the two genders can be so different. It's driven me to the point where I rant out loud and shake my fists at nothing (literally). Maybe the ranting out loud part isn't such a good idea... I am starting to do that when people are around :S

Quote from: Keaira on December 10, 2011, 01:38:34 AM
Boy stuff... Girl stuff... Make it YOUR Stuff Cody! You dont have to place yourself neatly into any category.  ;)

I think I may have OCD. Everything has to be neat with me. Seriously, if I see something out of order I have to move it or that it'll bug me for forever. Sadly neatly includes this  :(

I just always kinda wonder, and I really don't mean any offense here... But when you internalize transition so much, so that it's not about the things you like, the things you do, the way you behave, the people you hang out with, the people you love, and then not even about the masculinity or femininity of your presentation/style, what is there left with which to say there's any reason to transition at all? I mean, if all those other things don't matter to your gender identity and if it's that internal, why would it suddenly matter that you're on HRT and making sure people use preferred pronouns? Shouldn't it just be "being a man isn't about people seeing you as a man or calling you a man" too?

Quote from: pretty on December 10, 2011, 02:23:05 AM
I just always kinda wonder, and I really don't mean any offense here... But when you internalize transition so much, so that it's not about the things you like, the things you do, the way you behave, the people you hang out with, the people you love, and then not even about the masculinity or femininity of your presentation/style, what is there left with which to say there's any reason to transition at all? I mean, if all those other things don't matter to your gender identity and if it's that internal, why would it suddenly matter that you're on HRT and making sure people use preferred pronouns? Shouldn't it just be "being a man isn't about people seeing you as a man or calling you a man" too?

Well I am mostly uncomfortable with my female parts (chest especially) and I think I LOVE the idea of having male chest, hair, voice, etc. So I'm really not sure what I want anymore.

Quote from: pretty on December 10, 2011, 02:23:05 AM
I just always kinda wonder, and I really don't mean any offense here... But when you internalize transition so much, so that it's not about the things you like, the things you do, the way you behave, the people you hang out with, the people you love, and then not even about the masculinity or femininity of your presentation/style, what is there left with which to say there's any reason to transition at all? I mean, if all those other things don't matter to your gender identity and if it's that internal, why would it suddenly matter that you're on HRT and making sure people use preferred pronouns? Shouldn't it just be "being a man isn't about people seeing you as a man or calling you a man" too?

Body dysphoria. Regardless of how proud you are of what activities/people/other things you happen to like, if your body makes you uncomfortable, and you wish to have the opposite or close approximation.......it hurts. And its nicest to be seen by others completely as you view yourself in the most basic way. Just my .02 cents

Quote from: Kyle_S on December 10, 2011, 07:48:36 PM
Body dysphoria. Regardless of how proud you are of what activities/people/other things you happen to like, if your body makes you uncomfortable, and you wish to have the opposite or close approximation.......it hurts. And its nicest to be seen by others completely as you view yourself in the most basic way. Just my .02 cents

this!!