Susan's Place Transgender Resources

The more my friends start referring to me as Jun and "he," the more mentally detached from my body I feel. I get periods of time where I feel like my emotions are dulled and I'm not really all here. I hear my voice, and it weirds me out because it doesn't sound like a guy's voice. I see my body in the mirror and get weirded out from my chest. It's not even feelings of hatred or disgust, just detachement.

Anyone else feel that weird, alienating sensation?

I've felt similar before, especially with the chest region, especially when my voice and face and mannerisms are so male. I feel the same way whenever anyone calls me 'she'. I actually have to double-take and remind myself that yes they are, in fact, talking to me.

I did that earlier. I have been having a highly dysphoric day. I was laying on the couch and I looked down and was wondering who's hand in my pocket when it was mine. Considering have been in a high amount of pain I could have lost feeling in it and looked down at it.

I tend to get a little dissociative when I'm more gender dysphoric. I can't say it's good or anything, but you aren't the only one.

It's probably a temporary form of derealisation/depersonalisation (dp/dr), which is harmless in itself. Your mind can 'switch' to this state in order to protect itself from problems/pain.

Keep a good eye on it though, if you notice that you feel like this all the time you might want to tell a therapist about it. I've been slowly sliding into this dp/dr state from the age of 14 and on (more or less) and I didn't really know what it was 'till about two years ago. Right now, I have my ups and downs, but on the whole, I'm still derealised.

I have to say, my discovery and knowing of transgenders didn't help with that. Especially since I now live two lives, so to speak. At school (monday to friday) I'm seen as a girl (or well, the people who know me see me as one) and the rest of the week I do my best to be seen as a guy.

So yea, it's probably dp/dr, harmless in it's temporary (and mental protective) form. But keep an eye on it, even though it has to do with your dysphoria, starting T and having surgery won't cure the dp/dr if it's already 'in you'.

Nathan is right.  Depersonalization/derealization is a dissociative response to trauma or stress.  It's not surprising that a large number of transfolk suffer from it.  Most cases occur when the person either witnesses or directly experiences mental or physical trauma so severe that the mind essentially escapes the body as a defense mechanism.  Prolonged stress from body dysphoria is a huge factor.  DP/DR can become a full-blown disorder if not treated which is why, if the episodes are lasting longer and occuring more frequently, you should get therapy and possibly medication.  I have suffered from Depersonalization Disorder for nearly ten years now and have yet to find a "cure".

I had this happen to me once. It was freaky as hell. I was changing clothes in the bathroom and happened to look myself in the mirror. I usually highly dislike what I see but at that time, it was just plain weird. I remember thinking something like "Well there's my head but whose body is it attached to? That's not my body." A true WTF moment.

Didn't know it could turn out to be pretty serious in the long run. Thanks for the input, everyone.

I haven't had any episodes as intense as some of the guys have mentioned here though. I still recognize my voice/body as part of me, but then maybe go through a few days where I feel kind of empty inside. Makes me want to transition sooner.

It's not necessarily the severity you should watch, it's not that you'll be a walking zombie all the time or something. It's mostly the duration you have to watch, how long the feeling sticks and how often.

But it's good to hear it's not that bad for you, just keep an eye out for it.