Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Just wondering what peoples experiences were if they had transitioned on the job and then stayed with that same employer so far as timing goes.


How long did you wait to come out and go full time at work after starting HRT?


Why did you wait that particular time before, whether it be short or long?


My original plan was not to come out to work for about 18 months from now.

Then come that time I would have FFS take a month off and then come back full time as me.

Realistically its going to take 18 months anyway to save up for FFS, plus I wanted to be on HRT for at least that time before FFS. (Its been about 2 weeks now)

Looking at all this now, I wonder if this seems too long? I know its all very up to the individual, but I guess the other thing is, things might really start showing after a year or so and then hiding may no longer be an option at work.


Ideas, thoughts?


Thanks,

M

The HRT will make subtle changes.  There may come a time when people start to wonder.  Unless they know you really well, they probably won't say a thing.  When I came out at work one lady said, "At least now we know!"  And I thought I was hiding it so well.

If I had to do it over again, I would never have allowed anyone to railroad me into transitioning from one day to the next.  Corporate HR pressured me into doing that and I feared losing their support so I did.  I was extremely uncomfortable for a very long time.  My plan had been to take time off for surgery and come back as the new me.  I caved to the pressure and that never happened.  About 7 months after transitioning at work, they told me they had no work for me.  Classic hero to zero.

I think the more time you give people to adjust, the better.  If you throw it all at them at once, it's too much of a shock.  But the work environment makes a lot of difference.  Some places are cool, some are very uptight.  It helps if you know where you are before you come out to anyone.

Quote from: Julie Marie on December 12, 2011, 10:22:30 PM
The HRT will make subtle changes.  There may come a time when people start to wonder.  Unless they know you really well, they probably won't say a thing.  When I came out at work one lady said, "At least now we know!"  And I thought I was hiding it so well.

If I had to do it over again, I would never have allowed anyone to railroad me into transitioning from one day to the next.  Corporate HR pressured me into doing that and I feared losing their support so I did.  I was extremely uncomfortable for a very long time.  My plan had been to take time off for surgery and come back as the new me.  I caved to the pressure and that never happened.  About 7 months after transitioning at work, they told me they had no work for me.  Classic hero to zero.

I think the more time you give people to adjust, the better.  If you throw it all at them at once, it's too much of a shock.  But the work environment makes a lot of difference.  Some places are cool, some are very uptight.  It helps if you know where you are before you come out to anyone.

Thanks for the reply, I hope things in the end turned around for you. That really is crap that HR pressured you like that.
It seems we had similar ideals about coming out at work, like the FFS timing and then forward. I think I will try to hold out for as long as possible, as I too believe the more time for people to acclimatise to whats going the better. I really think that so far, no one has a clue, but then again there have been some strange things said, but not in a bad way, just a bit odd. Maybe as much as we think we are hiding things, maybe some people read the signs better than others.

M

The secret sauce for me was waiting for an opportune moment. I went seven months on hormones and continued living as a male. When the recession hit I went through three jobs, and at the beginning of the third I took advantage of my city's anti-discrimination ordinance to ask about transition. I started my new job full time and haven't looked back since. Plans are pretty useless for transition, IMO, as 1) you never know how well you'll react to hormones / when you won't be able to pass as male anymore and 2) sticking to plans too tightly can lead to missed opportunities.

Please note: I only asked about transition after I received the offer letter. Had they said no I'd have had them dead to rights for discrimination. Shrewd play, but with stuff like this you gotta take every advantage life gives you.

when you get back into work as Miya after the month off for FFS will you get the nice comments 'we wondered when you were going to change/come out of the closet/go for sex change'  that shows your colleagues had their suspicions about you...or will it be a big shock to them?
Lots of us worry about it but find that we are accepted very nicely.

Couple of years ago on another forum one TS said plan was to stay working as super macho guy but secretly buy a house in another town, plan SRS in Thailand so not even own GP would know, then finish work, fly for surgery and come back to new town and new job as a perfectly passable woman and live happily ever after.  Objected to doing the 2 years RLE as not necessary so perfectly was the passing.  But while some documents can be changed without formality the tax and pensions people would want confirmation and also any post-op complications needing NHS input could be refused as the NHS would see any remedial work as exceptional and each area has its own Exceptional Cases Committee to agree funding for various things and especially so for SRS and remedial.

We never heard if the plan succeeded.

Also, since I had a moment to look through the rest of your questions here...

Re: FFS - I wouldn't even consider it until two years in. For one, your face looks like it's already in good shape, and for two hormones do amazing things in the long term. (The changes in year two, in particular, do a lot to "make" the woman.) If after two years you're still unhappy sign up for FFS by all means. However, Trust me when I say that I used to have a very, very manly face and over teh course of two years it... well... first it melted, then it puffed up, and then the puff melted away to show me the face of this woman I almost didn't recognize at first. Save for a surgery, by all means; however, know that FFS may not be in your future.

(Gauging from your photo I have full confidence that you won't. :) )

Re: plans and full time (again): an addendum to all that i posted before. If I may be so bold as to say that you look pretty young, I think you're going to have a lot of leeway as far as transition is concerned. Most people really and truly don't give a flip about your transition - the reports of discrimination and disgust are, in my epxerience, greatly exaggerated. For the most part you're just going to be dealing with a few loons as you discover a new circle of friends that accept your transition.

The idea of flipping a switch from man to woman overnight (based on surgery, no less) is a romantic one. I mean, who doesn't want to have the experience of performing a human disappearing act? But transition is about so much more than the medical side of things. I've been on this road for three years now and the biggest steps / most important milestones in my life have been 100% social - my new girlfriends, dating, being in weddings, learning to be "one of the girls" in my life. The physical changes won't do that for you. Unfortunately, the only way to gain control over those unwritten social cues is to just get out and make your mistakes like every other girl had to, cis or trans.

So I guess what I'm saying is that the medical side of transition as a measuring-stick is greatly overstated. You can have a perfectly-sculpted face, new parts down below, but if you don't understand how to talk to other women as a woman, well, it shows. :( (Take it from someone who has made plenty of mistakes in that realm!)

Anywho, just a couple more cents there.