Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I've been living as male and going by a particular name for the past three years. Now I'm contemplating changing it back to the male name that I went by as a child.

Everyone I've met after starting transition is not aware that I was born trans and I want keep it this way. So how can I change it without bringing too much attention and questions upon myself?

Another thing. Most people who knew me pre-transition do not take my identity seriously. I fear that changing my name twice will be grounds for them to doubt me even more. As if it is a phase and I'm unsure of myself.

There are reasons why I like the other name better (and I won't get into them for the fact that they're irrelevant) but none have to do with being unsure of myself. What course of action would you suggest?

So, like...I don't doubt your identity of course.  I'm sure you don't doubt your identity.  Those that do know and are not convinced by your transness are probably going to flip out and say childish things.  But most others will buy it, I think, if you say something along the lines of "Oh, I never liked that name, but didn't work up the motivation to change it until now".  Another thing you could say is that it's your middle name, and that you'd just rather go by that.

Have you changed it legally yet?

You can go by any name you wish.  I knew people who had a common first name that when they hit college started using their middle names.  Or people who went by their middle names as kids for family reasons choose their given name as adults.  My own dad has some people who call him by his first name, and others that use his middle name.  Same for my grandfather.

You could always tell people (who didn't know you before) that current name is your middle name but now you're choosing to go by your first name and cite family reasons. 

One of the reasons I chose my name is that one of the nicknames is a name I really like, whereas my current nickname is one I do not like, but it has been easier for those who knew me before because it is most similar to my birth name.  Someday I may choose to go by the other nick name.

Jay

well you could have some people call you the old name that you want to be your new name to be as a nickname and introduce yourself as such when you meet new people this is a perfectly normal thing that cis people do.

people are nosy parkers and a name change may may them wonder why and study you a little too closely.

if you do decide to change get and wear a name badge or initial pendant so it is a visual reminder to everyone to use the name.

At the end of the day it is you who has to live with who you are and what name you go by.  My main attitude through out this is that I would much rather be hated by other people than by myself, and though your situation isn't quite the same as transitioning as a whole, a little bit of discomfort due to other people seems to be better than being unhappy with the name that you are constantly using or being referred to as.  After all, as much as I hate labels, I recognise that our name is a powerful one, (I knew someone who could get me to tell her everything simply by using my name in the sentence once).

See if you can find a legitimate cis reason for changing it, for example one girl at my school changed her name as her birth name was that of a porn star and she didn't like the connections that it brought up from putting it into google.  It might take a long while for everyone to change, but it's not that unusual.

I, too, am wondering if you changed your name legally to your current name.

I think that a name change usually draws people's curiosity except under certain circumstances, like marriage. If a person's name is really weird or if it sounds foreign to American ears, a change will seem natural, but people will still ask questions. If you change a more common name, that will probably get you a lot more attention, but I guess it depends. Is there any crossover at all between the current name and the new one?

You could tell a great story about calling yourself this name in childhood, for people who wonder about the change and don't know about your past. Could get tricky, though, if you want to avoid talking about your real birth name.

As for the people who don't take you seriously now, this will give them something new to talk about, but CAN they take you less seriously? Who are they? How badly do they treat you in the first place? Are you on the way to smoothing things over with them? Do you care what they think?

I had thought of the middle name thing before. It is a good suggestion; that might work.

I haven't changed it legally yet but I plan to when I turn 19 next month... although maybe I should wait longer until I'm sure.

Quote from: anibioman on December 15, 2011, 10:10:15 AM
well you could have some people call you the old name that you want to be your new name to be as a nickname and introduce yourself as such when you meet new people this is a perfectly normal thing that cis people do.

Yeah. That could work too.


Thanks for the input. I still don't know exactly what I'm gonna do, if I'm gonna change it at all... but I've realized that it's not a big deal. I can make it work.